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Kathryn
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| Posted: May 07 2012 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
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I admit that my DS has many struggles with learning: dyslexia, short-term memory issues, low vocabulary recall, receptive/expressive language issues and throw in some ADD and I've got a real challenge in schooling him. He usu. will do his work without much complaint although I have to pretty much be a bird on his shoulder guiding him step-by-step or there's a lot of errors.
My dilemma today is that we have been using a reading program for about a year designed specifically for dyslexics. It's very step-by-step and he's made good progress with it. I know it's tedious at times and sometimes we struggle through the lessons because maybe he finds it boring or annoying or I don't know. But today it hit me that there's almost an attitude that he's sitting there doing it for ME. I had a long talk with him and asked him point-blank, do you WANT to learn to read better? Do you WANT to move beyond a 2nd/3rd grade reading ability? I know it's hard and I told him that. But I said that I WANT to help you but you have to WANT the help. I just feel like he should WANT to learn or this is not going to be successful. I think of how many kids go thru school and don't want to learn but do the work and get "educated" but I guess because this is such a one-on-one program, the attitude and the will to be engaged and want to learn to read better needs to be there (I think). What are your thoughts?
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Kathryn in TX
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CatholicMommy
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In this particular case, I would set my goal (with husband) - what grade level do I want this child at? Ask the child for input, but let him know the final decision is NOT his.
Work out a plan towards that goal. Once the goal is reached, he has the option to continue forward or to not do the program anymore; and I may provide alternatives as well (ok, so after x-point of success, you can choose between the program or reading/narrating x-amount or x-type/level books to me at x-intervals - maybe 1 historical fiction of reasonable depth per month or something like that). This way, he still has to read, but perhaps will find more practical use for it. And if he doesn't find practical use for it, he'll find other ways to make up for the deficit.
This is just what *I* would do.
Yes, we have to do things in life we don't want to do - it's called responsibility; but it shouldn't be ALL drudgery. And yes we want homeschooling to be interesting and we want them to WANT to learn; but it can't always happen.
This way, it provides a reasonable goal, a plan towards it, encouraging responsibility as well respecting him as a growing boy who needs to learn to make choices for himself.
:)
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JodieLyn
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there are some ways to help encourage the desire to read... most having to do with some form of help so that you know what's "hiding" in those books. Audio books especially if he'll follow along in the book. Reading out loud, which is espeically helpful in finding information.. things like the boy scout manuals and The Dangerous Book for Boys.. or whatever he's interested in (bugs? stars? computers?) that aren't stories but information.. FUN information for him.
You need to help him access the information in a way that he knows the information, information he WANTS, is in books and that the way to get to that information is to read. It really helps with the desire to read.. though I also think the practise of reading along with the audio book helps with the actual reading as well.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Kathryn
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| Posted: May 07 2012 at 3:23pm | IP Logged
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Well, may be it's not his lack of desire to read as much as it is the lack of desire to do the WORK involved in learning to read better. Because of the way he reads and "sees" words that are different than the norm, this program really breaks down reading and spelling but it is work no doubt and it can be slow and methodical. We do lots of read-alouds and audio books and he does enjoy those and he will pick up stuff and try to read but you can just see that he struggles so much. Even doing his math worksheets, I have to read the instructions to him...today he read equation as division after I checked his work and said the answers were incorrect.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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mommy4ever
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That is tough.
I had one who struggled with reading. Eventually I had to push the issue. I started putting books out that he really was interested in, but refused to read to him. It was hard, but the desire to read the books, made the work to learn desirable.
I know it doesn't work for all children, but sometimes it can entice.
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kristinannie
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Can you point to some other examples in his life where hard work has paid off? My son used to complain and even cry during reading lessons because it didn't come easily to him at first. Once he really started to take off, we really focused on how hard he worked and how it was worth it. The other day he was complaining about karate and we reminded him at how hard he worked at reading and how much it has paid off. This has also reduced the tears over math!
Honestly, I think you should explain to your son that you understand how difficult this is for him. You should talk about the progress he has made so far. Maybe you can discuss what he wants to do in life. Would reading at a higher level help him? It seems like a character issue. I do think you are right that he has to want this for himself. I just wish I could give both of you a hug.
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John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
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lapazfarm
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I think I would go the route of being very encouraging. Acknowledge with him that it *is* hard right now,and that it isn't very fun, but that it won't be hard forever. Reassure him that his hard work really will pay off in the end.
I know with my dd, who is dyslexic,it was very frustrating and discouraging to her to have to work so hard to do things that come easily to others, especially reading. Sometimes she got very discouraged. It helped for her to hear that I empathized with her and wished so much that I could make it easier for her, but that God gave her this cross for a reason. Perhaps to make her more sympathetic to other people's struggles. I explained about talents and that God gives us all different strengths and weaknesses. I emphasized her talent at art and music to build up her self esteem because she really needed to hear about ways in which she shines, rather than always the focus being on her weaknesses and how she falls short.
Do also make sure that you take breaks from the hard work sometimes. Give his brain a chance to relax and assimilate what he has learned.
And always celebrate the little victories. When dd was able to read her first Magic Tree House book we danced around the house in celebration. When she finished her first Harry Potter novel a couple of weeks ago she said, "Mom! I really AM a good reader!" She was so happy! We called everyone in the family so she could share her victory.
I think that if we can show our struggling learners that we understand their struggles, we acknowledge their hard work, and we give them reasons to keep trying it helps a great deal with developing positive attitudes, or at least not getting so discouraged that they give up.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: May 07 2012 at 4:31pm | IP Logged
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I have the seen the audio books go both ways for non-dyslexic readers, to the point I would use them in last-grasp desperation only, for ANY reader, just because of the chance of the syndrome of "well someone else is doing the work for me, why should I bother?"
Yes, I've seen them help a struggling reader to overcome a hurdle; but then the audio books were pulled and the reader expected to keep going. Whenever they are used without an absolute necessity, I've found a HUGE dependence on them.
For us (my son is a normal reader - well, he's at least 10 years ahead in his reading ability), audio books are something to use in the car to develop listening skills - there is no "following along" in a book, but we WILL discuss the story afterward.
For the dyslexic kids I've worked with, I know at least one who LOVES to listen to things on tap - I don't KNOW if that is contributing to the reading problems or not. The others don't have audio books and struggle with reading, so perhaps one here and there to encourage interest?
But for me, it would be last-ditch effort, with the child in tears otherwise.
Every dyslexic or special needs kid I've ever known (as well as many of those in the normal range) just wants to see the end in sight; the progress.
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MichelleW
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Kathryn,
As the mom of a profoundly dyslexic child with lots of other "issues," I say, you are blessed. The fact that he is making progress is fantastic. Whether he is doing this for you or for himself seems to me to be something fluid. He is making progress! When he is reading for pleasure, in the not-so-distant future, he will be doing it for himself.
If my son were to do school without much complaint and be making obvious progress in reading, I would be overwhelmed with gratitude at God's mercy and count this a good day.
Blessings,
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Michelle
Mom to 3 (dd 14, ds 15, and ds 16)
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Kathryn
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| Posted: May 07 2012 at 9:45pm | IP Logged
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When we talked, I mentioned how muscles need "work" to work properly and the only way things improve is to practice...like when he's learning baseball or trying to do extra push-ups etc. I think drudgery would be a good work to describe what he thinks of school. And although we use audios, they are usu. done just in the car. I don't MAKE him follow along w/ a book b/c that would be a difficult task for him. He's def. never left in tears and in fact, after discovering his love of ironing! (go figure!) I have some audios I might try for him to listen to while he does my iron. 
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Kathryn in TX
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Kathryn
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| Posted: May 07 2012 at 9:51pm | IP Logged
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Theresa...good advice. I try to be encouraging and I know it's hard for BOTH of us. Sometimes I just want to get through it myself.
Michelle...interesting perspective. I am thankful he is making progress but honestly I am overwhelmed more by the time, energy and effort it takes to get where we are every.single.day, every.baby-step of the way. Sometimes it's brutally difficult and painstaking to get where we are. It's just not an easy road at all and it's very trying on our relationship as well as the family dynamics when so much of my energy goes to 1 child. So, although he tends to be a hard worker, in general, I guess may be I want him to want this for himself (and be more independent eventually) to help relieve some of the intensity of our school days on both of us. Some of this probably def. comes from my own personality and temperment and pushing him to move along and it's not like he resists that but I need/want him to own more of it. May be we're just not there yet.
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Kathryn in TX
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guitarnan
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| Posted: May 07 2012 at 10:55pm | IP Logged
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Kathryn, although I don't have a dyslexic child, I have raised a son, and I've taught dyslexic boys at our Co-op.
Part of the aversion to self-motivation is really just because your son is, well, a boy. Boys typically take a bit longer to self-motivate, and it is often a one-step-forward-two-steps-back experience (my son is 20 and we are still in that mode...he is much more self-motivated than he was at 11, but I still have to remind/nag/yell at him to get basic chores done, get him to tell me when his exams are, etc.).
I think Theresa's advice is excellent - you do need to celebrate the positive, sometimes in an extremely light-hearted way, because your son does have many talents and gifts and interests that will serve him well later in life.
If you're feeling overwhelmed yourself, find ways to give yourself permission to step away for one reading lesson every so often - give him "reading amnesty" or use an audiobook - and take that half hour or so to do something with one of your other children or to catch up on something you need to finish.
The average 11 year old boy is not very self-motivated, but he wants to achieve things and to be like the older boys and young men he knows. This is why Boy Scouts puts 11-year-olds in the same activity group as senior Scouts, who might be 15, 16 or 17 years old. Boys look up to older boys and to the male adult mentors (father first, and then other adults) in their lives.
Thinking of Scouting leads me to suggest that you look both in and beyond the classroom to find your son's talents, gifts and opportunities to serve others (and thus feel more self-confident and self-motivated). It's pretty difficult to get an 11-year-old to tell you that he wants to do anything that involves hard work (school or otherwise), but it's easy to SHOW that boy that work can have its own rewards - a pile of firewood, a neighbor's yard cleared, a closet filled with freshly-ironed clothes - and then extend that sense of accomplishment and pride to the challenge of reading and remembering.
Underneath the learning issues is a boy who's going to do what most boys his age do - take the easiest path. He's blessed to have you for a parent, because you will lead, encourage and push him in the best ways possible, knowing him better than anyone else and knowing when to push and when to step back and let him forge ahead on his own.
Keep doing what you're doing. The maturity you seek will come (not soon, but it will come). In the meantime, the academic foundation he needs will be built as you work together with him.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Kathryn
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| Posted: May 08 2012 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
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Excellent post Nancy! Thanks! He is involved in scouting and loves it and does so very well. He does have ways he maintains confidence in other areas too around the neighborhood and I guess when he sits down to do this reading it's so hard he doesn't want to bother.
In pondering everyone's replies and rethinking this in my own little brain, I think I have 3 things pulling at me that caused me to post this:
1) I've been re-reading a CM book I have that talks about the will and wondering WHERE is his? It's there...I know it...in other ways and other areas. This reading program is the hardest part for us both I guess.
2)Maybe again it's not the desire but the attitude. We/he needs to work on that. Esp. when we sit to do this reading program, I'm spending a good chunk of time saying quit slouching/laying across the table, keep all 4 on the floor (legs of the chair), quit rushing and/or acting like you suddenly got noo sleep last night. Maybe I'm expecting too much but these actions are an outward display of his attitude and when he stops doing these things he honestly works better, things go smoother and quicker. My thought was if he had a greater desire, I wouldn't get the attitude.
3) Last, and certainly not least, in trying to alleviate some stress in our school day, dad said he'd be glad to help with his math in the evening. Well, it went good for a couple of weeks and then dad got all mad and bent out of shape because of some of the same issues that I have. He angrily said to me when I asked what happened, "He STILL can't read and I think he just needs to go to public school so he can get more help!"    Obviously that is upsetting to me and made ME want to work that much harder to make this work. I know DH's frustration is just wanting him to make greater, quicker progress b/c it seems soo very slow. So, now I'm back to doing both the reading and math b/c it was too stressful for DH (and rolled on down to me).
So, I do have some food for thought and ideas to move forward.
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Kathryn in TX
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MommyMahung
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| Posted: May 09 2012 at 7:54pm | IP Logged
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Hi Kathryn,
My brothers are dyslexic. My mom homeschooled them and used to different methods to help them. She said that if they weren't interested in the assigned curriculum, she would take them to the library or bookstore to find something they liked and had them work from there. She said it was very helpful to find books that also were made into movies or videos of some kind. She would reward my brothers by having them watch the movie/video once they finished the book. Mom would also take words from each chapter to use as vocabulary and spelling.
Here is a link for a science site that I like. The lady who runs it put up this video in response to an e-mail about how she goes about getting her kids excited about learning. Maybe it will help you in some way.
http://www.superchargedscience.com/lnc512-5.htm
Boy I sure hope what I did works! If not, here's the site address so you can just copy and paste it:
http://www.superchargedscience.com/lnc512-5.htm
You have probably read lots of books on Dyslexia. My Mom did too. She found these two places to be very helpful and she even took my brothers to the New Hope Learning Center.
http://newhopelearningcenters.homestead.com/
http://www.davisdyslexia.com/bookpage.html
Hope that helps in some way!
God Bless! 
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Laura
Mother to 7 gifts from God.
"Love is God in manifestation and the strongest magnetic force in the universe."
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4Real Forums : Special Blessings
Topic: When they don't SEEM to want to learn...
