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LLMom
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| Posted: Aug 29 2006 at 6:20am | IP Logged
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Homeschooling has not prevented one thing I wanted it to. I had hoped that by keeping my children home, they would not be teased and made to feel dumb. Well, the teasing is not there but what I didn't predict is how powerful my own child's assumption of himself would be. My 13 1/2 year old son has a lousy self-esteem. He tends to be a perfectionist and when he isn't good at something, he thinks he is stupid. He is not good at social things (extremely shy), not good at sports (has a lot of coordination problems), has ADD and can't keep focused well, and isn't good in school (according to him-- he was a very late reader and his spelling is terrible probably due to his visual processing problems). He IS a wonderful piano player and a VERY creative story writer. But he is slowly feeling isolated from his friends because the older boys are beginning to listen to rock music and he can't tolerate it because he is extremely sensitive to noises. So, his self-esteem is terrible. He feels he is dumb. He also has had in the past, some anger control issues but we found out that that was due to complex partial seizures in the area of the brain dealing with emotions. He is now on medication for it and doing much better but we didn't find that out until he was 10 1/2 so he has always felt crummy about his behavior; and he still has some frustration tolerance problems. How can I help this child feel better? He constantly tells him self he is dumb when he makes the smallest of mistakes.
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
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Dawnie
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| Posted: Aug 29 2006 at 3:13pm | IP Logged
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Lisa,
I'm no expert on special-needs children, but the negative thinking you describe in your son sounds a lot like what goes along with depression. I have struggled a lot with negative thinking about myself, and if it is not stopped, it can result in a kind of "downward spiral" emotionally, where the depression can get worse and worse. I'm 29 years old, have struggled with depression since my late teens, and I have just recently learned to stop and identify this self-destructive kind of thinking before it gets so bad that I can't function anymore. Talking to a faithful Catholic counselor has really helped me to come up with positive coping strategies when I have a depressive episode. Catholic Therapists lists therapists who are faithful to the Church's teachings. Also, Greg Popcak offers tele-counseling services.
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Aug 29 2006 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
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Dear Lisa,
I have a child who bears some similarities to your son. Though she is not ADD, she is easily frustrated and has had problems with her temper. She was diagnosed last year as clinically depressed. One thing that I never knew about depression in children, is that a very common symptom (as Dawn describes so well) is negative self-image and talk. My dd, who had always had a very good self-image, suddenly would comment on how stupid and dumb and ugly, etc. she was. She also had other symptoms, obviously, which indicated she was depressed such as saying she was "bored" a lot and she took to isolating herself from the family as much as she was able. Also, being "temperamental" and "quick to anger" is another symptom of depression in children. Thankfully, with God's help and a good doctor, she is improving. But I wanted you to know you are not alone and perhaps your son might be going through a period of depression (maybe not even anything serious--I am by no means, a doctor!). I just felt called to post and also to let you know that I will be praying for your son. He is truly blessed to have such a loving and concerned mother.
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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LLMom
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| Posted: Aug 30 2006 at 6:37am | IP Logged
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Thanks for posting about this. I have considered this but not sure what type of person to see. I am a bit hesitant to go to just any therapist/psychiatrist because we homeschool. One therapist we went to a few years ago to get help with his behavior recommended school and basically blamed homeschooling on his shyness/social problems. I will look into the CAtholic counselors but don't you need an MD of some sort to deal with depression?
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Aug 30 2006 at 8:53am | IP Logged
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Lisa,
We were blessed to have a friend who is in Opus Dei and just received his medical degree in psychiatry. However, his area of specialty couldn't help us with 11 yo dd. He recommended a psychiatrist he personally knew and respected. We trusted him to give us a good reference knowing how important our faith is to us and our daughter.
So, yes, we have been seeing a psychiatrist. She thinks homeschooling is the best choice for our dd with her personality and challenges. She also mentioned medication a few times but we were very reticent to go that route and our dd was reluctant as well. So, we have not had any meds to treat the depression...just good old fashioned talks with her doctor about concrete ways to change her thought processes and temperamental behavior. I am sure a psychologist/counselor who came recommended could do the same. Our doctor is now quite happy with the way treatment has gone without the drugs...
Just wanted you to know that was our experience--surely it's not a unique one, I hope! 
Love and much prayers!
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Dawnie
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Lisa,
No, you do not have to have an MD to treat depression. You only need to see a doctor (a psychiatrist) for depression if meds need to be prescribed. For many people, depression will resolve with a counseling-only approach. Of course, some will need meds, and a good counselor can help you figure out if meds are neccessary or not. I have been on meds before for depression, but for me, counseling was much more helpful than meds. Also, there is concern that some anti-depressant meds affect children and teenagers differently than they do adults. I would do a lot of research before allowing any of my children to take an anti-depressant.
The counselor I saw last year when dealing with post-partum depression was a Licenced Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist (LCMT). She worked with a staff of counselors and a psychiatrist at our local Catholic Charities Community Counseling Service. I also saw my family doctor and he was a part of my care decisions. I saw the counselor first and she gave me a diagnosis. Then, I saw the psychiatrist on the staff to talk about medication options. Since I was breastfeeding and I felt that my symptoms were manageable w/o meds at that point, we decided to take a wait-and-see approach before trying any meds. My family doctor gave me shots of natural progesterone, which helped a lot with my symptoms. I saw the counselor for about 6 months, at which point my symptoms were much better and I felt that I didn't need counseling anymore to handle things. I learned a lot and now I know where to go if I have a major depressive episode again.
I can understand your fears about seeing a counselor. There is a wide variety of counselors out there--some would be supportive of your decisions and some would not. I've seen both kinds.  When I found a counselor that was supportive and helpful, it was more out of luck (or maybe God's grace) than out of an informed search on my part.
This is based on my own personal experience with depression, which is probably quite different from your son's, since I am older and female, BUT what was MOST helpful to me was talking to a counselor who talked me through arriving at my own solutions that would work in my unique life as a homeschooling mother. She helped me realize when my thoughts were irrational and unrealistically negative, encouraged me to acknowledge my feelings without getting caught up in a negative, self-destructive thinking cycle, and asked me questions that led me to come up with a solution. So now, I am more able to move into problem-solving-type thinking when I have a problem rather than getting mired down with thoughts like, "I'm a failure as a mother." It is still a struggle, but I have a goal to work towards now, whereas before I would just get mired down in negative thinking.
I hope that some of this helps you with finding help for your son. He is so fortunate to have a mom that is looking out for his emotional well-being.
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: self-esteem and the special needs child
