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albeto
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| Posted: Jan 16 2009 at 7:55pm | IP Logged
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Ds (13) has PDD-NOS and PTSD which has given him considerable challenges lately. He sees a psychiatrist for his PTSD and as he works his issues out in therapy, I do my part by praying for him, for us, and try to maintain control and a constant rythym.
That's my challenge. I just found out yesterday the reason for my physical symptoms - I have an auto-immune disorder that encourages my body to attack the very protein my thyroid makes. So apparently much of body's energy is being used to "save" me from the very thing that will help me, leaving me wiped out.
The reason I post this *here* is because ds really takes his energy and mood from my example. For example, this past weekend I took the opportunity to leaf-blow a season full of leaves that had piled up by the side of the house to the curb. Many of these leaves were wet (we live in a warm climate, winter being the rainy season) and I think I got some kind of fungal irritation from this. My throat was extremely painful and I ran a fever for about 20 hours. A culture for strep showed to be negative. Ds complained the next few days of feeling "ill" but couldn't pin point any actual malady. His throat was fine, he didn't have a fever, didn't have a stomach ache, he just complained that he felt ill, didn't have energy to do school and was more depressed (irritable, argumentative).
I wish I could always be cheerful and joyful for him as I've come to notice when I'm feeling down (emotionally or physically - at least now I know how to address it), he becomes far more irritable and easily frustrated. If I'm in a good mood, he's a real charmer, sweet, funny, outgoing. It's like the umbilical cord for emotions was never separated. I'm not sure how to support him when I am on "emergency reserves" myself. He really needs it now as he's trying to come to terms with the trauma of the past and how it affects him today. I do hope my new doc can help, but I'm not holding my breath for waking up in a week with the energy I had twenty years ago. I'd like to be able to support him while he is still developing his own character.
(I'm not sure if this is making sense. My brain is a bit mushy now!)
Any ideas?
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Waverley
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 1:56pm | IP Logged
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First of all, I am so sorry you are experiencing poor health. Second, I applaud your ability and awareness of your relationship with your child that you see the connection between your emotions and his. You must be very in touch with your son.
My only advice, because we use it here, is to use the time when you're feeling down as a teachable moment. For example, if I am angry, I tell my children, "I am really angry now. I need to have a moment of quite time to control my anger." I think it is important for my children, especially my special needs kids, to be able to see someone identify their emotions, acknowledge that the emotion itself is OK, but then to express that emotion in a healthy way.
I hope that helps. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 3:15pm | IP Logged
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I do the same as Waverley does. I don't have chronic health problems but we've certainly had ups and downs in life and one of my children in particular was extremely sensitive to my moods. He almost became my emotional barometer; sometimes he went downhill before I even realized something was going on with me.
Even though your son is 13 chronologically and probably hormonally (! probably making it worse) he is probably younger developmentally, right? He may not be old enough in that way to really have separated emotionally. My 9 year old is cognitively about 5 and emotionally, in some ways even younger, about 4 I think. I have to always remember that when he's acting like a preschooler -- he basically IS one.
In any case, though it probably seems like mostly a disadvantage to you now, it may be an advantage in a couple of ways that he is still affected by your moods:
1. He probably is easier for you to influence for good reasons than he would be if he were detached.
2. It shows he has a very sensitive emotional barometer which in itself may be quite a good thing and lead to sympathy and compassion and those good things.
3. Maybe he's learning how to deal with his emotional range vicariously, through you, and if he learns how to pull himself back up like you are doing, it may be a very helpful thing for him to have practiced, when he reaches the age of more independence and has more personal emotional ups and downs going on.
I guess as Waverley said I would try to be open about the tools you use to get back to your normal self.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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albeto
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| Posted: Feb 03 2009 at 5:51pm | IP Logged
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Thank you, ladies. I think you are both very right. After thinking about it, I do think ds does reference me emotionally more than I had thought. He soaks up my emotions like a sponge, I knew that, but I never thought of it as learning how to react. He has lots of pent up anger in general and has a hard time when he does not get what he wants. When I don't get what I want, he sees my lack of energy as a lack of cheerfulness and a reaction of irritability.
I think vocalizing positive thoughts like one does for a toddler might be helpful. His psychiatrist said he spends a lot of time just putting kids' thoughts and emotions into words. I had forgotten just how limited my ds' understanding of emotions was just a few short years ago (at age 9 he didn't know someone could feel two things at once, like a little nervous but a lot excited). He also suggested that because he references me so much, I am an important role model but because ds has declared his loss of faith, I am no longer a "respectable" role model because I don't mind being made a fool. It's quite a conflict for him.
Poor kid. He's really torn up inside. So thank you both for helping me see this. :-)
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: keeping up appearances
