4Real Forums: 18th birthday- now what?

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Topic: 18th birthday- now what?

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tntreefarm
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Joined: May 21 2007
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Posts: 23

Posted: Dec 30 2008 at 10:21am \| IP Logged

Hi,
Before "school" starts again and I get too busy to read anything, I hoped to see if anyone has advice or experience to share.

We didn't go into parenting looking for someone else to do the work. But after 18 years of PJ, our eldest, we are worn out. He is loud, arguementative,and uncompromising. He has what I can only describe as a video addiction - very akin to an alcoholic addiction. Trying to give him what he wants just to make him happy and gain a little down time result in some other payback somewhere else. Since all his sibs are younger than him it seems harder and they are often jealous of him getting extra "electronic time."

So, we really need to explore somewhere else for him to live within the next 5 years. What have you all done are doing, thinking about doing when your child turns adult?

In our beautiful and friendly state of Tennessee getting on the "big" waiver that will fund group home/supported living is almost impossible.
I have looked into some communities such as Innisifree in Charlotte,VA and the Camp Hill communities in PA. In many ways they are what I'm looking for- a chance for real friends, meaningful work, recreation and a healthy lifestyle. But at 3,000. /month, I can't imagine how anyone can afford it.

So, any thoughts, comments, experience appreciated.

With Hope,
Cathy

4 lads mom
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Joined: Sept 26 2006
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Posts: 1944

Posted: Jan 09 2009 at 4:20pm \| IP Logged

Cathy,

Wow...I hope there are others who can jump in, I am not in the same situation, but I wanted you to know I will offer up the current illess with Lily for your intentions. I am sorry it is so stressful.

Is there a "Parent to Parent" network in TN that you can hook up with through Children's Special Health Care, or the local Health Dept? I know in our previous state, they had workshops for parents of children approaching your ds's age, with help planning and options...There is a place in Chicago that I'll try to get the name of, I just sent my friend back home an email about it....they live in a community, and work, raising money through a deli and other ventures, keeping the community going.....meaningful work, structure, and time for fun as well.

Sorry so rambly, sort of a crazy day, and I was "thinking" outloud.

Praying for you, Cathy!!!

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Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
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tntreefarm
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Joined: May 21 2007
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Posts: 23

Posted: Jan 10 2009 at 7:46am \| IP Logged

Thanks Lisa
I appreciate your concern and prayers.
Expectations are rather low in our area of Tennessee and any "transition" stuff I've been involved with has not been helpful. PJ would qualify for the day program as long as we don't lose his little waiver. But the day program is only 8-2:30 and it would use up most of the funds so there would be little left over for personal assisstants or respite. Of course, he is likely to get kicked out of the workshop once bored. He'll just leave if bored and few support people can outrun him.

Congratulations on your new little girl.

With Hope, Cathy

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