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mamalove
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| Posted: Sept 29 2010 at 8:17am | IP Logged
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After using lesson plans for years, this feeling is fully entrenched in my brain. Don't get me wrong. In the past we needed that accountability to help mama learn to actually DO school, but now it seems so hard to shake the feeling that we are failing because we are not checking off every subject every day.
We do not have daily plans written out, but rather a sheet with all the subjects we would like to do daily, and the children check them off, or fill in page or lesson #'s when they actually DO them. So that way, in theory we are never "behind"
but my son is almost 13, in 7th grade, and is just finishing up Math 5. Satan really uses this fact to rib me! My dd is 10 and has trouble still with cursive. 5 y.o. is in K, and some days K never happens.
On a good day, I know we are exactly where God wants us to be, but on other days, I feel like I am being way too lazy and the children will never succeed in the "real world"
any words of advice or encouraging links would be greatly appreciated.
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Teachin'Mine2
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We weren't very scheduled during the elementary years, but math was a subject that was done everyday. We found that it was important to start to gear up for high school in junior high, and started doing more in 7th and a full curriculum in 8th. This worked well for us anyway.
If you son is behind in math because of learning disabilities or really struggles in math, that's understandable, but if it's just because the work isn't getting done, I'd strong suggest making that more of a priority. I send you hugs as I do understand, but you can do some amazing catch up in this year and next so he can be "on schedule" for high school. High school math is challenging enough without having to do so much catch up then.
I also want to add that we've found it best to do whatever we consider the most important or challenging subjects first. For us, that's been math. Maybe it's cursive for your daughter and math for your son. We found that history, science and others don't necessarily need to be done daily, but for us math did. The subject that was always short changed for us was Spanish.
If it's not what you want to hear, then just ignore this. They each have their own path in their education. 
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mom of one 13yo dd
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amarytbc
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If you are feeling uncomfortable about this then listen to your gut and make changes. Over the years we've moved from a very relaxed style of homeschooling to one with either my own or purchased lesson plans for grade 4 and up. With my children I've come to realize that this time they have to learn at home is too precious and brief to be relaxed about when things are done. Minimally the children have a list of specific activities, page numbers or specific project titles that they have to do each day and I've even gone as far as having our oldest 4 use Seton's English lesson plans. Two of them found them to be quite freeing LOL. You never know what will appeal to a child ;)
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Tina P.
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First off, any mother who homeschools her children can not be called lazy. I homeschool five of my nine, two of the remaining attend high school this year and two are toddler and infant.
I get distracted by a messy house, which happens daily, so though we have a peg of four specific subjects ~ math, religion, grammar, and speling ~ that must be ocmpleted before lunch, the afternoon subjects which include vocabulary history, science, poetry, geography, and art, can sometimes be rolled over with tidying or appointments, or whatever. my big boys are sneaking other subjects into their mornings (our geography takes about 10 minutes a day). And some afternoons, I actually do poetry and art with them. I have to trust that at some point in the evening, they read history. And then i check it against their lessons as written.
My 10th graders, the ones who went to HS this year, are in Geometry when their buddy who has been to school all this time is in Algebra with Trig. And one of them wants to backtrack and do basic Algebra all over again!
My advice, FWIW, is to remember that it's all a process. God is in charge and your kids will learn what they need to learn WHEN they need to learn it. You'd probably be surprised at what your 5 yo is learning from sheer assimilation. She/He (didn't catch whether the 5 yo is a boy or girl) is listening to stories read aloud, I'm sure. Math can be helping you bake and determining measurement or counting change or how much something costs at the store or counting beans. Do you have a two-sided scale? Kids LOVE to balance things and this is a huge pre-Algebra concept.
I just wrote some things that have been working in our school this year. You might want to check some of those things out for the 5 yo. Other things that serve to boost math, grammar and vocabulary for older kids that I've found useful are here.
Many  to you. Flying solo can be exhausting! Just remember to enjoy your children in the process.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
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Chris V
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| Posted: Sept 30 2010 at 9:02am | IP Logged
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Tina P. wrote:
| First off, any mother who homeschools her children can not be called lazy. |
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 Somehow, Tina, you are speaking directly to me. Thank you. My heart needed to hear this.
Tina P. wrote:
| I get distracted by a messy house, which happens daily, so though we have a peg of four specific subjects ~ math, religion, grammar, and speling ~ that must be ocmpleted before lunch, the afternoon subjects which include vocabulary history, science, poetry, geography, and art, can sometimes be rolled over with tidying or appointments, or whatever. my big boys are sneaking other subjects into their mornings (our geography takes about 10 minutes a day). And some afternoons, I actually do poetry and art with them. I have to trust that at some point in the evening, they read history. And then i check it against their lessons as written. |
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Though my children are still so young, as we embark upon a lifetime journey of learning, you've set my mind at ease. This year is a trial for me, many, many distractions ...
Tina P. wrote:
My advice, FWIW, is to remember that it's all a process. God is in charge and your kids will learn what they need to learn WHEN they need to learn it. You'd probably be surprised at what your 5 yo is learning from sheer assimilation. She/He (didn't catch whether the 5 yo is a boy or girl) is listening to stories read aloud, I'm sure. Math can be helping you bake and determining measurement or counting change or how much something costs at the store or counting beans. Do you have a two-sided scale? Kids LOVE to balance things and this is a huge pre-Algebra concept.
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Amen. Such wisdom from you.
I also wanted to ask, what two-sided scale do you have? It seems to me that the scales I am interested in cost a small fortune and the rights to my first born  , I'm looking for something of quality, yet affordable.
Tina P. wrote:
Many to you. Flying solo can be exhausting! Just remember to enjoy your children in the process. |
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Yes. Enjoy my chidren. I do forget that on occasion 
I didn't intend to hyjack your thread, Mamalove ~ I just found Tina's encouragement so very gracious and it was just what I needed to read this morning. 
Praying for your worry
__________________
Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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Willa
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mamalove wrote:
but my son is almost 13, in 7th grade, and is just finishing up Math 5. Satan really uses this fact to rib me! My dd is 10 and has trouble still with cursive. 5 y.o. is in K, and some days K never happens.
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I don't think any of this is a problem in itself.
My kids never did K except the two oldest who went to Catholic school for a couple of years. Kindergarten, after all, is mostly a way to prepare kids for the classroom environment of Grade 1. There isn't that much you do at that level that can't be done with refrigerator magnets while cooking dinner, and by providing art and construction supplies for your kids and reading to them.
Cursive is not a high priority if you're having trouble with other subjects. My husband and I both graduated from college without needing to use cursive except to sign our names. So did my oldest son. We CAN write cursive but never do.
Finishing Math 5 when you're starting 7th grade doesn't sound too bad to me. There seems to be a lot of repetition in most math books during those years. My daughter got way behind in middle school math yet did well on her SATs and is getting good grades in math in college now.
When I feel overwhelmed and "behind" in a subject I usually choose that as a focus for the year. I just commit to making sure it happens daily in some form or another and that goals are met or at least attacked. Some ideas for math:
Don't insist on finishing the whole math curriculum every year -- there is so much repetition throughout most math books. If you get 75% to 80% completed you are fine to go on to the next level. (unless you're using Math U See which has a different layout, I understand).
Look for the "easy" chapters in the math book -- usually there are a couple of chapters on measurements and geometry and graphing that most kids find simple. When he's bogged down in a tough chapter have him do some of the easy stuff for a break, or when he's in an easier chapter have him do a little tiny bit of extra drill in one of the tougher, more boring areas like long division.
If he has trouble focusing on math break it up into two sections a day -- a short focused drill period first thing in the morning, or time with you, and then another period later in the day.
If it were my kid I'd honestly consider skipping Math 6 and going to Math 7 but I don't know what curriculum you use and how much repetition it contains. You might want to glance at a Math 7 book though (whatever curriculum you use) and see if you think your child could handle it.
(If he's really struggling, though, not just "behind" because of life events, I would keep going and just be glad that homeschooling is giving him a chance to really master the material).
One other option is a math tutor. Tutors can usually assess the child and see what he needs to work on and what he can pass through quickly. Private tutoring is becoming way more common nowadays even for kids who go to school. I have never used it, but it's a solution for some people.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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mamalove
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| Posted: Sept 30 2010 at 1:10pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
I didn't intend to hyjack your thread, Mamalove
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hijack away! we all need encouragement!
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ekbell
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Quote:
Don't insist on finishing the whole math curriculum every year -- there is so much repetition throughout most math books. If you get 75% to 80% completed you are fine to go on to the next level. (unless you're using Math U See which has a different layout, I understand).
L
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The math workbooks I use are a Canadian set normally used in the School system as remedial books.
One very useful aspect of this is that each book and each chapter of a book will have 'Pretests' to determine if the child needs to do that chapter. I normally have the children do what they can of the pre-test, skipping any problem they are not sure of.
I've found that all my children have areas where they've easily tested out of the chapter. More commonly they've been able to do part of the pretest easily and we've been able to skip a few pages.
Without pretests, I'd be inclined to assign a representative sample from the problem sets, leaving the rest of the problem set to be assigned later if necessary. If the child does well then the rest of the set will not be necessary, if the child does poorly then I can reteach the material and assign more problems.
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ALmom
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To add in my 2 cents - being behind is not about where you are in relation to someone else's goals and standards. It isn't even about being behind your own plans. Real being behind is a result of lack of discipline, work, effort, etc. It is absolutely worthless to push ahead if the foundation is not there. Being rushed will not get you there faster - it will slow you down, stress you and your child out make you both feel like failures. Then you both hate it and are tempted to avoid it even more. Give them a great foundation. Make sure that what they build on is solid - then wherever they get to, all that stuff before is permanent (really understood) and will not collapse on top of them as soon as they try to move to the next task - at which point you'd have to go back and reteach all over again anyways. Ever wonder why there is so much repetition in textbooks. English grammar repeats the same exact stuff with very few additional details year after year after year. Now, you can rush through it and have a cursory knowledge that you forget after the test - or you can pick one really good text that covers what you want and spend 2 years doing it slowly and with thought and applying it and using it as you go. You'll be "behind" for a while, but in the end, you'll be "ahead" because you won't still be relearning everything over and over again.
The real key when you are feeling behind is an honest assessment. Human beings being fallen in nature, we are all great at finding excuses and ways out. We are also tempted to beat ourselves up for our perceived failures and then never get on with doing what we need to do. The reasons for being behind will make all the difference in what you do about it.
You can end up "behind" because:
the child has missed an important concept, has a particular challenge or difficulty
mom/teacher is disorganized, is unclear on where headed and thus, so is child.
misfit between materials and child. Concepts being taught are missing the mark because they are not presented in a coherent, organized manner in keeping with the way the child learns best.
discipline and routine in the house is so out of order that no one is getting their work done. (We are running willy nilly everywhere after whatever strikes our latest fancy).
Real emergencies have delayed or kept us from certain taks which we must now go back to.
Communication problems between teacher and student.
Laziness on part of parent or child (I do disagree, homeschooling moms can be lazy too, no exception to the general fallen nature - I find myself falling into this when I justify every opportunity to dawdle and chat and my children are left frustrated because they are waiting for me to get home and let them get to their work. Or I am doing what I want and we are not keepig to a routine bedtime or such - then everyone is tired and cranky in the morning.
The work environment is cluttered, noisy or in some way not conducive to someone's concentration. Or we are spending 2 hours looking for 1 pen because we have too much stuff spread everywhere.
And probably some others as well.
I will, however, tend to be more tempted to panic when I, myself, am disorganized, unclear of my own goals, etc. or feeling fuzzy about exactly what my children are working on in a given day. If I'm failing to give them needed feedback - yes, then we are behind. If I fail to give them needed guidance and direction - then, "yes, we are behind." If they are simply missing a concept or struggling with a concept - then I have to fight the temptation to keep up with the Jones's and we simply need to work where we are at with clear ideas of where we are headed.
How I address the being behind feeling has to do with where it is coming from. If my children are being lazy, daydreaming, having trouble focusing and thus not getting work done - then I come down hard on routine, on skipping "desirables" in order to get done the "essentials". I have even been known to say - oh today we are doing xyz but you still have to finish abc from yesterday. At one point I did have one child that had a weeks worth of work in one day - and she did it, finally reallizing that the work wasn't going away no matter how much she hoped it would and tried to avoid just buckling down. (The clue that this was the right approach for this child - she had no trouble doing the weeks work, I learned that she was capable of far more than I had thought and she learned that she might as well buckle down and do todays work today or it would all build up. If it had been the wrong approach there would have been clear signs at some point of total shutdown and I would have known to sit down with said child and work out a strategy for dividing and conquering and revise a timeline.
I will also attempt to address anything in my power to change that will help the distractions. If child A needs a quiet, alone place to study, we do that - maybe set up a desk in my room. If child B needs to be in my presence so as not to end up on the floor playing marbles or something - then we do that -setting up school on the kitchen table where I can do dishes, run a load of laundry, etc and still have my eyes and physical presence. I have been known to take toddlers and fussy youngers outside for a walk around the yard for half an hour so another child can concentrate on a difficult assignment in peace and quiet. You work with what you have and what is possible and make the best possible out of it. If a child needs more wiggle time - we do shuttle runs before math lesson - whatever it takes. My older children are responsible for giving me ideas and input on what will help. I also study learning styles and sometimes seeing the whole picture is critical - timetables for my visual learners were better learned with a big chart than with individual flashcards. My kinesthetics built with blocks to see the concept first and then jumped on the mini tramp to memorize. We adjust to the child and the real needs.
If it is a problem of mom feeling out of touch or unclear on goals (and mom being unclear on goals is probably the greatest single contributor to children being really behind), then I have to assess what to do about me. I have to be realistic. I have to figure out what my children understand (often I found out they had not heard or comprehended what I had in mind and some good communication, putting some things in writing, etc. really helped. Having a visual chart for one child with post it assignments got her through. My husband was the one that figured out that my poor child simply had a hard time picturing the plan with all my words. Laying it out visually for himself to try and figure out what I was trying to do ended up being the "plan" for the child. They both thought alike - and very differently from me so simply a formatting change made a drastic difference. (My husband put my words into little post its and stuck them on a large calendar - nothing really fancy).
Accountability is probably a huge area of need - some children are fine with some conversation, a weekly look at what they are doing , some deadlines, etc. Some of mine have needed more accountability than that. Finding a way to make this happen has been tricky - after all I am a mom who was doing therapy, cooking, cleaning, shopping, hopefully praying, teaching/tutoring a number of folks and ....
If I am teaching 6, I will not and cannot be going over everything with everyone everyday unless a lot of folks are schooling together in the exact same place - something that never happens or never works in my house. At this point I elicit dad - the great, non-emotional assessor who can cut through 3 hours of my indecisiveness in about 10 minutes of talking with me and have some really right on suggestions - and a good dose of reality check - you cannot do it all. One of the things I have done is taken concerns about the children and their education before the Blessed Sacrament. I then ask Jesus to show me with each child which thing(s) is/are most critical for that particular child. Between these two, we usually have a good idea of where to focus our goals and formulate a clear idea of where we are and where we are headed - just for this semester or this year. Next year we reassess. Those critical areas are where I spend the bulk of my time and energy - otherwise I am pulled too thin and find it too difficult to have clear cut goals and regular accountability. I end up overwhelmed not even sure I remember what we decided to do. It is quite realistic that I can do very intense work with each child in one critical area each year. (If there are more than 1 area that really needs intense accountability and this happens with a lot of children then we have to pay for a tutor, or a very easy to use program that will really work for the child.) In other areas, we may have to accept good enough for this year. In areas of passion, it is really pointless for me to stress. I know they are learning just listening to them at the dinner table. I try to figure out how they learn best, where they are at, what the next step is and try to get the most efficient material/means to solve the problem at the same time I realize that I really don't need to waste time with something they are teaching themselves quite well.
If the problem is that I just feel totally out of touch with where they are, then I usually have to re-examine how we have accountability set up in the house. Perhaps the system that worked last year, just isn't cutting it this year. Perhaps things are fine in all areas of strength but I need more accountability in areas of weakness. Perhaps I need help grading assignments so the child gets more instant feedback. The timliness of feedback in math and writing are really critical. Writing 10 papers and getting feedback on 5 is the same (actually probably less effective) as writing 2 papers with careful and right away feedback on the one well before the other is started - so the child can attempt to apply what he learned to the next assignment. Reading with discussion is way more important than reading and answering dumb questions. Math that isn't graded or reviewed daily is pretty pointless. They simply repeat and compound the same mistake and get overwhelmed. Looking at one assignment together and identifying mistakes and allowing them to ask questions and you ask leading questions quickly and efficiently points out where the concept got lost - and you can quickly address it while they have plenty of time to practice it correctly. Some folks set up a child self- checking. That never worked in my house - so I set aside a place for work to be placed and I went over it at night with dh and then they could look at and correct mistakes and go over with me anything they still didn't get before moving to the next assignment. Anytime I get behind in correcting math, my children's comprehension suffers - and they really like math. Some of my really good math people went too fast for me to give proper accountability when they hit high school and we delegate some. We have to think - not just go through the motions.
Sometimes we have discerned that in a critical area we just had to fork out and get a tutor. Sometimes we delegated. And sometimes we were able to handle it in house by devising a system. (Ie for science, I ended up marking assignments in science using the AK (high school physical science) - no clue what it was talking about so if my child had something that wasn't exactly what was on the AK - I put a ? and later that day dad would go over all the mistakes and the ? (many of which the child had correct, just in their own words and since I didn't have a clue .... :)) Dad naturally pulled out all kinds of demonstrations so .... that worked for us for a while. At the semester we found a tutor for the highschooler - we just weren't capable of providing timely support in chemistry. I have some children for whom daily review of avoidance subjects is essential. In their case, I simply had to set aside time to do this or delegate.
Now, if it is because the child really does have a difficulty with the subject - working closely with someone (mom or tutor) who can then discern where the disconnects are - that is critical. There is some trial and error. You don't give up. You don't rush. You don't panic and you don't move on without having a solid foundation. If it takes 3 years to get through a 7th grade grammar - so what!!! You give lots of encouragement and set them up for small successes that lead to bigger ones.
We've been "behind" for a variety of reasons - and "behind" just because my children were not doing what xyz book said nth graders should do. (Sometimes we were behind because we decided to take something slowly - ie it was a sort of intentional thing and sometimes it took us by surprise and sometimes it was just a struggle we had to persevere through until we either got it, or found a better way. I have found that diligent, persevering effort pays off. You do not necessarily remain perpetually "behind" the average or whatever standard. I've seen amazing things happen just from maturity, from something finally clicking because we found someone or something that presented the material in just the right way and sometimes they pick up what they missed later (long after) when there was some reason for them to learn it.
There is a balance - something not laizze faire situation and not a workhouse. Every thing we learn is not going to be painless or effortless and not all of it will feel like a basket of fun - but it should be meaningful and not just time fillers or wasters. If something is really dragging, I will ask myself - what was my purpose in this. Is there a better way to achieve this purpose or do we simply have to keep at it. Sometimes we can find better ways and sometimes we just have to persevere a bit longer. Sometimes it helps to find a creative way to connect the academic with the real. Math practice can be very dry - but put it to real use making something real, calculating real life things. Textbooks are the stupidest ways I've ever seen to learn to measure and use units - good grief they are meant to be a quickee review of what you have already done in real life. Go and build something, bake something from scratch, have a child calculate how much tile you need to redo the bathroom floor or whatever. If there is a way to apply something so you can actually do something with the concepts you are learning - they'll be learned at a deeper level and have more meaning. For some folks it will be the one thing that finally makes it all click. It helps relieve the tedium. Honestly, sometimes I don't have the time and energy or expertise - but in a critical area that a child is struggling with, it is worth making sure the real connection happens. If they aren't struggling, they have probably somehow already made the connection - or they are superb memorizers.
I am by no means an expert and we are still in the trenches. We have seen children we thought were "behind" just suddenly make connections. We have seen us learn how to teach better, to match material to the child better. We have grown in our communication and elicited input from our children as we worked on finding something challenging to them and helping them build in weak areas. We have, in working with our children, discovered underlying reasons for the "behind" and been able to work and address these. We have been floored by God's goodness and even when I feel I made choices and taught in ways probably the worst possible fit for a particular child - still they are fine and God has since turned some of those things into a greater good for all of us. (If only I'd trusted more in the earlier years - and I still struggle with that, its just that I have a few graduates where I can remind myself that despite whatever we went through, God is taking good care of them. I tend to be a perfectionist and my pride gets in the way a lot - but this whole schooling thing, well, I'm the student and my children are the teachers a lot of times. When I have felt most behind, God has humbled me and taught me (and I keep having to relearn the lesson) how dependent I am on Him. The children were often the ones who were able to identify the problem area and point us hunting in the right direction. It continues to be an exhausting, beautiful, challenging, exhilerating and humbling road.
Janet
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Genevieve
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Janet,
Bravo!!!! I'm nodding my head in agreement!
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Genevieve
The Good Within
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mamalove
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I want to thank all the ladies who have responded to my worries with such wisdom. I espically want to printo out Janets response to read on paper, since I do poorly concentrating on a computer screen. (mom has computer ADHD )
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Angie Mc
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Mamalove I so know your pain! I don't have time to read through all the great replies here...I will share the first things that come to mind.
I shared this on another topic, explaining how the difference between "skills and knowledge" helps keep us accountable to a basic level of skill attainment without stressing *everything*:
Angie Mc wrote:
I look at our home education as having 2 main parts, formal skills and informal knowledge. If our life is very full and/or we're taking a break, we do *basic formal work (daily math, handwriting, learning to reading) and/or we depend upon gaining informal knowledge through reading books, watching movies, discussing topics, outings, etc.
When outside demands are less and/or I'm feeling great and/or the children are hot on a topic, then we add to this *extra formal/planned/organized unit studies, experiments, projects, presentations, etc. |
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We get a "head start" by starting our year in June:
Angie Mc wrote:
We do "end our year" in May. We "start" our new year in June, which gives us June, July, and August to "get ahead." Feels good  .
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When necessary, we have a "boot camp" to yank us forward quickly. Here's an example of a reading boot camp. A closely related concept is "the sprint."
I try try try to be reasonable in order to fight feelings of being behind, thinking.... "Behind" can be subjective and academics aren't necessarily linear. Being anxious about being behind isn't helpful to me. And, in then end, my children may be "behind" in some academic areas and I may need to be humble about that and trust that they will find their way to live well as adults anyway.
I look forward to reading more here this weekend .
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Marybeth
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Such wisdom and common sense in this thread, thank you all very much. I will be printing this tomorrow!
Thank you most especially to Mamalove for the courage to begin this thread.
God bless!
Marybeth
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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momma_2fold
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Yes, thank you for all the words of wisdom & encouragement here. Even though I'm not in the same boat as mamalove being a 1st yr homeschooler w/ younger kids the feeling of "I AM BEHIND!!" is definitely one that I struggle with even though I logically know we aren't & it will all work out in the end. Sometimes being reminded helps, A LOT
And mamalove here's some hugs for you! Sounds like you are one busy mama!
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: letting go of a "we are behind!" mindset
