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Angie Mc
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Thank you to all who have followed the five previous topics on how we think. Your encouragement and insights have blessed me! This is the last topic I will post on the subject  . I plan to summarize and link to previous material, making this a one-stop topic on the subject. Please consider this an open invitation to join in the discussion and ask any questions at anytime in future.
I also hope this topic will provide a place to share ongoing encouragement. Like any habit formation, I find it helpful to practice a new habit for at least a month before I consider it formed. I also look for ways to help me to stay diligent into the future. One of my favorite encouragements, and I think among the most helpful, is to read others' stories of success, to include bouncing back from failure. Please share your stories of how an increase in truthful thinking has helped improve your feelings, mood, behaviors, and relationships!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Angie Mc
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What can I hope to gain by thinking about how I think and developing new habits of thought?
The only reason to do anything is to share our love with God and others as we grow in holiness! The more truthful our thoughts become, the more steady and proportionate our feelings become which positively influences our behaviors towards ourself and others. As we more carefully form our thoughts, we are better able to act deliberately when we face difficulties. We can decrease needless anguish and better live out the truth, "For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." Matthew 11:30
Read Let's Begin for examples of common scenarios home educating moms face and differing reactions to them. If our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are currently in good order, use this material to better understand, serve, and respect others and to teach our children to think well.
How can I quickly see what this material entails?
Here is a brief reminder sheet in a Word Document format at Scribd to print and display or carry.
Here is the original outline with links to discussions:
1. Goal learn and use new tools to help us be the child of God, wife, mother, and neighbor we are called to be by forming better habits of thought and developing mental discipline which will result in more consistent right behavior.
2. Action -> Thought/s -> Feeling/s -> Reaction/ Behavior
3. Practice "catching" thoughts and feelings that follow common actions.
4. Learn the types of common thinking distortions.
5. Learn the types of common misguided attitudes..
6. Consider the differences between inconveniences, misunterstandings, mistakes, and misfortunes.
7. Limits of our mental gymnastics. Tragedy and grief.
8. Connect what we have learned and our hopes for Lent.
What are the names of the most common thinking distortions, again?
1. All-or-nothing thinking
2. Overgeneralization
3. Mental filter
4. Disqualifying the positive
5. Jumping to conclusions - Mind reading and Fortune/Future telling
6. Magnification and Minimization - Catastrophizing
7. Emotional reasoning
8. Should statements
9. Labeling and Mislabeling
10. Personalization
What's the difference between emotional reasoning and intuitive reasoning? Read here.
What are the common healthy attitudes that can become misguided, again?
1. Approval
2. Love
3. Achievement
4. Perfectionism
5. Entitlement
6. Omnipotence
7. Autonomy
What are the Life is Difficult categories, again?
1. Inconveniences
2. Misunderstandings
3. Mistakes
4. Misfortunes
5. Tragedy
What can help me to discern if and how to implement this material, how to make good choices?
Prayer - Scroll to bottom of page here and more prayer here.
Personal Care
Objective Standards - such as those set by the Church
Priorities Established by Husband and Wife
Awareness of Personal Overall/Current Mood, Emotions, Behaviors, Relationships, and Home Atmosphere
How can I put what I learn into action?
Fulfill your duties as wife, mother, and home educator.
Pay attention to your reactions today and throughout the coming weeks.
Consider one of your reactions that was pleasing to you and/or others. What action, thoughts, and feelings preceeded your behavior?
Consider one of your reactions that was less than pleasing. What action, thoughts, and feelings preceeded your behavior?
Look for patterns. Be curious and detached.
Write down your observations.
Learn the names of thinking distortions. Read your written observations and try to identify and name any thinking distortions.
Replace distorted thoughts with more truthful ones.
Learn the names of attitudes that can be misguided.
Get support from a confidant who is in a position to help (dh, spiritual director, family member, friend, professional.)
Are there any recommended resources on this topic?
Coming soon!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 04 2009 at 11:01am | IP Logged
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A story (shared with permission from my ds)...
My 13yo ds was in a hitting slump on his new team. His new coach shared standard baseball statements such as "Don't be afraid of the ball...don't bail (stay in the batter's box)...change your stance...be confident...etc." After a few weeks of this and continued poor hitting, my ds and I looked at the situation from a different perspective.
Ds talked while I took notes. I asked questions for clarification and he talked more. After writing several pages of notes, I took a break and prayed. I returned to the notes for looked for thought distortions and misguided attitudes. What I found surprised both of us. We confirmed that he wasn't "afraid of the ball" - being hit by the ball - but rather he was afraid of making a mistake. Because he is knowledgable, he was trying to out guess the pitcher and was freezing while trying to choose from the many scenarios racing in his brain. When he "made a mistake," he pulled out of the box in disgust. Changing his stance gave him one more thing to think about. As for his lack of confidence - just the opposite. My ds is overly confident and convinced that this slump is a fluke and his hitting will return, as if by magic! Entitlement was underlying many of his thoughts, "I work so hard! I want this so badly! I know more about baseball than any of my team mates! I'm way nicer than so-and-so!...etc." therefore he "should" be hitting better.
Together, we came up with a new plan. While in the dugout he doesn't examine the pitcher. Instead, he relaxes and has fun with his team mates and thinks of himself as a 9 hole hitter (compared with having experience and desiring to be a 3 hole hitter.) Heading to the box he prays. In the box he thinks, "Trust your form." As the pitch is released he thinks, "Do I like it?"...if yes, he swings. That's it! We decluttered his mind which has allowed him to react - one pitch at a time. His hitting is improving! And he is happier, relieved, and much more humble  .
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 04 2009 at 11:22pm | IP Logged
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I'm not sure where to put this in your topics on this subject Angie.
But I was thinking.. sometimes the lie is a positive.. thinking I'll be able to do more than I can, that I'm not as tired as I am, that I'm more tolerant/patient than I am.. at least at any given moment. And it often means that I push myself past my limit of being able to act/react in a positive manner. You know.. when 15 more minutes of "fun" means you get home and are screaming at everyone because no one is helping enough etc etc etc.
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G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Willa
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| Posted: March 05 2009 at 11:01am | IP Logged
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I do exactly the same thing, Jodie! I think I want to think I am stronger than I really am. That I "should" be able to handle this, etc. It works for a while but there's a kickback, either sooner, or later.
I've been trying to trust intuition more and emotion less. My intuition will tell me that my limits are being pushed, even if my reason says it "should" be all right.
But part of trusting my intuition is acknowledging emotions, even irrational ones, in order to bring them to the surface and deal with them. Hard to explain -- often I'm aware of something "bugging" me and it drags me down without me even realizing it. I've stuffed it down before it even had a chance to show itself. What that ends up meaning is that I go on emotional autopilot, not listening to my own reactions, and then I operate in fearful or depressed mode.
Trying to think of an example. Aidan's nurse called and told me that his anti-rejection med "trough" was lower than usual. She wasn't that concerned, but that kind of thing freaks me out on a lower level, even though I know intellectually that she is right and it's not really a concern. That affects everything, and it doesn't help to tell myself "that's silly, there's no problem" and refuse to acknowledge that it is a problem to my heart. Better to acknowledge it and decide what to do -- whether to just pray and work through it, or plan some appropriate action, or talk through it with dh and health care professionals.
So I ended up doing a combination of the above. There are lots of things like that during my day. I have to end this because I have a couplee of boys clustering around me now demanding various things
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 06 2009 at 8:30pm | IP Logged
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I shared a story at On Becoming Soft, Yielding Wives.
JodieLyn wrote:
I'm not sure where to put this in your topics on this subject Angie.
But I was thinking.. sometimes the lie is a positive.. . |
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I do exactly the same thing, too! It's an epidemic  . Glad you put your thoughts here, Jodie . This is the catch all topic  .
From my experience, you are very right. So, our goal isn't so much to necessarily think positive thoughts, but rather to think truthful thoughts...is that it? Calls to mind all the "positive motivation" cliches ("I like myself") and how they fall short, can be superficial, or down right wrong and misleading. In the story about my son, part of the problem was that athletes need to be confident, pump themselves up with positive thoughts, but these aren't enough and can sometimes distract from truth, from what work needs to be done.
Willa wrote:
I've been trying to trust intuition more and emotion less. My intuition will tell me that my limits are being pushed, even if my reason says it "should" be all right.
But part of trusting my intuition is acknowledging emotions, even irrational ones, in order to bring them to the surface and deal with them. Hard to explain --
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This is very helpful and you've explained it well, Willa. I'm definitely inclined to not give my emotions attention, stuffing them until I expload  . It was, in part, my inability to stuff as I had in the past and serious discomfort with my strong emotions that lead me on this rabbit trail. Paying attention to my thoughts has, interestingly, helped me to feel my emotions more appropriately...to use them as a guide...to "allow" myself a good cry...to channel anger better. Willa, I would love to hear more about how you experience intuition fitting into the pattern of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors/reactions.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Angie Mc
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Mulling over what Jodie and Willa shared, I have this story:
On Thursday night at 8:00, I was unusually tired. I thought to myself, "I'm not that tired. Only 2 more hours til lights out. Gotta fold laundry. If I don't stick with the bedtime routine, I'll pay for it tomorrow." But then I put my head on the table to rest! At that point I thought, "Oh, I am really tired." Then I did a quick check on my activities of the day and previous week (objective measures) and could see that I over did it. I looked at my original thoughts and realized that I was minimizing, "shoulding", and future-telling. We ended up compacting the bedtime routine (picked our priorities with dh's help) and I went to bed 45 minutes early . I woke up Friday morning feeling much better.
I'm wondering where intuition plays into this and I think it is connected to decision making and my feeling of relief or rightness in the decision. In this way, I can tap into intuition through any point of the ACTION -> THOUGHT -> FEELING -> REACTION/BEHAVIOR. In the mundane story above, there was a moment when I *knew* I was tired and when my dh decided to adjust the bedtime routine, I felt relieved. In a way, the act of stopping to reconsider my distorted thoughts helped me to loosen - something - to allow me to tap into my intuition. If I'm on auto-pilot, either through habits of thought, misguided attitudes, inappropriate emotions or behaviors, I block - or steamroll past - access to intuition. Hmmmmmmmmmmm...still thinking about this 
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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Angie Mc wrote:
| I'm wondering where intuition plays into this and I think it is connected to decision making and my feeling of relief or rightness in the decision |
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Yes I think that's right. Your intution doesn't make the decision, it just helps point you one way or the other if you listen.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 09 2009 at 8:42pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Yes I think that's right. Your intution doesn't make the decision, it just helps point you one way or the other if you listen. |
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Thanks, Jodie .
A story...
Recently I attended Mass, celebrated by a priest I didn't know. He added something to the Mass that was not standard and that I hadn't experienced before even though I thought I'd "seen it all." I became flustered, wide-eyed, and fidgety. I began thumbing through the missalette, searching for - I don't know what. Then I realized I was distracted from the Mass!  But I couldn't easily yank myself back to attention. Then I stopped and tried to catch my thoughts..."This isn't right. What's going on? Why can't we just follow the GIRM?" My mind began to race away from the Mass, into the future..."Should I report this?" I worked to change my thoughts...mistakes can be made (even by priests)...maybe there is a misunderstanding (could the priest be confused by old age)...howwever much I would like a Mass without distraction, I'm not entitled to it...I need to stay in the present - no future-telling. Then, pretty quickly for me, my attention went back to the Mass. Phew!
Any stories to share?
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Willa
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Angie Mc wrote:
| If I'm on auto-pilot, either through habits of thought, misguided attitudes, inappropriate emotions or behaviors, I block - or steamroll past - access to intuition. Hmmmmmmmmmmm...still thinking about this |
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I know, me too. You described it very well.
That's why the intuition concept is helpful to me. See, when I reason with myself I sometimes end up talking myself into something or out of something, when I shouldn't. But of course, if I just operate by feelings and likes/dislikes, that doesn't work either. Intuition (or whatever it is) often gets left out of the picture entirely because it isn't operating directly by emotion OR by my intellectualizing process.
I think it is as Jodie said -- the intuition probably comes from your whole combined perceptions -- emotions, reason and life experience and judgement -- and perhaps from the Holy Spirit and your guardian angel, as well -- and it serves to act as a little voice outside of your own normal processing. Then you can take it through the processes that Angie has listed.
I have been dealing with a LOT of these little episodes recently -- so many that I realize why I usually shut them out 
A recent one is a possibility of having to move, to downscale because of the hard economic times. Difficult emotionally -- and also the idea of SO MUCH work and uncertainty combined with the heartache of leaving the home we love. I have found it very helpful to come back to this series and browse through looking for tools to cope with the personality overload.
Honestly I don't know how people do it without recourse to faith, though. I used to think that all the time when Aidan was having medical problems. When all my thinking becomes paralyzed I can still say "Jesus, I trust in Thee!" and that sort of sums up all the other things -- not that those other things aren't helpful!
I got carried away -- I meant to say that this intuition thing is cool because in your case, Angie, it led you to do the right thing (pay attention to your tired physical symptoms) but in another case it could probably tell you it was important to keep ignoring your physical symptoms, for example if you were at the Emergency Room with a child. So it sort of cuts to the heart of the situation, which is really nice.
I suppose like everything else it can be "purified" by a constant attention to seeking God's will and following it, and that's what I've been working on recently. I had no idea how many things I have been letting slip, until I started acknowledging them rather than pushing them aside.
Sorry to ramble, my thoughts on this are jumbled because I'm in the process of sorting through -- one of those "birth" moments you mentioned once in another thread, Angie.
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Willa
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JodieLyn
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Intuition is really hard to nail down.. it's a feeling but it's not really an emotion.. and it's really hard to find when you've got a lot of emotional response at the same time. But neither is it "thinking".. I've heard that it's compiling information that you could think through (so not emotion) so fast or sub-consciously or something like that that you're just left with this "feeling" rather than a "thought".
and I take your thoughts here and my mind seems to randomly attach them to stuff.
For instance I was just thinking the other night about how you can crave chocolate if you need magnesium or crave bad for you fatty foods because you need good for you omega 3, 6 or 9's.. In a way it's an untruth.. because what you crave isn't really what you need.. but at the same time it is. And you can apply "truth" to it by a thinking it out process.. when I crave something bad for me I need to find the good thing it mimics and eat that instead.. but it's awful easy to just follow the craving of the moment
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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Angie Mc
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Willa wrote:
That's why the intuition concept is helpful to me. See, when I reason with myself I sometimes end up talking myself into something or out of something, when I shouldn't. |
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Yes, which means I'm not reasoning properly or being reasonable if I am too dependent upon "should" messages, for example. My mind becomes a big bully to me when it is free to demand the unreasonable..."(You should) Do this! Do that! Feel this! Feel that!"
Willa wrote:
But of course, if I just operate by feelings and likes/dislikes, that doesn't work either. Intuition (or whatever it is) often gets left out of the picture entirely because it isn't operating directly by emotion OR by my intellectualizing process.
I think it is as Jodie said -- the intuition probably comes from your whole combined perceptions -- emotions, reason and life experience and judgement -- and perhaps from the Holy Spirit and your guardian angel, as well -- and it serves to act as a little voice outside of your own normal processing. Then you can take it through the processes that Angie has listed. |
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I'm sensing that intuition is a pathway to receive - to say yes to - God's grace.
Willa wrote:
I have been dealing with a LOT of these little episodes recently -- so many that I realize why I usually shut them out....I had no idea how many things I have been letting slip, until I started acknowledging them rather than pushing them aside.
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Agreed! It's challenging to have so many of my own weaknesses unveiled at one time and with such constancy  . It's getting easier, though! I'm becoming used to my routine (in the habit) of giving attention to my behaviors and feelings as well as the thoughts that trigger them...in the moment while still small. Maybe I'm more detached from it all because at first it all felt so embarrassing, discouraging, endless, scarey, overwhelming, BIG! It all got so big because everything from minor inconveniences were blurring with serious loss making a giant monster causing me to freeze in my tracks.
Willa wrote:
A recent one is a possibility of having to move, to downscale because of the hard economic times. Difficult emotionally -- and also the idea of SO MUCH work and uncertainty combined with the heartache of leaving the home we love. |
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Oh, Willa  ...I'm crying with you, friend. And praying, with much gratitude for your prayers during our family's similar struggles and eventual move 5 years ago
Willa wrote:
Honestly I don't know how people do it without recourse to faith, though. I used to think that all the time when Aidan was having medical problems. When all my thinking becomes paralyzed I can still say "Jesus, I trust in Thee!" and that sort of sums up all the other things -- not that those other things aren't helpful! |
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This is so true. During times of misfortune and tragedy it can be easier to see the truth and think the truth...that we are completely and utterly dependent upon God. These other things, tools, are limited but God's grace is limitless! I am so blessed to have this community to discuss this material (and so much more) within the context of our faith. Oh....how do I describe this?....in the context of faith, these tools aren't about me "controlling" my thoughts and the outcome connected to them (more appropriate emotions and behaviors), giving me a false sense of having control over my life but rather...to ponder the truth, the Truth, which always brings me to my knees before my Lord. This isn't about control but discipline, becoming His disciple.
Willa wrote:
I got carried away -- I meant to say that this intuition thing is cool because in your case, Angie, it led you to do the right thing (pay attention to your tired physical symptoms) but in another case it could probably tell you it was important to keep ignoring your physical symptoms, for example if you were at the Emergency Room with a child. So it sort of cuts to the heart of the situation, which is really nice...I suppose like everything else it can be "purified" by a constant attention to seeking God's will and following it, and that's what I've been working on recently. |
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Exactly! And what a relief! I don't feel as compelled to have a plan for every possible situation I may face. My best made plans may need to be put aside because God wills something else for me at a particular moment.
Willa wrote:
| Sorry to ramble, my thoughts on this are jumbled because I'm in the process of sorting through -- one of those "birth" moments you mentioned once in another thread, Angie. |
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Oh, Willa, you are so good to me! I searched for that topic and it is one more piece in my puzzle! I wrote that very shortly after my miscarriage, which was the beginning of this round of pruning, purifying, letting go. Back then I saw a change coming but didn't realize how big and long this transition would be (which shows God's wisdom and gentleness...if I had know I would have been tempted to get into bed, hide under the covers, and not come out for 2 years .) This change has gone well beyond concerns of being a mother of an adult and I've been processing, sorting through, ever since. If you are rambling, Willa, then I'm super-charged rambling!
Ooooo...looking at the clock, I need to run. Back soon! Thanks, Willa and Jodie .
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn wrote:
| For instance I was just thinking the other night about how you can crave chocolate if you need magnesium or crave bad for you fatty foods because you need good for you omega 3, 6 or 9's.. In a way it's an untruth.. because what you crave isn't really what you need.. but at the same time it is. And you can apply "truth" to it by a thinking it out process.. when I crave something bad for me I need to find the good thing it mimics and eat that instead.. but it's awful easy to just follow the craving of the moment |
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Oh, I really like this connection. When I was pregnant with Aiden, my midwife would translate my not good for me cravings into good for me substitutes. What is the substitute for large amounts of ice cream, again ?
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 11 2009 at 9:54pm | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
What is the substitute for large amounts of ice cream, again ?
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Got me.. might just have to eat the ice cream
I think I'm coming at the intuition stuff backwards.. I think intuitively and I have tended to trust that so that I don't find it hard to recognize. But what I need to do is to be able to catch up my thinking to my intuition..
When I was in college I was required to take a logic class.. when we'd examine statements for fallacies I could almost always get the answers right (yes or no there's a fallacy).. but I'd only get the reasoning right about half the time 
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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Angie Mc
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JodieLyn wrote:
Angie Mc wrote:
What is the substitute for large amounts of ice cream, again ?
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Got me.. might just have to eat the ice cream |
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Oh good! Bring it on!
JodieLyn wrote:
I think I'm coming at the intuition stuff backwards.. I think intuitively and I have tended to trust that so that I don't find it hard to recognize. But what I need to do is to be able to catch up my thinking to my intuition..
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What a wonderful gift and habit, Jodie . If I hang around with you long enough, will you rub off on me?! I'm guessing that one of the benefits of catching up your thinking has to do with explaining yourself to others, is that right? I'm asking because I have a very intuitive child who often gets frustrated trying to explain herself. Any tips?
*****
Another story...
For three days this week my house has been under construction...repair work on dry wall due to water damage. I have not had access to my kitchen, pantry, dining room and master bedroom during the day - yikes! Yesterday was full of inconviences and I'm not feeling well because of some funky hormonal fluctuations. We were running very late last night but I was determined to have lights out at 10:00, even if we didn't do our whole bedtime routine. At about 9:30, I realized that I hadn't done TTapp! My honeymoon period with TTapp is over and it was all I could do to just do it . Oh the pity party I was having for myself! I labeled it an inconvenience (at most) and my fellow TTapper and friend's words rang in my ear, "I can be unhappy for 15 minutes!" So, it wasn't pretty but at least I did it. Today I need to spend some time thinking through my resistence and come up with a plan to be more steady and cheerfulin the face of the mundane, because I will face this same resistence again and again. I've asked for help with motivation for the mundane, here.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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yes, it's explaining it to other people..
It's frustrating because often it seems that the only way to explain intution is that it's a feeling.. and then you get people telling you how you can't trust feelings (emotions) blah blah blah.. and that's not what you mean anyway.
So giving her vocabulary that could help her differentiate between emotion and intuition would probably help.
I think the biggest mistake someone could make would be to stop trusting intuition. But it can't be the only litmus test. You still have to use your intellect to double check it.. and to protect against it being wrong. It's not infallible
You don't say well I feel I can trust this person so I'll go into their house alone without mom or dad knowing..
You have to balance it. It doesn't mean that you don't trust your intuition but that logically and intellectually, you still do those things that protect you.
So for me if my intuition says I can trust someone I'll be more comfortable around them, I'd be less reserved.. but I would still be careful. Whereas if my intuition says someone can't be trusted, not only would I be careful but I might avoid contact.
If it's the neighbor I feel I can trust, I might sit on their front porch with them and chat.. if it's one I feel I can't I could be polite from the sidewalk.
I think you could help her with this by taking her intuition at face value. But also helping her label it as intuition and exploring it intellectually. But by accepting it as real and trustworthy even and often a very good starting point. But that it shouldn't necessarily be the ending point.
Intuition, feelings especially of wrongness, can help us so much to protect ourselves.. but we have to trust them.
I was just at a talk that confirmed something to me.. it was about Angels and that one of the ways God and the Angels can communicate is at that same level as intuition.. an urge or feeling. I've often thought that. Especially, about very strong feelings that line up with Church teaching (ah but that means you have to know it does or investigate if it does).
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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CrunchyMom
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Yes, Jodie. That makes sense. Along those lines, I often tell people that I try to make sure my conscience is properly formed so that I can trust my feelings--but I think what I mean is so I trust my "gut" or my intuition. I think of this especially in terms of judging potentially subjective things like movies, music, literature, etc... I hope to tune my sensitivities so I can trust them better.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Angie Mc
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| Yes, Jodie. That makes sense. Along those lines, I often tell people that I try to make sure my conscience is properly formed .... |
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Very imp[ortant point, Lindsay. I'm working on a Word doc. table to make a quick reference about what we've been discussing. This piece will fit in perfectly.
*****
Little stories about little frustrations:
Today the boys and I went to a beautiful riparian preserve that we frequent. As is often the case, parents of young children were feeding the waterfowl in spite of the signs to not feed the wildlife. My first thoughts were, "Why don't these people follow the rules? Do they want to hurt the birds? Should I say something?" I find my anxiety rising. I stopped myself quickly (I'm well practiced at this scene) and replaced my thoughts with these, "People make mistakes. I'm not omnipotent, responsible for policing. I'm here to be a good mom to my kids." I relaxed and was able to enjoy my children's company.
We left the preserve and were driving down a major highway. I saw a pick-up driving with two adults sitting in the trunk, not in the cab. Here we go again..."Why don't these people follow the rules? Don't they know how dangerous this is?" Once again, giving benefit of the doubt, "People make mistakes. Maybe there is an emergency. I'll pray for their safety and those around them." Then I was able to relax and get back to my conversation with the boys.
These sneaky little, out of my control, energy zappers are abundant and often go unnoticed until anxiety or despair snowball. Being able to nip these little anxieties in the bud has reduced my overall worry tremendously and help me be less distracted and more focused on doing what is right at the moment. I get lots of practice dealing with these types of inconveniences and pet peeves...waiting in line...dealing with strangers...driving in the parking lot after Mass .
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Willa
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I tend to run the whole range of cognitive distortions in my interactions with other people. Not usually a problem with people I know well but very present in new situations or where I don't know the people very well. Catastrophizing, mind-reading, disqualifying the positive, etc. I have a little internal voice that really shrieks at me in those situations! I used to listen to it but in recent years have tried consciously to ignore it or change it to a nice, encouraging voice. "That wasn't bad -- maybe next time you could try this...." Sounds fakey but the dysfunctional inner critic is a liar and the encouraging voice is actually closer to the reality of the situation.
Yesterday I was at our local market and met the car repair guy and we talked a bit about our van which is not working. I get easily flustered in public settings,and so after I left I started second-guessing myself, thinking I should have mentioned X detail of the car problem, or remembered to say something friendly, or whatever.
Intellectually I know that type of thing isn't much of a big deal but that almost makes it worse because I know I'm being silly. Then I started thinking that if we do move out of this area maybe I won't be able to connect with new people and make any new friends, etc... the turmoil just took on a life of its own.
Anyway, what I did was give myself a few minutes to "examine" the whole thing including my feelings of embarrassment as opposed to what actually happened, so I could see the cognitive distortions. After that, I just made the decision to turn my thoughts away when it occurred to me again, not in a hasty scared way but just in the way that ST Jane de Chantal recommended with temptations that we “pay no attention to them, doing
whatever is necessary to take our minds off them. Your methods, howwever forceful, must reflect
moderation.” Cognitive distortions are a kind of temptation, I would think....
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Willa
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Jodie, "Blink" just arrived from the library yesterday. It is fascinating reading. I think you mentioned it in an earlier part of this series.
I understand the idea of intuition a lot better now, I think. It reminds me a bit of conscience-forming. It is reliable WHEN it's trained and focused and has enough time to work. Greek scholars could spot a fake statue by intuition, but obviously I couldn't spot a fake Greek statue.
This makes sense to me -- you have to educate your intuition, but then it acts at a pre-conscious level in the split second. Reminds me a bit of some detective stories I've read.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How we think- 6. Summary & Stories
