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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Oct 15 2007 at 9:17am | IP Logged
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What coping strategies do you teach your children with ADHD? DH and I were talking about how ds has ADHD but he has to learn to "live in the world". How do you teach these kids to sit still, not interupt when someone is talking, get through Mass without making a scene, etc.? Ds is 6 and I think he is at an age where I can say, "when you feel like doing this, and you know you shouldn't, try this instead". I'm thinking of things like those weighted (beany-type) snakes that can be put in the child's lap so when they stand up, it slips off and reminds them to stay seated.
I hope this question is making sense. I'm looking for ideas to help my ds.
Thanks!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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c_rob
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Dear Becky,
Our ds was diagnosed when he was 3 and is now 21 (amazing he lived that long, really - he was such a risk taker). Because he was highly intelligent, we were able to explain ADHD to him and, by 7, have some little "tricks" established. To get through Mass, we instituted a soothing mechanism. He loved having behind his ear and his earlobe rubbed. I used to do this whilst (looking like) I was focussing on the Mass. After a while, we agreed that if I rubbed my ear, it would be a sign that he was distracted and needed to be soothed. Not long after that, he started giving the signal back to me - a process in self awareness, you see. An hour was about the longest this could work. We kept it secret, which made him feel empowered. In the meantime we stressed that he wasn't disabled, but was differently abled. His were the skills of the hunter, the "big-picture" man who always knew what was going on around him - in a social situation, on a sports field, etc. So, while we stretched him to "fit in" with sit still expectations, we looked to encourage him to hone his own natural gifts. It was a long journey (about 11 years, but what can you do?) Homescooling is great for ADHD kids.
BTW He now speaks at schools about the blessings of being an un-medicated ADHD.
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Christine, in Australia
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Mackfam
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Becky,
I'll watch this thread closely. I have a 7yo who has never been diagnosed, but certainly has all the classic attributes of ADHD and some sensory integration issues.
I've found that I can only expect success when addressing one issue at a time. For example, Mass behavior - I address one thing at a time. Right now, we're working on him standing up straight. We give clear if...then type consequences and stick with them. I gently remind during Mass. It takes a while for it to work, but it does work after a habit is established.
I find that a good routine is important for him during the school day.
When he interrupts a conversation, I just gently remind him that he is interrupting and then ignore him until my conversation is finished.
He is a very sensitive child, so any corrections I make must be very gentle and direct him in love or he crumbles. It was a good learning experience for me to learn to lower my voice and speak softly to him.
It is a constant learning experience with him. I have moved to a much more Montessori style learning environment as this allows him quiet time to make connections on his own and I can't tell you what an extraordinary difference this has made for this child. He is blossoming. I'm not pushing Montessori on you - and we're definitely not purists - but it does answer a very specific need in this easily distractible child's learning environment so I thought I'd mention it.
I hope my thoughts aren't too disjointed - I feel like they are, but I'm typing fast because I need to tidy up before my sweet husband gets home. So...I'll just hit post, and tell you that I know right where you are, and I'll pray for you.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 6:13am | IP Logged
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Thanks for your replies Christine and Jennifer. I came upon this article the other day: ADHD article
It has some ideas, although I think I've heard most of them; food additives, schedules, etc. It does help to hear what others do though.
Right now my quandry is what to do about All Saints Day. We'll have a party where lots of treats are handed out and we are just realizing (duh!) how these things affect ds. I don't want to punish him by taking his candy or not letting him go, but I also don't think I can let him eat it, knowing how it affects him.
Any thoughts about that?
Thanks!
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Becky
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Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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hsmom
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Becky, One year I got my dd to agree to trade in her treats for a special new toy. There is always something more important than candy. Or you could substitute all natural candies and chocolate. The toy would be cheaper I think.
Valerie
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Lori B
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My 12yo Aspie and 9yo with ADHD have to avoid all food additives, and our youngest is allergic to cow's milk. When we are going anywhere where there will be refreshments, we bring our own. They are so used to it now, that it doesn't bother them at all.
For Hallowe'en and All Saints specifically, we do "trades". We stock up on treats the kids can have, and trade treat-for-treat so they can see that they aren't getting "cheated" 
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22yod, 16yod (Asperger's), 14yos (dyslexia, APD, ADHD), and 11yod (JXG, glaucoma, legally blind)
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Lori B
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I should also add that life got a lot simpler when we made the "no additives" rule for the whole family- no one needs that junk, and we are all healthier without it. The kids act a little like a "team", deciding what treats are okay (plain potato chips, for ex.) and which ones aren't.
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c_rob
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In the short-term, you have to have the "natural" alternatives. (For us, this did NOT include naturally occurring red fruits and vegs.) I am still a big believer in teaching your little one his own cues, so even as I prepare, I explain the effect of sustances on all our bodies. Eventually, you will want to say to him, "you can have a ..., but watch what it does to you. How do you feel? Do you like it?" It is about gradually handing over control of their bodies to themselves.
In the meantime, I have always found cheese a useful antidote to a sugar hype.
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Lori B
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Becky, as for your original question, the only strategy we have used is being very strict about good manners and acceptable behaviour with *all* of our kids. My Aspie dd and ADHD son have, of course, needed much more repetition thatn the other two, but we are seeing the fruits now  We get complemented all the time and everywhere about how well-behaved our children are (which does not equal perfect, mind you  ).
When we are very strict and consistent about where certain behaviours are acceptable (you can yell and bounce off of the walls in the playroom, but *not* in the grocery store!), and emphasize that good behaviour is really an act of politeness and respect to the people around us, they *do* eventually get it.
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: Coping and ADHD
