| Author | |
Kristie 4
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 20 2006
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1508
|
| Posted: May 21 2008 at 11:41am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
(Lost the last post so here goes...)
We just had a very draining early morning. My ds12, who is the sweetest, easiest going, most obediant young man I know, I am seeing needs some definite help. I have put off testing for years, thinking that he was just maturing slowly (he did everything so much later than the other kids- walking, talking, etc.). But now I am feeling so guilty that I have taken this long to get to this point.
Back to this morning....ds was out with other youth from
church with his great leaders. I had given him $20 on the way there- I told him that $15 of that money was for all the great babysitting he has been doing and the rest was our donation for the movies. I said that now that he was 13 I thought he could pay for his own movies (he has lots of money saved up as he is trying to go on the plane to visit his grandparents). (I am not sure he totally understood all of this in hindsight.) So this morning dh tells me we owe the youth leader for ds movie. I was very confused (and angry!!). I said but I gave him $20. I though all sorts of not very nice things- namely, that ds was hording the money for his savings. So we went and talked to ds. I asked him how this happened and he responded by saying nothing (this is common as he has SUCH a hard time expressing himself - I usually end up guessing until I am right and it is so draining). Eventually he said that he told his leader he only had $5 for the movie as he was saving the $15. I was even more upset at this point but refrained from showing it. When he came upstairs both my dh and I tried to get him to see the logical thinking behind all this- but I realise he doesn't think logically alot (Edited to add: I am sure he thinks logically, but not in the same way that we do). We got to the point where we asked him that even if he did think we were paying for the movies, why didn't he just use some of his money and then ask us to pay him back. He looked baffled, he was crying by this point (he cries extremely easily) and my head was about to burst.
I know this is not his fault- it must be so difficult and scrambled in his own mind and my mind exhaustion must be minimal in comparison. But I don't know where to go from here. Each province we have lived in has denied access to testing as we are homeschooling and I am at a lost at where to start privately. I feel like I have failed him by not doing more earlier, while at the same time I look at how much he loves to read (reads a stack of difficult novels and classics each week) etc. and how the time we have spent doing what we do here has not been in vain.
Confused and exhausted would be the words of the hour.
Any wisdom.....
__________________
Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Aggie gal
Forum Pro
Joined: Aug 02 2007
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 192
|
| Posted: May 21 2008 at 3:58pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I don't have any wisdom to share Kristie, but I'll offer up prayers for you this eve.
__________________
Amy
Married to Rob, Momma to Patrick (17), Braden (14), Nathan (11), Benjamin (10), Aurea (8), Peter (6), Rosie (3) and Baby Blaise
Eight is GR8
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mom3aut1not
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 21 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 757
|
| Posted: May 21 2008 at 4:22pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Kristie,
I also have no words of wisdom. If you were in the US, I could offer advice, but I don't know about Canada. We tried to get some speech therapy in Canada when we were there for six months, but the center (one I had heard praised) had no idea how to handle non-citizens. We offered to pay outright, and they didn't know how to handle that either. <sigh>
Is there no way to get testing through the medical system as opposed to the educational system? Or do you live close to the US? I know some Canadians get services by paying cash in the US.
A thought for the future. Perhaps you could write out instructions for him? Perhaps you could roleplay upcoming situations with him?
I wish I could help. I have a hf autistic daughter who can't read directions and understand them and who has terrible short- and long-term memory also. It's hard.
In Christ,
Deborah
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kristie 4
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 20 2006
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1508
|
| Posted: May 21 2008 at 4:33pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have tried to go the medical route and my doctor said that the only options I had were through the school system.
I do think roleplaying could play a good role.
Thank you both for the support as well.
What sort of professional did any of you begin with? A neuropsychologist, a speech therapist, etc.??
__________________
Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Willa
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3881
|
| Posted: May 21 2008 at 4:52pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I wonder if you can't get your doctor to write a referral to a neuropsych for an evaluation -- seems to me a dx might be a starting place. Then if you have a diagnosis, you know which organizations to contact for further info, and more specifically what services he needs for help.
I know little about searching for services -- Aidan was tracked and placed with services from Day 1 out of hospital.
When I deal with therapists, if it's any help, I am always surprised how much more I am doing by instinct than I would imagine. The only exceptions tend to be very specific motor issues like with his physical therapy. I bet you are naturally responding to what he needs in so many ways, and as you recognize these glitches you can figure out solutions for them, perhaps. (I also know it's such a relief to have help and support from "outside" sometimes so I am not trying to minimize that part of it).
I do think sometimes it can help a child in transition out to the "real world" if they have a diagnosis and "label". Then they are able to get accommodations, at least in the US.... registered learning disabilities get treated differently in college applications and the like.
But I am no expert on that, mine is very young still. I have an older child with some "shadow" symptoms and I sometimes wish I had gotten him eval'd earlier because of the college entrance stuff though.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Taffy
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 05 2005
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1567
|
| Posted: May 21 2008 at 6:15pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Kristie,
I second what Willa said, try to get a diagnosis as it is much easier to access services with one.
I am also in Canada. We are not currently getting any services for our son's autism, though, as the services we were offered and had tried were definitely substandard. It's not that people didn't try, it's that they didn't really know how to help (among other things). We are in Saskatchewan, the only province in Canada to not have a strategy for helping those with autism.
I am not sure if the doctor can issue a referral to a child psychologist or if you need to go through the school system. That would be my starting point, in any case. A good child psych can point you in the right direction for what your son needs and how to access services. You may be able to access the school board for the diagnosis. I think, though, that most school boards (in Western Canada) won't provide services to homeschoolers. A lot won't even help with the diagnosis.
BTW - my son struggles with this kind of thing a LOT. I think that targeting executive function skills will help. This site has a lot of useful info - maybe some of it might help in your situation?
Good luck and keep us posted. I'll try and help more if I can.
__________________
Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JuliaT
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 25 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 563
|
| Posted: May 21 2008 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Kristie, i know all about being confused and exhausted. I am so sorry that you are living through this right now. I live in SK as well. As Susan said, we don't get any services through the school system. I tried to get speech help and was shot down right from the beginning. I was fortunate in the sense that we had gotten speech therapy when D. was a preschooler and we had an awesome S&L pathologist. She told me that it was not acceptable that we were being demied these services. She encouraged me to make some noise.
Making a fuss is definitely out of my comfort zone. I am not a fighter but I knew that I needed to do this for my ds. So I talked to everybody I could think of: doctor, public health, other S&L pathologists. I told them our story and asked for help or sugesstions on what I should do. I even wrote a letter to our MLA (prov. gov't rep.) and our Premier. I was told at every turn that this was my problem, not theirs.
Finally, all of my noise-making paid off. A S&L pathologist that works with the school division heard from various sources about me and the fuss I was making. She took us on as her clients without her bosses knowing about it. To my way of thinking, this was a miracle!
My advice is to start making noise. Contact anyone that you think might be able to help you. Tell them your story and ask them for suggestions on what you can do for your ds. If you make enough noise, you might get the attention of some kind soul who will be willing to help you.
I know that this is very hard and scary, especially if you are not wired for making fusses, like me. I believe now that my ds is dyslexic so I am gearing up for another fight. The thought does not excite me but I know that it has to be done.
Blessings,
Julia
mom of 3 (8,7,5)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mom3aut1not
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 21 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 757
|
| Posted: May 21 2008 at 7:46pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Kristie,
Let's see. With my older ASD children, the first person we saw was a neuropsychologist. After seeing him, my oldest ASD child was initially turned down for services (due to inadequate testing by the school). We were then involved in some research for autism, and the SLP (a well-known researcher in autism) told us that dd needed SLT asap. When I told her that the school would not listen to me (and the local Catholic school didn't want her), she told me that she would write a report, and they would listen. She also had me get my dd's IQ tested. (The local special ed school tried to convince me that she was "slow.") The SLP was right, and that dd got SLT for many years through the school while being hsed. My middle ASD child got services through a school placement for 3.5 years and then had supplemental SLT for several years while being hsed. Both girls had periodic speech and language testing *privately*. This was important as the school testing was much more cursory and much less informative. My youngest ASD child was checked periodically (another research project), and the flag went up when he was two. He started getting private SLT at a center that specialized in autism. He also got SLT and OT through the school system. He now gets only SLT through the school as well as excellent private SLT. Most of the school SLPs had barely a clue. (The current one is the only one who actually knows how to work with an autistic child. Having seen his improvement in the last year, she has finally stopped trying to get me to put him in school.)
One thing you might do is try to find local parents that have children with similar problems -- especially hsers. Local info is always the best. Other parents may know of resources and professionals that will help. Taffy and JuliaT also have good ideas.
In Christ,
Deborah
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kristie 4
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 20 2006
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1508
|
| Posted: May 22 2008 at 8:02am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you all for your wisdom. Susan, I will have a look through that site when I get a chance later today.
Going through the school system at this point seems like it just wouldn't work. There is no crossover here in Manitoba for homschoolers that I know of. But I am going to do some heavy research and see if something could work. My doctor, who is fresh out of medical school, was astounded that we couldn't recieve this testing or speech therapy (for my dd10). She wouldn't believe me- so she started phoning around and came up with the same answer. I am going to go back to her though and see if we can do a more thourough search or if she can refer me.
Looking for other hsers with similar problems does seem like a good answer Deborah. I might be able to find some on our local email list (the couple I do know are in denial about their son, even though their friends would love to help).
Julia, I admire you. I am not a fuss maker (at least not at that level  ) but in this case I can see that it is worth it.
I will keep you posted.
__________________
Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
nissag
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 23 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1511
|
| Posted: May 22 2008 at 2:53pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Kristie,
No words here, either. But your son sounds exactly like my Caroline. I have found that she makes leaps, rather than steady progress in understanding...
I'll be watching with interest.
Blessings,
Nissa
__________________
Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kristie 4
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 20 2006
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1508
|
| Posted: July 30 2008 at 9:56am | IP Logged
|
|
|
An update....
Yesterday I was at the doctor and she is making appointments at the neuropsych. and a developmental pediatrician. My doctor is fresh out of med school so she is optimistic that even as a homeschooler these services are available- I just am praying now that they are indeed available.
I would also appreciate wisdom and prayers regarding how to share this process with Ar. when it comes.
Thank you so much again for your care.
__________________
Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
albeto
Forum Pro
Joined: March 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 105
|
| Posted: July 30 2008 at 5:06pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh Kristi,
What a long wait it is to learn if there is help or not. Your son sounds similar to my daughter. She was diagnosed with Expressive Speach Delay (meaning she knows precicely what's going on around her but just can't get her thoughts out of her poor head without effort). She is also a voracious reader because the information going *in* is just fine. She cannot, however, express herself in new situations. Even simple ones. She will be 11 this Friday.
I thought it was only her speach but it turns out she also has trouble making connections similarly to what your first post explains. The simple connections just don't get made for some reason and yet in other areas, she's so creative and clever.
I've recently ordered Lindamood Bell's "Visualizing and Verbalizing" program. The idea is that some kids don't get the "big picture" (they call it "gestalt") of a reading passage and therefor don't understand the point of the reading, which makes comprehention impossible. My daughter has no problem with the big picture, she simply cannot express it and can't make simple conclusions based on inferences. The "See Time Fly" workbook is for older kids and uses simple history lessons as the forum for practicing gestalt imagery and expression and making connections. Each section has five paragraphs (each paragraph consists of 4 - 5 sentences), followed by 5 questions which both reinforce the gestalt imagery and encourage making connections. Here is an example from my book:
"Alexander the Great was the king of Macedonia and one of the greateds generals in history Alexander was much loved by his men and was a brilliant and courageous general. In the first great battle of his Asian campain, he was in the thick of the fighting, and made himself an obvious target for the enemy by wearing white wings on his helmet. He conquered many countries and formed most of what is considered the civilized world. Because of his conquests, Greek ideas and customs spread around the world."
Questions:
1. What did you visualize Alexander wearing on his helmet during the Asian campaign?
2. What did he do that made us think he was brave?
3. Why do you think Alexander was much loved by his men?
4. Why is he often referred to as a great general?
5. Why might his conquests have spread ideas around the world?
Now, what I like about this is, for my oldest with PDD-NOS we can work on imagery, of which he is challenged. With my daughter, however, we work on expressive techniques. Not just answering the question, like for #1 not just "wings," but using her own words to embellish: "large wings taken from hawks and stretched wide." The questions are great ways to encourage figuring out the answers to questions when they aren't given specifically (like #3).
I haven't had much time to do this so far this summer so I can't recommend it, but it does sound intriguing and hopefully you can find something that will help. My heart and prayers go out to you. I know how hard it is to watch our children as we discover just how fragile they really are.
Here is the link to the Lindamood Bell publishers: https://shop.ganderpublishing.com/IW_Products.m4p.pvx?;MULTI _ITEM_SUBMIT
I wouldn't get the package as I believe it is meant for therapists. I would look at the history workbook. Just get one, you don't need the resource book to try it out.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
folklaur
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2816
|
| Posted: July 30 2008 at 5:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
albeto wrote:
I've recently ordered Lindamood Bell's "Visualizing and Verbalizing" program. |
|
|
Wow - this sounds like a resource that would be great for us. I wasn't sure, until you typed it all out (thank you!), and I really think my Aspie would benefit from it.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
albeto
Forum Pro
Joined: March 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 105
|
| Posted: July 30 2008 at 5:29pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
cactus mouse wrote:
Wow - this sounds like a resource that would be great for us. I wasn't sure, until you typed it all out (thank you!), and I really think my Aspie would benefit from it.
|
|
|
Like I say, I wish I could give you some personal experience but this summer just hasn't worked out as planned. This history series is just like that paragraph, only 5 paragraphs per section, 5 questions per paragraph. At Lindamood Bell they work intensely with the child 4 hours a day, 5 days a week from 4-6 weeks and more. That amounts to the cost of a small car when all is said and done. My kids have different problems with doing this and they do get irritated (because its hard), but I do think it will help.
I like that its history based in nature because stories of dogs burrying bones would bore my kids at this age. Besides, knowing a little about history makes the information less intimidating.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kristie 4
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 20 2006
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1508
|
| Posted: July 30 2008 at 11:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you so much Albeto. That is my sons main thing- not being able to get the information out (you should see how much info he has going in!!!), and also making some of the connections. His comprehension is excellent as far as facts, plot, etc. he is just weak on the inferences.
I will check the book out and also use your example to write up a few of my own!
__________________
Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: A Difficult day....
