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Willa
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| Posted: May 10 2005 at 4:53pm | IP Logged
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Has anyone found a curriculum or other resource to teach special needs children how to interact appropriately with others? Any age group would be of interest to me.
Also, my almost 6yo has gotten into a habit of pinching and biting his siblings and sometimes his parents. The weird thing is, he doesn't do it when he's angry. He'll come up and pinch or bite unexpectedly, and think it's funny. One time he came up and smeared ice-cold soap on my arm! It sounds funny, but it was an incredible shock when I was in the middle of doing something else!
We have always had a hard time disciplining him because he doesn't understand consequences very well. Mild reprovals or consequences make him laugh, and harsh scoldings make him fall apart, but either way he doesn't seem to associate the discipline with the original action.
Any thoughts or advice? Anyone else have this kind of problem?
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Willa
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MEBarrett
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| Posted: May 10 2005 at 6:51pm | IP Logged
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Poor kid. I know this is a frustrating problem for you Willa but it must also be maddening for him. So many special kids can't understand humor or detect it in other people. He might have picked up from a movie or tv show that biting or whatnot is funny. If he saw that behavior make people laugh he might be totally confused as to why you aren't laughing.
I have had similar trouble with Ryan. He thinks the wierdest unfunny things are funny and it makes him very conspicous sometimes. Other times he has no ability to see humor and gets upset when his sisters are telling jokes or laughing about something. Even if it has nothing to do with him he can't seem to "get" the humor so he gets upset.
I have been unable to re-program Ryan's funny bone as of yet.
Your difficulty in disiplining him sounds like a combination of his being unable to read your emotions very well and emotional immaturity. A five year old is expected to be immature but most can detect to what extent they are in trouble and react accordingly. I found it helpful to get down on the floor and make Ryan look directly in my eyes, gently holding his chin if necessary, and as simply as possible telling him why I am upset and what the actual poor behavior was. Repeat it and then have hime repeat it back. Then a consequence. Somewhere in there it is a good idea to say mommy can get upset at your behavior and still love you. Tell him if any of his sibs behave this way they are in trouble too it's not just him. Tell him he is getting to be a big boy now and it is time to behave like it.
This is also where an older boy sib can be helpful. The older child can be given the job of secret shadow. I know several families where this works so well. The older can kind of keep an eye on the younger in social situations, including just family time, and be available to gently whisper helpful hints. Things such as "that was so funny, he is telling a good joke, don't you think its funny?" or "look, that is not good behavior, I would not like someone to do that to me, it's not funny"
You get the idea. It's like training him to interpret humor.
Ryan doesn't have an older sib and Katie, bless her heart, does her best but there is that boy/girl thing too. In homeschool group situations she's off with the girls and he with the boys. My dear friend has an older child who will occasionally give Ryan a clue but he is a little older and is often with a different crowd.
I do have to say that some of the best social training Ryan has had has been with our local homeschool group. He has had literally years of social skills therapy, pychology, OT and speech but homeschool kids have just done wonders. The kids in the group all know he is different and just treat him like one of the kids. The boys include him and seem not to mind when he behaves oddly. If they do they never show it. It has given Ryan such confidence to feel accepted as a regular boy, playing football and red rover. It has helped in many ways. Try letting him socialize with some nice kids,his age in small groups. I bet that they "rub off" on him a bit.
I'll send up a prayer for your little guy.
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Mary Ellen
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Taffy
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| Posted: May 10 2005 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
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Hi Willa,
There is literally a TON of information on how to teach social skills! This is largely due to the alarming increase in autism and aspergers diagnoses (not saying that's what you're dealing with; just that there's a lot of info because of it).
One very important thing to consider is why your 6yo enjoys pinching, hitting, etc. Does he enjoy the reaction? The surprised look on people's face when he does it? The attention that he gets (he may not differentiate between negative and positive attention - just likes any attention period)? These may sound like strange questions but a simple rule for understanding behaviour is that people always act for a reason; therefore, there must be something rewarding that your son is getting from acting this way. Once you find out what it is, you can take steps to either find something else to provide the reward that doesn't involve unacceptable behaviour, or you can change the feedback to something he doesn't like. For instance, if he's enjoying the reactions he gets from pinching someone, then the next time he pinches you (or anyone else), completely ignore him (easier said than done, I know). If he enjoys seeing people get angry when he pinches him, then change your reaction.
Some resources you may want to check out...
Functional behaviour analysis
http://www.ldonline.org/ld_indepth/social_skills/behavior_ma nagement.html
Another thing that may be helpful is to write up an "if/then" chart and post it in a prominent place. On this chart you would write out consequences for bad behaviour. For example, for pinching someone, he'd had a two-minute time out. If he pinches someone again, he has to scrub the bath-tub (just kidding). The point is to make the consequences things that he does NOT like and that they be implemented IMMEDIATELY and CONSISTENTLY. That is key if you're to teach him to associate the bad behaviour with the negative consequence.
I hope that I've given you something helpful and that someone else will if I haven't  Good Luck!
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Susan
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julia s.
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| Posted: May 11 2005 at 7:41am | IP Logged
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Willa,
Here is a book that was recommended to me. I have not seen it personally so I can't say if it will meet your needs. The reason why it's supposed to be good is that it teaches social skills using pictures and kids in the spectrum are visual learners usually. My friend who has it says it is very good and helped her out a lot.
Autism Social Skills Picture Book
I have to say my only reservation about the book was the title since my son isn't autistic persay, but he doesn't pick up on the right social cues either. It might be a good book to ask your library to get.
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momtomany
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| Posted: May 12 2005 at 8:29am | IP Logged
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This is a very interesting thread to me. My John is "different" too. Very immature for his age and just a little "off" socially too.
He does go with a TSS worker on Saturdays and she had been taking him to bowling. He was on a team. He enjoyed the sport. She was supposed to be helping him interactive more age appropriately. I don't know if I see much of a difference. Now he's supposed to be starting soccer. I guess the sports are good for him.
For the most part, sitting down with him, one on one and explaining why something is not appropriate seems to work the best with John. He may not fully grasp the "why" of it, but he does try to change his behavior.
I agree with you, Mary Ellen, that a group of nice children excepting him and making him feel normal does wonders for him.
Thanks, everyone for the links! This is a subject that I am always interested in.
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Mary Ann in PA
wife to MIchael, mom to Elizabeth, Becca, Tim, Peter, Andrew, Sarah, Matthew, John, Leah and Joseph
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Willa
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| Posted: May 12 2005 at 11:44am | IP Logged
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Thanks! Tthe links to the resources on social skills and behavior analysis are great. The Amazon book link brought up other books too, so it looks like I can go hunt through my library
Mary Ellen, I've found our homeschool group to be very accepting of Aidan, too. As he gets older I think this will be particularly important for him.
I wanted to go on and say some more but my kids need me to get things going today. Aren't you glad
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Willa
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| Posted: May 13 2005 at 10:48am | IP Logged
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Taffy wrote:
Hi Willa,
One very important thing to consider is why your 6yo enjoys pinching, hitting, etc. Does he enjoy the reaction? The surprised look on people's face when he does it? The attention that he gets (he may not differentiate between negative and positive attention - just likes any attention period)? |
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In his case, he does it when he is bored and wants attention/interaction. It's usually when the older kids are trying to do their schoolwork or dad is working or reading. The kids are pretty patient with him. My oldest tries to redirect him and my 12yo shouts but so dramatically that Aidan thinks he's joking "Quit IT Aidan!!" and then will start wrestling with him or something. DH reacts similarly to my 12yo... I think it's a macho thing.
So I see that Aidan is probably getting mixed signals and thinks that in any case, he gets some attention.
Perhaps if we all agreed on one, consistent reaction and then carried it out -- ignoring him, perhaps? He stopped doing the smearing-soap thing on me after I got close to his face, made my face sad to the nth degree, and told him how uncomfortable it was, etc.
The other issue going on is that he has a 2yo brother who is still being taught how to behave, ie no pushing and hitting, and so Aidan could be picking up and trying out these aggressive tendencies in a "safe" way. He never acts aggressive towards little kids -- he'd rather run from his 2yo brother than confront him -- all his "victims" are older siblings and parents, people he probably feels he can't really do much damage to and who in turn won't damage him either.
ANyway, thanks again for the words of wisdom Liz and Mary Ellen and others -- I really don't have many chances to talk to others with special needs kids and so, it helps me to hear how others cope with things that aren't in the typical range of behavior.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Taffy
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| Posted: May 13 2005 at 1:51pm | IP Logged
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Willa,
You may be right about Aiden practicing the 2yo's behaviours in a "safe" way. Vic is imitating his not-yet talking 2yo brother's vocalizing. He says Alex is "speaking spanish" when he's doing his baby talk thing
Probably your best bet is to ignore his bad behaviour completely and try to find positive ways for him to interact before he gets bored and goes into his pinching routine...
Good luck with it! I know how frustrating these behaviours can be 
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Susan
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: Social Skills?
