4Real Forums: 5 year old afraid of Heaven

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: 5 year old afraid of Heaven

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domchurch3
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Posted: May 05 2008 at 8:39pm \| IP Logged

My daughter started crying today. I guess she made the connection that you have to die and leave this earth to go to Heaven. But she doesn't want to leave behind her doll house and Dixie, her dog. She says she does not want to go to Heaven. And this comes the day after reading a part of St. Therese's autobiography where she wanted her and her family to die so they could all go to heaven. I'm trying to think what it is were not doing to make her see this differently. Any suggestions?

Susana
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Posted: May 05 2008 at 10:26pm \| IP Logged

One thing that I've been cautious about doing is making death a negative thing. We're careful not to emphasize the sadness of it, which is sometimes hard. When we hear news of someone dying or talk about death, I'm careful to make my tone sound positive and almost nonchalant. The saints are especially good examples because we already know that they are in Heaven and Martyrs have been especially good examples in my home. So for example I'll say something like this to my 5 year old: "Father Miguel Pro was such a hero! He really stood up for the faith and didn't even care that he was going to be shot because he knew he'd be with Jesus right away! How lucky of him! Dying means that it is the beginning of eternity! If we are good then we can be with Jesus happy forever! :)

krygerzoo
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Posted: May 05 2008 at 10:36pm \| IP Logged

Did she recently experience a death? My kiddos are both fearful and joyful regarding death's experiences. I think it is more of the 'process' of dying... what will 'getting there' feel like? Of course, there is the 'leaving behind' people/stuff.

You're not doing anything wrong! Five is really young and is a normal time for processing this amazing part of our journey.

They 'know' that Heaven is amazing and that they'll get to be with Jesus and their big brother and baby sister BUT the unknown still causes fear. Heck, lots of grown ups are still afraid!

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wife to David '89, mom to +Kaden Michael (8/15/94-5/10/05), DD'97, DS'99, DD'01, DS'05, (+baby'08), DS'09, (+baby'12) & DD '13

Willa
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Posted: May 05 2008 at 10:46pm \| IP Logged

domchurch3 wrote:

My daughter started crying today. I guess she made the connection that you have to die and leave this earth to go to Heaven.

My son did the same thing just around the time he turned five. We hadn't had any deaths in the family but I think he realized for the first time how final death is and what a change Heaven is going to be.   He said that he wanted to stay the way he is.

We have had various low-key talks since then. I try to emphasize that by definition we can't understand something we don't know yet.   I compare it to growing up -- how when he was a baby he never would have known how much fun being a five year old could be. And when he's twelve he will be able to do all sorts of things and understand things that he can't right now.   Heaven is something none of us can imagine but we know that whatever is good will be there, only better than we can possibly see now.

Another analogy is travel -- if you go to a new fun place, you wouldn't know before you went what to expect.   Heaven is like a journey to a new place. I tell him that there is no hurting and no being in trouble -- none of the things that make his little life difficult right now.

In Paddy's case, reading about St Therese actually seemed to calm him down.   I am reading him the Catholic Treasure Box series which have a sweet approach to the spiritual things.   He seems to be developing more of an affection for God and more enthusiasm for the idea for Heaven, but it certainly was a bit of a process.

Even adults fear death and can't imagine Heaven, so it's a pretty human reaction.   The Pope talked about this just recently in Spe Salvi.   I blogged a bit about it here when my Patrick was going through it.

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Willa
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domchurch3
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Posted: May 06 2008 at 5:11pm \| IP Logged

"In Paddy's case, reading about St Therese actually seemed to calm him down. I am reading him the Catholic Treasure Box series which have a sweet approach to the spiritual things. He seems to be developing more of an affection for God and more enthusiasm for the idea for Heaven, but it certainly was a bit of a process."

We started reading Catholic Treasure Box today and I could sense her getting something from it. She enjoyed it and I think it coincides well with me reading St. Therese's autobiography.

I've loved all of your responses and along with my husband's I've decided to stop flogging myself over it. I think a part of me really felt that because she did not see things the way St. Therese did at her age, somehow I'm not a good Catholic mom. Boy, the devil really knows how to turn something good and twist it. Here I am reading her autobiography to grow spiritually and I end up berating myself for not being St. Therese's mother! But like St. Therese says in more beautiful language then this nutshell: Some are roses and some are daisies. It's interesting how she saw herself as a daisy when truly she was a fragrant rose.

teachingmom
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Posted: May 06 2008 at 11:27pm \| IP Logged

I've had a similar conversation with one of my young dds in the past. Her fear of going to Heaven was more a fear of dying and leaving us and all she knows. I told her not to worry about going to Heaven now because we hope and pray that all of us will live a long life. I said that she probably wouldn't be going to Heaven until after Daddy and I and maybe even her older sisters were there - when she is very old - and by that time she will really want to go there to be with all of us. In the meantime, God wants us to enjoy this life and love Him. I really emphasized that that wouldn't happen for a looong time. That comforted her and it wasn't an ongoing issue at all.

I realize that there's a chance that our children won't live until old age. But chances are they will and talking about it from that point of view helps them not to worry about imminent death. With time, maturity, and spiritual growth, a yearning for Heaven based on a desire to be united with Jesus will come. But I would not expect it in most children.

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