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Maria B.
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| Posted: March 14 2007 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
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Cay, I had a similar experience with my now 16 year old daughter when she was 14. It went on for about a year. My husband and I considered school briefly, but then realized it would be a whole lifestyle change for our whole family. Once the decision was made to keep her home, we stuck with it. I always listened to her and encouraged her to talk about her feelings and took them seriously. Overtime I realized it had more to do with emotions and growing pains. Being a girl, she craved much more social activity. Even though it was hard, I spent a great deal of time trying to find some constructive social outlets for her. Long story short, this dd has loves the theatre. We found a local homeschool theatre group that met twice a week. I debated about what this meant for my schedule, but decided to give it a shot. It was the answer to prayer. She loves it! It took almost a year of working all through all this, but it was worth it. Basically I discovered her desire to go to school had nothing to do with her schooling at home, but the pains of being a teenage girl. Hang in there! You are a great mom and teacher. I will pray for both of you.
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katilac
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Here's an alternative to shadowing that I have read about: do 'school at home.' The problem with shadowing, for me, is that ANYTHING can be fun for a day or two. School at home can be done for two weeks or a month, whatever you decide.
Require her to get up and get ready for school. If she would have to wait for a bus, maker her do that. If she would have to wear a uniform, make her do that.
Require her to stay in 'math class' for forty five minutes, no matter how quickly she finishes. Don't let her use the bathroom without permission or get water whenever she's thirsty. Give her ten minutes to play at recess time. Make her wait in line for lunch, and only give her a short amount of time to eat it. Don't do lunch out, etc (although if the school is doing a party during this time, you should do one as well).
And so on. You can get the details from whatever school she would attend if you sent her. If you can borrow textbooks and duplicate some of the busywork, all the better.
Remind her that she not only would have to do all of this, she has to do it with a positive attitude, just like homeschool.
When push comes to shove, though, I agree with the posters who say that a six year old doesn't get much say in their education. If she left home for school, would you let her pick the school? What is she wants the low performing public school down the street? What if she wants the ritzy private school you can't possibly afford? First-graders just don't get to make those decisions.
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marihalojen
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That's a great idea, Katilac. I had a friend who simply called the school to get the class schedule for her son's age (upper elem. or middle school) and all it took was one look at all the classes crammed in and especially the bathroom breaks and lunchtime schedule and he was sold - on homeschooling, that is! 
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: March 19 2007 at 7:31am | IP Logged
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katilac wrote:
Here's an alternative to shadowing that I have read about: do 'school at home.'
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We did that. It lasted all of two days .
It did not change her mind however. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Cay Gibson
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"One test of the correctness of educational procedure is the happiness of the child."
Edit: oops! that's another Maria Montessori quote 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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marihalojen
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Cay Gibson wrote:
katilac wrote:
Here's an alternative to shadowing that I have read about: do 'school at home.'
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We did that. It lasted all of two days .
It did not change her mind however. |
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I think I remember you posting about that right after Christmas, Cay.
When is your local schools' spring break? Down here there are loads of camps/classes during the couple of weeks that the schools are off. Parents have to put their kids somewhere when the schools close! If your area does the same she could attend some cool courses perhaps, Marianna took Hobie Cat Sailing last fall and loved it!
Or maybe she'd just like that American Girls' Club you mentioned and you know, you could make it a Homeschool American Girls' Club held during school hours with other Homeschooling friends. Not to be mean to her school friend but this could be a fun Homeschooling project for your daughter. She and the school friend can still play with the dolls together but the super cool, awesome projects could be part of the Club.
There is even an on-line curriculum, All American Girl, you could check out. I think this is the one a friend printed out and brought to our American Girls' Club last year. She and her daughter had a great time using it! (But she used it, I didn't, so I haven't read through the whole thing. Last year I looked at, like the first 5 pages and I did basically the same today. Yup! Looks the same! So check it out first, Cay.)
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~Jennifer
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The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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Cay Gibson
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Jennifer,
I just saw your pink cadilac b-day .  So FUN!
I think I need to plan another trip to Florida just to spent it with you and Marianna because that's exactly what Chelsea is looking for FUN. And, evidently, as much as I plan, she's missing something. Isn't that bizarre? 
I have been going round and round with her about gratitude and being grateful and she still doesn't see it.
My dd also loves the outdoors and is constantly doing, doing, doing outside. I look at your day's and I see how we could duplicate them outside the home. I mean, we're in Cajun country here. Gosh, if only her older brother didn't work all day long, he could take her crabbing and frogging and perhaps even wrestling alligators like Steve Irwin did with his dad.
I'm thinking perhaps our little school at home needs to get out more than just our backyard garden.
But, gosh, I'm so content at home.
P.S. Thanks for the American Girl online curriculum. I'm eager to look it over. Perhaps a whole year on an American Girl curriculum would be the ticket. Thanks for the inspiration. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Courtney
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I searched and searched until I finally found this topic. Today wasn't a good day (for me or dd, age 10). After we had some tense moments over a writing assignment (when will I learn to ditch it if it truly isn't working?), she said for the first time that she'd like to try "real" school. I know for my dd, she's lonely. She has a friend down the street who's so overscheduled that they hardly see each other anymore. There aren't any other girls on our block or really closeby that she knows. She met some really nice girls this summer at swimteam, and I've vowed to have a couple of them over soon. I feel like I've failed her by not having more girl friends/interactions available for her. However, I don't believe going to p.s. is going to solve that.
We do have some very close friends that live in Houston that we'll be seeing this weekend. Their dd is my daughter's closest friend. I told her to ask Kaleigh what it's like in school and how much of an opportunity she really gets to socialize. I think my dd may be surprised.
We do have a local hs group but haven't done too much with them. When I brought that up, dd mentioned that they aren't close by. She wants a gaggle of friends in walking distance. Yes, if she went to the local p.s. (which is in walking distance) she would have many acquaintances. How do you help a 10yr old girl understand the difference btwn acquaintances and friends? I do think this is a matter of the grass being greener, but also I do think she's lonely for a few girls her age.
Like you said in your first post, Cay, I feel uncreative, unworthy and unhappy. I don't want this to suck me in, but I want to give it adequate attention.
Any words of advice, encouragement?
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Courtney in Texas
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SallyT
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Cay and everyone else --
I'm praying for you right now, first of all. We've been through phases of "I want to go to school" with my oldest daughter, though she seems to be more or less over it for now. This year we're doing a co-op once a week with several other homeschooling families -- ten kids in all -- where we do one day of 9-3 SCHOOL: 3 subjects in 90-minute classes, with an hour's lunch break for socializing and working on projects together. We meet in a local parish church, and many of us, kids and mothers, go to Mass at 8:15 before classes. The kids are working HARD -- I'm the English teacher, so I know how hard they're working in English -- but also getting the benefit of some social interaction. They also have to get up early, pack lunches, wear presentable clothes, and so on, and my daughter says that one day a week of this kind of thing is quite enough!
The mom whose idea this initially was had the idea because her daughter had wanted to go to school like her friends -- we have a number of families in our local homeschool group who homeschool through 8th grade, then go to public school for high school. My friend decided that she didn't want to go that route, so forming a co-op was the compromise. It has been lots of fun, and the kids, 5 boys and 5 girls, are a tight group. They "study together" via email for the rest of the week -- my daughter's friend is always sending her Latin resources she's found on the web, or making up study guides . . . they are very cute that way.
Anyway, if you can put together something like this, even if it's in somebody's dining room . . . that's met a lot of "real school" needs for us.
Also, I keep a child in the afternoons who's currently in middle school in public school. What she has to say about her daily routine -- lunch at 10:15, no bathroom breaks for hours and hours -- does NOT make my kids eager to join her. The fact that she's exhausted and starving every day at 2:15 when we pick her up speaks volumes to my kids.
Maybe you could import such a child into your daily routine? Somehow? If only I could lend her to you for a week! She's lovely and wonderful and we love her, but she's been a great inadvertent antidote to any attractions school might hold.
Again, praying for you.
Sally
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Cay Gibson
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This is over a year in updating and I'm sorry. I was thinking about it today after a discussion with Chelsea and thought it would be nice to come back and tell those who replied "thank you for the suggestions, support, and encouragement" and tell those who might be dealing with this "I want to go to REAL school" issue to:
1)Stay Strong!
2)Don't ignore your child's feelings and pleas but talk your child through it...talk, talk, talk.
3)Don't take it personally.
4)Look for creative ways to encourage him/her to take possession of his/her education and other interests.
5)Support those other interests.
6)Change the whole curriculum if you must.
7)Make sure your child hears "both" sides of the school experience.
8)Sit with your child over the hsing how-to books that inspire you and read them together.
9)Give it time. Be patient with your child.
10)Last but not least...Pray, pray, pray.
I'm so glad we didn't put Chels in ps that year. She is happy and content to be hsed now. It was a transition period for both of us.
I'm also thankful I had my dh's support.
I also want to thank those of you who assured me I wasn't a miserable failure of a hsing mom just because my child wanted to try something new. Yet you supported me in finding ways to get her through. I really appreciate it.
None of my children are scared to try something new. Perhaps that's a benefit to hsing. At least that's the silver lining I'm looking at.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Cay Gibson
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Courtney wrote:
| I searched and searched until I finally found this topic. Today wasn't a good day (for me or dd, age 10). After we had some tense moments over a writing assignment (when will I learn to ditch it if it truly isn't working?), she said for the first time that she'd like to try "real" school. |
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Courtney,
I'm sorry I missed seeing this in January.
Could you refresh my memory. How are things? What is happening this year with your dd.
Courtney wrote:
| Any words of advice, encouragement? |
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I hope my update will give you some peace. Again, I wish I hadn't missed this earlier in the year. I know the feeling of desperation when you child isn't the picture of hsing bliss.
I hope (and am praying) that your little girl is happier and more content.
I look forward to hearing an update.
Blessings...
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Red Cardigan
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It's funny to see this revived, b/c my girls have been playing with the neighbor kids (new territory for us), and the neighbor kids just started back at "real school" today.
And all the girls want to be homeschooled like mine! "It sounds so fun! School is so boring! It takes so long!" etc.
And this afternoon when they went out to play, one of the girls told mine "Oh, I missed you guys so much!"
The bright side is mine are ready to be REALLY "good" for me in school this year--after hearing from these kids how *not* fun school is, they know they're really lucky!
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Courtney
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Thanks for the update, Cay!
I looked at the date of my original post and it was January. It was a little worse by May. We attempted to take a tour of the school she would attend this year, but by May it was too busy and I knew she wouldn't get an accurate picture of what it is like.
My dd's attitude towards school has improved. We haven't actually started back yet, but I'm hoping for a much better year. I can see in hindsight some of the problems on my end: I didn't have a tight enough plan. SHe craves structure, but balks about it at the same time. She functions best with more structure to her days. Also, we are doing co-op again this year (took a break last year) and I think that will help fill a need for her. Also, she'll be doing year-round swim team in the afternoons. My dd likes to be going, going, too!
I realized how personally I took her desire to go to school and I reacted. I've spent much more time in prayer over this.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your ideas. I'll let you know how the year progresses! I'm looking forward to a better year!
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Courtney in Texas
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Anne
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Cay,
I think you read my mind. We have a tradition to go camping the first week PS begins. This year about mid week my dd 11yo began talking about going back to "real school". Then her sister joined in an I just dismissed the subject and went into the camper and cried. I felt just as you described. Like I was a HS failure. After discussing this with my dh, we both agreed that we need to get more organized and plan a better school year. There are many places we can both improve and we vowed to begin fresh and determined.
I can't tell you how important it is to have that support from my dh. The next day I overheard dh talking to dd about our reason for HSing. He has such a way of putting things to help her understand.
I realized then that I am not alone in this and I DO have help. I took the blame and guilt all on myself.
After more prayer and discussion, I finally talked to dd about her request. I told her that we are HSing this year and that is how our family works and this is the way it is.
She responded with a quick OK and ran off to go play with her sister.
As relieved as I was, sometimes I think the dc bring up ideas just to see how far they can push me. 
Anyway, Thank you Cay for reminding me that I am not alone. It helps me tremendously to know that I am not the only one going through this.
Blessings for a wonderful school year,
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Anne in TN
WIFE to Brett (91)
MOM to Rebecca(97), Catherine (99), Grace (99), Stephen (00) & 2 Angels in Heaven.
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Cay Gibson
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Red Cardigan wrote:
And all the girls want to be homeschooled like mine! "It sounds so fun! School is so boring! It takes so long!" etc.
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My children get the same reactions from their friends but it didn't keep the desire for a new experience from rearing it's ugly head.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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TracyQ
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I'm so glad to know things are going better for you guys, Cay. Thanks for the update, what you wrote is very wise advice.
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Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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PDyer
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TracyQ wrote:
| Thanks for the update, what you wrote is very wise advice. |
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So very wise I printed it out for use with my girlie, who is feeling her brother's absence terribly today. 
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Patty
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10 Bright Stars
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Cay,
Well, there ARE some fun aspects to regular school, right? I mean, dressing up in new school clothes, hanging with your friends. We would be lying to say that it was ALL bad and there aren't some good memories, right? But, skydiving is fun too, but that doesn't mean you should do it. Sometimes the bad outweighs the good and you have to tell her that while there are some fun aspects to school, there are also many dangers spiritually that you considered to be a bigger deal than her having fun. Also, it is not always fun. There are stresses, work, situations where she may be made to feel bad etc. etc. You should let her know that you understand and she will have plenty of time in life to have those sorts of experiences. Also, I would tell her that the laughing and joking she is doing with her neighbor friend is the same sort of thing she would have in school, so she already HAS school fun. Also, she should share the neat things she does with her friend.
I think sometimes kids know which buttons of ours to push to get a reaction. As humans, we are sort of programmed to get as much as we can out of life. When one of my nieces or nephews gets something new or goes somewhere, my kids always say, "How come THEY get to have that, do that...or whatever. WE never get to go anywhere or do anything." Then, I found out from my SIL that HER kids complain about the same thing about us!!!! So, I would give her a chat about the "grass is always greener" way of thinking. Help her to focus on how blessed she is; how she is part of a very unique and trendsetting part of society that is changing the way people look at school and education. She is a part of history!!!! We are pioneers, just like Laura Ingalls or Early Explorers.
Another idea would be to have her invite a few of her friends along to a pottery class, or something extra. She would be the interesting one. "Oh yeah. We are able to do stuff like this ALL the time due to our school hours being so flexible. I really enjoy the freedom to pursue my interests!." Then, all of her friends would be oohing and aahing over her life a little and she would see that it is pretty cool etc. Girls this age want to BELONG, but we need to help them be their own person and not want to go with the crowd. I would think this would be a MAJOR warning bell that she is definately better off at home! (I was the same way, so I can speak from experience.)
Anyway, try to get her to cultivate a spirit of greatfulness and also contentment. She will need it as a wife and mother, so might as well start sowing the seeds now. !!
I think there is a huge danger to beat ourselves up as homeschool moms. I have to tell myself this ALL the time. We have had a bout with the flu here this week. That means laundry of course and little ones needing Mom more etc. I just started school with the older two Monday and plan on adding in the little ones one at a time. So, this morning I HAD TO do a load or two of laundry. I mean, if really could not wait. I had to make breakfast, and STILL I felt this nagging stress that I hadn't gotten to the school room "on time". That the boys were....horrors, doing math....on their own. I was seriously stressed about it!!! And this is the 3rd day of school. SO I told myself, "Kim, you are feeding the kids. They HAVE to be fed. That is a good thing. You HAVE to do the laundry. There is not an option. You have to clean the bathroom so others may not become ill. etc etc.) I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, even if that meant I might not get to school "on time". So, you are probably doing A LOT and getting most of it right. It is sort of the way I feel when I go to someone else's house who has it decorated really well! I think, why can't I decorate this well? They must have the money to do it, or talent or whatever. Then, I find myself getting depressed about my own house and how it looks and how I must just be a stupid person since I can't seem to make my place look as good. Once we spiral down into the comparison way of thinking, it can really get to the bottom fast where we second guess all of our decisions and start to get upset about things. So, don't even allow yourself to THINK about it. I would just maybe take some of the advice here that you think would work, and then next time she complains say, "Well, you are where you are." and just leave it at that!!! If she daydreams about it too much, it is just that, a daydream. Tests, bullys, negative peer pressure and all that rarely rear their head in funny stories from friends or wild imaginings about "the other pasture."
Hope something helps!! ;
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hereinantwerp
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We have been in the same agony of decision!!----and school registration is--THIS EVENING!!
It seems what we have come to is to keep the 13 yr old/8th grader at school. Trying out for the basketball team is more important to him than anything, and my gut feeling is to let him go for it, but to keep diligent with character/bible instruction at home. MAYBE, I hope, he will choose to come home again later, as he can see that the learning itself is quite boring. But, he sorta fits the whole textbook & grades style anyway, it's extremely motivating for him vs. discouraging, so maybe he won't.
But for my 3rd grader dh and I decided this morning to keep him at home. When it comes down to it---the character/soul issues are just so much more important than academics, and I don't want these to be shaped by peers, the dominant influence at school----he's younger than his brother, not old enough to have discernment about things. Also---I just want more time with him!! Time to feed him with the rich classic literature, etc . . . . once they are in school you think you will do this, but they become so busy, I don't have the heart to make him sit for anything after a long day of school when he just wants to go outside and play, and the time just flies away. The "window" of opportunity closes so quickly with kids. I do see that for my 13 year old some good things seem to be "set in stone", he chooses great literature for himself, and re-reads our homeschool literature favorites--his taste has been "shaped." In a way (yes, a sad way sometimes!!), I feel like he is "on his way"-----our role as parents moves from "director" to "influencer" (it seems like Charlotte Mason had this to say as well, in her "Character" book?, for kids over 12 or so). But for my younger one, he's not at all at that point yet. And I'm kinda glad .
Well---these are the criteria we just used to make our decision!! If it helps or encourages you at all!! But I agree that this can be a major blow to one's confidence and vision as a homeschooling mother!!!
As for your daughter being nicer to her sister after a day of school, I have found this is completely the opposite!!! When my kids have been in school, they come home grumpy and ready for time alone, they pick up attitudes such as little siblings are "a pest", etc. My boys have been much better buddies when they are at home together, even during this summer during the school year!! Having done both ps and homeschooling, this is actually one my favorite points about homeschooling!!
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Courtney
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Aaacckk! We're back here again.
I've had my dd write a list of pros/cons to public school. One of her pros is that she'd be out of the house more. It's not like we stay home all the time. I really feel like it is a curiosity thing for her.
I've been getting more resistance from her and her feeling like everything I say in relation to her work is criticism. I have really been working at being positive. I am at the point where I am really questioning if it wouldn't be better for her to go next year (she'd be in 6th grade). Our ps system goes k-4 in elementary, 5-6 middle school, 7-8 interemediate, 9-10 high school, and 11-12 senior high. I do like that she'd never be with kids who are too much older. However, I am overcome with sadness. I feel like if I continually say no, she will become resentful. She has always loved to try new things and is much more adventurous than I ever was! Dh and I have been discussing it all week. I need your prayers, please!
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94
Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: I Want to Go to REAL School!
