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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Jan 09 2009 at 12:49pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
I really want to focus the children and myself especially on:
GENTLENESS
CHEERFULNESS
KINDNESS IN WORD
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This discussion is bearing much fruit concerning GENTLENESS, CHEERFULNESS, and KINDNESS.
Let's keep the conversations going. We're all learning so much. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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CrunchyMom
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How do those of you who are naturally messy create habits of cleanliness? We've gotten better around here. Putting pegs in the rooms for pajamas and clothes that can be worn again (but need airing as CM says)has helped.
One of the things that has annoyed me is when I get to church and take the time to hold my children quietly and noticing their dirty ears and long, dirty fingernails  I personally don't "notice" these sorts of things until they are awfully neglected; so, it isn't as if I'm "ignoring" them, yk?
I also would like my children to wash hands before eating. *I* have usually done this because it IS habitual for me to wash my hands while preparing food. But I must admit, I don't always think to do it before I sit down to a meal I haven't cooked 
Any ideas for how to go about prioritizing and implementing all these little personal hygiene habits?
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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SuzanneG
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CrunchyMom wrote:
Any ideas for how to go about prioritizing and implementing all these little personal hygiene habits? |
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Saturdays before Baths/Showers, EVERYONE gets their nails cut, or at least CHECKED/VERIFIED. Ears cleaned. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. They ALL know that after baths, one of us does these things. And, if we BOTH forget, one of them will actually remind us.  Pick a day, or a trigger, or something that you ALWAYS do or happens weekly.
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Suzanne in ID
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aussieannie
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When I think of why good habits break down, it comes down to two things:
1. I say to myself, that I'll put that off right now and do this other thing (obviously more enjoyable) and I'll come back and do it next. It tends not to happen. I have more control of this reason.
2. Things become chaotic for some reason, something crops up unexpectedly and everything is pushed aside.
Does anyone have any good thoughts on either of those two reasons in combatting them? Any positive experiences?
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Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
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Erin
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Anne
In answer to the 1st, rewarding myself works well for me Example, at present I am trying to be consistent with exercise, so I walk first thing in the morning(try to anyway)and thencheck emails. I was thinking of Leonie's pegging system. Now to somehow have a habit to stop myself snacking
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Erin
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Mackfam
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| How do those of you who are naturally messy create habits of cleanliness? |
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Lindsay - I like to have a quick tidy every afternoon. It's not a deep clean at all. You can work on your deep clean lists, but the quick tidy is what saves me.
Before Daddy gets home, I pump up the kids, tell them we're going to move through the house like backwards tornadoes and pick up. We do not pick up bedrooms during this tidy - just areas in the main part of the home:
hallway/entry way
kitchen
living room
learning room
(We keep a basket at the bottom of the stairs for collecting toys and books that migrate downstairs during the day but belong up in someone's room - that basket is emptied upstairs during quick tidy)
I give each child a laundry basket and set a timer and we move quickly through each room tidying. This is to take no longer than 15 minutes. If you do a deep clean regularly, doing a quick tidy every afternoon keeps the clutter and toys from piling sky high by the time you get around to deep cleaning. I love presenting a clean and tidy home to my husband when he gets here in the afternoon.
We do this about 30 minutes before Daddy gets home every day. It's helpful to have this habit in place, because then when someone calls to announce that they are coming over...you can mobilize your kids and laundry baskets for a 15 minute quick tidy and have your home presentable for a visit.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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SuzanneG
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| How do those of you who are naturally messy create habits of cleanliness? |
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We go through the house once a day all-together...usually right before dinner. And, clean up.
I also have "basket time" once/day.....where I run around with the "OVAL BASKET" collecting all little things that are out-of-place. It then becomes one of the "rotating morning jobs" for my 2 oldest girls to put as many of those items back-in-their-place. Sometimes there are things that don't have a HOME, and I deal with those when time permits about 1/week.
The OVAL BASKET always sits in the same place, and when someone says, "Mom, where does this go or where should I put this?" and I don't know or can't deal with it at the moment, I just say, "put it in the oval basket."
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Suzanne in ID
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CrunchyMom
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Yk, I love the basket thing, and I have had good luck with it for stuff that needs to go upstairs, but in my small house, I get frustrated over their being underfoot. I have had good luck with hanging wall baskets on hooks, but the two I have a inherited by chance, and they seem to migrate to the spot where I'm most frustrated on a given day.
Any good sources for those?
I suppose a cloth or canvas bag might work, too...
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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PDyer
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I have a basket per kid on the steps going up to the bedrooms. As I notice clutter during the day, I toss it into the kid's respective basket and they take care of it...when I remind them.
I wish these daily chores were more automatic with the kids. I'm getting very frustrated with finding things undone that should be automatic. You know, things like brushing teeth...
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
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Mackfam
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CrunchyMom wrote:
I suppose a cloth or canvas bag might work, too... |
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A bag would work fine, too.
We just use the laundry baskets from the laundry room for the quick tidy - I have about 12 of the small round ones and since they stack inside each other they only take the space of one. Each child gets a laundry basket to hold stuff from the floor that gets picked up during tidy time and the baskets go back to the laundry room after tidy time.
The bottom of the stairs basket stays at the bottom of the stairs (it's an actual basket - quite large with a handle). That is its home and no one is allowed to move it unless they are taking it upstairs to empty it. It is nice to have a basket always in the same place so you can just chunk junk...I mean toys/purses/weapons/blocks/socks/books...into it.
Is there some place you can say is one basket's home and make it stay there always? Think outside the box...do you have a desk/table? Can you put it under there? How about a long hallway? Can it sit at the end of the hallway in a corner? Next to/behind the couch?
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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SimplyMom
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I love this thread. Such a wonderful reminder for me.
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Darcee
SimplyMom from Simply Catholic
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Mackfam
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aussieannie wrote:
When I think of why good habits break down, it comes down to two things:
1. I say to myself, that I'll put that off right now and do this other thing (obviously more enjoyable) and I'll come back and do it next. It tends not to happen. I have more control of this reason.
2. Things become chaotic for some reason, something crops up unexpectedly and everything is pushed aside.
Does anyone have any good thoughts on either of those two reasons in combatting them? Any positive experiences? |
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I've been thinking about this, Anne.
aussieannie wrote:
| 1. I say to myself, that I'll put that off right now and do this other thing (obviously more enjoyable) and I'll come back and do it next. It tends not to happen. I have more control of this reason. |
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I too use the motivational technique of rewarding myself in order to habitualize a behavior. For example, I'm trying to set a new morning habit in place with the children. I explained my expectations to everyone very clearly, wrote down the expectations in a checklist form for all of us, and then set a favorite activity at the end of the new morning routine - a few minutes of independent reading. If the chores are accomplished, free reading time is available. If the chores aren't done, you spend your reading time working.
Having all of the children "in on it" helps keep me accountable. Nothing like, "Hey Mom, you said we were supposed to be dressed and hair brushed before we come out of our rooms and you're still in your robe!!!!!" as you stumble down the hallway in search of a coffee cup. They hold me accountable and I (endeavor to) maintain consistency and in time a routine/habit is established.
aussieannie wrote:
| 2. Things become chaotic for some reason, something crops up unexpectedly and everything is pushed aside. |
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This one isn't so easy for me. I can't say I always buckle, but I do most of the time, I think. We slip into survival mode and I rationalize that survival mode does not necessitate the same attentiveness to details I would normally have to offer. If I'm not attentive and involved, habits slacken. What I'm finding is that the older the children become, the habits I have managed to consistently work on with them are exactly what Charlotte Mason says they'll be - rails to guide them. That is a comfort. I'm just at the edge of being able to see this though. There are some chaotic moments in my life that I have seen the hand of routine offer a great rudder for us. I had a glimpse of this during my last pregnancy. This is one reason I like to have my expectations written down clearly for the children.
For example, I write out explicit, very detailed instructions for clean-up days. They use this checklist any time they must complete that specific chore. They know exactly where my checklists are kept and can go right to them if they are sent to do so.
In writing out my expectations, I also took the time to write out minimal chore expectations for just survival times. There are just going to be those seasons. And, living through one doesn't mean you're done living in survival mode, either. It just means, you've got a little break to catch up before the next wave hits. Those minimalist checklists keep our heads and the home afloat (barely afloat, mind you) during survival seasons.
For the consistent application and enforcement of other habits during a survival season my attention would again need to be completely focused, and by definition, it is not. I have to let God handle some of that. He knows my limitations and He knew what He was doing when He offered me this Cross at this time. I reason that perhaps He wanted the children to see the value of suffering for life, or the value of another crisis offered to Him as their dad and I bend ourselves in prayer and humility not knowing what to do next. There is infinite value in these lessons, yet I know I often think that because I'm off my game, so to speak, I'm not accomplishing anything of worth - routine and order are out the window. It is more likely the case that Our dear Lord is admonishing me..."Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, one thing is needful." So, I apply myself to my vocation as best I can, assuring myself that this is just a season and I will be able to return the family to routine and right order in God's time.
That's as far as I've gotten with that one, Anne.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Maryan
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gentleness... I even used small caps to write it.
I think read on Cheryl's blog that Bridget recommended in a thread trying not to "holler" to beckon for people. I fail absolutely every day. But that's the habit that has my attention.
CrunchMom wrote:
| How do those of you who are naturally messy create habits of cleanliness? We've gotten better around here. Putting pegs in the rooms for pajamas and clothes that can be worn again (but need airing as CM says)has helped. |
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Hmm... I guess shoving them under the pillow wouldn't work with CM??? Man... and I was thinking that was better than the floor. 
Lindsay, I'm a whirlwind slob. I constantly have to have a conversation in my head: "Okay, Maryan, now shut that cabinet door that you just opened." OR "Maryan, put that book away -- you can take it off the shelf again later." And I'm still a slob! But it helps.
The thought of having five other whirlwinds in the house with me is the only thing that drives me to work on MY cleanliness habits. Well, that and my dh likes things clean, so I try for his sake.
Another thing that has helped is to have a bin for almost everything so every object has its place. That way the kids and I know where everything goes.
Just things that have helped this slob... a little.
And we do what Suzanne does for baths too!
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
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Maryan
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Love the baskets idea btw! Thanks ladies!
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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CrunchyMom
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Maryan wrote:
I constantly have to have a conversation in my head: "Okay, Maryan, now shut that cabinet door that you just opened." OR "Maryan, put that book away -- you can take it off the shelf again later."
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Oh, I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Things that seem such second nature to most people require intentional thought from me. My husband follows me around the kitchen closing cabinets
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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happymama
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For those of you who have been doing intentional virtue/habit training with your kids, how FREQUENTLY do you introduce a new idea? (monthly? weekly?) Thanks.
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Mackfam
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happymama wrote:
| For those of you who have been doing intentional virtue/habit training with your kids, how FREQUENTLY do you introduce a new idea? (monthly? weekly?) Thanks. |
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I'm glad you asked happymama because I wanted to come back and update how I'm working on this with my children to see what you think and brainstorm ways to flesh this out more.
I'm focusing on one virtue at a time. We discuss ways to cultivate a specific virtue and I offer practical suggestions. It is a part of our morning block. Then we read from some great books I found - I bought them used for 1 cent each plus shipping from Amazon:
Books
A Child's Garden of Virtues: Stories about Virtues
A Child's First Steps to Virtues
Garden of Virtues: A Bouquet of Stories about Timeless Virtues
Garden of Virtues: Planting Seeds of Goodness - I have had this lovely gem for several years now and we love it! Under each virtue it lists:
*seeds to plant
*weeds to pull
*family rule
I choose a particular virtue to focus on. After reading each morning I give the children simple suggestions for putting this virtue into practice. I encourage hidden gifts - so don't announce when you just performed an act of kindness, for example. That's where *our* Garden of Virtues comes in...
Craft: We have plans to make a small garden out of a terra cotta pot and some foam with a topping of soft green wool to look like grass. I suppose I could use brown to look like the earth. Next to the garden will be a small plate or bowl of flowers (the children will select tiny flowers from Michael's with the next coupon). This will be our Garden of Virtues. You could do this with a big piece of craft paper too - maybe taped on the side of the fridge...draw out a garden on the paper. Then, let each of the children color in a few flowers each (maybe make a template and make several copies of the flowers). Set those in a basket with some tape.
Each time a child does something to build the focuse on virtue, they plant a flower (secretly) in our Garden of Virtues.
What do you all think? I'm just getting some of the books in and we'll be building our Garden next week, but already this week has been wonderful. We've been focusing on kindness. My older dd suggested we use our sacrifice beads until we make our Garden of Virtue. I thought that was a wonderful idea because then our acts are still secret and I really encourage them visualizing their sacrifices and gifts of service that they counted on their sacrifice beads being offered on the paten at Mass. *I* could see them performing these little acts of kindness throughout the week and it was nice!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Babs
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Jennifer,
Your garden sounds like a wonderful way to encourage the children. I was wondering if you would share how it has worked for your family?
God Bless,
Barb
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Mackfam
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Babs wrote:
Jennifer,
Your garden sounds like a wonderful way to encourage the children. I was wondering if you would share how it has worked for your family?
God Bless,
Barb |
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Sure, Barb!
In practical application, the flower pot was not as easy to work with as I had hoped. The paper version on the fridge was much easier to do and this was a primary focus during Lent. In the end, with a competitive family, I found that encouraging the use of their sacrifice beads was more effective for promoting a hidden gift, especially for the older children. My little fella likes to add a flower to the garden...he likes that visual. And, I think it is fine for him. I just thought my older children needed not to be focusing on competing, but rather on offering.
I also wanted to get back here to offer a review to say that a couple of these books above aren't necessarily compatible with a Catholic view on virtues:
This book is nice, very pretty in it's illustrations. They use a flower to represent each virtue and often the flower chosen isn't the flower we would normally find representing that virtue - like the violet does not represent humility. I found this inconsistency bothered me.
There are some cute stories in here...nothing offensive or contrary to our faith, but I thought Karen Garver Santorum's Everyday Graces and the William Bennet books did a better job relating virtues through storytelling.
I wouldn't recommend this book after reading it thoroughly. It is missing the fullness of the teachings of the Catholic Church on the virtues, and in some instances, like the discussions on faith, contradicts Catholic teaching.
I do still like this little gem!
What I decided to do was to continue teaching about virtues in our morning reading times using stories from Everyday Graces and the William Bennett books I own. If I have time over the next year, I'd like to coordinate the stories in these books with the 4 Cardinal and 3 Theological virtues. If I do this, I'll be sure to share here!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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DianaC
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Since you've mentioned garden ideas to develop good habits, I remembered this great little page to help create a 'Catholic Garden'
It's a free resource at CHC:
Catholic Garden
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Let's talk about Habits...
