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fishem001
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| Posted: Jan 30 2008 at 12:41pm | IP Logged
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Hi there,
My husband and I are starting to look into adoption. Today we called Catholic Charities, and they basically turned us away because we haven't finished working on our infertility issues. We are using Pope Paul VI Institute to help us, and we're just not finished with their analysis. I don't think it's time for us to give up. I don't think I could really ever just "give up."
I really believe after 2 years God is calling us to adoption. Will we always get the door closed because we're still trying to have/open to our own? Am I just being an idealist?
For those of you who have walked down the adoption road, what's your advice?
Christ's Peace,
Emily
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 30 2008 at 12:59pm | IP Logged
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Hi Emily,
Being turned away from an agency based on one phone call tells me more about the agency (or the person you spoke with) than it tells me about you! Perhaps there was a misunderstanding with the agency OR you need to track down another agency that is willing to work with you. What one agency defines as "infertility issues", another might define as "being open to receiving life in a variety of ways."
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Jan 30 2008 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
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Dear Emily,
I think it really depends on what kind of adoption you are trying to pursue. We did an international adoption (from Guatemala) last year while pregnant with our daughter, so it definitely CAN be done.
I think agencies may shy away from this kind of situation for a couple of reasons. First, they probably have had many cases in which the prospective adoptive parents end up getting pregnant and decide to disrupt the adoption mid-way through. This is then a difficult situation for all involved--the birthparents, the child, the agency itself. Second, some agencies are also concerned about having two children placed at one time in the home (in this case, one biological and one adopted). They will argue that it is in the best interest of the children to enter the family one at a time, for attachment purposes. I obviously disagree with this, but I heard it directly from several of the agencies we were in contact with.
When we first began our adoption journey, we had only been really trying to get pregnant for about a year, but we felt called to adoption as well. When I first talked with agencies, I told them that we would still be trying to conceive during the adoption process; our homestudy agency was, thankfully, accepting of that--especially when we told them that we would definitely still want to continue with the adoption were we so blessed. And we did indeed get pregnant, about a week before our first homestudy appointment. I was nervous about what their response would be, but they were fine with it, as long as we were. I then called all the international agencies we had been in contact with and told them the situation. A few said that they could no longer work with us until the baby was born. But most of them were congratulatory and open to continuing with our plans.
So, my advice: first, you may want to look more broadly at your options. I am only familiar with the international adoption scene, but I know that it is possible there. Second, don't limit yourself to that local office. Call around and describe your situation, and I am sure you will find people willing to work with you.
I am saying this with the assumption that you would not disrupt the adoption should you eventually conceive. If that is not the case, perhaps you should put the adoption plans on hold until you have a firmer diagnosis. It is a sad situation when an adoption is disrupted. Certainly, when we started the process, we still wanted to get pregnant very badly! But God's calling us to adoption was a strong desire in our hearts as well, and we prayed just as hard that God's will be done for us in that arena. We didn't put the two (adoption and conception) in competition with each other--we wanted both! 
Anyway, just my thoughts. God bless you!
__________________
Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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Wendi DeGrandpr
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| Posted: Jan 30 2008 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
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Emily - I am not sure what the guidelines are for Catholic charities - they were the first organization we approached regarding adoption and we were told we could not adopt through them because we already had two biological children. I admit to being taken aback by this but we just pursued other avenues. We adopted two children internationally.
All I can say is put it in God's hands. If He is calling you to adopt He will open the doors for you. 
I will keep you in my prayers.
__________________
God Bless,
Wendi
Mom to four blessings
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa
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Lisa R
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| Posted: Jan 31 2008 at 4:42pm | IP Logged
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We are in the process of our 2nd international adoption and our agency never asked about our fertility. They were just so happy to find a home for a child! I'd keep looking around at other agencies as well.
__________________
God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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fishem001
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| Posted: Feb 02 2008 at 6:09pm | IP Logged
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Thank you Lisa, Wendi, Celeste, and Angie for your perspective and encouragement. This is a totally new world for us, and we just want to do God's will!
Thanks!
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JennGM
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| Posted: Feb 02 2008 at 6:12pm | IP Logged
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Emily,
Catholic Charities usually takes this stance. There are some other agencies that do not have that policy. I know of one if you're interested. PM me.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Essy
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| Posted: Feb 12 2008 at 1:46pm | IP Logged
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Hmmm...from what I remember the questions we were asked with Catholic Charities were more geared to making sure that we were ready to adopt and that this wasn't going to be a 'second choice'...I could be wrong though. Also the Catholic Charities agency that we worked with here in MA (have since sadly closed to adoptions)had stricter rules depending on your own strictness (I'm not sure if this is coming out right)...for example if all you were open to was a white, new born with no health issues in the bio family background then the waiting list became immensely long and they were very strict. The more open you were, the easier things became.
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Wife to Roy since Sept 1985
Mom to Sarah(May 2002)and Christian (August 2003)
Praying In the Moment
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: Adoption and Infertility Treatments
