4Real Forums: discerning next pregnancy

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: discerning next pregnancy

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SusanJ
Forum All-Star

Joined: May 25 2007
Location: New Jersey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1347

Posted: Sept 21 2007 at 1:08pm \| IP Logged

Good afternoon all,

I just posted an introduction, finally. I've been lurking for awhile. I'm hoping you all might have some insight into discerning when to add another child to the family when one kid has special needs. Ds is a parapalegic and requires a LOT of help during the day--much of that help comes in the form of carrying all 33 pounds (and counting) of him around. I also have dd (12 months). Her arrival into our family was a bit of a surprise. Of course I adore her and can't imagine life without her. And, honestly, I've figured out how to deal with two kids when one is paralyzed even though I thought it would be impossible. So, maybe that's the answer to my own question: I'll just figure it out.

I don't think I could get pregnant now if I wanted to, but I don't think it'll be much longer before we'll be able to get pregnant again and I just feel so overwhelmed and physically drained by these two kids right now. I often have to carry both of them at the same time and/or make mulitple trips between house and car to do an outing. I can't imagine that kind of physical energy output while pregnant or adding a baby into the mis. Ds uses a wheelchair to get around and we live in the city. We did an outing today which involved dd on my back, my bag sort of slung over one shoulder (and half whacking dd in the face) so I could push the wheelchair with the other hand. It's exhausting and dd is less and less happy to be strapped onto my back every time I need to deal with the chair.

We're also driving all the time lately. We used to walk a minimum of two miles each day and often much more. I can only do that with both kids in the stroller which is no fun for ds if there is any kind of destination because then he can't get out. So I'm getting no exercise.

I think I'm also really struggling with feeling like ds has been really neglected. DD is a very high-need kid and not a good napper. She's also now faster than her brother (unless he's in his chair) and can do a lot more than him physically. I'm also really seeing how much physical delays affect intelligence. Ds is really, really smart in some ways--mostly linguistically and socially and very imaginative. He's also lacking in some play skills. For example, today we were playing with giant Legos and he didn't really get what he was supposed to do with them while his one-year-old sister clearly did. This is because she's able to sit up and play with both hands and he isn't. I worry that I haven't invested enough energy in meeting his parituclar needs and then to add another baby into the mix . . .

I'm sorry this is so long and all over the place. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and sad today. I love my son but I'm hating his disability right now. But I also wonder if all moms have these questions when they are considering their third baby regardless of special needs. I'd appreciate any insight or encouragement any of you have.

God Bless,

Susan

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Mom to Joseph-8, Margaret-6, William-4, Gregory-2, and new little one due 11/1
Life Together
[URL=http://thejohnstonkids.blogspot.com]The Kids' Blog[/UR

helene
Forum Pro

Joined: Dec 10 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 304

Posted: Sept 21 2007 at 8:36pm \| IP Logged

Susan,

God bless you a thousand-fold for all you do for your beautiful children, especially your dear son. Just love,love,love them and do away with the guilt. No one on this forum can tell you whether or not it is wise for you to have another baby right now. That is for you and your husband and God to decide....but no one anywhere could possibly condemn you for postponing until you feel less overwhelmed. Disabilities can be very overwhelming. But do not think that a lady with a big family has necessarily got it all together and has unlimited energy, patience and virtue and can therefore give you advice. I am considerably more comfortable now with 8 than I was with only four. The reason being that my four oldest help A TON and naturally entertain the 4 youngest with all their projects and ideas. My current pregnancy is overwhelming me far less than my third ever did! Our particular circumstances often dictate our level of "overwhelmedness". Given time and space perhaps things will change for you and the idea of new life will seem more of a joyful prospect.

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Happy Mom to five girls (20,17,13,11and 4) and five boys (19, 15, 10, 8 and 6)

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