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Michaela
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| Posted: July 14 2007 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
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DH and I suspect a family member has a gambling problem.
We aren't 100% sure, however there have been a few signs pointing us to that conclusion. After loaning this person another $200 last night, DH made a phone call unbeknown to me and found out the family member has been fequenting the casinos that have made their home here in Washington.
This person ALWAYS pays us back so I don't have a problem loaning the money, but if it is for "a problem" then I believe we shouldn't. However, going to casinos doesn't necessarily mean there is a problem.
I've never asked what the money is for. We've been through hard times so if it's for bills, we are glad we're able to help. However, DH is becoming upset now, imagining he is working 12 hours days...6 days a week for gambling, but we don't know for sure.
If we knew without a doubt that there was a problem, we would stop loaning the money. I'd like to help before it's too late.
Is there something specific we could/should be looking for?
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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JennyMaine
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| Posted: July 16 2007 at 4:50am | IP Logged
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Wow, I'm amazed that over 90 people have read this post and not one commented. . .how strange.
I think that if you suspect gambling, you should look for the typical signs of any addiction. Changes in normal behavior, depression, and yes - I would think that needing to borrow money is a sign. Personally, I wouldn't ask my sister or brother to borrow money without specifically saying what it is for (ie, "My electricity is going to be shut off on Monday - can you help me out?") I don't think it's healthy to automatically loan this individual money without them telling you why they need it. It makes it to easy to borrow for things that aren't a real necessity.
Does this person have any other addictions you know of?
I would suggest you two lovingly and gently confront this person and say that you're concerned. It is difficult and uncomfortable, but you've got to show them you love them enough to confront them. You might want to seek some advice from your priest first.
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--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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Rachel May
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| Posted: July 16 2007 at 8:02am | IP Logged
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JennyMaine wrote:
| Personally, I wouldn't ask my sister or brother to borrow money without specifically saying what it is for (ie, "My electricity is going to be shut off on Monday - can you help me out?") I don't think it's healthy to automatically loan this individual money without them telling you why they need it. It makes it to easy to borrow for things that aren't a real necessity. |
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This is what I was thinking. It is your money to start with. You can choose to ask what it will be used for, and I would if someone were borrowing regularly. If they say it's for electricity, then you could write a check to the power company for them. My dad works in the St. Vincent de Paul society at home. He says when you offer someone a grocery voucher and they want cash, you know that's not a good situation. Just my $.02.
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Dawnie
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| Posted: July 16 2007 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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Michaela,
Maybe this Gambler's Anonymous webpage could help you determine whether or not there is a problem.
Here is another page of questions family members can ask themselves to help determine if there is a gambling problem.
If you decide to confront your relative, it might be helpful to have a list of organizations he/she can go to for help...like Gambler's Anonymous...counselors who can help w/ addiction issues...I would go to the library and see if there were any books on gambling addiction to check out and read up on it more if I were you.
Sorry for the multiple edits...but I just thought of something else...is it possible that this person's problem is simply that he/she doesn't know how to manage money? Too much credit card debt? Compulsive spending? In that case, maybe helping him write a budget so he can manage his money better and live within his means would be helpful...I highly reccommend Dave Ramsey's materials for help with learning how to manage money and pay off debt.
hth...
Dawn
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Michaela
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| Posted: July 17 2007 at 2:08am | IP Logged
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You're right, when we are asked again (and we will be asked) that will be the perfect opportunity to express my concerns. We've been giving money almost every month since September. The only time I felt upset was when asked on my twins birthday for money.
Dawn, thank you for the links. Based on my answers to the questions on both gambling links I am now doubting it's a gambling problem. It's more likely living a lifestyle this person cannot afford anymore, but doesn't want to give it up or let others know. Now, I'd rather love the person & help, than be upset. 
I pray when the time comes, Our Lord gives me the right words that encourage an open and honest conversation to help with whatever is going on.
 Thank you for your input, ladies!
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Topic: Gambling problem
