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Elizabeth
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That's a great question, Lisa!
Here are the lyrics, to get us started:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you.
Blessed are you among women
and blest is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of death. Amen.
Refrain
Gentle woman, quiet light,
morning star, so strong and bright,
gentle Mother, peaceful dove,
teach us wisdom; teach us love.
1. You were chosen by the Father;
you were chosen for the Son.
You were chosen from all women
and for woman, shining one.
2. Blessed are you among women,
blest in turn all women, too.
Blessed they with peaceful spirits.
Blessed they with gentle hearts.
And here's a link to listen
What a nice way to start the day! 
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Theresa
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I haven't heard this song in a long time. Beautiful.
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Theresa
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Bridget
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Maybe gentleness comes with detachment. Of course we must strive for organization and have a plan, but then we have to let go of perfection. Nothing will go according to plan. Some days A will work out and some days B will work out. All we can do is our best. When we get tense about it all going well, we lose our gentle, kind demeanor.
Since we are in the Duggar thread, my impression is that Michelle has this attitude. 'We'll do our best to follow the plan and it won't be perfect but it will be what God sends.' This fits other gentle women I know as well.
Detachment. Our ego, self confidence, fulfillment... whatever you want to call it, cannot be tied up with success of our plans, the state of our homes, our children's reading level etc.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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LLR4
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This has been such an interesting thread.
Hearing too that Michelle really is so gentle (good word) all of the time, and that she has worked hard at that, is all the more inspiring to me. Like Lisbet, I did not grow up with a real gentle woman example. My mother was full of love, but also a yeller, like she grew up with in her own mother. Growing up, in a big and very old house, with 5 kids, it was her way of commanding attention and instilling the 'I mean it' message. I have the same instinct, but control myself most times and try another route...but have seen the generation repetition, and so am always working on that inclination to yell. So HOW to effectively work on that gentleness voice successfully is something I'd love to learn about too. (Deep breath? Count to 10? lol). I'm not sure I have a voice that is that sweet, quiet and gentle. Is tips on that in the book?
There are many things about the Duggar family I find very inspiring and many of their ideas they implement, worth considering. As with every family, (certainly my own) there is usually 1 or 2 things other families will choose to do differently. I know our ways are questioned a lot, in thought or word. So we are all the same in that way!
Thanks for the great start in really reviewing the prayer and song, Elizabeth. I have always loved both-- perhaps in a longing sort of way. 
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~ Laura
Blessed: Mama to dd{A}13 y.o., and 7 y.o. triplets ds{J}, dd{O}, ds{S} and wife to Michael
Our House of Joyful Noise
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Philothea
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I apologize for asking what was apparently an inappropriate question.
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Lisbet
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Philothea, I don't think it was inappropriate at all, but I think (but wouldn't dare speak for) what Elizabeth was saying is that rather compare/contrast the two mothers pertinent to this thread, that we focus on the positive aspects of a virtous woman. I think many of us can indentify with your question, and a good start to grow in virtue is to focus on the positive!
I have loved that hymn from the moment I first heard it early in my conversion.
This thread has certainly inspired gentleness in me today, I have yet to raise my voice.
Laura, I tend to yell to command attention much like you say your mother did. It is NOT effective!  and I am working away from it.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
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Mark, 5
Greta, 3
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Anne McD
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Lisbet wrote:
This thread has certainly inspired gentleness in me today, I have yet to raise my voice.
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me too:) and considering what my kids have dished out, I'd say that's nothing short of miraculous!
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Anne
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Bridget
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Just pretend your being filmed for a discovery channel special.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Lisbet
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I'm not above that Bridget!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Philothea
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I'm just so far behind all of you. "Gentle Woman" the hymn makes me profoundly uncomfortable, I squirm the whole way through it. I was raised by a mother who obviously resented being home and raised me to "do better for myself." So I'm conflicted about being home myself. Morally, I know it is the right thing to do, so I stick with it, but I don't really enjoy it and my husband and kids are getting the short end of the stick in many ways.
I want to enjoy it. I want to be able to relate to or even just admire people like Michelle Duggar, but she drives me crazy. So gentle, so kind, so patient, so everything I'm not. I'm a pushy, irritable, impatient monster. But I was raised to be this way so it's hard for me to identify and root out specifically what I'm doing wrong.
All the "here's what's right" in the world just makes me feel guiltier and guiltier, and I can't seem to wrap my mind around how to get there from where I am. I really feel like I need someone to go step by step and tell me, "Here is where you are making your mistakes. Instead of doing X, you need to do Y." So while I completely understand the need to not deconstruct a real woman (Kate) here, could we maybe share some generic examples of attitudes and actions that are not helpful without tying it directly to her? Or would that be just as bad?
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Anne McD
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Oh, Philothea, please don't think I'm working on "best mother of the year award." My oldest was mad at me this morning, and leveled a classic "you're the worst mother in the world" charge at me that I feel really fits me some (most) days.
I don't have any real advice, because it never "sticks" with me. I love the Blessed Mother dearly, but whenever someone tells me to look to her for a model of motherhood, I keep thinking that she had no sin, her Son was our Saviour, and she only had one! For me, it helps to see "normal" women who struggle with the same sins I do, in trying to be a good mother.
In answer to your question, I can look at my own failings and see things I need to change in order to be a better mother:
1. not a failing as much as a technicality that leads to failings-- disorganization. If I can't find anything as I'm going out the door, I lose it. I'm also a visual person, so visual clutter makes me go nutty and I get short tempered. However, this leads me into another problem, which is really a precursor:
2. laziness. I just don't want to do the dishes, the picking up, getting up to discipline a child patiently when yelling and scaring them into obedience is the "quicker" route.
3. perfectionism: for me, its an all or nothing thing. If I can't do the job I want to do, I do nothing. See number 2.
I've thought a lot about when people reminice about important people in thier lives when they were younger, and what they loved about them. So often, this was the one person who took the time to listen to them, without judgement, or who took the time to play with them, who held them accountable for their actions but didn't lower the bar, either. They also say these people treated them with respect that they didn't get from others in their families. How sad is it that so many people have to look for that outside of their parents (but thankfully, they got it!). In the end, I want my children to know that my husband and I will always be there for them. No question is too difficult or embarrasing, no problem is too big. I recognize that I need to cultivate that relationship now, so that it will be there as the kids grow. I also realize that shouting, pointing fingers, expecting too much of the kids and coming down on them when they don't rise to my expectations isn't going to bring that about.
Okay, I'll get off the therapist's couch now.
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
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and baby on the way! 10/14
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RamFam
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The one thing I like about all the shows mentioned in this thread (Duggar, J&K+8, Kids by the Dozen, etc) is that large families are actually portrayed in a positive light. The tv network actually seems to be allowing them to tell their story and it is a positive one.
ETA: And when I was first converting and considering the open to life aspect, these were definitely a reassurance.
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Leah
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Tom ^i^, Kyle (my Marine), Adeline '00, Wyatt '05, Isaac '07 Philip '08,Michael '10, and John Xavier Feb '13
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teachingmyown
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Bridget wrote:
| Just pretend your being filmed for a discovery channel special. |
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Of course, as my dd12 says, our show would be a comedy!  
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Bookswithtea
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RamFam wrote:
| The one thing I like about all the shows mentioned in this thread (Duggar, J&K+8, Kids by the Dozen, etc) is that large families are actually portrayed in a positive light. The tv network actually seems to be allowing them to tell their story and it is a positive one. |
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I'll second that. I have really enjoyed that TLC is generous towards these large families, not trying to tell their stories from the worst angle possible and not denying their strong religious values, either. I like that commercial they do for their Monday night line up..."Family nights" with that beautiful music in the background and the smiling families. I think it is helping people to understand what large families are like and to realize they aren't as odd as many would think.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Bridget
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Philothea wrote:
| I really feel like I need someone to go step by step and tell me, "Here is where you are making your mistakes. Instead of doing X, you need to do Y." |
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I've been trying to think of the concrete ways that I work on this.
There are many aspects to gentleness, but lets be very basic. No hollering. See how long you can go each day without hollering. Of course you need to be firm in corrections, but no hollering. Make yourself walk into another room to speak to a child rather than hollering through the house for him, just to help cultivate the habit.
Then write down how long you made it each day before you hollered. I bet you begin to see an improvement.
Another technique I try is to smile at each family member each time they walk into a room. Smile as if you haven't seen them for a while. This seems to bolster good feelings.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Bridget
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teachingmyown wrote:
Bridget wrote:
| Just pretend your being filmed for a discovery channel special. |
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Of course, as my dd12 says, our show would be a comedy! |
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Oh well, wouldn't we all. When you can step back, it's unbelievable how funny your kids are! The foibles of we parents aren't much better.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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monique
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Bridget wrote:
There are many aspects to gentleness, but lets be very basic. No hollering. See how long you can go each day without hollering. Of course you need to be firm in corrections, but no hollering. Make yourself walk into another room to speak to a child rather than hollering through the house for him, just to help cultivate the habit.
Then write down how long you made it each day before you hollered. I bet you begin to see an improvement.
Another technique I try is to smile at each family member each time they walk into a room. Smile as if you haven't seen them for a while. This seems to bolster good feelings. |
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These are great, concrete ways to be joyful, happy, and gentle. Thanks, Bridget!
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Monique
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Philothea
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Bridget wrote:
Philothea wrote:
| I really feel like I need someone to go step by step and tell me, "Here is where you are making your mistakes. Instead of doing X, you need to do Y." |
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I've been trying to think of the concrete ways that I work on this.
There are many aspects to gentleness, but lets be very basic. No hollering. See how long you can go each day without hollering. Of course you need to be firm in corrections, but no hollering. Make yourself walk into another room to speak to a child rather than hollering through the house for him, just to help cultivate the habit.
Then write down how long you made it each day before you hollered. I bet you begin to see an improvement.
Another technique I try is to smile at each family member each time they walk into a room. Smile as if you haven't seen them for a while. This seems to bolster good feelings. |
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Thank you for these simple ideas, Bridget. I will try them!
I'm hungry for more, so if you have them, please share them!
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SuzanneG
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Cay started a new thread specifically about GENTLENESS: Cultivating the Virtue of Gentleness
I'm going to transfer some of the ideas, quotes and comments from this thread over there. Great discussion, ladies....I'm so very grateful! Keep 'em coming!
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Suzanne in ID
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Mackfam
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Elizabeth started a new thread as well about The Virtuous Woman.
Both have offered some practical ideas for living lives as women struggling under the challenge of our vocation but looking to grow in holiness and virtue.
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Jen Mackintosh
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Duggar's New Book
