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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 10 2006 at 7:08pm | IP Logged
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As I wait for this baby, I have really fallen into a rut. I am looking around at my life and only see chaos and failure. Okay, not that bad,  but I am very discouraged.
I have a surly teen who is interested in nothing but his "free time" and unwilling to put more than the bare minimum of effort into anything, from school to sports. He loves to taunt his siblings and push the limits of basic rules of behavior.
I have a 10 yr old dd who is high-strung and moody. She is the classic melancholic and everything is a crisis. (Can't imagine where she gets that! )
My little ones seem to alternate between fighting with each other and ignoring me when they are playing. I can't get the toddler to nap or sleep and I worry what she will do when I bring the baby home.
The house is a mess and the schoolwork is always lacking.
So, I feel worn out and wondering how I got this far in this lifestyle without some semblance of competency.
If you could suggest one book, maybe one on discipline, or large families, or organization, or all of the above, what would it be? I feel like I need to start over in all of those areas.
I figure this is a good time to read and think, since I don't have the energy to get up and deal with the mess around me. 
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: April 10 2006 at 9:33pm | IP Logged
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Perhaps A Mother's Rule of Life, by Holly Pierlot. I know it has inspired me. Even though I have not really followed her methods just reading it really helped me to get my act together.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Leonie
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Three Steps to a Strong Family really helped me when I was "down in the dumps", bothered by things and unwell and pregnant with number seven.
I re-read it recenty and still find it helpful - in baby steps.
By Linda and Richard Eyre
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Rachel May
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| Posted: April 11 2006 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
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I found Who Gets the Drumstick by Helen Beardsley inspiring for my weary soul. It isn't a book of practical advice. Sometimes those books can discourage me more if I'm not in the right mindset. This book lifted me up with a lovely portrait of a big family succeeding, and Helen's insight and spirituality is very nice.
I think the cheapest used copy is over $60 at amazon because of the latest Yours, Mine and Ours having come out so recently, so you would want to try the library although I thought it was a keeper.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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alicegunther
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| Posted: April 11 2006 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
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I would recommend Flylady for a quick pick me up.
Things always seem worse late in a pregnancy. I am usually the upbeat type, and I was downright depressed yesterday, without much real cause to be.
Also, it helps to start every day asking the Blessed Mother to help you make your home more like her home in Nazareth.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
     
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Helen
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| Posted: April 11 2006 at 1:59pm | IP Logged
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Dear Molly,
I am just trying to be encouraging. Sometimes, people with very high expectations will not "feel" that they have reached their goals. Yet, in reality they will have achieved great things. They just don't "feel" that they have.
I am reading the Autobiography of St. Anthony Mary Claret. He was incredibly "successful" and yet he says:
"When the abundant fruit of souls became manifest on all sides, and when everyone had my praises upon their lips, yes, even the good and bad, then did Our Lord permit me to experience a sadness so profound that I cannot explain it except by saying that it was the special providence of God who permitted this sadness to hang over me as a weight, so that the wind of vanity might not be my undoing."
Even great saints feel badly on some days. Just keep going. I find that saint's biographies are my favorite books. I make two friends after reading. One is the book, the other is my new friend in heaven.
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Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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Diane
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| Posted: April 11 2006 at 7:09pm | IP Logged
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Molly,
There are many days when I could have written the post you did, if I could summon up the courage. Sometimes I wonder why God called me to this journey when I am so utterly incapable of living it well. But I do believe with all of my heart that He did call me to it, and so I keep plugging along, taking my baby steps day by day, sometimes falling backwards, but always managing somehow to get back up and start over. I cling to the hope that it will someday be better, that I will someday be better, at least better at surrendering to His Will and allowing Him to carry me more.
This is so not the life I envisioned for my family. I very much want to be the joyful, peaceful, patient mother who lovingly nurtures her dear children by placing before them a banquet of rich ideas and experiences. And I'm not. Not even close. Chaos and disorder seem to reign here, and I don't deal with it all that well. I'm thankful if I can make it through a day without losing my temper over the wadded-up church dresses hidden in the back of my 11yo's closet---again.
I'm not at all the mother I want to be. But you know what---my kids love me anyway. They are amazingly forgiving. And loyal. I don't believe they'd trade me in, not even for Marmee or Margaret Morse or Lissa or Alice, even on my worst days (although I can't say that I'm brave enough to ask them ). My sister gave me the biggest boost when she visited in Feb and said, "your kids are really happy." That reminded me that, in spite of my constant struggles with feeling like a failure, something good and right is happening here, even when I can't see it.
No, I would have never chosen to walk through this overgrown jungle that is my life, but I believe that God is leading my family through it to something beautiful. If I can just keep on holding His hand, we won't get lost, even when it feels like we already are.
Anyway, I'm sorry I don't have a book recommendation for you (since that is what you asked for ), but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I will be praying for you! If you do find that magic book, please let me know---I'd love to read it.
PS I too am dealing with a somewhat surly teen---and I would really like to know who stole my sweet daughter! 
__________________
Peace,
Diane
Mom to five fair lasses and one bonny prince
The Journey of a Mother's Heart
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alicegunther
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| Posted: April 12 2006 at 9:48am | IP Logged
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>>I don't believe they'd trade me in, not even for Marmee or Margaret >>Morse or Lissa or Alice, even on my worst days
Diane, thank you so much for including me here, even if it is undeserved. Believe me that you are better than I could ever hope to be. Someone with your sensitivity, thoughtfulness and sincere humility cannot help but make a beautiful mother. I am not at all surprised that your sister would note your children's joy.
With love, from another mother of five fair lasses and a bonny prince! (I so love that signature line.)
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: April 12 2006 at 10:23am | IP Logged
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If my daughter were ever to run away, the first place I'd check would be Alice's!
I've been sitting here and thinking and thinking of one book. And I think I'm with Leonie. I'd avoid organization books that will make you feel guilty or give you too many hoops to jump (how's that for a visual, nine months pregnant?). The Eyre's are very practical but also very realistic. Some of her early books like A Joyful Mother of Children or I Didn't Plan to Be a Witch are really encouraging (overlook the Mormon stuff.).
I also like And Then I Had Kids. This is a newer version than mine, but I'm guessing it's fine. Finally, I like Simple Abundance to read through like a regular book and not necessarily a daybook. It was written before the author got all new-agey and divorced her husband. It really was a balm when I was burned out after Mary Beth was born.
I don't think you need an organization book. I think you need a book that tells you that God loves your little efforts and your good intentions. So...if I had to suggest just one book, between now and when you bring the baby home...one to take with you to the hospital...it would be I Believe In Love. God doesn't ask us to succeed. He doesn't expect Supermom. He just asks us to keep trying, with charity. You're good enough, Molly. You're exactly who He intended for these children. Just keep fighting the fight. The victory has already been won! Many  .
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: April 12 2006 at 11:03am | IP Logged
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alicegunther wrote:
Things always seem worse late in a pregnancy. I am usually the upbeat type, and I was downright depressed yesterday, without much real cause to be.
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Now, Alice, I was the one who turned 40 yesterday. You depressed?!  Never!
Hope today is a much nicer day...for the two of us.
Molly, You've been given more than the required one book but I'm still going to add mine. 
I love Story of a Family about the family of St. Therese of Lisieux. If you overlook the fact that all 5 daughters became nuns and one is a doctor of the church and one of the most famous of all saints (whew! tall order), you'll find in that book how Venerable Zelie Martin struggled, prayed, worried, grew anxious, prayed, fretted, struggled, prayed, and perservered because she had faith in God that all would work for the good.
I agree with Elizabeth:
Elizabeth wrote:
I don't think you need an organization book. I think you need a book that tells you that God loves your little efforts and your good intentions. ... God doesn't ask us to succeed. He doesn't expect Supermom. He just asks us to keep trying, with charity. You're good enough, Molly. You're exactly who He intended for these children. Just keep fighting the fight. The victory has already been won! Many . |
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I think that's beautifully put in a nutshell. 
The victory has already been won! This Sunday will remind us of this evidence. Aren't we blessed to be Christians and aware of this salvation.
None of the saints thought they were saints. They kept huffing and puffing all the way up to Calvary.
*****
Btw, I have LInda Eyre's book "I Didn't Plan to be a Witch" too. It's a good-humored book that will leave you laughing at all your big and little imperfections. 
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 12 2006 at 1:06pm | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone. I have put some of Linda Eyre's books on hold at the library. I hadn't heard of her before.
I think you all are right about the organization books right now (of course, I already own them all anyway! ). I certainly can't jump through any hoops! LOL!
I was thinking yesterday that maybe I just needed something to help me find the joy again. This Lent has been very dry spiritually and I find myself looking back to years when I was so much more "into it". Now I pick up In Conversation with God and just don't have the mental energy to read and think about it. I will try to pick up I Believe in Love again, it is actually sitting in my bedside stack.
A good laugh would be great, too. Is the "I Didn't Plan to be a Witch" worth buying? I have an amazon certificate that I have been trying to decide how to use. The title certainly appeals to me, especially if the book will tell me how to reverse the process!
Diane, I will pray for you as I go through these last days? or weeks of pregnancy. It is so easy to feel "out of our league" when surrounded with these wonderful women, but as others have pointed out, God isn't looking for supermom and He put us together with our kids so it must be the right combination.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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lilac hill
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Molly,
My only suggestion for reading is to read the chapter in Elizabeth's book about burnout. At least yearly it draws me back "from the edge", reminds me there are just times like the dry ones you describe, not just spiritually, but as the mother in your home.
You have my prayers,
Viv
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Viv
Wife to Rick (7/83), Mom to dd#1(6/87), dd#2(1/90), and dd#3(6/94) in central PA.
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 12 2006 at 2:39pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
| So...if I had to suggest just one book, between now and when you bring the baby home...one to take with you to the hospital...it would be I Believe In Love. |
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This is the book I return to again and again. My mother does, too (and she has 7 children). I second Elizabeth's recommendation. If I had to be on a desert island and two books to pick, it would be I Believe in Love and the Holy Bible.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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esperanza
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Molly,
I see lots of recommendations for I Believe in Love..if thats too much for now...maybe try the book our friend Kathy has been reading Simply Surrender
I sent 3 private messages did they get to you?
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In His Peace,
Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
mom to Tara-'85, Noelle-'88, Jeremy-'91, Elizabeth-'93, Emma-'96, Dominic-'99, Gabriel-'01, Elijah-03
and Jacinta-06
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Willa
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Molly, nothing to add in the way of books. It looks like you have a selection! I just wanted to tell you I have been praying for you often. When Aidan was in San Francisco and I felt so utterly inadequate, some of the people on this list "carried" me with their prayers. I was so discouraged and scared I often couldn't even pray. But my prayers were prayed by them for me.
I hope you can feel that you are being carried!
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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MicheleQ
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JennGM wrote:
Elizabeth wrote:
| So...if I had to suggest just one book, between now and when you bring the baby home...one to take with you to the hospital...it would be I Believe In Love. |
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This is the book I return to again and again. My mother does, too (and she has 7 children). I second Elizabeth's recommendation. If I had to be on a desert island and two books to pick, it would be I Believe in Love and the Holy Bible. |
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My recommendation is the same but I would also add another book that has been so very helpful to my heart and soul is God Alone Suffices
I recommend it to everyone. I love this book!
Praying for you Molly.
God bless,
__________________
Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
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Diane
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Hey, Molly, I just thought of a simple read sure to give a little boost. It's not even a whole book, just a few pages.
If you have Please Don't Drink the Holy Water, read the last chapter. It always leaves a lump in my throat and puts this journey in perspective.
And now it is 3:53am and I am off to bed, determined not to turn on this computer until after Easter and give the time to my dh and kids instead.
A Blessed Triduum to you, Dear Friends!
Look---I have 3 apples! Now, that is amazing.
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Peace,
Diane
Mom to five fair lasses and one bonny prince
The Journey of a Mother's Heart
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4Real Forums : Book Club
Topic: One book?
