| Author | |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 17 2014 at 6:06am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
My ds in 8th is really struggling right now with his ADHD. He is not on meds and I'm hoping to avoid that route. My dh feels like this son is too comfortable at home and therefore doesn't try to keep his behavior under control. He thinks that perhaps this ds would benefit from going to school. I disagree, but am going to pray about it. I don't know what God has for this ds and I want to trust that he will lead us to the right path.
Right now, I'm trying to work out a plan for this ds that will help him focus. I had the day divided for him by subject (first math, then copy work, then read history...) but that's not working. Now I'm wondering if it would be better to have him work for 50 minutes, regardless of subject, and take a 10 minute break. Almost like he was taking classes in school.
Any suggestions?
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Pilgrim
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 28 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1286
|
| Posted: Sept 17 2014 at 9:16am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I can truly empathize with having a child struggling with distraction. Our oldest was so hard to teach when she was younger, she would notice everything going on around her, and with so many toddlers in our house, there's always a lot going on.  I know how hard one child's troubles can disrupt the who day/family.
Of course you have to pray and discern what's truly best for your ds/family together with your dh, but I think putting a child with ADD in school is not the best choice for them. They tend to pick up on all the bad things, like how the stuff you don't want them to focus on in a movie, they're the one's who pick it up the most. It makes sense, because those are what sticks out to them. They don't mean to pick up on those things, but they DO, and it's so natural for them because they notice so much by nature. Anyway, just my $0.02. The priest gave my parents the advice to put my older brother in school as he was difficult to homeschool and would disrupt the family, it turned out to be a very bad choice, sadly. Like I said, this is a very personal choice, every family is different, and the decision always has to come down to parents themselves through much prayer.
A book that really, really helped both myself and dh understand our daughter more and get through that rough spot was Right-Brained Children in a Left-Brained World: Unlocking the Potential of Your ADD Child. I originally got it from the library, and then bought it on Amazon for $0.01 because I learned a lot from it and wanted to be able to pick it up and reread when needed. It was the most helpful book I had ever read on ADHD/ADD. I always thought those with ADD were distracted, he explains how actually it's that they notice everything, they find it hard not to notice and focus on multiple things.
There's another book by the same author 4 Weeks To An Organized Life With AD/HD that maybe helpful to your ds, maybe your library system would have a copy.
Another helpful author from which I learned a lot about teaching our ADD child is Dianne Craft. For the right-brained child what makes learning stick is stories, color, pictures, and emotion. Ever notice how they remember something they learned when it involved humor? This turned on the lights for me. It has to catch their interest for it to stick.
Anyway, I digress. I will pray for you guys. It's so hard wanting to do what's best and right for all your children. Truly my FIL's words to my husband when he was young were true "parenting will be the hardest thing you ever do", it is.
__________________
Wife 2 my bf, g14,b8,g&b6,g4,g3,g1 1/2,4 ^i^
St. Clare Heirloom Seeds coupon 4Real 20% off
St. Clare Audio
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 18 2014 at 6:02am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks Pilgrim! I've heard about both of those books but haven't read them. I will check them out. Distraction is the key word! This poor ds can't concentrate if there is anything else going on around him. On the other hand, if it is too quiet I think he starts to wonder what he is missing so he goes searching for his siblings! My dh says in school he just simply would not be able to act like he does here at home, but I worry that he would be working so hard to be still and pay attention that he wouldn't learn anything at all!
And this isn't anything new. This child has been a challenge since he was little. I just see it as more intense now with the hormonal changes kicking in and, I think since he's getting ready for highschool level work I just worry more that he wont be able to handle it.
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Anneof 5
Forum Pro
Joined: June 10 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 217
|
| Posted: Sept 18 2014 at 9:38am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I also do not think school would be the solution. There are as many if not more distractions there.
I know you do not want to use medication but we finally went that route a few months ago and the change is very positive for my son, 15. He is much more able to concentrate and actually complete his work without me having to sit with him and redirect and refocus him every couple of minutes. He also uses headphones to listen to music as he works to tune out other noises. I think the book suggestions are good, too.
One thing to remember is that it is not a matter of disobedience or laziness that your son is not able to focus. He has a true disability and he needs solutions. It is not misbehavior but a true deficit.
I wish you the best!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
drmommy
Forum Pro
Joined: Dec 14 2009
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 394
|
| Posted: Sept 18 2014 at 9:47am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Hi Becky, I am not a regular poster, but today I decided to come on to the forum since it has been a while, and I found your post.
My daughter (12) was born with a cortical dysplasia/brain disorder. She does great except she does have ADHD. We choose not to medicate her. She is my youngest of four. I use Kolbe Academy curriculum, which helps because it is very structured and the lesson plans are wonderful, and they can be changed, and are very flexible for my family's needs.
I work outside the home 3 days per week, and take care of my bedridden father who lives with us. My husband is supportive, but is in law enforcement, so I am pretty much on my own with the crazy hours. Just a background to let you know what CAN work, even in a crazy schedule.
The key for us is structure. We did have her in school, but it did not help, as she could not pay attention, and therefore was not learning.
What I do at home is have a home with very minimal distractions. I have what most call a minimalist home. I got rid of any and all knick-knacks and trinkets. We have a crucifix and a Holy Family picture in our school room, and that's it. And a clock. This has helped so much to keep her focus, as her eyes will catch anything. We work in blocks of time, never more than 45 minutes. We make sure we do "potty" and drinks during our little break, or else, as you probably know, they tend to have to go to the bathroom during lessons. Math is always the first in the morning, because that is the subject she gets the most distracted with. Afternoons are language arts and reading. Making her read aloud to me helps keep her focus also. Her reward for finishing her work includes playing with the dog (we have an active Boston Terrier) and helping me clean and organize (her favorite thing to do, as it keeps her moving and engaged when she is with me). I try really hard to pepper school with active chores and alternate them. This works for us. Yes, school takes longer, but she is more calm, and feels a sense of accomplishment in both chores and schoolwork. I do know that when I take her to work with me (I am a chiropractor), she is much more focused as there is not much to distract her there. It is a reward for her when she comes to work with me, because she gets alone time with Mommy. Also, definitely praise goes SO much farther with her than criticisms or any kind of negative language. I don't praise her without a reason to praise her, but she know it is sincere when I do. Then, because she loves it, she wants to please...which is where I explain to her that completing schoolwork is not only pleasing to Mama, but to our dear Lord and His Mother, AND to herself!
I don't know if that helps, but I would say a strict schedule with a timer, minimal visual distractions, and a non nonsense approach to her is what helps. Also, when I cut out gluten from her diet, and gave her probiotics it made a difference between night and day, believe me.
Those are the things that help our family. I hope that you find the direction that works best for yours. Bridget
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 19 2014 at 6:51am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Anneof 5, thank you for the headphone idea! We bought headphones for him last year and I completely forgot about them. He enjoys classical music so the headphones helped him to stay focused and not be distracted in this noisy house! Now, where or where did he put them???
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Sept 19 2014 at 7:19am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you drmommy. I know how important it is to keep distractions at a minimum. I was just thinking about how this kitchen remodel has all the kids acting a little kooky so why am I so surprised the one with ADHD is especially struggling? While the men were here for several days in a row installing flooring and then cabinets he just kept saying "Mom, I feel so stressed".
Thankfully things have calmed down now. Still not done but on the last leg.
My son doesn't seem to be as visually distracted as he used to be. Now it is sounds that distract him. If he hears his 3yo brother in the other room on a computer game, even if it is starfall or another little kid's game he will get up and go see what he is playing. Or, if the dog barks, he has to get up and check on that. This is all day long and I can only imagine how difficult it is for him to keep focused. As I mentioned to Anneof5 we'll be getting the headphones out. I wish I had remembered that sooner.
I'm going to need to get a good timer too. That does help. I believe he knows what he needs because he's been asking for a watch so he can keep track of the time. Maybe I can find one with a timer feature.
Gluten! I didn't think of that for this one. I have a son with celiac and another one that can't have dairy. (It sure would help if they would pick the same food sensitivity!  ) It does make sense though, that gluten could be bothering him. It bothers me. I get eczema and am more irritable when I've been eating gluten. We take probiotics, but not faithfully every day. Maybe I need to be more diligent there too. Thanks again for all the help!
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: Scehdule for ds struggling with ADHD
