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Karen E.
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guitarnan wrote:
I'd say, further, that there's a place and perhaps a special ministry to assist Catholic moms with only 1-3 kids.
One of my best friends (from high school) told me this summer she feels left out because she only has 2 children...most people don't realize how long it took for her to conceive #1 (and how much faith it took for her to say no to in vitro, etc.) and then to also have #2. She says she feels less Catholic because she only has 2, and that this feeling is reinforced by some of the Catholic magazines she reads.
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This topic came up in the "Are Online Communities Real" thread. It can be such a touchy subject, and it's all complicated by the fact that we live in such a contraceptive society (even within the Catholic Church!) and most people who make a quick judgment make an assumption based on that fact. People always mean well, but such assumptions can hurt (I'm not referring to anyone on this board being hurtful, by the way! I mean, in general ... some of us with small families have encountered this kind of thing.)
I just wanted to share a little article I wrote several years ago, when we had only two children (we now have three.)
It's A Good Catholic Family and I hope that maybe it will be a small comfort or help to someone.
May God bless each and every one of our good Catholic families, whether they consist of husband/wife only, of one or two kids, or of a whole quiver full!
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Paula in MN
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As the mother of *only* three, with a LARGE gap between the first and second children, thank you. I yearned and waited many, many years for more children, all the time surrounded by two types of people: the ones who had no children and thought I was crazy to want more; and the ones who had more than three children and thought I was crazy to want more! I have now accepted that these are all I will ever have.
Your article stated "Only the Lord knows exactly what we need — He is purifying each of us in His own way, allowing what He knows to be best".
It's hard to acknowledge that what we think is best isn't what HE thinks!
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Jen L.
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Thanks for posting your article, Karen. I am having trouble choosing the right adjectives to describe my feelings, but I love it! 
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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PDyer
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I have that article printed and stashed for when I need to read it again... 
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Patty
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Sarah in SC
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Karen,
It's beautiful. I wish I had copies of it to keep in my purse to hand out. 
I have "only three," and nine in Heaven. We've just recently started sharing the news that number 4 is due in April. I hesitate to share that on this thread...but our story is definitely a testimony to that "silent suffering" of "only three," so I think it's okay to post it here.
I often ask for the intercession of the Holy Innocents in praying for families like ours, and for those like my husband's sister's--who long for more children, and have "only two."
Thank you for posting your article. It is perfect.
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Happy wife to Tom and mama to Mac, 12, Hannah, 8, Rosemary, 6, Luke, now 1! and the 9 little angels that Mary is rocking.....
"What good shall we then do with today?" --Benjamin Franklin
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JennGM
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Sarah in SC wrote:
Karen,
It's beautiful. I wish I had copies of it to keep in my purse to hand out.
I have "only three," and nine in Heaven. We've just recently started sharing the news that number 4 is due in April. I hesitate to share that on this thread...but our story is definitely a testimony to that "silent suffering" of "only three," so I think it's okay to post it here.
I often ask for the intercession of the Holy Innocents in praying for families like ours, and for those like my husband's sister's--who long for more children, and have "only two."
Thank you for posting your article. It is perfect. |
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Sarah, I'm just in happy tears with your news, and I'm keeping you especially in my prayers. You've shared your story about your losses and suffering.
Karen E, you sent me the article before and it's one that I reread.
While the larger families have the immediate witness to being pro-life, pro-family, those of us with smaller numbers have our silent cross. We have to witness in other ways, but how is sometimes hard to find.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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marihalojen
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Thank you, Karen.
Beautiful.
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~Jennifer
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SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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Mare
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Bravo!
Thank you for sharing this article, Karen. My closest friends are very devout, pro-life Catholics who "only" have 1, 2 or 3 children or have not been able to conceive.
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J.Anne
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Karen, thanks for posting this link. I actually clicked on it last week in my effort to read everything Karen has ever written. It is frustrating to be so open to life but not necessarily to have that reflected in the size of my family. I hope and pray for more, but that is out of my hands. My sister always reminded me that Jesus was an only child. Please everyone out there praying for more children, know that I am praying for all of you daily.
Jennifer
As Cozy as Spring
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MrsKey
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Karen,
A million thanks. As the mom of just one child who has been approached by "good Catholics" commenting on their assumptions that we use contraception in the spirit of "fraternal correction" ... I cannot thank you enough for this article.
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Carole
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kjohnson
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Oh, my heart breaks at the thought of mothers feeling that they are less than Catholic because they have a smaller number of children. Even though I am pregnant with #5, I went through a period in which we couldn't conceive and a few months scare of getting 2nd opinions on my doctor's recommendation to have a complete hysterectomy last summer.
We have to be so careful never to judge the situations of others. When we do, we're making ourselves equal to God and that's never a good thing.  Only He knows the heart.
I was so very hurt during the time of our own struggles. But through it, God taught me many things. I'm reading The Ladder of Divine Ascent right now and St. John Climacus says about humility:
"The first step in overcoming pride is to remain silent and to accept dishonor gladly. The middle stage is to check every act of pride while it is still in thought. The end-insofar as one may talk of an end to an abyss-is to be able to accept humiliation before others without actually feeling it."
Whoa! Do I have a long, long way to go! 
All couples who are struggling to conceive are in my prayers. Just having a small glimpse into it has given me an appreciation for that cross. And I think Jenn is so right. The silent witness of longing for a child and having that longing unfulfilled and dealing with those losses and leaving oneself open to more pain is one of the greatest pro-life witnesses that a couple can offer.
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Katherine
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Maryan
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DAILY prayers from our family to those who have this very heavy cross to bear. We know that we are blessed with our four and ache for those who hope for the same blessings. It is such a good reminder for those who have been blessed to be sensitive of those with this "silent cross" and to be on our knees interceding for them.
By the way - I love the thought about Christ being an only Child - I've never heard that connection made. It made me think of our Holy Pope John Paul having only one sibling (I think). I remember reading -- of course, I can't remember in which book -- how much the Pope loved his Mom and how much she influenced him. Furthermore, family friends and neighbors remarked how much his Mom doted on him and took daily walks with him. And then think about what incredible witness came from his family!
And not to embarrass Jenn, but in terms of witness -- I check your website often (and I'm sure so do many anonymous people that you witness to) -- your ideas, suggestions, and references have helped my family do the little traditions that help a family grow closer to Christ. I'm so appreciative!
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Karen E.
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Sarah in SC wrote:
I have "only three," and nine in Heaven. |
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Oh, Sarah ... nine. 
Sarah in SC wrote:
| We've just recently started sharing the news that number 4 is due in April. I hesitate to share that on this thread...but our story is definitely a testimony to that "silent suffering" of "only three," so I think it's okay to post it here. |
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I'd say it's more than "okay" and I'm so thrilled for you! You'll be in my prayers.
And thanks, to all of you, for such kind words.
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Marybeth
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Karen,
As I have told you in private...this article saved me. The Holy Spirit led me to it at the precise moment I needed it most. I have one paragraph taped to me computer and read it all the time. It literally feed my soul during some very very dark days.
During this adoption journey for Mary Helen, I was truly heading into despair...thank you for giving me hope when I felt so sad, lonely and forgotten.
You have a very special place in my family's heart.
I know posting your article will help many other mothers whose hearts ache for more children or for those awaiting them in heaven.
Marybeth
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JennGM
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I just finished reading The Story of Holly and Ivy by Rumer Godden to my son and niece (who is visiting us this week). This is the longest book we've read aloud together, and we had to stop in the middle (would that count as a chapter book?). And we all loved it.
I was very touched by the part about the childless couple and eventual adoption. It's hard to choke back the tears when you're reading aloud.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Dawn
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Oh my goodness, Karen, I am just coming to this thread now. Thank you for linking to your article - thank you for *writing* it!! 
I always pictured myself with 6 or more kids and here I am with 3. I know it is up to God how many more I will have. I cannot question Him or my dear husband. It is hard to be patient, though.
My mum always wanted 6 or more and she had just my brother and me. I know what a full and beautiful life she gave us and I hope that I am doing the same for my boys.
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Dawn, mum to 3 boys
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J.Anne
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I think I can say for certain, Dawn, that your boys' lives are full and beautiful. They are so blessed, as we all are, by you.
Jennifer
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Karen E.
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JennGM wrote:
| It's hard to choke back the tears when you're reading aloud. |
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Yeah ... my oldest can tell when they're coming, and she brings me a box of Kleenex.
Maryan wrote:
| And not to embarrass Jenn, but in terms of witness -- I check your website often (and I'm sure so do many anonymous people that you witness to) -- your ideas, suggestions, and references have helped my family do the little traditions that help a family grow closer to Christ. I'm so appreciative! |
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Yes, yet another way to be a "good Catholic family"!
Marybeth wrote:
| You have a very special place in my family's heart. Marybeth |
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You are so sweet and kind, Marybeth. You and yours have a special place in mine, too.
J.Anne wrote:
| I think I can say for certain, Dawn, that your boys' lives are full and beautiful. |
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I was going to say that, too. And, I could say the same about you, Jenn, and all of the wonderful, faith-filled women here.
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Dawn
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Thank you, Jenn and Karen, for your support. I didn't mean to sound like I was fishing I just meant that it is my fond memories of my childhood that propel me to try and create a warm and loving cocoon for my boys.
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Dawn, mum to 3 boys
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JennGM
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Karen E. wrote:
Maryan wrote:
| And not to embarrass Jenn, but in terms of witness -- I check your website often (and I'm sure so do many anonymous people that you witness to) -- your ideas, suggestions, and references have helped my family do the little traditions that help a family grow closer to Christ. I'm so appreciative! |
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Yes, yet another way to be a "good Catholic family"! |
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Thank you. We're a work in progress, but I'm happy that you enjoy it.
All of you with that bear this silent cross are just so beautiful and inspiring to me! I find it hard to put in words the individual reasons, but you truly are amazing.
Dawn, in no way were you fishing! I just want my son to be in your little cocoon for a while (and let me be a fly on the wall to take notes).
Jennifer (Anne with an "e") -- I'm a Jennifer Ann (no e), too. When I see your name I think it's me...isn't that silly? But so many of your posts here and on the blog make me think you're my long lost sister.
I have to single you out Marybeth, because you are so generous in your love and reaching out to those who have similar heartaches. I am blessed with one of my own, and your cross has been even heavier, and yet there is no bitterness, just advice, love and those very special prayers of yours!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Moms with only 1, 2 or 3 kids ....
