4Real Forums: Older Special Needs Children

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Older Special Needs Children

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Maria B.
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Joined: Jan 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 544

Posted: July 31 2007 at 4:40pm \| IP Logged

I am interested in hearing from families with older special needs kids. My special needs dd (20 years old) is more and more aware of the things her younger siblings and peers are doing and feeling "left out". "Why is brother going to college and not me? Why does so and so have a boy friend and not me? When can I have a boyfriend? Will you ever let me get married?"

One of the hardest things is that dd is so social. She loves people, but is a very bad judge of character. If you smile at her, you are a nice person.

She has had several young men at work ask her out. I am so afraid to even go there. DD has a diagnosis of very mild retardation. She shows no visual signs of special needs. To make it even more difficult, she is attractive! I hate to say it, but it would be easier if she was not!!

I have no idea if God intends for her to get married someday. Right now, I don't see that happening. But at one point in her life, I would never have believed that she could hold a full time job either. So I want to be open to things for her future, but I also have to be prudent and protect her.

Am I making any sense? I feel so bad for her. She so wants to be independent and do all the things twenty year olds do (the good things!). I don't want to hurt her, but I need to be honest with her.

Any advice or experience here?

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Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!

teachingmom
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Virginia Bluebells

Joined: Feb 16 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2120

Posted: Aug 01 2007 at 12:22am \| IP Logged

Oh, Maria, my heart is breaking for her. She is such a sweetheart! It sound like you are doing your best right now, walking the line between helping her to have as much independence as she can handle, while protecting her from the dangers the world holds for trusting souls like her. I'll pray for you both.

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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)

Betty
Forum Newbie

Joined: July 28 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3

Posted: Aug 04 2007 at 8:12pm \| IP Logged

HI Maria,
My husband's brother has a similar diagnosis, and like your daughter does not appear "different". He is now over 40, and married, living in a trailer that's paid for, and has worked full time at Embassy Suites for many, many years (and been honored as employee of the year more than once I think!). Keep her busy with activities such as Legion of Mary, and volunteering as an aide for ccd, or visiting a nursing home, or helping with a therapeutic riding program, or group square dancing, bowling league, cake decorating classes etc, so she is with plenty of good people and her time is full. I would be very matter of fact with her, that she is not yet ready for college and dating, but then give her lots to do. God bless!

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