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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Sept 21 2010 at 6:24pm | IP Logged
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Inspired by 4 lads mom's topic, What would you do?, how do you help your children to support and provide positive public encounters with special needs children? Families with special needs children, what courtesies mean the most to you?
Thanks for voting and sharing your experiences.
ETA: You can vote for as many options as is fitting for you 
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4 lads mom
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| Posted: Sept 21 2010 at 7:22pm | IP Logged
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I’m so touched, Angie. 
After having two kiddos with trachs and such....the one thing that makes me feel good out in public is when people look right at me and smile. That makes my day.  Some days, if they do it with a little empathy, and it is one of “those” days, I can be brought to tears by those kind of smiles....but that is okay, that’s real life and real feelings. We had LOTS of children pointing at Lily while she had her metal appliance in her face, saying “WHAT’S THAT??” I can completely understand....but a lot of parents were either shooing their kids away and giving me a dirty look  or nervously looking at Lily and looking like they might run themselves!! I usually piped up and said, “She is under construction...just getting her jaw a little bigger so she can breath better”, said with a smile...
I think most of us with kids who look “different” would rather people ask with a sincere smile on their face, like “Wow, that little girl is a trooper, she’s such a sweetheart!” or some variation, vs. pretending they don’t see her and ignore their kids’ questions. While answering questions in public can be sort of tiring, I would rather do that than be stared at and/or ignored. If I am in a hurry and don’t feel like talking much (a rarity, believe it or not  ) I cut to the chase with a smile and go about my business. If a mom says, “I don’t know honey, let’s ask her mama,” I don’t find that particularly bothersome. Usually, those questions can be answered very quickly for younger kids, even if I am suctioning her trach or g-tube feeding her. I had to get over the fact that in public, with special needs kids...there is not a lot of anonymity. This is strictly from my viewpoint.....I am an outgoing person, not shy....so this might be very different for someone that is more reserved than me.
Seriously, though, when I was out in public with Lily (especially with her distractors in)....and several moms would smile at me as we walked by....it really, really helped me so tremendously. Just that little gesture meant (and continues to mean) so much.
Many to all of you....I know you all are the “smiling” kind of mamas!
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Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
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KC in TX
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| Posted: Sept 21 2010 at 7:40pm | IP Logged
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I try to look at the children and the moms and smile. Since 2004, my son has been a client at a therapy clinic. We see kids with all sorts of disabilities. My children know not to stare but if they are curious, they tend to keep their questions to themselves until later.
I find that it's harder for my son who looks so normal. He's very high functioning, but after about 5 minutes with him, most children will abandon him. It just breaks my heart. I don't know what to do for him. Sigh. So, anyone who takes the time to have a conversation with him really bolster me. So, befriending a child with special needs is high on my list of things that would be wonderful.
Thanks for this poll, Angie.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
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Maggie
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| Posted: Sept 21 2010 at 7:55pm | IP Logged
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I had to post "other" because what I try to do is smile at the child and mom and am sure to tell the mom how beautiful her child is...mostly, the beauty of their children and their parental love surpasses what words can even express.
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Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Sept 21 2010 at 8:32pm | IP Logged
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Many many years ago, my aunt was a special needs kid, and I met and got to know many of her friends from special needs high school, workshops, etc. I played board games with some of them on Saturdays and learned from my aunt and her friends that it really hurts when people assume 1) they can't hear because they are differently abled  and 2) they can't speak for themselves. 
I always try to smile, say hello, look children and their parents right in the eye (at their eye level, but without kneeling down) and provide space for maneuvering wheelchairs, etc. without making a big deal about it. That longing for normalcy is so, so profound, even when accommodations must be made. I hope I'm providing a little balloon of normalcy...
My aunt is not so great at feeding herself any more, so we feed her when we're out at restaurants - and when I see the joy on her face at being out with her family, it's easy to ignore the stares...this is what I so wish others could understand and experience. She is so happy! Yes, she looks different (glasses, few teeth, weird hair) but she is filled with love for God and for others...I'm always thankful when waiters and the strangers around us notice the happy part as well as the different part. The happy part is true joy, from the heart, the kind that I think Jesus was talking about when he told his disciples to let the children be near Him.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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drmommy
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| Posted: Sept 22 2010 at 8:37am | IP Logged
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Yes, having a special needs child is hard, and that smile DOES mean a lot!
My daughter has dental issues (very narrow and high arched palate) so her teeth are coming in super crooked. Yes, we see an ortho, but she is still too small to get anything done yet. But, a lot of people comment on her teeth and smile. It just breaks my heart. She is also low tone with hyperextensible joints, so we get a lot of comments on how she would be a great acrobat. I also get a lot of comments on how to feed her, as she is very, very skinny (yes, I do feed her!)
Aside from all that, other children playing with her and overlooking her physical and speech difficulties make my day. The smiles, the nice and sweet comments to her really help us deal with self-esteem issues. I am glad though when parents educate their children on special needs children. My daughter had a Pull-up out on her dresser and her best friend made fun of her. This was heartbreaking to me, as my daughter feels embarrassed she has to wear them.
But, I just gave you all the negatives! There are a lot of positives, and homeschooling her has helped broaden her social circle.
Just saying hello, and asking questions are great. Smiling and listening to me are wonderful. Praying for us is the best.
Bridget
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Sept 22 2010 at 12:02pm | IP Logged
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My dh and I are very comfortable with children of all stripes! This comes from our experiences with a wide variety of children. We try to share what we have learned with our children, although their experiences aren't as varied as ours.
We have a rule, "no staring." Period. It is never appropriate. We explain the difference between "giving your full attention", as to a priest at Mass, and "staring."
Akin to this, we have the directive, "Give people their privacy." This is a great rule for a variety of public settings, from the special needs child who is being cared for by mom and no further help is needed, to the scantily clad teenaged girl who doesn't know that she needs privacy.
I don't tend to introduce myself out of no where and neither do our children. We build a bit of a relationship first, such as at Mass, introducing ourselves after we've sat near each other for some time and already had the chance to smile and give peace and the like.
My children, especially my boys, are trained to offer physical help of all sorts...open doors for ladies and elders, pick up toys that children drop or items that mothers drop while juggling a million things! All of this leads naturally to helping families with special need situations.
I tend to be a big "welcome to the group, let me introduce you around" gal, and my children take my lead. I can't say that we purposely target special needs families, rather, just who ever is new.
We discuss special need in the context of my husband's work (psychology) and our work with foster children. We talk more about emotional needs than physical ones, but there certainly is a cross-over of understanding different needs.
We welcome children of all stripes into our home as friends, which I think is the best way for our children to learn that we're all the beautiful body of Christ! We have one dear friend who suffered brain damage at birth and calls us from out of state regularly. She became friends with my oldest when they were young. This child is a living miracle and her devotion to God and family and her overall good cheer and goodness continue to be a wonderful example to us.
One of the things that I'm cautious about is thrusting myself into a situation with "good Christian intentions." For example, as a foster mom, I've had well-intentioned folks give me and the children too much attention?...too many words of encouragement?...hard to explain. I'm a pretty private person so I tend to just want to blend in...be treated in a normal and matter of fact manner. So I tend to do the same for others.
Hey, have we ever done a topic on books and/or movies that touch our hearts regarding special needs?
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: Supporting special needs kids in public? (
Topic Closed)
