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amyable
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I am so very sorry if this is not appropriate to post here. I'll try to be as non-graphic as possible while still asking my question. I'll understand if you need to delete.
Our homeschooling co-op (6 families) meets once a week, all day, in a house owned by the parish of one of the participants. It is located next to the parish school's parkinglot, with a street full of houses continuing down the block.
Two weeks ago, a registered child s*x offender moved in next door to the house we use. Apparently there is a woman living there too. And another offender lives down the street.
A nun from the church stopped by yesterday to tell us what has been going on. The lady has been drunk and harrassing the school children. One of the men has been coming to the fence to wave at the children. And there was another incident that I don't think I should post. Let's just say it involved something the kids should not have seen. We don't know if the men involved have other crimes on their records, they only have to register as s*x offenders. The man next door looks big and scary. 
All this to say - our co-op has recess and a nature class that have been meeting outside. My dh now says that he thinks if we continue to use the house, we should not leave the house at all - and he would rather we don't meet there, period. Staying inside is hard with 30 people all day in a small house, but possible. I know not everyone will agree with me though. Our co-op has a 2+ year history of struggling to find places to meet, and this house was supposed to be "the answer." It seemed great, until now. There really is NO other non-home place to meet.
So my question is, do you think my dh and I are over-reacting? Would you meet there? I would much rather just meet at someone's house, but then we give up the "formality" of having a different place to meet and the location of being across the street from the church where we can easily go to Mass first, etc. It's quite a formal co-op, with dues, uniforms, a board of directors, etc.
Of course I will do whatever my dh wants, but if I have the backing of many devout Catholic women (hint hint)  , maybe I can convince my co-op friends that I'm not just panicking and fearful that this man will *really* harm one of us.
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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folklaur
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Do you guys go into the back yard? Is there at least a privacy fence? Where I grew up in NJ, no one had fences, but out here in AZ, everyone does, so you don't even know if people are out in their yards most of the time.
Honestly, though, I would not be happy with even that. I would be VERY uncomfortable with the situation as it is. I hope the authorities are being called with each incidence.
Oh, I have no advice, but I will keep you in my prayers. But over-reacting? No, I don't think you are at all.
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mrsgranola
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FWIW, I do not think it would be worth meeting there. The very fact that some things have already happened means that it could very well be your homeschoolers who get treated inappropriately next time. I just don't think that the formality is needed, IMHO, to justify staying at that location. (I won't go off on that tangent, here, however. )
So I would just be very weary of thinking that it's worth sticking it out to stay at that location. You say there have been incidents and that's enough to make me move, if it were my family.
God bless you and I hope things go well, whatever you decide!
JoAnna
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MicheleQ
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Amy,
Keeping in mind that my emotions are running high this week and that anything involving potential danger to children is a hot button for me, I agree with you dh. In fact I would be out of there in a flash! It would be one thing if there was nothing going on but there is. If it was just a group of women meeting I might say stay and pray your hearts out for these people. But in the case of children being there I say pray but get out of there! I'm sorry for the difficulty but it's not worth the risk in my opinion.
God bless!
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Michele Quigley
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kingvozzo
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I would be very uncomfortable continuing to meet there. But, as an aside, aren't registered offenders prohibited from living within a certain distance from schools? Perhaps you could contact your local police, and see if you can remove the problem from you, instead of you all having to move from the problem?
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Noreen
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anniemm
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I don't think I'd be willing to risk it. One of my biggest prayers for my children is that their innocense may remain in tact as long as it possibly can - especially in my care. There is just no way to know what one of those people may do in a split second.
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Andrea
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Angie Mc
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My dh works with offenders. Here's the plain, awful, truth:
Recidivism (commiting another crime and returning to prison) is very high. These offenders are impulsive and vouyeristic.
Most offenders are on probation or parole. Should they be observed exposing or anything else remotely inappropriate (could possibly include "waving" and any other attempt at have contact with minors), they should be reported to the police immediately. Most are on a very "short leash" and have no credibility with police (and are on the bottom rung among other criminals.)
There are usually rules that don't allow offenders to be in a "high child traffic" area. This could be an avenue to pursue with the police BEFORE something happens.
There is NO WAY my husband would allow our family to be in this situation.
I'm so sorry for your situation, Amy. My dh's frankness is not meant to cause fear, but to empower through excellent information. If you have specific questions, feel free to email us privately. We're praying for all involved.
Love,
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Angie Mc
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MaryMary
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Amy,
I think the fact that you and your husband are on the same page says it all. That alone would be enough for me to not return to that location. I would rather open up my own home and have it be tight space-wise than risk the innocence of any of the children that are present at the co-op.
I would be outta there in a heart-beat!
God bless you, and prayers coming your way that you find another suitable location for your co-op!
Mary
Mom 2 3 
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Karen E.
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Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know you've had co-op problems before .... 
I agree with others here, with your dh, and I think it's your gut feeling as well ... get out now. For what it's worth, if it were me, I would be willing to give up being a part of the co-op if no one will listen to reason. I'd rather know that I'd done all I could to ensure my children's safety than to later regret being talked into a situation I was so uncomfortable with.
I'll be praying for you all!
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God bless,
Karen E.
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Cheryl
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I agree with the others. Trusting your gut (and your dh's) is always more important that trying to please other people.
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Cheryl
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Rebecca
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Amy,
I would not meet there after the unmentionable thing happened. The risk is too high for the children's safety and innocence. God will provide another place for you. I will pray for the situation.
Love,
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marihalojen
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Angie Mc wrote:
| There are usually rules that don't allow offenders to be in a "high child traffic" area. This could be an avenue to pursue with the police BEFORE something happens. |
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Our village council has to approve offenders before they may move into a school area, they've never turned one down yet. Funnily enough, each school area has several known offenders living real, real close. So sad.
Amy, I'd get out of there, quick! Have you tried Nature Centers, Museums, Zoos or Community Parks? Our local swimming pool has rooms for rent, $3 a kid a day including swimming before and after your meeting (for non-profit groups).
Just a few ideas...
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Erica Sanchez
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Agree, agree, agree with everything said above! So sorry you are having to deal with this, Amy. But we really all have to deal with this as it seems it is everywhere, maybe not just so obvious as in your case. It is my biggest fear. I like what Angie said about 'empowerment through education'. Praying!
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Erica in San Diego
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Mary G
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I'd be out in a flash, too! Is there anything you can do about reporting these folks -- drunk in public is a serious offense, as is exposing or other unspeakables. Has Sister called the police?
Even if you have to break into smaller groups or hae co-op on multiple days to "house" everyone somewhere else, I'd do that!
Praying for peace for all....
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Angie Mc
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marihalojen wrote:
Angie Mc wrote:
| There are usually rules that don't allow offenders to be in a "high child traffic" area. This could be an avenue to pursue with the police BEFORE something happens. |
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Our village council has to approve offenders before they may move into a school area, they've never turned one down yet. Funnily enough, each school area has several known offenders living real, real close. So sad.
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Yes, rules vary from area to area as does implementation. This really is a challenging situation for everyone. My first post was a direct answer to the question at hand. In addition, I feel compelled to add...
My dh works with offenders with mental illness, in part, because very few professionals are willing to work with them. My dh sees the difficulty of their lives as, in many ways, social outcasts. He genuinely cares for his clients. His suggestions come from a place of care for all involved...an effort to set all up for success.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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ShawnaB
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Amy, what a difficult situation...so, so sorry you have to deal with this.
Just one more thought in convincing your Board of Directors that a change is in order...you might want to consider liability issues. Once, we owned a small motel and unbeknownst to us, we hired a registered offender as a manager. When we found out, our attorney said that we MUST terminate his employment immediately. Knowing that an offender was working there, should the unthinkable happen, there would be liability on OUR part...not to mention just the moral obligation to keep children safe. Just another consideration...
Praying for you,
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mumofsix
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Dear Amy,
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
I am very clear that I would not continue to attend at this house if I were in your position. It would not be worth the smallest risk to my children.
Could you meet up in someone's house? That would be my preferred solution.
Jane.
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guitarnan
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You are not over-reacting. If the people next door are deliberately trying to attract kids' attention, they are not acting properly. You MUST act to protect all the children, even if it means leaving the co-op temporarily. I know winter's coming on and there aren't very many indoor venues available under the best of circumstances, but I can say from personal experience that you just don't need the distress and trauma of having to take your child to counseling because something has happened to him or her...really and truly, trust your gut feeling and stay far away from these odd people next door.
I'd suggest either making the group smaller for a while (so you can stay indoors), by splitting it in half, or else finding another place. God will certainly understand that you want to keep your children safe! Being right next to church isn't as important as safety.
I'll pray really, really hard that the school nuns can help your group by reporting these folks to the authorities...and that you will be given a new meeting spot.
Personally, I would never, ever, ever let my children go anywhere near an offender if I knew about him or her. That would include being next door where they could be "waved to."
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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MacBeth
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mumofsix wrote:
It would not be worth the smallest risk to my children.
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Jane is right. Run, Amy.
You can't protect them from everything, but when you can protect them, you MUST.
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God Bless!
MacBeth in NY
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ALmom
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Another vote to run! It is not worth the risk. There is a national registry of offenders with pictures posted and usually what offense was committed - warning - it is very sick reading and a real eye opener. We checked the registry after finding out from a neighbor about a s* offender in our neighborhood. We were not close enough to be directly informed by the police - she lived 2 houses down and got a post card. We immediately refused to allow any of our children to go anywhere without us and decided that it was time to get more serious about finding a new home. We checked the registry when we were looking to buy - not perfect and doesn't mean we are lax (seems anything can happen anywhere - but we do what we can to protect our children).
Look at it this way - if you are over-reacting (which, btw, I don't think you are) then what is the worse that can happen. Some folks think you are a bit nuts, you don't get to do as much, have to work hard to find another place, etc. but nothing that will have life-long consequences.
On the other hand, if you under - react, one of those children could have scars for the rest of their life. It is not worth it - especially since the offenders have already done things.
Janet
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: co-op problems (not for little eyes)
