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Theresa
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I find that the things that wear us out are to many scheduled days with others. If it is just our family when we are out we take our time. The kids slow down to notice nature. We walk and hold hands and enjoy our time together. When we are with other families there seems to be such a rush to things. Kids want to run off with their friends or we feel hurried because so and so has to get home.
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Theresa
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stefoodie
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Also, what about those with high energy levels.. I really find it less stressful to "run around" a bit for something like swim team (everyone goes to the same pool.. though times are different for different levels but sequential) simply because the directed "energy loss" really helps the kids stay on an even keel. I think we could manage without that if we lived on acreage or somewhere the kids could do more.. but we're in town.. |
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We've found the same thing here. All our kids are high energy -- in PA we found the answer in martial arts -- all of them, including Dad, were involved (I did a bit as well). Three times a week. They haven't found a similar place here because they're picky. We haven't found one activity here yet where all of us can get involved on at least a weekly basis. Maybe that should be our next step.
Last year, we had the rule of one activity per child per week. But we weren't smart about it and scheduled something for every single day.
Now it's just Mondays. And Wednesdays at worst. We still go separate ways but at least it's just one day, two days max, a week, so the rest is reserved for family stuff. It helps when the kids have similar interests. I'm kinda dreading the fall now -- one child is continuing with scouting, another wants to do basketball, another ballet, etc. Hopefully we'll be able to continue with this 1 day/week resolution.
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stef
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Sarah M
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lapazfarm wrote:
And it isn't about sitting around the house doing nothing all day (though those days do exist). Many days we do a LOT, but still, it is all very relaxed and fun and unhurried.
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Yes! For us, I think it helps if I can approach the day as one full of "empty hours." Then I can say, Lets' see, what would we like to do next? instead of frantically trying to tick things off a list.
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Sarah M
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Mackfam wrote:
...why is there a sense of frenetic energy in my home?
...why do we feel a lack of family centered-ness?
...have we allowed our schedule to control us, rather than stewarding our schedule?
...Is family centeredness something I foster and nurture intentionally?
...Or, am I expecting family centeredness to just happen?
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Ooh. Great questions, Jen. I'm going to mull those over in my journal. I'm thinking that these kinds of questions need to be asked several times throughout the year, so that I can keep our home life in check. Last fall, we had a *great* schedule. It was slow-paced and lovely. I did feel like we should add something. But instead of adding something, I add somethingS. Lots of them. And by springtime, our schedule was out of control.
Like Stef mentioned, it is like we are setting them up for failure when we overschedule them. I saw all three of mine slip into bad habits and attitudes once we got too busy, and we're still trying to climb our way out of those.
One more thought- I think mom's temperament has a big influence on all of this. I'm a sanguine choleric, which means that I'm always raring to GO. It's difficult for me to set boundaries on our schedule and our social time with other people, because I crave it. But still, as the heart of my home, I need to see what balance works best for the people who live here. How do we best thrive? And I'm convinced that a harried schedule is of no benefit to any of us...
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JodieLyn
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Sarah M wrote:
One more thought- I think mom's temperament has a big influence on all of this. I'm a sanguine choleric, which means that I'm always raring to GO. It's difficult for me to set boundaries on our schedule and our social time with other people, because I crave it. But still, as the heart of my home, I need to see what balance works best for the people who live here. How do we best thrive? And I'm convinced that a harried schedule is of no benefit to any of us... |
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Definately, and more simply because I don't know all the temperments of my kids.. but extroverts (energized by being around others) or introverts (energized by time apart) will make a huge difference.. I might have one introvert.. I'm not sure about him but everyone else in my family is an extrovert including me.. so things that might exhaust one family and sends them home to find their own spaces to refresh themselves.. might invigorate another family and while we might still come home and need rest it's more just from the physical doing things than an emotional exhaustion.
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G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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SuzanneG
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Two words that we use to help us constantly and continually discern our "Family-Centeredness" and "Pace of Life" are:
Busy vs. Full
Busy is a feeling of frenzied activity, a sense of swirling around, out-of-control, never a moment's rest, whether physical or mental. Routines aren't in place, the everyday things aren't getting done and there is no rest, no break, no matter how small. "Busy" feels like it's thrust upon you.
Full is a sense of abundance. Much happening, tons going on, lots to do, lots to decide....yet it's intentional, discerned, and joyfully (although sometimes not-so-joyfully) accepted and glorified because it's a gift from God. Our family activities are gifts from God and I can be "in a hurry" with "lots going on" yet feel extremely grateful and relish in it. We also can be inwardly-not-so-happy about it, and willingly offer it up with a sense of peace, knowing that this is what God has called for our family right now. That is FULL too.
Busy needs to go!
Full is welcome in our home anytime!
We constantly discern on a weekly/monthly/annual basis is our lives are BUSY or FULL. When not in survival mode, I am very guilty of always wanting to be "busy" and have lots going on (even just within the home).....dh is quick to remind me when I am becoming a whirling dervish....even though he does appreciate my work ethic, he knows there is danger in it, as well as in his more laid-back-style. Using the words Busy vs. Full gives us a vocabulary for talking about it within our marriage.
When feeling too busy we ask ourselves:
**Are we feeling frantic and out of control?
**If yes, then what is making us feel this way? Are these things in our control or not?
**If in our control, is it necessary?
**Are we willing to make sacrifices for it? Are other members of the family? Can we spread out the duty?
**Are we being called to joyfully accept that this level of busyness/fullness is what we are supposed to be doing (even if we don't like it?)
**Or are we being asked to pare down to avoid to help us detach from things/people/events?
----not meaning to turn this into a virtue discussion.....but----------
This has led me, in the past, to look up how Sloth is associated with our "busyness":
Quote:
| God has given us bodies and we need to look after them by getting proper rest, eating the right things, and ensuring we have enough exercise. This isn't so that we have perfect bodies, but that we have fit bodies so that we have the energy to do the things we are required to do. This last statement contains a truth vital to our understanding of the sin of sloth, because although sloth is generally revealed in sluggishness, it can also disguise itself in busyness; we may not always be required to do the things we do. A good example of this "busyness" can be found in Martha, sister of Mary and Lazarus, and a dear friend of Jesus. |
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There are Three Chief Forms of Sloth (from Seven Capital Sins:
1. Occupation with unneccessary things....so we have no time to listen to the Holy Spirit
2. Distraction - Destroys our recollection in prayer, leads us to fulfill our spiritual exercises without zeal and attention, and fills us with an overpowering weariness so that we postpone what we should do here and now. We see only an intolerable burden in our duties---not the privilege of doing them for God and storing up eternal merit in Heaven. (emphasis mine)
3. Spiritual Melancholy -
I find it interesting that all three things can happen with excessive busyness as well as laziness. Something I often forget.
******************************
A few more random thoughts................In Raise Happy Children....Teach Them Virtues the author writes and quotes other sources too:
Quote:
The two vices opposed to INDUSTRIOUSNESS are laziness and non-stop activity/activism.
Within the world, we are called to be active and contemplative----the virtue of Industriousness balances the two. pg.236
Character Building wrote:
| Industriousness implies doing things carefully, out love, so as to take good care of what God has given us, to try to be an even more worthy son of His and to help others do the same. pg. 238 |
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Idleness - doing what we WANT to do, rather than what we OUGHT to do. |
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Finding that balance between laziness and excessive busyness!!
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Bridget
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SuzanneG wrote:
Two words that we use to help us constantly and continually discern our "Family-Centeredness" and "Pace of Life" are:
Busy vs. Full
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Suzanne, this is great! Incredibly helpful! You're brilliant.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Angie Mc
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Bridget wrote:
SuzanneG wrote:
Two words that we use to help us constantly and continually discern our "Family-Centeredness" and "Pace of Life" are:
Busy vs. Full
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Suzanne, this is great! Incredibly helpful! You're brilliant. |
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Ooooo, Suzanne, you lead me right to my thoughts on how this topic fits with our recent foster care. We were absolutely FULL...not a second unspoken for...completely limited by meeting basic needs...BUT...
I never felt that maddening BUSY-ness. It was all so purposeful. With our foster children gone, I can feel that busy-ness trying to creeeeeeeeeeeep in.
Reading here - thank all - hope to return tomorrow with time to reply.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Bookswithtea
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This thread makes me want to cry. Seriously, I'm near tears because this is what I've been begging God for, for the last year. Ever since our children grew to a wide age range (babies through high schoolers) we have lost the slow life. I am not myself when I live this frenetic pace. I am not the gentle mother I strive to be. I am at the point where I am willing to cut whatever it takes to find a peaceful and full life again.
Please share more about what it was like in Italy (or similar situations where you've made it work).
What is your time spent with the tv, news media, or internet?
It seems like family centered activities are key...are teens willing to do this (seems like many teens want teen centered activities like youth group, for example)?
Why does having only 1 car seem to make such a difference?
Gotta go...I am frenetically off to the next activity for the day...sigh... 
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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stefoodie
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Oh no Books
It looks like some of us are in the same boat... I'll pray right now for you, and come back later with some more thoughts. Our 'net access has been bad the past two days and I've lost a couple of replies I typed up yesterday...  have to leave in 10, I'll BBL!
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stef
mom to five
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SuzanneG
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A couple thoughts about Family-Centeredness with OLDER CHILDREN:
Picture the SAME ACTIVITY LEVEL in three families (recitals, lessons, sports, coops, appointments, etc):
Family #1 ---------Mom + Kids + Husband ALL WORKING TOGETHER as a TEAM = FULL LIFE
Family #2----------Mom handling all activities w/o Dad's input = "BUSY / Frantic"
Family #3 ---------Mom + Dad doing everything MINUS discernment = "BUSY / Frantic"
:::::::::::::::Families with many children who are FULL and not overwhelmed seem to be like Family #1. It seems to be KEY!!! :::::::::::::::
Now, I'm NOT saying that those of you with older children who are feeling overwhelmed are not working together and sharing the management of the household. But I AM saying that this is a discernment tool.....if you are working together as a team, and STILL feeling overwhelmed, then it "could be" a sign that there IS actually too much going on.
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Pulling out some things from my teen years that may help. We were five kids in 10 years. All of us were very active in school, sports and extra-curricular activities. We lived in the country about 10 miles from our town where everything happened. There were a couple things that my parents did that helped during the "teen years" :
**Once we entered our early teen years, we were encouraged by my parents, and eventually forced to "take charge" of our activities and the management of them.
**If there was something that we wanted to do, we were to discuss it with parents (after 8pm...thereby respecting the littles-life)......the time commitment, $$$ involved, any driving necessary, how this activity and time away effected chores and the others living in the house. Were my parents willing and able to make this commitment? If not, we'd brainstorm options we had to try to make it work or discuss dropping it.
**We were in charge of arranging carpools, pick-up times. It was OUR JOB to make sure mom had it on her calendar. We also were in charge of keeping the car clean and maintained.
**Daily chores and jobs were to be continued. If we were away from home during evening chores, we were responsible for making sure someone else did them.
**If our activity involved mom being away from the home during dinner (or any meal) time, it was our responsibility to discuss with mom how dinner was going to managed.....would WE prep it the night before and eat later? Would I ask Dad to pick up a pizza on the way home? Would dad just be home to feed everyone? If it involved Dad picking us up on certain days, we had to call my dad's office and make sure he didn't schedule late appointments on that day. My siblings and I coordinated our pick-up times to make them faster and easier. If there was a recital on "grocery-shopping-day" we brainstormed with mom when would the grocery shopping get done.
**How would we earn extra money for the activity, above and beyond what mom and dad were willing to pay for?
Obviously no teen is going to do this if it isn't really something they LOVED doing, because it's A LOT of work. Which eliminated the things we didn't really care about and forced us to prioritize, which is obviously a very useful lifelong tool..........
1. Teaches important time-management skills
2. Helps older children to see the impact of their "world" on the rest of the family.
3. Lightens the load for mom
4. Eliminates non-essential activities from family-life....it's a "natural-paring-down"....the teen is actually making the decision to do or not do something, with the help and guidance of the parent.
**************************************
Our teens are actually young adults and need practical life experiences to practice making good decisions while they are still able to benefit from the safety net of the family. We've seen very clearly what happens when you coddle an entire generation of young people. I see lots of parents of 16-year-olds who are doing absolutely everything for their teens..........
Example: I call and ask what my friend, "Sarah" is doing, and she says, "Oh, I'm looking on-line for Tim's hockey skates." WHAAATTT? 16-year-old Tim is perfectly capable of looking for his OWN hockey skates! Why is his hs-mom-of-6-who-is-stretched-to-the-limit doing that????? HE should be researching, searching for, and planning ahead to buy and obtain those skates!!!!!! His mother should have nothing to do with it, apart from being an advisor!!!!! So, I lovingly say, "Lemme talk to Tim....get him on the phone!!!!!"
Teens can lighten the load, because they are able to think (with guidance, of course) and do. Not adding to the load. Teens add more activity and different parenting-skills to your life, but they should also be willing to shoulder more of the responsibility of the mgmt of the household and take over lots of things to make up for the time that mom is spending in the car, talking/listening and making arrangements, etc. And, if they don't.....then natural consequences.
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Setting your own limits and making them clear.
I met a mom-of-11 the other day who has a no-last-minute-rule....i can't remember exactly what she called it but she did have a name for it. She doesn't do any "last minute things". She just can't. Her schedule is in place and she's made arrangements for the exceptions. The whole family is counting on. If something is not on the calendar at least 2 days ahead of time, she doesn't do it...she must say "no". Now, another driver in her family could take the 13-year-old who wants to go to pro-life-get-together with friends, but then that driving-teen is responsible for getting someone to do their chores while they are gone, etc.
*******Again, we see how having the baseline/routines/schedule/rule-of-life in place is so important.********
Does anyone have any "limits" like this that they have set?
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Bookswithtea
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Back for 2 hrs before I am headed out again for the rest of the day/night.
Suzanne, I am stunned at your list. I never even thought about activities in that light. I am printing your examples for dh to read.
I completely agree with your thoughts on busyness versus a full life. I am so ready to make changes.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Bookswithtea
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Sarah M wrote:
One more thought- I think mom's temperament has a big influence on all of this. I'm a sanguine choleric, which means that I'm always raring to GO.... |
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I've been wondering about temperament and how it plays into this, too. I can't remember what I am...melancholic/choleric, maybe??? I'm an ENTJ but only *barely* E, so I have some INTJ traits as well.
I do know that spontaneous rarely works for me, and without white space in my life, I start to feel very unsettled and eventually turn into that mom-ster I don't like if it doesn't change. I'm happiest with solid routines for the day. It doesn't have to be a MOTH schedule at the exact same time of the day, but "every morning we do this, then that, etc" schedules bring me peace and comfort. I'd probably be happiest with a once a week "out day" but I don't really know if that's realistic. Its not just activities (we really don't do that many), but also grocery shopping, dental appts, etc. It seems like there is always *something*, kwim? And I have all these projects I'd love to accomplish at home with the kids (baking/sewing/animals/etc) but they keep getting pushed to the back burner because life overtakes us. I feel like a victim, but I realize I am choosing this life. But I am not sure where to start to make things right. It feels like a big ole tangled kite string...
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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lapazfarm
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Wow, Suzanne.I am impressed! You really have got it together!
I have to admit, though, I look at that description of life and it is completely foreign to me.
Perhaps it is a matter of temperament after all.
I realize that type of structure makes life more sane, more "doable" to some folks. But not me.
We have no real routines, no schedule, no structure, and very few rules because all of those things are stressors to us. They eat away at the things we value--spontaneity, flexibility, freedom.
In fact to me, the perfect week is one in which the only obligation (time-wise) is Mass!LOL!
The rest of our days are pretty much wide open, ready to be filled (or not) with whatever we decide to fill them with.
I'm sure this type of life would drive some folks mad, but I have worked very hard to get to this point and I am loving every day of it. It suits us so well.
I find it so fascinating how alike and yet how very different we all are. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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SuzanneG
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lapazfarm wrote:
| Wow, Suzanne.I am impressed! You really have got it together! I have to admit, though, I look at that description of life and it is completely foreign to me. |
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I don't DO this NOW, Theresa  ....I'm just using it as an example of how my parents did it when they had teens and elem school children in all sorts of things.
I, personally, think I'll be more like your family....without lots of organized activities and minimal obligations........but who knows? my kids are still young yet....I was just using it as an example of getting everyone involved in an active household.
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Angie Mc
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Ooooooooooooo, I'm looking forward to catching up with reading here later tonight but for now I've been thinking...
Stef, in PA and in Italy, you didn't have extended family, parish, group, or friend obligations. Could this be a part of the slow pace? I'll try to expand with caution  ...
One way we keep the pace of life here doable and enjoyable is by having friends who share our, ummmm, detached style of friendship. It's sort of a parallel type of friendship (like stef and our family had in PA  ) that doesn't put any *expectations* on each other. Now this may sound like something superficial but our experience has been exactly the opposite. We are there for each other in times of need and for times of fun but...well, we don't have to return phone calls or go through a big apology if we don't. We don't really talk on the phone much anyway because we all are doing something with our family. We don't councel each other very often (leaving that between husband and wife.) We have a handful of families who we hang out with...rotate with...when we're able. We don't depend solely on one family to meet our friendship needs - no best friends scenarios which seem doomed to become enmeshed and increase expectations placed on us.
Stef, I would really love to hear more about leisurely meals and if these promote a community/family slow life. What do you think?
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Mackfam
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I think the thoughts here are so fruitful for providing tools of discernment for outside the home activity!
I have some thoughts I've been brainstorming for myself and our family for establishing a slower, more relaxed pace based on some of Stef's reflections and Suzanne's observations...
**What is my own temperament/comfort level with outside the home activity?
- Am I more comfortable with spontaneous activity or do I need a level of organization to ensure that my calendar is accurate and that all ducks are in a row?
- Do I need a substantial amount of white space on my calendar in order to feel I'm being attentive and creative domestically?
- Do I have a large family requiring careful discernment of activity to ensure balance?
- Am I communicating together with my dh about activity requests and my own comfort/stress level?
**Do I have any children that have special needs regarding over-scheduling/any scheduling outside the home?
- Are there children that deeply need stability and structure without too much change all at once?
- Have I considered them in our level of outside the home commitment?
**What is the baseline level of activity for our family? What activities are we definitely NOT giving up?
- For some families this is Mass and that's it.
- Other families may feel music lessons are non-negotiable.
- What are our non-negotiables?
**Listing all the negotiable activities - discern one at a time...
- What activities can we keep that foster a family-centered lifestyle?
- Are there any activities that have us stretched as a family or that trespass on family time too much?
**Looking towards our family time...
- Are we rushing through meals or do we punctuate them with relaxed conversation.
- Do we have enough time for the family meal to unfold in a relaxed manner?
- Is there quiet/down time each day that is secure and regularly protected from outside the home intrusions?
- Are we seeking activities that promote family togetherness and family building?
- Have I allowed for healthy boundaries with family, friends, and community so that our family centered lifestyle is protected and fostered?
**Looking towards activity that both dh and I have discerned will be staying on our calendar...
- Is my attitude one of cheerfulness and service towards the activities I agree will remain?
- Are the teens assisting in some of the household work in order to offset their activity time needs?
- Am I offering practical opportunities for the teens to learn time management allowing natural consequences to unfold?
**How does my home management style allow for outside the home activity while still protecting our family from overload?
- Have I sufficiently detached from clutter and material possessions so that I'm not spending all my time managing "stuff"?
- Do I provide tools for the teens/older children to manage their time?
- Have I established our non-negotiables? Family Meal...Quiet Time in the Afternoon...Weekly Mass...Frequent Confession...Weekly Movie Night?
- Are chores properly delegated?
- Is there a natural consequence for not completing necessary chores?
- Have I spent sufficient time streamlining paper-oriented tasks? Menus? Shopping lists? Bills and budget?
**Is there time in our day to just BE?
- Do we have time to foster and practice virtue without frenzy?
- Do children have time for imaginative pursuits?
- Do I feel so hurried that I can't occasionally sit with the children and engage in their moments?
- Is every moment structured and scheduled for the children?
I know this list is incomplete...but I'm going to hit post before the boards close tonight! Thank you everyone for the GREAT thoughts on this thread!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Matilda
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Joined: Feb 17 2007
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1827
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| Posted: June 29 2009 at 9:16am | IP Logged
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I think this conversation is one of the best ones I have read in a while because it has me thinking about so many different things. The first... all of Jennifer's questions but also... balance. Moderation. I wonder if what Stef experienced (as others have mentioned) wasn't an altered state of being due to the unusual nature of it and had it continued for an extremely long period of time, would you have found your old life returning a bit as you sought balance?
And then Suzanne chimes in with an incredibly thought provoking comment about the 7 Capital Sins...
SuzanneG wrote:
| I find it interesting that all three things can happen with excessive busyness as well as laziness. Something I often forget. |
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This could almost be a separate topic in and of itself. People often forget that our faith calls us to moderation which means there are usually two extremes. For example... gluttony is often thought of as the indulgence of too much food but it can also be gluttonous to eat too delicately to too expensively or to be extraordinarily focused on your food no matter how much you consume. Maybe a discussion on the 7 Capital Sins would be a good topic for another thread.
Anyway, back to the original post...
I don't have any advice but I do know what you are going through. I lived in Italy for 6 months and remember going through a period of mourning when I returned. Life is not the same. Perhaps the best thing to do is ask some questions of yourself and your family about what it was that you most enjoyed and try to come up with a way to make those things a part of your family life now. I just don't think there is anyway to really live a life in the Italian countryside here in the states because a culture that developed around years and years of history can't be created in an afternoon but I'll bet you can boil down the most important parts and find a way to hold onto those. I would love to see what others come up with to do that in a practical way.
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11 , 10, 9 & 5 ) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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Bookswithtea
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Joined: July 07 2005
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Posts: 2621
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| Posted: June 29 2009 at 10:00am | IP Logged
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Jennifer, your list is awesome. I'm going to print it out.
Matilda, what is it about the Italian lifestyle that is so different from ours?
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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stefoodie
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Joined: Feb 17 2005
Location: Ohio
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Posts: 8457
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| Posted: June 29 2009 at 10:52am | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
| Stef, was part of what you enjoyed a collective/community slower pace? |
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Yes.
Quote:
| If so, can you describe the slower pace of the community you were in? What *were* people in the community doing? How did they meet their need to connect? Were these connections relaxed, leisurely? |
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Work began later, so we had more dad time everyday. The companies have policies in place that prevent people from working earlier than 8 and later than 6. DH and his colleagues (part Italian part American part Brazilian) broke this rule a total of two times when we were there. I can't help thinking of dads here in the US who sometimes don't make it home 'til 9 or later.
Businesses started early, around 8 or 9, but then they have the oft-mentioned midday break, usually 1-4. That's three hours for a lunch break! It's the same for churches, restaurants, shops, etc. There were very few exceptions, even in touristy Rome.
I felt that the "connecting" part was spontaneous -- people connected where they met. There were always folks standing at the street corners, young, old, it didn't matter. I thought back to some of my girlfriends' lives here where you have to set appointments just to connect.
People talked to us everywhere -- at the grocery, on the street. They made comments on the baby, patted the baby, asked if they could touch the baby's cheek, actually carried the baby. One lady stayed with us for 30 minutes while we sat at an al fresco restaurant just playing with Nino. Strangers would ask us questions that at first struck me as really personal, like "Are you happy here?" "Is your husband content with his work?" "Are your children enjoying traveling with you?"
The restaurants were open at around 7:30, but some restaurants despite having that on the sign outside aren't ready to serve diners until 8, 7:45 at the earliest. Which is just as well, because the people don't really start walking in until that time anyway. And of course they linger. We left a place once at 10:30 and the place was still packed. And these are not "night life" people -- these were families having long drawn out meals. It reminded me very much of home (Philippines).
To be fair, even though we had this kind of lifestyle back home where I grew up, we also had the other extreme: people without work just hanging around, drinking, gossiping, etc.
It's funny though -- the week after we moved into the apartment a co-worker/friend was over for dinner. Since we had kinda planned the day haphazardly I really didn't have much prepared and didn't get dinner on the table until 8:30 or so (which was still normal Italian time). I apologized about having lost track of time and he quips, "What, you've only been here two weeks and you're Italian now?" LOL. Actually, I meant that there was no clock or timer in the kitchen. So dinner gets done when it gets done.
When we had a party, I had to deal with having 24 people to feed and very little in the way of kitchen equipment. We did buy premade lasagnes and roast chickens at the grocery store, but I made the side dishes and desserts. The Italian couple saw me running to and fro from the kitchen to get everything on the table "on time" and they kept reminding me, slow down, slow down. 
The following weekend we were at their place, but they decided to meet us downtown first, where they suggested we sit and have some hot chocolate and pastries. I kept wondering why we met at 8 when lunch was supposedly at 12. She found out I was looking for some stationery so she guided us on a walk all over town -- and I kept wondering -- why isn't she taking us to their home yet? We had time to peruse several shops, she stopped at a local grocer and talked with the owner and picked strawberries, etc... and THEN we went to their house. Funny, we did make it there around 12. Four courses, for about 3 1/2 hours... more if you counted the fruits and coffee and limoncello afterwards...
Just remembered something else about work. The Americans kept on complaining about their Italian counterparts... apparently they come in late (or later than the Americans anyway), then just when they get started with work and begin to "accomplish things" it's time for their coffee break. They go to another building -- a 5 minute walk -- and linger there. So the pace was somewhat a source of friction -- the Americans wanted the Italians to hurry it up all the time, and the Italians wanted them to slow down. One German guy was angry about 5 minutes being wasted for a walk and insisted that the solution would be to move the coffee things to the other building where they worked. No one paid any attention to him. I hear that he's getting to be more relaxed now.
ETA: Said all that to say this: absolutely, the community support for living a slow life was there. People EXPECTED you to slow down, to relish every moment. Here I feel like it's a constant expectation of accomplishment, productivity, etc. Of course I'm preaching to the choir here. As homeschoolers we're already trying to remedy that... though there's always room for refinement and improvement, right?
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stef
mom to five
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Living the Slow Life
