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seven2hold
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 12:02pm | IP Logged
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I’ve put this book down again after the third read in as many years. (Based on the dated notes I’ve made, it appears to be a kind of New Year’s resolution or Lenten penance read for me)  . The book has been a different read each time. I underline different passages each time. Some things I had skipped as utter nonsense one year made perfect sense just a year or two later.
I did a search here on 4 Real for mother’s rule. I found some interesting threads with differing opinions about the book. I am not interested in finding out what anyone thinks of MROL. Really, I just want to know: Is anyone using a rule? Has any one attempted a rule? Succeeded?
I feel that I need to order my life in order to serve God through my vocation as wife and mother. I feel like many days I should be pretty embarrassed at what I give to the Lord. In a sixteen hour day how much time did I spend with him? Did I love him in my interactions with my children. Did I overlook the occasions when I should have stopped everything to instruct and correct a child’s behavior that isn’t that bad. How many days is too many days for someone to wait on me to clean their soiled sheets so he can return to his own bed instead of bunking with a brother? (May I say in my defense -- it is the top bunk! Sometimes the cleaned sheets are up there for a week before I climb up there to put them on.) I digress.
For years I’ve felt a calling from God to draw nearer to Him. He has filled my heart with this longing. It is His gift. But I am not nearer to Him now than I was when this desire first came. Why? Because I’ve made no commitment. Maybe I’ve felt that this intimacy I desire is a “pie in the sky” unattainable from down here in the trenches. More realistically, maybe I thought that in addition to the gift of this desire, God would also bless me by just making it happen. You know, poof, kind of like how St. Catherine overnight could read Latin, but didn’t know the names of the letters. It would be miraculous, with absolutely no effort on my part.
Well, I turned to page 186 in MROL and read this:
“Before my Rule, when all I could think about was how in the world I was ever going to get the house clean, I had no mental space for thinking of anything else, When I was constantly living my life based on my desires and whims of the moment, I had no room in my heart for God. There were always more than enough things to fill my affections and my attention. A home and a life in disorder lead to “dissipation”- a scattering of our interior faculties - and prevent us from becoming still enough to listen to God speaking inside us.”
On the left margin of this page with this paragraph penciled off I wrote I AM STILL HERE! JAN ‘06. Unfortunately, I was compelled to add April ‘07 right below.
When I realized no change had taken place in a year, I wanted to make sure that this year didn’t go by without a firm resolution to clear my mind of “What’s for dinner?” every day. I’d rather spend those moments with God.
A priest friend used to always say, “When you are climbing the ladder of spiritual growth, you are moving only up or down. There is no standing still.” I must be many rungs below the point where I was last year. 
IN MROL Holly quotes Dom Chautard. In the Soul of the Apostolate he says, “Let the following conviction become deeply impressed upon your mind: namely that a soul cannot lead an interior life without a schedule…and without a firm resolution to keep it all the time.” 
I am trying to work at creating plans and making a schedule for me. There are so many other people and things that direct my daily life I resist scheduling laundry, meal planning, etc.
I am also trying to retreat to a quiet space to pray at least once a day. I never saw my parents pray alone. I think this is a gift for my children. I don’t think it is unreasonable to ask them to respect this time. When my doctor calls to discuss lab results, I ask my children for time, quiet, and space. How much more I need these things when I am speaking with the Divine Physician!
I’ve never scheduled myself before (really I’ve allowed myself to be carried along by the urgent). I don’t like this. It feels like enslavement. MROL suggests it will bring true freedom. I hope so.
I create this thread seeking encouragement from those using any sort of a rule and experiencing the freedom and peace MROL promises. (I worry there will be no response here). So, I add, ALSO, for anyone who is still working out the kinks in their rule, or for those who just might like to join me on this journey of taking another stab at mother’s rule.
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Kathy
Wife to John
Mother to DD(91), DD(93), DD(95), DS(98), DD(00), DS(01), DS(03), DD(05), and DS(07)
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stacykay
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 12:22pm | IP Logged
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Kathy,
I am one who can certainly benefit from a rule! That has been my focus for Lent, reading and trying to figure out how to put it into action! Due to the fact that we have taken this week off, I am still tweaking it- why do I feel like I need a "new week" to get started?
The prayer part has already started, at the very least.
I wanted to add that an incredible priest stated, at last year's men's conference (I listened on the radio  , ) that one of the most profound memories of his childhood was seeing his dad, kneeling every night, praying. It made the biggest impression on him, and he is now just an extraordinary priest- truly a gift from God with his dad's help. I would love to be such an influence on my dss. I have a loonnnnggggg way to go, though!  You are very much doing a wonderful thing for your children!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Jacinta
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 12:45pm | IP Logged
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Well, I don't know how encouraging this will be, but I will go ahead and put in my experience. First, I have experimented with schedules on and off for a long time. I have a hard time making them stick, but life is ALWAYS better when we are on a schedule. It's not just my perception - my husband totally agrees and is always very supportive of my attempts. I have MROL and have read it several times. Last fall was my first time really seriously trying to implement a rule for myself. It really was as good as Holly says it will be. I spent more time in prayer, more time with my kids, kept the house cleaner, and so on. I felt happier and calmer. The kids were obviously happier and calmer. My dh commented on that. This is an important observation, as I know some of the controversy surrounding this is based on the concern that following a rule might involve neglecting the children. Perhaps this is possible, but it didn't in my case.
So we had a few months where everything was going really well - and then things started falling apart, or should I say I started falling apart. In November I had a miscarriage , and that really shook up the schedule I was trying to follow. Then in December I got pregnant again, and immediately was very, very tired every day. In January I started having morning sickness (for which I was grateful, as I hadn't had it with the miscarriage) and my dh started a very intense semester of teaching which meant that I was more on my own than I have ever been in seven and half years of marriage. As you might guess, by this point the schedule was completely gone! I felt like I was barely making it through the days. ALL I did in the way of school were those things that I could hand to my daughter and say, "here, do this."
The morning sickness is gone now, thanks be to God, but I have not yet really pulled myself back together enough to figure out how I need to modify the schedule to make it work. I am needing more sleep now than I was last fall, so I can't just do exactly what I was doing then. I do intend to get back to it soon, though, since I have seen the good that comes of it. I don't want to give that up for good!
I don't think Holly ever had a baby after implementing her rule, so she doesn't have any helpful tips on making it work through pregnancy and the new-baby period.
So there's my experience. Not very encouraging, is it? But at least I can say the results were good enough that I am determined to get back to it in whatever measure I can.
Jacinta
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JennGM
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Jacinta wrote:
| I don't think Holly ever had a baby after implementing her rule, so she doesn't have any helpful tips on making it work through pregnancy and the new-baby period. |
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There have been some threads on rules, schedules, routines, pegs... I haven't had success implementing a schedule. Routines that are flexible are better. I think of a Montessori classroom where there is freedom to do something, but the order and discipline behind the scenes gives and allows that freedom. And that's my goal at home...at which I'm failing.
I probably would like MROL better now, but she wrote it with her youngest being 5. She had some routines that allowed her to pray or do things while her children did other things without her (playing outside, for example). I just didn't think it was practical enough for the very changing lives with babies and toddlers...the ones you have to watch and be with at all times.
But there are elements that I do think I can make my own. I think for me is I'm always seeking something that is "ready-to-wear" without any adjustments, tweaks, etc. and that will never happen, because we are all individuals with different needs. Alicia just quoted from Ratzinger's Salt of the Earth which applies perfectly here: At one point I asked him how many ways to God there were. I really didn't know what he would answer. He could have said, "only one" or "several". The Cardinal didn't take long to answer: As many, he said, as there are people.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Family in Feast and Feria
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seven2hold
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Jenn,
I know things are difficult with pregnancies and new babies and toddlers. Heck, we should throw teens in here, too! I've got 2 teens, 2 preschoolers, a toddler and a baby due in June. (Oh, and two others -- I guess these aren't as much work as the others?) But, despite this I know God is calling me to a closer relationship despite all the obstacles I can throw up. I suppose that maybe these things (babies, toddlers, pregnancies, circumstances)should be seen as opportunities to grow closer to God. Perhaps they just magnify our need for divine intervention!
Really, my biggest obstacle isn't the children. It's me. Today at Mass my prayer was to beg God to keep my desire fresh and to fill me with resolve today and each new day to put first a commitment to please and serve Him. I know my efforts will be more fruitful with a schedule.
Jacinta,
Thank you so much for your encouraging post. It's good to know someone has seen the rainbow. I look forward to the day I see it myself. 
__________________
Kathy
Wife to John
Mother to DD(91), DD(93), DD(95), DS(98), DD(00), DS(01), DS(03), DD(05), and DS(07)
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KerryK
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Hi kathy,
I was interested to read your post, but I am currently reading MROL for the second time. I read it for the first time last April. Last year, I did become motivated and instituted a rule of sorts for myself. I saw great results, and felt happier than I had in a long time. However, like Jacinta, I became pregnant, and between the morning sickness and a threatened miscarriage, the rule flew out the window pretty quickly. I also had both kids in catholic school last fall, and once school began I had a really hard time with the rule. I felt disconnected from the kids, and we weren't all working together like we had over the summer.
Now, with a newborn, I'm sure I'll still have a difficult time getting it going, but I am committed to giving it my best effort.
I would love to hear about your progress!
__________________
Kerry
Mom to
Matthew (10)
Mary (6)
New baby Samuel 2/26/07!
and 9 angels in heaven
The Eyes of My Heart
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Essy
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| Posted: April 15 2007 at 7:15pm | IP Logged
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I use a rule and it has been a huge life saver here. There have been times of great stress where I had to alter my rule and just go to bare bones. But I must say that it is those difficult times that make a rule essential for me. Having everything written down and knowing exactly what I need to do next helps a lot when my mind just wants to shut down.
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CatholicMommy
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(for whatever these thoughts are worth as I only have 1 3-year-old of my own but a slew of other children in and out all the time) I have something of a rule around here - it's been tweaked and finetuned so often, but MROL definitely gave me encouragement to try again. There is no potential pregnancy to throw any kinks in the works, but I do care for varying children from day to day, of varying ages.
I did develop a 'barebones' schedule in addition to the 'typical' schedule. This way, certain things on in place already for those days when not everything will get done. They barebones schedule has certain things crossed out for each day, alternating each day so that if we have several days in a row of little getting done, at least we're still hitting everything at some point. Thus far, this seems to help maintain chaos on days when things just can't get done: crying teething babies for example; or 2 weeks ago when my son and I both ended up in the emergency room to get rehydrated during a serious bout of the stomach flu.
I am hoping to maintain this long enough to make it a real habit, so if the time comes to have more children, perhaps I can hold onto it longer.
God Bless!
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Lorri
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OK, somebody enlighten me. MROL?
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Lorri
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The Mac and Cheese Chronicles
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Essy
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| Posted: April 16 2007 at 9:23am | IP Logged
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A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot. A really awesome book! If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it.
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JodieLyn
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I just read this so obviously haven't implemented any rule..
But what I most liked is that she encourages the principles of following some sort of routine/schedule.. without pushing what SHE does on you.
So the fact that she didn't have kids under 5 at the time doesn't bother me in the least.. and I have 4 kids 5 and under right now.
As a matter of fact, I would have probably gotten rid of the book before reading through it (skipping the parts that are how she schedules) if she had tried to tell me that I should follow her rule.. but many times I saw instead her saying what she's doing but also saying that any system would work, not just her's.
So the feeling I picked up from the book was "this is my system, and this is why everyone should HAVE a system and suggestions on the things to look at to develop that system"
Which is different than the feelings I get from others where it's all about THEIR system so that you can copy them.
Good book, makes some very good points, and very encouraging vs discouraging.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Essy
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Absolutely! This is about looking at the five areas of priority...prayer, person, partner, parenting, and provider...and allowing the Lord to guide you individually in each area as you come up with your own rule.This is really what sets this a part from all others, including 'Fly Lady'. Tell you the truth, I hardly looked at Holly's schedule. I now, praise be to God, have my own 'rule' that is working well for me. I still tweek it every now and then as needed...that's the whole point of it...we are constantly growing and changing.
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seven2hold
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Kerry, Essy & CatholicMommy,
Thank you for sharing how even a bare boned schedule has benefited you. I know a schedule would help here! Sometimes strangers comment, "Seven children! How do you do it?" My honest answer should be "By the grace of God and the seat of my pants!" I just resist a schedule. But, I am convinced that I must begin. How I wish I had created a rule many years ago! I can't keep looking back with regret. I must plan for the future.
My progress...
Well, I didn't start from scratch. I've had a Mother's Rule Binder on my kitchen counter for 2 years with all my cookbooks. In it are lists of meals we eat regularly, shopping lists, grocery budgets, prayer intentions, old schedules.
It was still all so overwhelming. I decided to only schedule me. I would fit the little children in with me as I needed a diversion to keep them away from the TV but otherwise occupied. (My older children are all in school right now. I haven't homeschooled since I lost my mother two years ago. We are planning on bringing home the eleventh grader and the third grader this fall.) So I just scheduled what I was already doing to get my family ready every day and adding in chores where there was dead space. So, I have a schedule, but I have not followed it.
I have been "doing more." My house is cleaner, I am more productive, I am reading from the Psalms and from the Gospel every day. I make my morning offering and I pray throughout the day for grace. I try to go to morning mass 2x/week and I have a weekly holy hour. However, I am resisting the schedule.
On Saturday night I gave myself some goals.
1. I decided by this Wed. I should have a good "rough" schedule.
I do. None of my days are the same based on my dh, a firefighter and his fire and part time job schedules. I created a weekly calendar as if he were never here to help with driving kids to & from school (30 min. one way) or to and from sports. Then I made an extra day in the calendar that lists where I might have several extra hours on my hands if he were doing the driving. I created a "big projects" list. On it are things like: straighten the linen closet and throw away old medicines, power wash the deck, paint the kitchen, wash curtains, vacuum the kitchen pantry, the lazy susans, the kitchen cupboards and drawers, etc.
2. I decided I should have practiced the schedule a few days and tweak it.
I haven't done this. From 5:45 to 6 am thismorning I prayed for grace to put my feet on the floor, or to get my head off the pillow. Finally I got up at 6. I realized I probably wasn't as receptive to God's grace because altough I'd planned to go to confession I forgot all about it on Sat. I'll definitely be there this Sat!
3. I needed (desperatly) to have a meal plan. Just one week and a shopping list.
I created my plan and went on a grocery shopping date with my husband after mass on Sunday.
4. I wanted to choose which prayer practices I wanted to add to what I was already doing. Also, what I would choose for spiritual reading. I also wanted to post new prayers where they would be needed and gather my study materials. I chose the following:
A. I wanted to wake each morning as Holly reccomends praying "Behold the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done unto me according to thy word."
Haven't remembered clearly enough to pray this yet. I need to post it beside my bed.
B. I decided to read my magnificat each morning before everyone gets up.
Hit and miss here.
C. I chose to add the Angelus. My friend Ruth (a member here) always prayed this with her children for many years. We fumbled through it whenever we lunched with them. I decided I'd like to learn this prayer and teach it to my little ones. (I still have to find it online and print it and hang it up by the table).
D. I chose to add at least one decade of the Rosary if not five. This is easy when I'm driving every where. But is more challenging when I'm at home being called by so many other distractions. (Hopefully with a schedule I won't have my mind on the distractions, they'll be scheduled and done or coming up in their own good time.)
E. I put the Catechism next to my bed. I'll read a chapter before I pick up the gospel.
F. For spiritual reading I chose my favorite saint. The Little Flower. This book is next to my Timothy Botts Book of Psalms (He uses calligraphy to beautifully describe in color and letter shape the spirit or the feeling in the Psalm. Just beautiful! Very helpful with meditation.)
5. I decided I should read Holly's Rule each day and to think about my purpose for creating a rule. Hopefully her rule will inspire me to create my own.
Haven't done this.
Hopefully by Wed., my deadline, I will have actually followed my schedule once and read Holly's rule once.
Honestly, posting my progress here makes me feel better about what I have done and it appears to be a good "to do" list to get everything else accomplished.
Thank you!
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Kathy
Wife to John
Mother to DD(91), DD(93), DD(95), DS(98), DD(00), DS(01), DS(03), DD(05), and DS(07)
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JodieLyn
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Kathy, you're encouraging to read Other than ages of the kids we sound remarkably simliar including a dh as a firefighter (schedule.. what's that?) and the fact that I hate the idea of having to have a schedule.. but obviously I need something.. I do better if I think of it as a routine and things to get done
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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KerryK
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Kathy,
Thank you so much for posting this! I am finishing up the book today, so reading what you are doing is so inspiring!
After I finish reading, I will post some goals for myself to make myself accountable for something!
__________________
Kerry
Mom to
Matthew (10)
Mary (6)
New baby Samuel 2/26/07!
and 9 angels in heaven
The Eyes of My Heart
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Anne McD
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This is all very inspiring and helpful!! I've read and re read and rerere read that book a million times!! For some reason, I too resisit a schedule, but whenever I've pulled one together and we've followed it, the craziest thing happened-- we had order and peace in the house. Who knew!!?? (Though, I can't keep one more than a day!) I don't know if its a temptation or a big old human flaw (or both!) that keeps me from keeping a rule/schedule, but if anyone figures that one out, let me know!!
Also, though its not Catholic, I found a website yesterday called Preschoolers and Peace-- another homeschooling website. She also speaks about keeping a schedule, and how from time to time, you have to make alterations and then go with the new schedule, esp when there are major life changes (new baby, miscarriage, dd moves to a big girl bed and refuses to sleep so you're exausted ... sorry, that's another thread!).
Is my perfectionism getting in the way? I keep telling myself that if I want a peaceful day, I have to have a good schedule. Before we can have a good schedule, however, the house has to be picked up. But it really has to be seriously decluttered so that it doesn't get easily trashed. So I need a plan of action (just did one- feels great!). But I need my husband's help to move all the "junque" out of the house, and his time is limited, and waiting on another person is so difficult, not to mention trying to get something done with the children undoing everything under my feet. It can be so easy to become discouraged, but we all know where discouragement comes from . . .
Sorry, Ladies, didn't realize you'd be playing the role of Dr. Phil right now for me, did you
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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Essy
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Oh yes...I whole heartedly recommend making decluttering a priority. I was sort of forced into this since we put our house on the market in January...but it really was a God-send.
The other thing is...how do you all keep your 'rule'? I used to keep it in a three ring binder and it worked well for a while. I now keep it online at my Google homepage and am loving it. There is a neat gadget that allows me to electronically check things off my list as they get done and it makes me feel really good.
I have a main schedule (bare bones)for every day. Then I have a weekly schedule based on a four week period.
This is such a great topic...I LOVE MROL! Holly is super too. Have you checked out her blog?
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Bookswithtea
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Great thread. I have always used schedules. I like Holly's book a lot, but the one rule I wrote and tried to implement didn't work. I can say in hindsight that although it looked great on paper, I don't even think it was probably what God wanted of me. It wasn't flexible enough.
Holly is a very real mom, just like all the other moms I know. I think the reason she was able to succeed so quickly is the ages of her children.
Its been on my heart to try again, because failure doesn't mean the book is bad, just that I haven't succeeded in making it work yet. I am in the throws of pg nausea at the moment. I think my new strategy will be to start smaller and leave more flexibility in it. Advanced rules are for mothers with no small children. At the end of this year, I will be teaching my first year of high school, a 10 yr old, an 8 year old and will have 3 children 5 and under (including a newborn). Schedules are meant to be a blessing as well as a discipline and that is what I am going to keep at the forefront of my mind this summer as I am rereading and praying about a new rule.
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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KerryK
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Anne,
Like you, I think my perfectionism definately gets in the way and causes me to procrastinate, i.e. I CAN'T make up my schedule until my house looks perfect, or else I won't have time in the new schedule to declutter it! I've come to the conclusion that I need to build a block of time into the day for big projects. I have files I need to set up, decluttering to do, organizing, etc. Holly does say that getting your "provider" role going smoothly can take a year. That might be underestimating it for me!
Does anyone have any wisdom from their own rule they can share? I'm in the "making your own rule chapter," and, like the last time I read this book, I'm overwhelmed by it.
__________________
Kerry
Mom to
Matthew (10)
Mary (6)
New baby Samuel 2/26/07!
and 9 angels in heaven
The Eyes of My Heart
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stacykay
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Has anyone checked out Holly's website? She has a q and a portion that addresses some things mentioned above.
Here she addresses "when real life interrupts,) and here she has some answers for those with unpredictable husbands. There are lots of other topics covered, too.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Returning to MROL
