Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.



Active Topics || Favorites || Member List || Search || About Us || Help || Register || Login
Mothering and Family Life
 4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Subject Topic: The Virtuous Woman Post ReplyPost New Topic
Author
Message << Prev Topic | Next Topic >>
Elizabeth
Founder
Founder

Real Learning

Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 8:29am | IP Logged Quote Elizabeth

We all want to grow in holiness. What are the virtues we must cultivate in order to love our families and our neighbors well? Can you give examples of what women do--either in you own lives or in public or in the lives of the saints--that inspires you to holiness and makes you a better wife, mother and friend? Let's try to talk about the ideas and not the people. Much like the habit post, let's focus ourselves and look at what behaviours we identify as holy behaviours.

For instance, I was in Target the other day with only Nicholas and Sarah. I noticed a mom with four children under five. They were in the toy aisle and she was helping them choose items on which to spend their Christmas gift cards. She spoke to them sweetly and seemed to enjoy their flitting form one great thing to the next. And she smiled the whole time. I ended up in the checkout ahead of her and I noticed a tired look cross her face and she shifted the baby in the front pack.

"It gets easier," I said.

"You have four?" she asked.

"I have nine, now," I replied (rather enjoying her surprised look) "and nothing is more physically exhausting than when they're all six and under. Pretty soon you'll have help with shoe tying and car seat buckling and all sorts of things you don't have hands enough for now. Still, I'm amazed at how cheerful you are."

"I came today only to help them spend their Christmas money. I don't have anything else on my agenda. My only purpose was for us to have fun doing this." She though a minute and then smiled again. "And we did!"

As we left, Nicholas commented that the lady looked like Mrs. Smith. Honestly, she looked very little like Molly at all.

"Really, Nick, why do you think that?"

"Because she talked like Mrs. Smith and she smiled all the time. Mrs. Smith always talks nice and smiles."

Resolved: to talk nice and smile.

Because the children notice.

__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
Back to Top View Elizabeth's Profile Search for other posts by Elizabeth
 
LisaR
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2226
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 8:50am | IP Logged Quote LisaR

Elizabeth wrote:
Can you give examples of what women do--either in you own lives or in public or in the lives of the saints--that inspires you to holiness and makes you a better wife, mother and friend? Let's try to talk about the ideas and not the people.


to me, I keep coming back to practicing the present moment. being 100% present to my vocation, minute by minute. I think it was you Elizabeth, who recently might have touched on this in one of your posts about lessons learned from bedrest, although maybe you did not phrase it this way.
I love that your example of the mom at the store- she did not have a phone with which she was texting or talking on, nor did she say "lets veer over here to look at clothes for mommy for awhile".
Better than me scrapbooking, blogging, or photographing or videoing my family life for my kids memories will be if they remember that I was WITH them,and for them, listening, and physically (as I am able) available...

I also know that frequent reception of our Sacraments, Mass, confession, are the best way to start and/or stay on track as a wife/mother and also for our family.
These habits to me are much more important than most of what I can tend to get caught up fussing about.
I admire and want to emulate women who I remember and define as being women of prayer, not women who seem to school perfectly, or have the best home or organizational skills....although those may well come secondarily to a well ordered and centered prayer life...

thanks for the post!
off to morning prayer with the kiddos.

__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
Back to Top View LisaR's Profile Search for other posts by LisaR
 
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Board Moderator
Avatar
Non Nobis

Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 10:40am | IP Logged Quote Mackfam

I have been thinking about, praying about and trying to wrap my will around gentleness as a virtue for the last 2 years now. It is a real challenge for me. Ours is a vocation of interruptions...and those interruptions, redirections, requests, needs all challenge me to dig deeper when it comes to gentleness. I do ok...until an interruption. Then, I have to breathe.

I think a great deal of the Blessed Mother, my inspiration in all virtue. In particular, her gentleness is striking. I think there is a temptation to think at times that she had only one child - and He was Divine at that - so where was the challenge? But, that isn't altogether true, is it? She knew from the Annunciation that her Child would be the Son of the Most High, the Messiah. As the Mother of the King of Kings her role would be that of the Queen Mother. At the Crucifixion, Jesus gave her to all of us as a Mother. (Wonder if she'd ever like to put the collective lot of us in the corner?) Her behavior from the Annunciation to the Crucifixion is one of unruffled, humble, gentleness in the face of interruption, sacrifice, work, sadness - through it all.

So, I'm seeking to emulate Her in gentleness. I love to look to others who are on this road and see how they apply this in their daily lives, how to emulate when life is moving so fast and I feel overwhelmed and tempted to either hide or blow my top. Here's what I've observed and what I seek to apply in order to build the virtue of gentleness:

1. Mothers who possess a gentle spirit usually speak in quieter, softer tones - even when they are disciplining.
2. A gentle spirit pauses before a reaction.
3. Gentleness always works with tenderness and tenderness always stops whatever is going on to look and engage a child - whether it is to really listen about the latest lego creation, the small bug friends found in great quantities in your kitchen, the abstract art design on paper, the serious problems masked by humorous chit-chat - gentleness engages.
4. Gentleness always seems to be marked by an ability to be present in and shift her focus to the present moment. An interruption for her is simply God's way of redirecting her where He feels she is more needed.
5. Gentleness makes eye contact.
6. Gentleness is docile to the direction of her husband.
7. Gentleness occupies her mind with thoughts of nurturing, she assumes the best of all, takes what is good, beautiful and noble and dwells on that. Her mind is full of hope and joy.
8. She sees the good in people because Our Lord is with HER - so it is easy to see the Image of Him in those she encounters.
9. There is joy in her countenance.

I know there is soooo much more to gentleness. And, to be clear - these are observations, not a litany of my life. I'm such a work in progress. I have found great peace in dropping my voice to a very soft tone when speaking to my children and husband. Somehow, harshness and softness are incompatible. And, I'm really working on my reaction to interruptions and viewing them as God's way of redirecting me. I am trying to train myself to deep breathe before a reaction of any kind so that I have time to mentally downshift and drop my voice and soften my tone.

It would be of such benefit to me if you would share your observations for cultivating the virtue of gentleness in your spirit. What have you observed?

__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
Back to Top View Mackfam's Profile Search for other posts by Mackfam Visit Mackfam's Homepage
 
CrunchyMom
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator
Avatar

Joined: Sept 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6385
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 10:55am | IP Logged Quote CrunchyMom

Mackfam wrote:
I have found great peace in dropping my voice to a very soft tone when speaking to my children and husband. Somehow, harshness and softness are incompatible.


Idk--I've been known to give a pretty nasty whisper

Overall, though, your post is SO helpful and the discipline of lowering my voice sounds like a wonderful way to express the sweetness that is a virtue of Our Lady!

__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony

[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
Back to Top View CrunchyMom's Profile Search for other posts by CrunchyMom
 
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator
Avatar

Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 11:18am | IP Logged Quote JodieLyn

Consistency.. persistence.. the water that shapes the rock.

The times I notice people often compliment me on my children are when we're out doing things that we do often enough to have practise.

Going to the grocery store. With a dh that used to travel aLOT waiting for dh to be home wasn't really an option unless I wanted to plan for once every 2.5 weeks (or less) and then that would take up hours of the 2 days that he was home. Much better imo to teach the kids and be able to spend as much time as we could with him not doing chores.

As Elizabeth pointed out in her post.. with lots of littles it's exhausting. And I couldn't take the thought of having to leave to deal with a child.

I came up with little ways to allow or restrict freedom when they were out with me and applied them consistently.

Same with taking them to Mass. It was we all go or I never would get to go.

And both of those things that were done since each child was a baby in arms and done very consistently. (somehow that's easier for me when we're doing a particular thing out of the house)

But consistently requiring reasonable behavior (a grocery store is NOT a library )

Has made those two things possible for me to do even when all I had was littles. And now with older kids.. it's even getting "easy".

I was able to take all 8 of my kids to a natural history museum by myself. And recieved numerous comments about how amazing I was for doing that.    But it was just the same things they'd been taught in the grocery store. Stay close, don't touch things you're not supposed to touch, etc.

And it's that consistency that makes it possible for me to then be calm and collected and even enjoy myself.

When life seems to spiral out of control and no one is doing what they're supposed to be doing.. that's when the less gentle traits come out and also is almost always connected to a lack of calm consistent water on stone training.


__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4

All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
Back to Top View JodieLyn's Profile Search for other posts by JodieLyn
 
missionfamily
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: April 10 2007
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1859
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 12:46pm | IP Logged Quote missionfamily

I'm really trying to work hard on being more lady-like in my home this year...by lady-like, I mean like Our Lady. Gentleness is a huge part of that for me. Turning away from distraction is a huge part of that for me. I find that it's not usually the kids that are irritating me, but the moementary feeling that they are interrupting me from what I'm trying to do. When I remember that is nothing is more important than they are...I always feel so terribly for losing my patience.

I think tangible practices are huge reminders for me, like learning to speak softly (not natural to me by any means), smile a lot, and be well-mannered to my kids, virtue seems to flow naturally. I have more to say, but the kids are back from playing outside and an astronomy lesson awaits.

__________________
Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce

Footprints on the Fridge
Back to Top View missionfamily's Profile Search for other posts by missionfamily Visit missionfamily's Homepage
 
Cay Gibson
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5193
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 1:02pm | IP Logged Quote Cay Gibson

missionfamily wrote:
I find that it's not usually the kids that are irritating me, but the moementary feeling that they are interrupting me from what I'm trying to do.


That's true, Colleen. I was just telling my mother that same thing...in a round about way...the other day. I said something about how most the time when we start fussing at our children it's because we're worried, upset, or irritated about something else or at something else. Really, seldom is it because of our children.

In the show "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" the daughter asks her mother if she ever disappointed her. I believe she apologizes for ever disappointing her as the mother is dying. And the mother, on her death bed, says, "Child, you could never disappoint me."

Really, that's so true. I might feel disappointed at times in my children but I am always, always able to find the good that lies in them and focus on that. So, in reality, they never have disappointed me. Their existance alone delights me and makes me proud.

Even with teenagers, we aren't so angered by our teenagers as we are at the world and the outside influences that are making them make wrong decisions and choices. We can't attack the whole world, so we attack our dear children.

We always hurt those we love the most, type thing.

I've tried to remember that and am a much softer, gentler mother to my younger ones than I was to my older ones...though I still have my not-so-wonderful-moments.

Due to her perfectionist tendancies my mother had a way of snapping when things didn't go the "right" way. I now realize she wasn't mad at my brother and me, but I always felt it was directed at me. I've always remembered that and tried to avoid it.

missionfamily wrote:
When I remember that is nothing is more important than they are...


Exactly...they are the one (or 5 ) things in my life I would lay down my life for. It's good to remind ourselves of that every morning during prayer.


__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
Back to Top View Cay Gibson's Profile Search for other posts by Cay Gibson Visit Cay Gibson's Homepage
 
CrunchyMom
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator
Avatar

Joined: Sept 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6385
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 1:10pm | IP Logged Quote CrunchyMom

I was thinking about this today and talking to dh at breakfast. When Erin (Red Cardigan) filled in for Rod Dreher's blog, she posted about the economy and its forcing rich people to give up their nannies (over simplification).

Anyway, a commenter noted that his mother was a nanny before she married and that the children she kept always missed her and kept in touch and truly loved his mother and were devoted. This was always odd to him because his mother was not the "nicest" woman and apparently yelled a lot, etc... His point was that perhaps sometimes children are better off with a person who is paid to be nice. (Yk, that his mother was actually kinder to these children she was paid to keep than her own).

I've mulled over this and thought of this in terms of consecrating my children to Mary. Its true that when I'm paid to babysit or were I a school teacher, I would probably be much more aware of my tone, hasty comments, etc... than I am with my own children. So, perhaps it will be helpful to consistently think of myself as a nanny that our Heavenly Father and Blessed Mother have *hired* to watch over their children. I know my children are not mine but His, however I wonder if keeping that in the forefront of my mind might affect my behavior interacting with them.

__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony

[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
Back to Top View CrunchyMom's Profile Search for other posts by CrunchyMom
 
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 1:13pm | IP Logged Quote Lisbet

Lindsay, that made me think of something my dh said to me once a few summers ago "You are a much nicer mother in the summer when the windows are open."   

__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
Back to Top View Lisbet's Profile Search for other posts by Lisbet
 
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator
Avatar

Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 1:16pm | IP Logged Quote JodieLyn

CrunchyMom wrote:
Mackfam wrote:
I have found great peace in dropping my voice to a very soft tone when speaking to my children and husband. Somehow, harshness and softness are incompatible.


Idk--I've been known to give a pretty nasty whisper


Lindsay, I'd read your post and kept thinking about it.. and can totally agree.. you can certainly be venomous in a whisper.

And then I see that Jennifer did not actually say quietly but rather softly which can be applied to volume but is so much more than just that. Or for that matter can even not address volume at all.

Tone can be so much more important than simple volume.

There are certainly times here that I do have to raise my volume. I can't even get their attention when I can't walk to them without enough volume for them to realize that I am talking to them. But I don't have to be mean or nasty in tone when doing so.

__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4

All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
Back to Top View JodieLyn's Profile Search for other posts by JodieLyn
 
12stars
Forum Pro
Forum Pro
Avatar

Joined: April 25 2008
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 372
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 1:50pm | IP Logged Quote 12stars

This whole thread makes me feel sad for myself. Lately I have not been very nice to ayone in my house, or not as nice as I should be. I have thought over and over how to change this. The post about the Duggar's has just made me rethink, why am I not as gentle?
I tend to have a strong personality and I think I sometimes let my emotions or the fact that my ds' that are 2 and 1 are going through a change that I am not used to.

I just have to say thank you for this thread as I know I can be more charitable, and I know that sometimes it is the patience that I lack in myself.


__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
Back to Top View 12stars's Profile Search for other posts by 12stars Visit 12stars's Homepage
 
Philothea
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: Aug 15 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 824
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 2:04pm | IP Logged Quote Philothea

12stars, me too. Me too.
Back to Top View Philothea's Profile Search for other posts by Philothea
 
Anne McD
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: Dec 21 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 499
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 2:09pm | IP Logged Quote Anne McD

Lisbet wrote:
Lindsay, that made me think of something my dh said to me once a few summers ago "You are a much nicer mother in the summer when the windows are open."   


With a public school teacher on one side of me and someone who works for the teacher's union on the other, me too!!!

__________________
Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
Back to Top View Anne McD's Profile Search for other posts by Anne McD
 
hylabrook1
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator


Joined: July 09 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5980
Posted: Jan 07 2009 at 2:50pm | IP Logged Quote hylabrook1

Jennifer (Mackfam)'s description of Marian Gentleness sounds a lot like what I was envisioning when I mentioned amiable, as in Mater Amabilis, as a word to focus on. What I had in mind was a kindness of disposition and a serenity that keeps me in a place from which I can see the gift and opportunity God gives me in each moment. So it also incorporates gratitude. For me (and I would imagine for many others as well), I need to simplify my expectations/agenda so that I am able to be in the moment of what is happening instead of living into the next umpteen things I *have to do*. The woman Elizabeth saw at Target sounds like she does that. Taking her children shopping to spend their Christmas money was the only thing she really wanted to get done that day.

An observation I have made about the virtues is that they are so intimately intertwined; when you begin to think about how to grow in one area, it automatically leads to growth in other virtues as well. God is SO good!

This is a great thread -- lots of grist for the mill.

Peace,
Nancy
Back to Top View hylabrook1's Profile Search for other posts by hylabrook1
 
LisaR
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2226
Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 10:31am | IP Logged Quote LisaR

I keep thinking about what I meditated on during one of my trickiest pregnancies and bedrests:(and prompted by my devotion to St Gianna) if I died, what would I be most remembered for by my children and spouse?
summing it up as "Mom always _ "

would it be:
mom always was there for me?
Mom always was patient and prayerful?
mom always was on the computer?
mom always said I'll get to this later?
mom always loved?
I revisit this every few months or so and it never fails to redirect my focus...

__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
Back to Top View LisaR's Profile Search for other posts by LisaR
 
DeAnn M
Forum Pro
Forum Pro


Joined: Aug 18 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 188
Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 4:16pm | IP Logged Quote DeAnn M

When I meditate on holiness, I often think about what kind of, "old lady" I want to be. There are sweet, kind, holy ones...and there are bitter grumpy ones who complain about everything. Every decision/response I make now will lead me down one path or or down the other. Frankly, I don't want my children to dread having to, "keep" Mom when I'm older. I don't mean this in a prideful way, but I want to be someone that my children want in their lives and in their children's lives. I want to offer them kindness, wisdom and peace. I love my mother dearly, but I can see the path I'm heading toward if I continue whining and complaining and being a martyr about all of the sacrifices I have to make. It's not very pleasant to be around.

I know another older woman who is constantly thinking about her needs and trying to fix herself and those around her. She is in her mid sixties and is slowly, or quickly, rather, driving a wedge between herself and her children because they can never seem to, "validate" her the way she feels she deserves. This is from a lifetime of navel-gazing and controlling perfectionism. Most of us can say we are far from this, but my point is that every decision, little or large, makes a difference in our future disposition and general holiness.

Sorry I took the examples of women in a negative direction. You know how you tend to think and write coming from your current perspective on certain circumstances? I suppose just coming from spending time with relatives over the holidays, this is how I am processing.

Love, Love, Love...Humility, humility, humility...letting Christ's peace reign...not my pride or stress.

I think the road to holiness is forged with baby steps.

Peace of Christ to you all,
DeAnn
Back to Top View DeAnn M's Profile Search for other posts by DeAnn M
 
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 7:22pm | IP Logged Quote teachingmyown

Lisa,
I really like what you said. I have thought more about this lately. (Haven't you noticed I'm not around here as much? ) I find I spend a lot more time on the floor with this baby than the last few. I feel more available to everyone when I just sit down on the floor- no book, no computer, no barriers. I listen more and they talk more. I am kinder because I am tuned in.

DeAnn, there is so much truth to your post as well. I think I am mellowing with age. There is a nice place I have found between the need for control and just giving up because I can't control everything. It is a sort of contentedness with "now", a very not-perfect world that I choose to embrace and cherish just the same. For example, I used to rearrange the Christmas tree every year after the kids would decorate it. I wanted it to be "just right". This year, there was something different in me that allowed me to leave it, as imperfect as it is, and love it anyway. I will have many years (hopefully) to have a perfectly decorated tree. Right now, I have a tree decorated through my children's eyes and it is beautiful.

I think I am rambling, but these thoughts are what came to mind while reading this thread.

__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
Back to Top View teachingmyown's Profile Search for other posts by teachingmyown Visit teachingmyown's Homepage
 
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 7:26pm | IP Logged Quote teachingmyown

One other thought that I had yesterday and forgot about:
I had a friend years ago who always greeted me by saying, "It's so good to see you, Molly." That always made an impression on me. It was so genuine and personal. In general, she is a gentle soul and acknowledged each person she saw as someone worthy of greeting and listening to. When I think of gentleness, she is the first person to come to mind.

__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
Back to Top View teachingmyown's Profile Search for other posts by teachingmyown Visit teachingmyown's Homepage
 
dawn2006
Forum Pro
Forum Pro
Avatar

Joined: Aug 07 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 267
Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 9:49pm | IP Logged Quote dawn2006

12stars wrote:
This whole thread makes me feel sad for myself. Lately I have not been very nice to ayone in my house, or not as nice as I should be. I have thought over and over how to change this. The post about the Duggar's has just made me rethink, why am I not as gentle?
I tend to have a strong personality and I think I sometimes let my emotions or the fact that my ds' that are 2 and 1 are going through a change that I am not used to.

I just have to say thank you for this thread as I know I can be more charitable, and I know that sometimes it is the patience that I lack in myself.


Claudia, a couple of years ago I was dealing with anger. I thought that if I just got LOUDER than the kids would surely know that I was serious. Of course, that never worked and the physical action of being louder only served to fuel my fire. Along with thoughts of "why don't they just listen?" Do you have the fear (as I did) that if you speak and act softly the kids won't take you seriously?

If so, then have hope! Things have changed around here for the better. Recently, I started being more consistent with discipline which in turn has helped me be more calm and patient and soft with the kids. I notice now that when I get the urge to chase after a defiant child or to raise my voice and yell, that I now, as a reaction, stop myself, lower my voice, tell the child "Eyes." (as in look in my eyes) and then I proceed to speak softly about whatever is going on in that moment. Since the discipline has been consistent they know to actually stop and listen when I calm down and speak softly like that.

If they don't then I will move in closer, sometimes get down on their level and tell them "I've tried to get your attention three times. I should only have to try once."

After about 6/7 months of this we truly have become a different family. It seems like with the discipline in place I CAN be more gentle with the kids. We are now in our proper spheres, so to speak, and I nurture, love, and connect with them more than ever. I just breathe them in.



__________________
Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
Back to Top View dawn2006's Profile Search for other posts by dawn2006 Visit dawn2006's Homepage
 
littlemenmom
Forum Newbie
Forum Newbie
Avatar

Joined: Nov 28 2008
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 23
Posted: Jan 09 2009 at 5:43am | IP Logged Quote littlemenmom

This thread could not have come at a better time. I too bought the book (Duggars) mentioned in the other thread and have been sincerely encouraged to practice more gentlenss, but how...
Thank you ladies so much for taking the time to share your own thoughts and reflections and habits.
Lots to digest and an answer to a prayer!

Kathryn
Back to Top View littlemenmom's Profile Search for other posts by littlemenmom Visit littlemenmom's Homepage
 

Page of 2 Next >>
  [Add this topic to My Favorites] Post ReplyPost New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Hosting and Support provided by theNetSmith.com