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SeaStar
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| Posted: May 21 2015 at 10:32am | IP Logged
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Nice opener 
But seriously (and sadly), twice in the past year here good Catholic homeschooling moms have passed away, and the families have given away or sold the bulk of their libraries and homeschooling books/supplies.
All the collections, saints books, etc... apparently these were of no real lasting or sentimental value to anyone except the mothers who collected them. They were good for teaching children in the moment, but no one wanted to hang on to them.
This has me seriously wondering: am I hanging on to too many books and other items thinking that someday my family will be glad? Or will it all be a burden to them eventually... as in "Mom loved this... should we keep it?"
I didn't know where to put this conversation, but it has been on my mind.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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countrymom
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| Posted: May 21 2015 at 4:03pm | IP Logged
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I hardly have any books. I only have one small bookshelf in my school room and a small one in my living room. If we don't LOVE it, it goes to the local adoration chapel or gets sold or given away to someone else. We had a whole library when we started this house, but I gave away 95% of our books. I do the same with the school texts. If we don't LOVE them and will use them again, they go on cathswap.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: May 21 2015 at 5:41pm | IP Logged
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countrymom wrote:
| I hardly have any books. I only have one small bookshelf in my school room and a small one in my living room. If we don't LOVE it, it goes to the local adoration chapel or gets sold or given away to someone else. We had a whole library when we started this house, but I gave away 95% of our books. I do the same with the school texts. If we don't LOVE them and will use them again, they go on cathswap. |
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CountryMom- I am interested in your thought process as you went through this. What was your initial inspiration to scale back so dramatically? Did you have ups and downs? Any regrets? What did your dh (and kids) think? Has this made your life easier?
There are books that we LOVE, and there are also quite a few that I have kept because they are out of print, thinking one of my kids might be glad to have them someday. But realistically... will my kids have kids? I hope so. but what if I have given birth to a future priest and nun?
Will they homeschool? And if they do, will they want to use the materials I am so carefully guarding?
Lastly- would my life be easier without the "I have too many books feeling"? that, although I truly love books, is always bearing down on me... as in: How can I bring in more books? Where will I put them?
Lastly, in my homeschool journey, there have really been very, very few books that I have wanted to read or have that I have not been able to buy for cheap, swap for or borrow. I can't help but think that my own children will (hopefully) be as resourceful.
If I died suddenly, I hate to think that my family would be so overwhelmed with the sheer volume of books I have kept that the easiest thing to do is part with them all. Wouldn't it be better to leave behind only a shelf or two of real treasures?
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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SallyT
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Well, we have lots, and not just homeschool books. My husband has a whole theological library. I have a whole library of contemporary poetry. But it's not to the tune of tens of thousands, which was the case with one family I've heard of recently.
I think there is a wide and real line between being a family with a serious book culture and being hoarders. I do find myself selling some things as we go, because I know we won't use them again (curriculum, mainly) and streamlining my shelves somewhat. I don't keep absolutely everything, and I evaluate yearly what stays and what goes.
But most of what we have is literature. It does have some resale value, though of course not that much -- there's also not so much of it here that people would be drowned by it. Meanwhile, these are books people read again and again -- even I reread the good kids' novels.
I don't know -- again, I don't think I'm a hoarder, though I'm not a minimalist, either, and don't pretend to want to be one. I clean my closets. I downsize my belongings fairly regularly. My house is pretty orderly. I have done a fairly significant sweep of the homeschool shelves and will do so again. I suppose that once everyone is grown, if I don't have grandchildren I'll just start giving books away one or two at a time to other homeschoolers, or to the parish library.
At the end of the day, my death will be a burden to my children, no matter what. I do want to leave my survivors not completely overwhelmed by the task of disposing of my belongings -- on the other hand, I don't want to have sold or given away things that they might value and like to have, and it's impossible, to a great extent, to predict what those things might be. My husband is still incensed, years, later, because his mother sold his father's high-school football uniform in a yard sale (she sold EVERYTHING in yard sales -- hers is a pretty ahistorical home . . . ). I don't want to be that mom who says, "Whew, got rid of that," because from the perspective of even an adult child, you might well be tossing out their own history.
Of course, I come from one of those Southern families who never got rid of anything. My grandparents' houses were stuffed . . . although I'm glad, because I do have books and other things that they had, and those things mean a lot to me, as a connection with my own history. I have, and use daily, my grandmother's dishes. I have books I remember reading as a child. I have all kinds of things that make me glad that my grandparents weren't quick to dispose of belongings (though to be fair, I wasn't the one who had to clean out their houses . . . ).
I figure that after my death, I'd rather let my survivors decide what they want to keep and what they want to get rid of -- it won't be any concern of mine at that point! (though again, it's my responsibility now not to be a hoarder, and not to leave people with tens of thousands of *anything* to deal with). In life, I'm not going to forego the companionship of my books -- even the ones I bought for my children have become my friends, and they are central to the culture of my household. So as long as I stay, they stay.
Sally
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CrunchyMom
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I suppose, too, you could ask your kids how they feel. Even as children, they probably have opinions about whether they will want your books. I guess the scary thing would be if they said no because then you still don't know what to do because they might not realize, but then, what if they say yes. Or if they are able to help you discern which books would be treasures to them.
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Martha
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I am not sentimental about my books with a few exceptions. Having a large family and knowing I've still got at least 12 more years of home schooling to go, I do keep what I think is good enough that one day visiting grandchildren will enjoy reading it and their parents will enjoy remember they read it too. That will probably only be a few bookcases by then. Mostly I strongly encourage the kids to each build their own library. They tell me if they loved a book so much they want their own copy or to keep the one I have.
Ideally I would want the kids to go through the books and decide which ones they each want and sell the rest. Same as most things in the house. But reality is many families, especially with a sudden death, there is just too much life altering to do, too many emotions to manage, to also devote that kind of time and emotion to doing it that way. Especially if the family is struggling financially or the children are still young. It's hard to know what they will regret parting with in 20 years, which memories will be the most poignant when they are having kids and which ones won't even be remembered. It really is hard to know.
And sometimes it doesn't matter. Most of the time they end up moving and finances are dramaticly impacted. They can only keep so many material reminders. And it's so overwhelming to deal with it all.
Personally I go through books the same as I do clothing here. About twice a year, I bring all the kids clothing out and dump it in a pile in the living room and we go item by item and decide to keep or toss/donate and then a small box for things very likely to be grown into soon. And make note of who is low on whatever. Usually what starts this is the adament assertion that even though someone had pants or shoes all week, the day we are doing -- outside the house they have no pants at all. These are holey! None of my pants fit! They fit yesterday! Well they don't today. Ugh. Alright. I'm going to run out and buy you pants. And I do this to one find pants and two futility try to keep this from ever happening again.
For books. I empty one shelf at a time, and decide book by book, keep, relocate to proper shelf or ask kids if they want it on their shelf, (we go through their shelves too) or donate.
Dh always gets nervous about that bc he swears if I empty ine shelf, it means he needs to buy another bookcase fairly soon. I contest that claim, but half-heartedly.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: May 22 2015 at 11:44am | IP Logged
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I remember someone posting here- maybe it was Erin- who went through books with her kids and was surprised at what they did and didn't want to keep. Books she thought were treasures/keepers the kids only shrugged their shoulders about.
I was a voracious reader growing up, yet I realize now that we owned very few books. We had two bookcases- that's it for a family with six children- and they were filled with my mother's Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books.
Anything else I wanted to read came from the library. Even as a grown adult I owned few books. It wasn't until I had kids that I crossed that dangerous line from avid reader to book collector.
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: May 23 2015 at 8:31am | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
| It wasn't until I had kids that I crossed that dangerous line from avid reader to book collector. |
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ekbell
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| Posted: May 25 2015 at 2:07pm | IP Logged
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I grew up in a house with many, many books and have collected many, many of my own. My parents (and MIL for that matter) still have many, many books and I wouldn't want them to give them up.
Given how fond I am of rereading, I'm highly unlikely to dramatically reduce the number of books I've bought for myself (although I have started to collect ebooks to reduce space requirements and may sell the hard copies of those books). I've kept them neatly organized (I even have a catalog) so sorting though them would likely not be the hardest part of dealing with my belongings.
Keeping books bought but no longer needed for homeschooling?
If I were to die suddenly, a lot of books that I am planning to use with the next child in line/ next cycle of history etc. would probably end up sold simply because there isn't anyone in a position to continue homeschooling my children and none of my children are old enough for grandchildren to be a real consideration.
When planning for my expected lifespan I'd say it would depend a good deal on the book, it's condition, how long it would likely be before it could be used again, and of course how much storage space I had. If the book was one I greatly enjoyed using and was out-of-print, I'd keep it if only for my own enjoyment. If it was of passing interest (such as a construction ABC book) or a never out of print classic work then I might as well sell or pass it on. The same with instructional materials that are frequently updated - might as well pass them on now.
The problem of course is with in-between books, those that are in print (but for how long?), were reasonably well-liked, instructional materials that won't be outdated but may never be wanted and that's where storage space and length of time come in. As a general rule it would probably be a good idea to pass such books to people who could use them now rather then hoard for possible future use.
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stellamaris
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WAIT!!!! If I die, then SOMEONE ELSE will sort out all my books???? Beam me up, Jesus
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JodieLyn
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If I die, I don't imagine that the books will change all that much. My family would stay in place, dh would probably put the kids in school.. he loves homeschooling but being a teacher is not his calling. Eventually, someone would probably clear out the curriculum, but he's a bit of a pack rat and he likes books so the books would probably stay.. and my oldest also loves books and she'd be the one helping daddy with sorting so..
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Kathryn
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Since my oldest is a girl and 16 1/2 and loves books, I believe she would keep most of the books. Beyond that...I don't want to think about!!
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CrunchyMom
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stellamaris wrote:
| WAIT!!!! If I die, then SOMEONE ELSE will sort out all my books???? Beam me up, Jesus |
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Lindsay
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Erin
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Can't imagine the books leaving my house at all, maybe some of what I have will eventually be passed on, but not much.
My husband sees the value of books, in fact whenever I do a periodical cull he questions why I'm tossing this one and that.
My children see the value of books and in fact I'm onto collecting doubles and triples for older children to equip their individual libraries.
Remember I have 'grandchildren' boxes for the future waiting, at least a box a child already  and the children appreciate that.
It may well have been me who said my children didn't appreciate some of my treasures, but I culled many they didn't want and replaced with their treasures. My oldest however loves anything in print so good chance she'll keep most everything.
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SeaStar
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Erin- where do you store it all? That is a big factor for me... I don't have unlimited space.
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Erin
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Melinda
Do you mean the 'grandchildren boxes'? Well I'm blessed to live on a rural property and have a shipping container. So I realise it's not an option for all, but when I go to book sales and children's books are free (went to two like that last month) I just can't leave them can I?
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countrymom
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SeaStar wrote:
CountryMom- I am interested in your thought process as you went through this. What was your initial inspiration to scale back so dramatically? Did you have ups and downs? Any regrets? What did your dh (and kids) think? Has this made your life easier?
Lastly, in my homeschool journey, there have really been very, very few books that I have wanted to read or have that I have not been able to buy for cheap, swap for or borrow. I can't help but think that my own children will (hopefully) be as resourceful.
If I died suddenly, I hate to think that my family would be so overwhelmed with the sheer volume of books I have kept that the easiest thing to do is part with them all. Wouldn't it be better to leave behind only a shelf or two of real treasures?
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sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I had my baby girl on Sunday night, a surprise frank breech at home!
What inspired me to scale back was an intense desire to own and take care of less. I only wanted to keep what I or the children loved. My thoughts for the books was "If I can get it at the library, then I will give it away" So out went classics like Tom Sawyer and things like that. I only kept rare old books or Catholic books. As for the picture books, I only kept what I liked to read to the children and what I thought were truly beautiful or really witty. There is SO MUCH garbage out there these days. They can bring home the garbage twaddle from the library, then we read it once and it goes up on the shelf so I never have to look at its stupid ugliness again (until they bring it home again...thinking Silveralicious here...hate that book)
Any regrets? only the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe collection that my son loved and was his and he still gives me grief for giving away. As far as my books went, no. I had oodles of Catholic books, but only kept the ones I would read again, or would like my children to read. My other books, I don't even remember what i had. Lots of garden and homesteading books. I also purged cookbooks. I only kept the ones I really used. I still have my herbal books and my natural healing books...I use them all the time. But seriously, who needs 3 baby name books? Who even needs one?
My DH and children are used to moms ways. I have been on the road to manageable simplicity for a long time. It is a constant battle. I tell them that I am the manager of the home and so it is up to me on the level of its possessions. Of course, there are limits to that. I let my bigger children keep what they want in their rooms ext. But for the littles and the public areas of the home, it is my discretion. My DH trusts me on this one. He knows that he is no organizer, he would rather leave it to me.
At this point with books, I may buy one for super cheap. If I am done with it after one reading, to the library it goes. We have a rural library that has put many of my donations on the shelf. Otherwise it goes to the Adoration chapel library if it is a Catholic book. Very few books make it onto my shelf. Same for children books. Relatives give us books. If I hat it, it spends some time here then disappears.
It has made my life easier. We are not minimalists or anything, but I am at a level that I can manage, and that is what is important. I do agree with your statement
" Wouldn't it be better to leave behind only a shelf or two of real treasures?"
Absolutely!
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 05 2015 at 5:26pm | IP Logged
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Countrymom- I love your whole response! 
I have that same intense desire to own and take care of less. I want the things I do have to make me smile (or at least be useful). I am no minimalist, (and I certainly do not live with any ), but having stuff around just because we've always had it no longer makes sense to me.
Years ago I met up with a friend of mine from our local quilt guild at a garage sale. I hadn't seen her around for awhile, and she said she had given away just about all of her fabric stash. She said, "For years and years I was so into having to have all this fabric, but then I had to let it go. It was too much".
That's a bit like how I am feeling about books right now: for years I was into having to have tons and tons of them, but now it is too much. Dh and I looked through some old pictures the other day- we had done a household inventory prior to hurricane season and had taken pictures of all our stuff (this was before kids). Oh, my- all our stuff fit into about 12 photographs! I had one bookcase, and it was not even full (and I am an avid reader).
Anyway- thanks for your thoughts, and congratulations on the arrival of your daughter!
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countrymom
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managable simplicity has spilled over into all of my life, not just books. It is a very good habit for everyone, I think. I too was a fabric stasher. I make most of my girls dresses, so I had scraps galore plus piles of "ooh.....this would be a fun piece of fabric to buy!!" Those all went, and I have never regretted it. I purged my kitchen stuff. I cook all the time, but I got rid of what just sat there. I purged baby and children clothes. I only kept what we needed. For this baby, it ended up being too much. I gave away all my NB size clothes, since my last 2 were 10 and 11 lbs. They never fit them. But this baby needs them....but God provides. My friend brought me over 6 soft and well broken in pink baby bag sleepers. I do laundry daily, and had 3 other tiny sleepers..plus some tiny dresses I made for DD#1 who was tiny (15 years ago!) so we are all set 
God Provides! We do not have to hoard. If you like lots of stuff, then go for it. But as for me, I hate clutter. Weither it be in my main rooms or my storage room....I hate clutter and stuff that I won't use or don't need to use.
But if you saw my garage, its DH's domain...lets just say that God allows me some major visual penance in that regard and lets not even mention the shed, or the chicken yard....
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SeaStar
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CAn I ask what your time frame was in making a big dent in your possession load? I have been giving away and giving away for about 3 years now, and yet no one would walk in to my house and say: wow! it looks pretty sparse in here.
I see a big difference in closets and drawers, but it still feels like a lot...
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: If you died...
