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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 12 2006 at 8:00pm | IP Logged
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Hi,
Now I know no one can tell me what to do -- but I still sure wish they could 
I have three children -- dd 16, ds 7, and dd 3. My ds has Asperger's, and has been attending the local parish school for 1st grade. This was a really hard decision for us, and we weren't really completely comfortable with it. We had been homeschooling our older dd for many years, and had always assumed that we would homeschool the two little ones all the way through. However, he had really made a lot of social advances in the Pre-K and K classes he had taken with many of these same children.
Well, first grade was the former AM and PM Kinder classes all put together -- does that make sense? So instead of 12 other kids he knew well, and being gone 1/2 day, now he is with 26 other 1st graders, and is gone all day.
I have done it for half a year now.
I hate it.
While I absolutly adore his teacher, I really, really dislike his "principal". I think her official title is Director. She just pushes all my buttons and I really chafe when dealing with her. And I have to be honest here -- my "unschooling" and CM tendencies really go against the strigent structure of a parocial school. I hate having to wake up a young sleeping child ( if they are sleeping, they are tired, and need to sleep, IMHO), I hate the busy work and homework ( they already have him all day! Homework too????? Please!) And he is already way past the work academically, we really only went this way for social reasons -- but the "social" tendencies he is picking up are NOT what I had in mind. He attitude is TOTALLY different and often NOT acceptable ( it was so nice over Christmas break -- I felt like I had my ds back.)
I really want to pull him out.
He gets upset when I suggest it.
I don't know how easy it will be to find him friends in the homeschool groups now -- we are already half way through the year, and he isn't great in large groups anyway (neither am I, for that matter). What if he backslides in the social advances he has made?
I was really not prepared to teach him at home this year, and feel like I would be jumping into something totally unprepared.
What do you think? I am open to all advice, suggestions, etc.
Smiles,
~Laura in AZ
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Victoria in AZ
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| Posted: Jan 12 2006 at 11:10pm | IP Logged
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Pray for discernment. Pray before the Blessed Sacrament. At this age and point, I don't think you can go wrong either leaving ds in until the end of the school year or pulling him out.
I know nothing about Asperger's, but it sounds like the "social" isn't working out over at the school anyway.
For us, I have had to go out of my way to make "play dates" (for lack of a better term) for my dc. My ds also does much better in a one-on-one situation and this required extra effort from me to call other moms and arrange get togethers.
P.S. Where in AZ are you??
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Your sister in Christ,
Victoria in AZ
dh Mike 24 yrs; ds Kyle 18; dd Katie 12; and one funny pug
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 12 2006 at 11:34pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for your thoughts!
No, the social aspect doesn't seem to be working too well at all.
Oh! I see you are in AZ too!
I am in Chandler
Smiles,
~Laura in AZ
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Leonie
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| Posted: Jan 13 2006 at 8:01pm | IP Logged
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What are your dh's thoughts on this?
Perhaps you can sweeten the pot for your ds - set up a few things at home and some playdates, to make being home seem more fun.
What would it tale for you to feel ready to have your ds home? Is it feasible?
I will say a prayer!
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 14 2006 at 4:54pm | IP Logged
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When we took my oldest ds out of Catholic school when he was going into 3rd grade, I arranged playdates and get-togethers with the kids he played with at school so he wouldn't feel he was missing out on too much. I also kept him enrolled in some extra-curricular activities.... the school's chess club, soccer and baseball, and piano lessons. That gave him a chance to still have some things going on outside the home. (In fact, it was too much and he ended up asking me if he could cut back  ).
The school was very open and friendly about continuing to let him be part of their environment. The teacher of the class he would have been in invited him to be part of any special class projects (like building a tipi) or field trips. We didn't end up doing those but perhaps that's a possibility in your situation.
If it wasn't, I'd probably try to do the playdate thing with individuals in your homeschool group?
Maybe you can ask your ds if there is anything that would make the transition easier, if you DO decide to homeschool him.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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mom3aut1not
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| Posted: Jan 14 2006 at 8:55pm | IP Logged
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Laura,
As a woman with at least 6 people -- and possibly many more when you count cousins -- in the family on the autism spectrum over three generations, I think I can say with confidence that changes, even pleasant ones, can be very difficult. Sudden changes are even worse. We have to tell one of my adult dds that we plan to go to confession a couple of days in advance in order for her to cope with it. Your son may not want to change because he has a routine and knows what to expect of his days in addition to not wanting change in general. (Autistic people do vary; some cope with change better than others, but sudden changes tend to be hard for all auties.)
I don't know your son so this advice may not be suitable. In general I would talk to him and give him some time to adapt to the change in advance if possible. I would also show him how his day would be structured, the materials I plan to use, and what he could expect on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. A PECS schedule might be helpful.
I am not saying that you have to schedule everything or <gag> that you need to use schoolish materials. Let me share how I do with my more impaired almost 6 yo son in K.
He is just starting to attend to a calendar, so I have not yet made a PECS-type calendar, but I plan to. (Velcro is so great!) I plan to have cards for special trips, K4J, speech and language therapy, Daddy away days, Grandma here days, and going to MI days as well as the numerals, days, months, etc. Then he can adapt in advance to unusual days as well as know what is going on each day.
He does have a daily schedule. I do not have a card for each subject although I will do that in the future. Each school day I set up the schedule for his hs time. The usual cards are Hello, Prayer, Singing, Table, and Book. Occasionally I use Art, Outside, or other cards of interest. The cards are attached to a large laminated sheet of cardstock and can be seen all at once. The schedule cards are in a vertical line with Prayer at the top and Book and a name card at the bottom.
We start hsing with my directing him to his schedule. He currently takes the appropriate card (the first being Hello) to a basket at the start of each segment. We work briefly on saying "Hello" with eye contact, asking and answering introductory questions and are currently trying for some eye contact with these. I try to end each segment with the sign for "All done." I then direct him to his schedule and have him put the Prayer card in the basket, and I begin prayers. He doesn't really pray yet although he is slowly learning the prayers. I am not worried as his poor speech skills mean he doesn't really understand the prayers at all. After prayers (usually a decade plus a few other standard prayers), I again direct him to his schedule. For singing, I am currently using the Sing, Spell, Read, and Write cd, an English Nursey Rhymes cd or Lullabies cd with companion book or parts of the Home Educator's term 2 cd, and an OT cd for sensory integration (Say G'Day!). I used the HWT cd in the past, and still use some of the songs as needed. Then again he is directed to his schedule and takes the Table card. During Table we do mathematics, phonics, handwriting, and work on various language skills (currently under/over or opposites). After Table I again direct him to his schedule and we do Book. We then do a daily poem, science reading, any social studies reading, religion reading, and so on. He can add books if he wants. (Don't worry; the readings for science and social skills are picture books handpicked by moi. I don't really like most textbooks, much less ones for little kids.) Then we are "all done." Oh, I forgot. Art projects have their own card, and art appreciation is done either during Hello (for a print that hangs next to the schedule) or during Book.
Since you have an aspie, you will be able to talk to your son more and will be able to do a more "normal" level of schoolwork, but visual schedules and organization may be helpful to him as well. A book you may find useful is Visual Strategies for Improving Communication. Another book you may find helpful is The Social Skills Picture Book -- that is, if you don't already have it!
I do let Joseph decide on the order of tasks (during Table) or books (during Book) within a segment. Hello, Prayer, and Singing usually follow the same general pattern each day even if I don't use exactly the same materials/prayers/questions.
I also reinforce specific skills throughout the day -- like giving eye contact when asking for something. The payoff for eye contact is getting what he wants (usually). I also use unusual things for social skills -- like an anime series for my now 20 yo daughter and video games for my son. (We are working on sharing in the video game as it is one where we can both play at once. If he doesn't share treasure during a game, he suffers the consequence of Mommy refusing to play anymore.) I do use rewards to reinforce attention or specific skills -- especially if he doesn't see the point of what i am trying to get him to do.
I guess I am trying to say that he will probably adapt more easily to hsing if he is 1) given time to adapt to the idea and 2) if he is given an idea of what to expect both in advance and on a daily basis.
Hope this helps......
Just my $.02
In Christ,
Deborah
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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Wow, thanks, Deborah.
I wanted to ask, could I copy this and post it over in the Special Blessings forum?
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 11:23am | IP Logged
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Oh, dear --
Should I have originally posted my question in that forum? I have justed started on here and am still trying to do it right....
~Laura in AZ
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mom3aut1not
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 11:50am | IP Logged
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Willa,
Sure.
In Christ,
Deborah
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 11:52am | IP Logged
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I'm going to move the whole thread .
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 2:25pm | IP Logged
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cactus mouse wrote:
Should I have originally posted my question in that forum? I have justed started on here and am still trying to do it right....
~Laura in AZ |
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I think you did it right. Your question went beyond just special-needs (don't they all, I guess?). But I think some of the answers might be useful to parents of special blessings. Deborah's experiences particularly, so that's why I asked if I could copy it over.
Please don't worry or hesitate next time, there is not a wrong way to post, beyond the Golden-Rule provisions that I can't imagine you ever going against!
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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KC in TX
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 9:06pm | IP Logged
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Deborah,
WOW!! Thank you for taking the time to type all that information. At times I have felt I was floundering, but now I know I'm headed in the right direction.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
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Oh, thank you all so much for all the information that you shared! You have all given me so much to think about. You know, I should have realized that even even though he would be "staying" at home instead of "going" to school, for him that would be viewed as a change. I mean, I knew it, but I hadn't really thought about it like that.
And I know how much the structure is good for him. He needs it, (unlike my two girls, who are much more relaxed that way -- as am I -- so this is "hard" in a way for me too -- but of course I want to be able to meet his needs as best I can.)
Deborah - could you share the name of the video game you are using where you have to share?
I am so glad that I finally started having the nerve to post on these forums. This whole place is just so nice. It has such a comfortable feel to it.
Thanks again,
~Laura in AZ
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mom3aut1not
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 10:01pm | IP Logged
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KC,
You're welcome.
I did forget to mention a couple of things I have found important with my son. I try to keep to his hsing schedule as much as possible. It tends to really disturb his equilibrium if we skip a day. If he is ill, but not very ill, or if Dad is home, we do a light day with the same structure.
I also limit outside activities as more than one unusual activity a week can make it very hard for him to concentrate. In fact, it can take up to a week to recover from anything unusual. I find it is best to do "weird things" on Friday as that has the least effect oh him. Big things, like Grandma visiting or going to MI, may take a week or two to recover from.
In Christ,
Deborah
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mom3aut1not
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| Posted: Jan 16 2006 at 11:02pm | IP Logged
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Laura,
Welcome to autie-thinking! (I am referring to understanding that staying home is a change too.) Is it any comfort to know that NT thinking is just as hard for auties to see?
You're doing fine. And you are not alone.
In Christ,
Deborah
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: Not sure what to do with ds?
