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Sarah M
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I received The Mother's Rule of Life (here)for Christmas and am so inspired and excited about implementing Holly's ideas. Has anyone else read this and formed a rule based on it? Any tips or thoughts for me?
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Cay Gibson
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Sarah,
I have the book but haven't done too well at implementing the ideas. I lost count how many times I've tried. 
But this inspired me anew and I thought you might like to read it.
Admitting That I Can't Do it All...or even half of it
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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PDyer
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I've been revisting MROL using A Mother's Rule of Life in the Domestic Church by Kimberly Hahn the last few days, pushed along by the post Cay linked.
I'm trying to focus on the principles and not get too far into the nitty-gritty details of a schedule for my day, because (for me) trying to be too detailed is a recipe for getting lost in the details and for discouragement.
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Patty
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Jen L.
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I don't want to shut down this new conversation, but you might like to also read these links to some previous discussions about the MROL...(I thought there was another long one, but I couldn't find it)
MROL and MOTH
revisit MROL
MROL ebook
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Jen
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Rachel May
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Sarah M wrote:
| I received The Mother's Rule of Life (here)for Christmas and am so inspired and excited about implementing Holly's ideas. Has anyone else read this and formed a rule based on it? Any tips or thoughts for me? |
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I read it (3 years ago??) and was excited by a lot of what I read, but I realized even then that she is not in the same place as I am. So I took away what I felt were the essentials, chewed over a few things that were completely new ideas, and gave myself permission to not try to make a "rule" for myself. What I've added has become so habitual now that I can't even remember what I changed.
She says she needed to make her plan a rule for her to abide by it, if I remember correctly. I've found that instead of a rule, I would rather sit down with my husband and lay out my ideas. I ask him for his insights and thoughts and open myself to his helpful criticism (but I have to be in the right frame of mind to do this!). Because I have discussed it with Bill, even when most of it concerns what I am doing myself, makes me feel like he is a part of everything I do and motivates me to work harder on the areas we've talked about.
One other thing I remember doing was spending time at Adoration taking along a plan for my days as my prayer intention and opening myself to His plan.
So maybe my point is discuss your rule with both of your spouses. 
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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JodieLyn
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I'm in the midst of my book too. I think the real key for me is to stick as close as I can to the way the schedule is that she shows for the Sisters of Charity.
There's something like 9 entries for the entire day.
Big blocks of time. Not teeny tiny breakdowns of each thing.
So give a block of time in the morning and another 1 or 2 blocks in the afternoon for "school". But it doesn't have to spell out when each suject will be done or what order. that will leave me some flexibility. Because more specific than that and then things get off and the schedule gets put aside because it's impossible.
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Mackfam
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I can't peg to times very well, and I have a tendency to try to do too much in small blocks of time, so pegging to prayer times during the day works very well for us. Jennifer's post that Cay suggested is a wonderful balance to MROL and provides great perspective and a necessary reality check for me. Our day is more of a rhythm than a rule - days aren't carbon copies of each other, but there is freedom to be creative and in general there is an order to the day.
Jennifer bases her day on the Missionaries of Charity's day and Holly bases her rule on St. Benedict's rule. I am really enjoying reading about St. Benedict's rule lately and find much wisdom there, but it does have to be viewed through the lens of our vocation. My day just won't look like a day in a Benedictine monastery because I have children that need me - all the time. If I'm going to be faithful to my vocation I have to be available to them - all the time. I can't schedule myself to be in one place because I have no way of knowing if my 4 yo will be having a melt down at that point, or my infant will need some focused attention or just when my tween will decide she needs to talk. To be faithful to my vocation, I need to be present to them at every moment. I need to be available. Charting that on an Excel spreadsheet looks ridiculous, but living it gently and with a rhythm seems to work. For my busy, mother's life I really appreciate the wisdom in the simplicity of the day of the Missionaries of Charity. The strict structure of Holly's rule doesn't work for us, but I did find some other helpful insight in the book.
I guess what I'm saying is allow for some flexibility in your day. Don't be afraid to ditch the clock in favor of "pegging" to different anchors of your day. Allow enough flexibility to accomodate the different seasons of your life and family. In the end, the simpler option always seems to work for me and the more complicated option seems to have me working more for it.
HTH.
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PDyer
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Mackfam wrote:
| The strict structure of Holly's rule doesn't work for us, but I did find some other helpful insight in the book. |
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This is definitely true for me. I think Holly's rule appears strictly structured in the book and some may find that offputting. Having listened to some of her talks I do believe her charts etc. were her way of disciplining herself initially, and that particular methodology may not be beneficial for others.
I have also found value the exercise of charting the day if only (1) to make certain what I think I may accomplish is reasonable, and (2) because as a recovering accountant my brain needs to chart things (particularly using Excel, actually... ) to process deadlines, pegs, etc.
Eg., if I'm going to exercise after lunch, I need to work through the idea I must start no later than 1:30 so I can get a shower and be ready to pick up my son at 3:15. During that time my daughter can be listening to a book on tape, etc.
As a visual person I need to see that, and charts work for me for that reason. Of course life doesn't go according to the chart, but the exercise is fruitful, at least for me.
Another interesting take on scheduling times for prayer, in particular: A Reckless Experiment with Prayer
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Patty
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Cay Gibson
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JodieLyn wrote:
Big blocks of time. Not teeny tiny breakdowns of each thing.
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Which is contrary to the M.O.T.H. practice (which isn't Catholic).
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Sarah M
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Okay, so I finished the book last night and spent until the wee hours of the morning pondering and writing and planning and thinking, reading the past threads on this topic and everything you all linked.
I was leery of Holly's recommendation to break everything down into bitty pieces, so I'm glad that many of you recommend big blocks of time. I get really bogged down by details and have a hard time seeing the bigger picture unless I make myself.
I already have a very structured cleaning schedule which I follow religiously- it just needed a few tweaks, and now I'm very happy with it. I also have a menu plan, and that works quite well as long as I follow it  .
I think the most influential part of her book, for me, was setting times to pray and sticking to them. Also disciplining myself to be present to the task at hand. Not trying to read my book when I should be cleaning the bathroom, or cleaning the bathroom when I should be resting. I often times feel scattered and not completely present to the moment or to my children. I think it will be help, now that I've written out a plan, to know that there is a time assigned to get the most important housekeeping tasks done, there is plenty of time for meal prep/clean-up, there's time for lessons, and there is even plenty of time for me to get online or relax with a book. I guess it's the "plenty of time" thing that calms me  - so again, big chunks of time vs itty bitty breakdown.
I'm committing to doing less multi-tasking. Clean when it's time to clean, but be fully present when it's time to be the kids. I don't want to sneak off to the computer if I have an extra 5-10 minutes here or there, because that kind of thing gets me off track- we get behind or I just get distracted and we all lose our rhythm. So mostly it's all about self-discipline for me  . I have time scheduled to be online or rest or whatever- so I know that if I do the chores that need to be done, there will be moments of reprieve before too long.
At any rate, my pegs are going to be meals (held at the same time, more or less), not exact time slots. 10 or 15 minute increments don't work well for me- and the children don't abide by them (honey, I know you just fell, but I don't have time to comfort you- we were supposed to do our family prayer 10 minutes ago, and now I'll be behind on dusting the houseplants!)so it just isn't a good solution for us. But I think the overall gist of the book was good and helpful for me as I restructure our day.
I loved the post you linked to, Cay- it is so helpful to remember that when the kids are all little (mine are), we just have to expect that we can only do so much. I absolutely have superwoman-complex. If there is only 10 minutes to get out the door, I somehow think I can clean out the fridge, make a few beds, and floss all the kids' teeth beforehand. I'm working on that. I printed out Jen's article and have it posted in my journal as a happy reminder that *doing more* does not please Him more.
Whew! Thanks for letting me ramble and for pondering this with me, ladies!
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JodieLyn
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You know when I first read MROL I didn't even read the chapter where she tells about how she put her schedule together. Just read the things to consider when making my own. This time I did read it but perhaps it had less impact because I excluded it in my first reading.
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Bookswithtea
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***I realize now that at the root of my near-constant feelings of not getting enough done was only slightly due to laziness or disorganization: it was due mostly to having too much on my plate, to an unwillingness to take anything that I'd deemed "important" off of my to-do list, and to a reluctance to give up control. I wasn't willing to admit that I might be limited by inconvenient facts of life like, say, how many hours there are in a day.***
I took this from the blog someone linked above. This really resonates with me.
I am re-reading MROL, very slowly. I am trying to listen to God and hear what He wants for me to take from it, rather than trying to do everything that Holly did. I think Holly is awesome and I like MOTH too. I'm usually pretty good at building routines for my family but nothing is working well for me right now. 6 kids has taken me over the edge...there is just more that needs to be done than I can do anymore, and being closer to 40 than 30 has reduced my energy level as well. So I am looking at Holly's book again, but not in order to do everything. Instead, I am hunting for the essentials that God wants me to focus on, and what He wants me to let go of. He promises peace and not a heavy yolk. I think I've taken on too much, but I don't know what to let go of. It feels to me like I've already let go of everything that can go. I must be missing something, but I'm not sure what it is right now.
Can anyone tell me if Kimberly Hahn's book would be helpful in my situation, as a go along to MROL?
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Cheryl
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I have a mother's rule for myself. I keep tweaking it. I dropped much of it during my pregnancy and I just started again today. Now that my baby is almost 6 months, I'm ready to try it again. One thing I've changed is allowing myself more time for our routines. Rushing from one thing to the next makes me feel hurried. I dream of peacefully going from one thing to the next. So I've given us 90 min for morning routines and chores and 90 minutes for bedtime. I used to allow an hour for each and it didn't seem to work. The hardest thing for me is to do the things I find boring when they are scheduled. I often go online, talk on the phone, read, etc. (You know the exciting activities) It's easy for me to get sidetracked. I think I'm escaping or procrastinating what I'm not in the mood to do. I love when Holly's Mom tells her that it doesn't matter how she feels about it, she just has to do it. (I don't remember what "it" was.)
Books, I'm reading Kimberly Hahn's book Graced and Gifted for a Bible study. It's enjoyable, but I prefer Holly's book. I think it's more practical.
Ooops, I'm cutting into my bedtime routine here.
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Cheryl
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Sarah M
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Cheryl wrote:
| The hardest thing for me is to do the things I find boring when they are scheduled. I often go online, talk on the phone, read, etc. (You know the exciting activities) It's easy for me to get sidetracked. |
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Oh, me too. My sanguine temperament shows it's true colors when the schedule says "clean toilet." 
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dawn2006
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Cheryl, that's the hardest thing for me, too. Mondays I have scheduled room pick-up for everyone. Fridays I have sweeping and mopping. These two days often get pushed back or neglected cuz I.just.don't.like.those.jobs.
I am (re)reading Homeschooling With a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxwell (M.O.T.H.) and these passages reminded me of this thread here so I thought I'd share. HTH someone.
Quote:
For example, when I become too busy, I am quite prone to being fearful and worrying. If I allow my mind to mull on what has to be done, I feel totally overwhelmed. I want to run and hide, not even trying to do anything. Rather than doing that, though, I push myself into overdrive. This causes me to be short and irritable with my family. I become unhappy as well.
If I make the choice to take my thoughts captive, busyness becomes a vehicle to greater resting in the Lord. I can remind myself that the Lord has not called me to do more than there is time for. He desires the fruit of the Spirit in my life, not fear, worry, frustration, and irritation. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I can pray when the fears and worries attack, asking the Lord for direction on how to use my time and which activities should have the highest priority. Even if everything isn't accomplished that I think should be, it is so much better to go to bed at night being behind in what needs to be done than to go to bed angry and upset. End quote.
This particular chapter focuses on 2 Corinthians 10:5 which says: "...take every thought captive in obedience to Christ."
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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lilangels
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Thank you Jen for the links to the earlier conversations on MROL. I once owned the book - read the beginning - didn't like the "tell all" tone where I learned more about her than I wanted to and gave it away. Then every now and again I hear it mentioned. I was considering it again until I read the link which tells about how she tells mom's to schedule time away from the kids.
One of my biggest pet peeves is coping advice which suggests I "get away" and that is mostly because it is unfair to my husband. He doesn't "get away" and I don't consider going to an office every day escaping. I know sometimes moms think Dad benefits somehow from the change of scenery etc. but it is work and having worked once I know it is not a vacation. I know Moms who insist on "their time" and take it since "husband goes to work". I just can't see it. If I got "my time" then I'd want to give my husband "his time" and the kids would get less of both of us and I'd see less of my husband which is the LAST thing I want!
I am also grateful for the mentionings of what a mothers vocation is. I know my vocation is to be a wife and mother FIRST. I can pray and fast and do whatever I need to grow in holiness in my home. It is hard enough with the constant social pressure at parishes to do do do this or that prayer group or adoration and the endless appeals for something or other which requires (for me at least!) that I neglect the needs of those I am called on by God to serve first. I know it is right to ask for charity when you really need it and I know we must give it but there are seasons in life - one day I will have ample free time to give give give - and I will. Surely, I can't be the only one who feels this way. Where did I get the phrase "apolstolic orphans" - was it Elizabeth's book? Where ever it came from it stuck with me. So did the advice of a confessor once who told me my priorites after God were husband, children as mother, children as educator.......that fills my plate!
So, when I can't even meet the basic requirements of my vocation at home I sure don't need a book that suggests additional burdens to my schedule.
I read those posts correctly? Perhaps my slip is showing.
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Barbara
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JodieLyn
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Well the book does tell about her insisting on having some time away.. and reciprocally that her dh has equal time away.
But it doesn't insist on everyone needing it.. just to not ignore it if it is a *need*.
I personally need very little time away and the times I need away are more random.. and it may suffice for me to just go and hide in my room with a book.
I did not read it as encouraging women to take lots of time away from their families.. but rather to pay attention to their own needs which may include that.
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CrunchyMom
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Barbara, I do remember in the many times I have read the book thinking "really? EVERY Saturday?" I don't really need me time in that way; so, it seemed extreme.
However, I have read her book at least three times, and I have gotten more and different things out of it each time. The last few chapters of the book are the best; so, I wouldn't judge it by the first few that you read.
I do think that if you read the stories of married saints, many of them did find time, even when their children were young, to attend mass or adoration regularly. I certainly don't judge any mother as neglecting her spirituality for finding these activities difficult during a particular season. I have had a hard time getting to daily mass since our newest addition came in September, but the graces I got from that were awesome, and I feel I got more done during that period of my life then I do on many days I feel I "don't have time."
So, I think that while adding daily mass (or weekly adoration or monthly visits with a spiritual director) seem like "additions" taking you away, for many women, or at least for myself, these additions have made me better able to attend to my duties at home.
I love Elizabeth's quote on her blog today, "It is not "laying down your life for your child" when you skip meals, skip sleep, skip exercise, skip showers, and skip private time for prayer. It's suicide.You have to put on your oxygen mask before you can help them with theirs. Took me nine babies to learn that."
I'm sure you are praying and able to grow spiritually in your home without these additions, but I'm just offering the perspective that lets me see Holly's position even if I don't believe how she implements it is necessary for me right now or even desirable.
My husband and I have a joint adoration hour that we alternate. This is one way I feel we both are sharing in the private time "away" with God.
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Lindsay
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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lilangels
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Thank you Lindsay for your perspective.
Elizabeth's quote is of course a good one - I try not to skip those things (exercise goes first ) but those are the basics. I guess I tend to stop there and attempt to take a big breath and take care of my home & children. I realize that's me. I am introverted in many ways.
Perhaps I can find a borrowed copy to read those last chapters. I am sure I can gain something from the book but I don't want to shell out the bucks. I spend so MUCH on books!! 
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Barbara
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PDyer
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I just found a comment from Holly about apostolates outside the home which might be helpful:
What About Apostolates Outside the Home?
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Patty
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Topic: Mother's Rule of Life
