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hobbitmom
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| Posted: May 30 2007 at 6:39pm | IP Logged
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...when I go to the hospital to deliver baby #2?
Ds2 has always been a quiet, shy, intense little introvert. I don't consider him clingy -- in fact, in a lot of ways he's unusually independent -- but my parents and in-laws are concerned that he's too attached to me. I can leave him with dh for several hours without a problem, and with my sisters for a shorter time (if he's on his home turf), but that's it. He's still nursing, although only for a few minutes before nap and bedtime. This means that nobody but me can actually get him to sleep.
Dh is away on a business trip, but as soon as he comes back we plan to phase out the nursing and get ds used to Daddy putting him down. Still, I'm very much concerned about what will happen to him when I go into labor. Is there a way to avoid seriously traumatizing him when Mommy and Daddy both leave, possibly in the middle of the night while he's sleeping? Is there any way I can start preparing him now for what will happen the end of August?
This all sounds silly, written down like this, but it haunts me, and I'd appreciate your thoughts.
Amy
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Meredith
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| Posted: May 30 2007 at 7:37pm | IP Logged
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This is a little bit different scenario, but I left town to wean my ds (now 5) at 2 1/2 and he did just fine with his daddy (and having rarely ever put him to sleep prior to this) he's a very sweet and loving and very well-adjusted little guy and never even looked back for the "mee-mee". And, to boot, when I returned a few days later, my dh and I discovered that I had been pregnant already for about 6 weeks.
Have faith in your sweet little guy. Perhaps a good picture book on bringing home baby would do the trick??? Can someone recommend one, I can't thinkof any off the top of my head right now???
Good luck and thanks for asking here!
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: May 30 2007 at 9:31pm | IP Logged
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Amy,
I feel for you. I always worry about my little ones. My youngest will be only 20months when this baby is due. One advantage I have is that my kids are very close with my mother. Also, I have a bunch, so there is safety in numbers! 
Perhaps, you could have your mom, or sisters, come and spend some nights at your house before the baby is due. If he gets accustomed to them being there in the morning while you are around, it won't be quite the shock when you need to leave.
I don't think you NEED to wean, if you don't really want to. My third was very attached and nursed all the way through my 4th pregnancy.
The key is to give him more exposure to other family, both with you and without you. He will be fine, it is only going to be a short moment in his life. Little ones bounce back.
A nice book, although he might be too young, is Tomie dePaola's The Baby Sister. My kids really enjoy it when we are expecting.
Good luck!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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guitarnan
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| Posted: May 30 2007 at 9:40pm | IP Logged
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It will amaze you, how much your little guy understands. It's OK to talk with him about what to expect when you are ready to go to the hospital...just do it one idea at a time. Molly's book suggestion worked well for us (ds was 5 when dd was born). I read the book to him several times and we talked about how Mommy would go to the hospital (but not stay a week like the mom in the book...I did talk about maybe needing to stay 3 nights, in case I had to have a C).
Young children understand much more than they can articulate. The main thing is to be positive and reassuring, and to tell him (as best you can) what to expect. (Mommy will say goodbye before going to the hospital with Daddy. Grandma will be here to take care of you while Mommy's gone. Daddy will call you from the hospital when you wake up.) You could even drive by the hospital so he can see that it is a real place, and then he knows you're not going far.
Your plans sound great...he won't be traumatized, really. Perhaps you can bring him a special "big brother" gift, suitable for a big boy and not a baby, when you bring the new baby home...
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Fuzzy
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| Posted: May 31 2007 at 7:09am | IP Logged
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I will be back for more tips, but the books that come to mind that we read to my DS (who was 16 months when my DD was born) was Spot's Baby Sister (we would insert our baby's name) and I'm a Big Brother Now.
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 Fuzzy
Mom to DS 12, DD 10, DS 7, and DS 4, and DD 1!
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Willa
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| Posted: May 31 2007 at 8:45am | IP Logged
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I had the same situation when my second was born 19 years ago. My oldest was barely two at the time and was a bright introvert but not all that verbal yet. We did not live near relatives.
As it turned out, our neighbor was willing to come over. I went into labor at night and had delivered early the next morning. By the time my oldest was awake my husband could zip back to pick him up and bring him to the hospital.
What helped:
Prayer (but you already know that, of course)
Having someone come over instead of having to bring him somewhere else.
The times I've had to leave my nursing toddlers to get to sleep without me (and those times have been quite rare) they have done just fine. I think my mother in law would generally just lie down with them and they were OK without the nursing since I wasn't there.
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Willa
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Fe2h2o
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| Posted: May 31 2007 at 11:11am | IP Logged
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I was worried about my son when my second was born. He was a little older than yours will be (2 and a half) and I was still breastfeeding him until about three months before Bilby was born. He would go to sleep when my husband put him to be—but only if I wasn't in the house (once or twice a month). He had never been put to bed by someone other than us, and had never slept over anywhere without us.
During my pregnancy, we talked with him about the baby, and after visits to both sets of grandparents (where he very infrequently would nap if we were there) talking about possibly sleeping over one day.
When it got closer to the time, and we had more idea as to who was likely to be looking after him, we told him each night that he might be collected by Granny and Grandpa.
He was collected at 4 am by my parents, and that was the first night he ever spent away from us. He slept the following night with his other grandparents after a visit to his little sister at the birthing centre (where they exchanged gifts and he had a cuddle).
I'd say that talking to him about what is coming up is the best possibility. I expected things to be very difficult with Puggle, but he coped wonderfully. A couple of weeks before I gave birth, he started asking to stay over at the grandparents', which I put down to the preparation. Even now, he won't go to bed for dh (and never wants me to leave the house without him), unless I'm not around, but none of the grandparents had any difficulty, and he was very happy to stay there.
Make sure it's not a surprise to him, and then trust that he will do well:-)
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Fe2h2o
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| Posted: May 31 2007 at 11:18am | IP Logged
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I should mention that we read any books I could find in the library about new babies. He loved [a href="http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Sister-Picture-Books/dp/0698117735/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-6714427-8119026?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180628245&sr=8-1"]The baby Sister[/a] by Tomie de Paola (for which I have to thank all the CCM/4Real ladies for the fact that I recognised his name!) and we ended up reading it for about two months... We didn't know Bilby was a girl, but it was especially exciting when he realised:-)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: June 05 2007 at 2:10pm | IP Logged
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I've been thinking on this, Amy. You are such a great mom to want to help your child move through this next family transition as smoothly as possible. You are already off to a great start. Your close relationship and understanding of your child and your willingness to reach out for help will serve you well. Plus, we will be praying for you here!
I have found it helpful to not put a lot of pressure on myself, or my family, to "prepare" for everything in general. Our culture really puts the pressure on being prepared...for birth, for college, for retirement. We are given a false message that we can prepare for and/or prevent all challenges if we do just the right things. Sheesh...what pressure! And it simply isn't the truth. Each of us will be, and needs to be, tested in order to grow.
When it comes to having the next baby, we keep it simple, natural, and prioritized. Since we read a lot of books, reading books about babies is a natural. But we shy away from any books that have a "you will feel jealous of the new baby" tone. We also avoid twaddle in this area...and there is a lot of it. Reading stories that love and include babies has been enough.
We talk a lot . So talking about the baby and the baby's birth is natural and integrated. The littlest of children, as mentioned in other posts, catch onto so much. We watch our tone and work to be practical and joyful.
We don't sacrifice something that is working now in the hopes of avoiding something negative in the future. Some of my children were still nursing themselves to sleep when a new baby was coming. There was a lot of outside pressure to wean. We chose not to because nursing was still working for us. Each time we chose to continue nursing, we were rewarded. Because, and I think this is the meat of the matter,...
Young children rise to the occasion of truth. Whenever our family tried to fabricate scenarios in order to "prepare", we suffered. It was as if our child sensed that our hearts weren't really in it...that it wasn't "real." Yet, when the truth was happening, in this case the birth of a sibling, then the child had a real sense and experience of the truth. Things fall into place in ways that we never could have planned or even imagined. Timely things happen that are truly heaven sent.
Which gets me to the biggest thing of all, our growth in faith. God is taking care of each of us and our inter-relationships are all so purposeful. In this way, our toddler will not be "traumatized" as much as spiritually "tested." Each day that we love our little one, meet their real and present needs, and build their trust in us and God, we ARE preparing them for real life which includes the expected and unexpected. For me, and other mothers like me, the challenge isn't a tendency toward negligence. My challenge is a tendency toward trying to control what I can't. To rest in each day's real work and trust God with everything else, is the big, hard work for me!
Please keep us posted, Amy!
Love,
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Angie Mc
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Topic: How to avoid traumatizing my toddler...
