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Willa
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| Posted: June 29 2009 at 11:09am | IP Logged
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I wonder if there is something Catholic about the slower pace. When we first went to Ireland 21 years ago, life was still quite traditional except perhaps in Dublin. People lived around the seasons more than they do here.
The next time we went, 2 years ago, it was much more like the US or like London -- lots of people from other countries, lots of Americanization, lots more bustle and commercial transactions.
I can remember reading books that compared the "Mediterranean" countries and sometimes Ireland and Poland unfavorably to the northern countries. The mostly Protestant north tended to be more hurried, more work-oriented, more detached in relationship styles.
I lived in Switzerland for several years when I was a teenager and it was funny to travel towards Italy -- the people were so much more interactive. But even the Swiss took things a bit slower than most Americans, if I am remembering correctly. Perhaps it's different now.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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lapazfarm
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Steph, what you describe sounds very much like a life lived in the present. Americans tend to be so focused on what's next we forget to enjoy what IS.
This is why I think the slowness of pace really has little to do with the number of things we do, but more about our attitude towards them. How can we enjoy activity number one on our list if we are already thinking ahead and worried about activities two through ten?!
Your Italian friends seem quite content to enjoy the here and now without worrying about what comes next. I think it is a very healthy attitude and the source of the relaxation you felt there.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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stefoodie
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Cay -- I just lost my reply to your post. Argh. No more time now -- I'll try to post again later.
Theresa -- yes! And I'm still digesting what you're saying about the Catholic element, Willa. Much to ponder there.
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stef
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JodieLyn
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only have a few minutes... but what Theresa said sparked a memory...
I was in college and had been in my room on campus.. and probably reading and so I was enjoying myself and gave myself until the last minute and then was rushing to class.. and a friend who always just "mosied" along said something about why are you hurrying you should take time to stop and smell the roses..
And I (turned and walked backward) said to him.. how do you know that's not what I was doing and what makes me hurry now.
Thinking about why that memory came up.. there is two angles there to being in the present and enjoying it.. there's the giving yourself time to move slowly from thing to thing which can often mean leaving earlier.. or enjoying the things you're doing so you cut out as much time as you can to continue enjoying and then have to rush the journey from place to place.
And then the CARS (pixar movie) thing comes to mind.. that people used to go for a drive not drive to get from one place to the other as fast as they can...
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Bookswithtea
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I am musing on the idea that some of this is dictated by the society around us. I am remembering when I was still protestant and someone asked me why I couldn't just celebrate the liturgical year without converting. While it is possible, its just not the same when you aren't participating in a community that is all abstaining/fasting/feasting/etc, with the readings geared to go along with it.
There are aspects of this that we can adopt in our homes, but it seems to me that we cannot realistically adopt an Italian viewpoint on time. Here in America, everyone would just assume we were rude for being late and for inconveniencing others. It sounds like in Italy, there is no such thing as being late! 
I'm still musing on Jennifer and Suzanne's lists right now and the difference between "full" and "busy". I'm also thinking about the importance of family togetherness and how activities can be counterproductive to that.
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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stefoodie
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| Posted: July 03 2009 at 6:14pm | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
| "We truly pick our own stresses in life." |
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So, so true, Cay. Any and all stress we experience we brought upon ourselves -- even the work stress that we allow to creep in.
Quote:
| we've all chosen that...for whatever reasons. And we all count it joyful. Yet a very important part of us yearns for it to be gone. |
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Me too.
Quote:
| Stef, I'm especially anxious to hear your explanation of "enrichment wasn't artifical." |
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"Artificial" is probably the wrong word. What I wanted to say, more accurately, is that enrichment there was EFFORTLESS. Almost everything we experienced was a treat to the senses and the spirit. And I'm not even talking about churches and museums, though those of course were ubiquitous. For instance, art was everywhere... the way they pruned their trees, the way they swirled gelato in the freezer case, the iron scrollwork on their gates, the array of colors used to paint their buildings, the architectural lines of their houses (compare that to our cookie cutter houses here), the way veggies were arranged at the corner grocery, the fabric designs -- from the cheaper towels and beddings at the supermarket to the expensive designer clothing and shoes at the exclusive shops.
People there took the time to do things and do them well. I think another word I'm looking for is REVERENCE. People did things with reverence, and in so doing they manage to touch the soul with their handiwork, no matter how small and simple. I think it ties in with what Willa said about Catholicism. The whole place is infused with it.
Although, I'll be the first to admit I'm probably idealizing a lot of what happened to us. Italy certainly wasn't idyllic. For one thing, we were *the largest* family we saw there. Despite their love of all things baby (baby clothes and shoes stores were on almost every street), most people we saw had one or two kids. One Italian did tell us no one has lots of babies anymore.
There were a lot of things I wish my kids hadn't been exposed to (like guys walking up and down the street in their speedos, and posters/ads for "adult shows" in some parts of the city)... but I still wish to take the good things that we loved most and bring them home.
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stef
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stefoodie
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lapazfarm wrote:
| I think it has less to do with how much we do, than our attitude about it. <snip> I try to look at every day much as other folks view a vacation. It's a blessed time where we can do as little or as much as we want to, with no one but ourselves (and God) to answer to. <snip> These are God's little gifts to us, we just have to remember to stop and enjoy them. |
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Those are beautiful thoughts, Theresa. Thank you.
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stef
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stefoodie
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Viviane wrote:
| we are so isolated out here that the news feels removed |
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Ah. I cannot describe for you the feeling of walking into Dulles airport and seeing the US newspapers. Burying one's head in the sand suddenly became a very attractive option.
Anne wrote:
| Could it be..you aren't home? Things aren't staring at you needing to be done? You have your clothes and a few personal items and those are all your responsibilities? Your family is all you have? Friends were back in states, activities back in states, etc. You know your way around at home, in a new place it is all new and you are experiencing it together--because you all are all you have. If you were there for years..maybe it would have changed. Does that make sense? |
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Oh yes, to all that.  Esp. the part about "you are all you have". That's what happened to my family when we first moved here to the US, and that's what happened to us when we moved to PA as well. There is great good in isolation sometimes.
Mackfam wrote:
| I might make a cursory decision and then complain and find our family peace totally disrupted. The decision was not made carefully - we did not steward our family treasure of time wisely - and I am the first to feel it and allow myself to be vocal (read: complain and whine) about it. |
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You nailed it, Jen. This is exactly what happened to us prior to leaving. I was having a particularly difficult pregnancy (for me anyway) and I handed over the reins, almost completely, to dh. DH being the guy who always wants to go the extra mile, bless his heart, thought he was helping me by putting the kids into various activities. He did ask, but I was just happy that someone took charge that I basically said, WHATEVER. Things rapidly spiraled after that. By the time and realized what had happened, we were deep in it and gasping for air. We did learn a lesson, albeit the hard way.
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stef
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stefoodie
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| Posted: July 03 2009 at 6:44pm | IP Logged
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SuzanneG wrote:
Busy needs to go!
Full is welcome in our home anytime! |
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Thank you so much for your thoughts, Suzanne! They really help. 
You know, your saying this reminded me that I did have a laid back dh way back when. I wonder where he is now?
 I know it's his nature, I know it's who he really is. But it's like his workload has totally changed him. He loves his job, it's the best company he's worked for (after 7 others), but it really takes a lot out of him! Maybe that's another topic I'd like to talk with you all sometime... when dh's work is hectic and stressful -- how do we help them relax and take it easy?
One more thought, and then I need to go...
Can't help thinking about two Scripture passages:
And he said, "Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD." And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. - 1 Kings:11-12
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:29-30
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Mary G
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Stef, I think I know what you mean ... when we lived in Austria for 2 years, in a small village, where dh walked to classes and we walked to the grocery every day (because the frig was so small, you couldn't get more than a day's worth in there!) ... it was a very different, peaceful, stress-free time.
Part of it was definitely not being home with all the things to do around a house.
Part of it was living in a small village where the culture was slower (ask CK, she lived there for longer than we did!).
Part of it was trying to embrace the adventure we knew was going to be short-lived -- only 2 years, but we did try to go back a few years later (which we still grieve over, but God knew better!).
While there we spent lots of time intra-family as well as associating with other families who were also there ... like-minded and anxious for the adventure too. We were in a very Catholic town (compared to other spots we've been). We were in a town where the "natives" all spoke German, we didn't, but we tried.
I so want that simpler life again ... we didn't have a car, but we did have access to a car (which came in handy when I went into labor with JP - now 6!). We had internet and used it (kept up with CCM list pretty consistently) but also spent lots of time exploring and enjoying and being together. It was when we started homeschooling too ... and that helped bring the family closer. We didn't have much money -- dh was a student -- so we had to create our own advnetures and HAD to live simply.
I think that's why I've started my new blog, Hilltop Farm, to record our attempts at obtainng that simpler, no-driving lifestyle where we take adventures when they come and just enjoy being together and loivng, learning and living according to God's will for each of us.
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3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
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Aingeal
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I just wanted to bump this wonderful thread. I have gained quite a bit of wisdom here as I pondered how we live a slow life in our family. Because we really do, in comparison to other families in our area;)
For example, we do not have jam packed weekends, which is on purpose. We wanted the kids to have time to see family, play, swim, sit under the plum tree, have lunch outside. Also, weekends are prime "daddy time." He's home from work and we have two days to play games, read books, cook yummy things.
Also, we protect "rest time." From 1ish to 3ish, every day, everyone is in their own quiet place, some napping, some reading or playing quietly, but it's non-negotiable. It reminds me of Europe, and the mandatory breaks in the early afternoon. I try to preserve this slow time for myself too...unless something urgently needs doing, I read, pray, think, and yes, sometimes nap;)
I think having no tv on really helps with a feeling of slowness as well. There's no jangly noise in the background, and so the atmosphere feels less frenetic...I run from frenetic:)
Anyway, would love to hear more slow living stories, so do share!
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Angela
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DominaCaeli
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Aingeal wrote:
| I just wanted to bump this wonderful thread. I have gained quite a bit of wisdom here as I pondered how we live a slow life in our family. |
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Oooo--yes--this is one of the threads I have bookmarked from way back when. I have often thought of Suzanne's busy vs. full distinction in discerning activities for our family, and I also have gone through Jen's lists of questions. Both so helpful!
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Celeste
Joyous Lessons
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cathhomeschool
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I'm bumping this thread in honor of 4Real's 10th Anniversary!
I missed this thread the first time around and when it was bumped in 2013. I discovered it last year, though, and have pondered over the ideas here. Living a simple, slower life is very appealing to me.
We have made several changes in the last year that have made this year slower and more enjoyable while still maintaining the major activities and elements that we most enjoy.
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Aagot
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Janette
Would you share some of the changes? Slower sounds really good right now
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SeaStar
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Aagot wrote:
Janette
Would you share some of the changes? Slower sounds really good right now |
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Yes- would love to hear what changes you have made
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stefoodie
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SeaStar wrote:
Aagot wrote:
Janette
Would you share some of the changes? Slower sounds really good right now |
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Yes- would love to hear what changes you have made |
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Me too
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stef
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MarilynW
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Just a thought from Mother Theresa about slowing down. I have this up in my kitchen:
“I think the world today is upside down. Everybody seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater development and greater riches and so on. There is much suffering because there is so very little love in homes and in family life. We have no time for our children, we have no time for each other; there is no time to enjoy each other. In the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world.”
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cathhomeschool
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Nothing we've done is earth shattering really. We tried to do what was suggested here and discerned instead of adding more just because we "could."
Our younger two have played city league soccer for years and wanted to join club teams. Here that means much more money and time, and out of town games every weekend. That sounded overwhelming to me. Our older two are in college and their priorities and desires were changing too. So last spring as a family we evaluated our situation and agreed to some changes.
The biggest thing we did was downsize and move closer in town. We sold our big house with a pool and are currently renting. We don't have to fix anything that breaks and we aren't responsible for the yard. Our bills are lower, there is less to clean, and we are closer to town so the college kids can ride the bus to class.
We also went back to homeschooling. (We had two in college and two in public school last year.)
We focus on three things -- faith, soccer and music -- and we do it all together. We go to music lessons, soccer practices and games, youth group and Daily Mass together. We stay for the whole lesson or practice even when practice times are staggered. That way we only make one trip. During soccer when one child is practicing, we try to play with the other. With school, I teach math separately but everything else together. We do a lot of unit studies and I don't test (except math). We're not in any co-ops, so we set our own pace as to what to study and when. The only weekday commitments we have are soccer three evenings, piano one day, percussion one day, and Daily Mass two days, and I work to keep it that way.
When we have extra time, we have several college kids over for dinner on weekends. They are kids that we've met on mission trips so even my younger boys know them well and this serves as great "together" time.
This is all made easier because we have kids who are interested in the same things. We encourage that as well. As I look back over the years, the times that seemed easiest and most enjoyable were when we were "all on the same page." The times that were hardest were when I was running to drop one at piano so I could race to pick the next up from high school, etc. Even so, I have never (and wouldn't want to) discouraged one of my kids from pursuing an interest just to keep us on the same page.
(Wow, that was long.  )
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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SeaStar
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Thanks, Janette!
We also are renting a house right now... sold our house in Dec (finally!), and though we have never rented before, I have to say that it is pretty freeing not to have to worry about upkeep and maintenance. I am kind of liking this!
You know- no need to freak out if the refrigerator quits... just call the property manager.
My dd is one who likes her free time. Being overscheduled does not work for her. Right now we have our activities down to 3 days a week: ballet and fencing on Tues/Thurs and music lessons on Wed (the studio worked with me to get both kids in on the same day at the same time with different teachers. )
OTOH, things we have passed up just in the past two months:
American Heritage Girls club
4H goat club
Additional ballet class for dd
Co-op every Friday
All of these things sounded great, and I know dd would really like AHG, and both kids would like the goats. However, we just can't do it all. 
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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MarilynW
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Janette - I just wanted to say thank you for your post. We are discerning possible moves right now and your changes gave me much to think about. I am so grateful.
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Marilyn
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Living the Slow Life
