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albeto
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| Posted: Dec 04 2010 at 3:16pm | IP Logged
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We're not the only dysfunctional family out there, are we?
I just wanted to be assured that our mess isn't unique to us, that other people have major challenges, and raising children to not resent the needs and behaviors of one sibling isn't our burden alone. Right? Pretty please? Not that I'd wish this reality on anyone, but I just want to know I'm not totally alone here. 
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Angi
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| Posted: Dec 04 2010 at 3:34pm | IP Logged
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My Ana just threw a fit because I thanked her twin sister for doing someone for me. She thought I should thank her too.
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LucyP
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| Posted: Dec 04 2010 at 3:46pm | IP Logged
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We are in a similar position. Just too hard to talk about it but I spent yesterday having to hold my son all day - he is 7, not a teething baby or newborn. I had to order pizza in, as I couldn't let go of him, and when I went to the door, he kicked off again. And then, after a day of turmoil, DD was up having an upset tummy all night and I had to sit holding her and letting her sleep on me for comfort.  You're not alone.
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folklaur
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| Posted: Dec 04 2010 at 5:39pm | IP Logged
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for all the moms who need it.
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Dec 04 2010 at 7:54pm | IP Logged
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Dearest albeto, you are not alone! Since the Fall, every family is dysfunctional in one way or another. Struggling with the unique needs of a special blessing does not mean you are exceptionally deficient, it just means you are human and that you CARE about all of your children. So much so, that sometimes it is painful. It's painful for me almost every day, but God is faithful and I keep on one day at a time.
Whether or not one child in a family has special needs, it seems to me that siblings always have to deal in one way or another with the emotions of resentment and jealousy. My older children, who had no special issues, still resented each other from time to time, thought life was "unfair", and felt that they deserved more than they got! Among the younger crowd, with my high-needs son, we have been very honest about the fact that his needs do affect us all, and that it can be hard, both for him and for all of us. We don't try to pretend it's perfect. I think his siblings actually deal with it better than I do, because I feel guilty that I can't make it "right" for everyone...but I can't and probably it wouldn't be good for them in the long run if I did.
You only need to read the prayer requests to know that there are many here on this forum who have major challenges in their lives right now. We need to pray for one another.
As far as living with the mess a family makes, I suggest not walking around in the dark...might be hazardous  People(I would say little people, but sometimes it's big people who are the real culprits) are seriously messy...You're absolutely not alone on this problem! You've got lots of company!
God bless you and give you strength!
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Karnak
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| Posted: Dec 06 2010 at 4:51am | IP Logged
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No you certainly aren't the only family who struggles. Any family who has a special needs kid has issues because they do make it harder for a family to manage.
My son has autism and I often get fed up. His sister at 16 also gets tired of it. All you can do is your best and hope for the best. My suggestion is to join a support group so you get to know others in the same situation. The group can be real or virtual. I often read blogs by other mums who have kids with autism as they often have good ideas and I know they go through the same things. If you can access respite, take up the opportunity and give the others siblings and yourself a break now and again.
Life can be purgatorial at times for most families so I pray a lot and hope springs eternal. Also make your disabled child do as much as possible for himself or herself. You will be surprised at what they can do when expectations are high.
Karnak
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albeto
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| Posted: Dec 06 2010 at 9:17am | IP Logged
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Karnak wrote:
Life can be purgatorial at times for most families so I pray a lot and hope springs eternal. |
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Yes. Yes it can.
Karnak wrote:
Also make your disabled child do as much as possible for himself or herself. You will be surprised at what they can do when expectations are high.
Karnak |
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Funny you should say that...
My oldest is a mess. He has PDD-NOS but that's really the least of his challenges. He can be very difficult to be with, and his sister is increasingly frustrated at watching an older brother do enormously childish things, especially a brother who is genius smart in some ways, but mindbogglingly immature in others. He's manipulative (dh is only now starting to see how much, whereas before he thought I was just being a bitter, frazzled mom), he's emotional, he's obsessive about certain things. He takes constant effort to be with and I don't want his siblings to resent him and us as parents as they aren't nearly as impressed with his drama as we have been trained to respond.
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KauaiCatholic
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| Posted: Dec 07 2010 at 2:17am | IP Logged
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praying, praying, praying for you all. (from one who feels like the most dysfunctional member of the family right now ...)
Blessed Virgin Mary, grant us peace and strength in our mothering.
__________________
Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: Dysfunctional families
