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Bridget Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 11 2005 at 7:57pm | IP Logged
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but I can't. Life has been very busy, houseguests, baseball, family crisis, etc. I feel like all I do is cook, clean, react to problems and try to keep everything on schedule. I'm on a merry-go-round and just hanging on by my fingernails.
Has anyone found a book that helped you to live in the moment? Really be present to your husband, children, friends? I need to recollect myself spiritually as well. And my mind is just chaotic. I've always been a workhorse but I have no balance right now.
It could be pregnancy hormones.
Any book recommendations, thoughts advice...?
__________________ God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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teachingmyown Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 11 2005 at 8:30pm | IP Logged
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Bridget,
Have you read or listened to Sally Clarkson? In one of her books she talks about how she agonized over giving up her newsletter that she was publishing. She came to realize that it was taking too much away from the family. She even had friends criticize her for "letting her readers down". But she bravely did what she needed to do for her family and really for her own peace.
I love to read her because she is so good at calming me and reminding me of my priorities.
Yesterday I went to a homeschool conference put on by Seton Home Study. One of the speakers, Virginia Seuffert, spoke on simplifying our lives. She was very firm in stating that we need to give up all those "good" things that take us from our homes and families. You might want to get the tape of the talk. You can buy it from the conference website www.ihmconference.org.
Good luck to you. I will keep you in my prayers
__________________ In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Leonie Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 11 2005 at 9:30pm | IP Logged
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Homeschooling With Gentleness - reading that reminded me to be more than do. Also, A Mother's Rule of Life.
Fiction - the Little House series. anything by Jane Austen, books by Miss Read of an English village, the books of Mrs Tim by D E Stevenson. The mothers and wives in these books are fully mothers and wives and don't seem to have the need to do as much as I do.
I am by nature I do-er!
Leonie in Sydney
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Chari Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 12 2005 at 12:40am | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
Yesterday I went to a homeschool conference put on by Seton Home Study. |
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So, Molly!
My Anne was there, and so was Willa's Clare!
Did you bump into them? They were with Laureen White.
Praying, Bridget!!
__________________ Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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teachingmyown Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 12 2005 at 10:14am | IP Logged
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No, Chari, I didn't run into them. What a shame! I didn't see Laureen at all.
__________________ In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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JennGM Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 12 2005 at 3:21pm | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
but I can't. Life has been very busy, houseguests, baseball, family crisis, etc. I feel like all I do is cook, clean, react to problems and try to keep everything on schedule. I'm on a merry-go-round and just hanging on by my fingernails.
Has anyone found a book that helped you to live in the moment? Really be present to your husband, children, friends? I need to recollect myself spiritually as well. And my mind is just chaotic. I've always been a workhorse but I have no balance right now.
It could be pregnancy hormones.
Any book recommendations, thoughts advice...? |
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Bridget,
At first I thought I didn't have an answer for you, as I don't have as many children nor things going on as you. But then I was praying and your post kept coming to mind that I thought I would share with you some thoughts, as your description is very similar to what I feel so many times. I have a tendency to not relax...and even if my body is relaxed, my brain goes and goes. Particularly before Gregory was born I couldn't sleep at night because all the thoughts kept me up. It was the worst during pregnancy, but I have to deal with this brain turmoil frequently.
It sounds you have no control on the outside...and it's discouraging for me to keep trying to establish order and control and keep failing -- because so many of it is out of our control. When it's like that with me, I look for things that give me inner peace. I am a slow learner...I turn to these tools over and over again in my life.
I apologize for the long post, but I'll share some of the things that help me SOOO much:
1) Reading the book I Believe in Love. There was a little discussion in the Book Club section about favorite spiritual reading. This book is it for me, because I have a tendency to not slow down. Some very helpful biblical quotes it is based on: 2 Cor 12:9; Phil 4:13; Rev. 3:20; Mt 6:25-34; and 2 Cor 12:9-10.
A few quotes from the book that I read when in the midst of turmoil: p. 35 Jesus, I know that you make reparation in me, that you supply for me, I know that you will draw the good from the bad that I do, and even, as St. Augustine said, a greater good than if there had been no evil in it.
Jesus, repair what I have done badly, supply for what I have left undone. =============p. 47 Confidence is the heart of the doctrine of St. Therese of the Child Jesus since "it is confidence and nothing but confidence which will lead us to Love,: and love is everything.
Engrave this in your souls and hearts in letters of gold and fire: immense confidence, unshakeable confidence in this King of Love who is called Jesus-Savior. ============= The Summary of the Little Way: p. 55 "It is to be disturbed by nothing. Do not consent consciously to anxiety or a troubled mind. The moment your realize you are worrying, make very quickly an act of confidence:
"No, Jesus, you are there: nothing, nothing happens, not a hair falls from our heads, without your permission. I have no right to worry." ============= pp. 58-59 "I promise You, Jesus, to worry about nothing consciously, voluntarily, deliberately. As soon as I notice myself worrying, I shall listen to Your gentle voice saying to me, 'Let me do it. Am I not here with you, in you?' and I shall say unconditionally 'O Jesus, I thank You for everything!' for You always expect that of me." ============= p. 145 "Jesus, I have much to give you, I have everything to give you, I have something infinite to give you: your own love, your heart and the heart of your Mother which is also mine."
You are a victim of love, and give Christ carte blanche. Offer reparation with the Heart of Jesus. Substitute Jesus for ourselves. This is the perfect reparation. =============p. 167 In the current of your daily life, in the course of your days, you must also say, "It is the Lord!" Comes a contradiction or thorn, comes a joy, a pleasure: "It is the Lord!"
"It is He, I recognize Him everywhere! I see nothing any more buy Him: Dominus est! Jesus, You may hide yourself behind secondary causes, behind creatures: You will not fool me. I shall always recognize You."
2) Another book I refer to is called Praying While You Work: Devotions for the use of Martha rather than Mary. That was the old title, it's now published as Holiness for Housewives, but the first title appeals to me more. I am a Martha in my life...and I need to learn how to pray in the midst of this "busyness."
From this book I just learned a simple point that stuck with me. It's only the first part of the book, but when I changed my mindset of thinking "If things would just slow down...if I just got some sleep...if my son was older...THEN I could be more prayerful" to accepting the present moment, the rest clicks! The only thing that really matters in life is doing the will of God. Once you are doing the will of God, then everything matters. But apart from the accepted will of God, nothing has any lasting reality....
If you once really appreciate this truth, and act according to its implications, you save yourself a lot of unnecessary heart-searching and resentment. The whole business of serving God becomes simply a matter of adjusting yourself to the pressure of existing conditions. This is the particular sanctity for you.
You will be tempted to say that it is impossible to serve God while worrying about the upkeep of a house, you will tell me that you get so irritable that you cannot see this principle of substituting the present duty for the envied prayer-time, you will point out your inability to direct your intention towards God when you are so exhausted that you cannot think, you will quote your repeated failures, your bitterness, your manifest falling off from what you were before you came to be overwhelmed with household cares, your dependence upon all sorts of help which are denied to you. You will say you are unsuited temperamentally, physically, spiritually, by training...
But none of these things disqualified. It can only be repeated that your whole business is still to look for God in the midst of all this. You will not find Him anywhere else. If you leave your dishes, your housekeeping books, your telephone calls, your government forms, your children's everlasting questions, your iron and your invitations to take care of themselves while you go off and search for Our Lord's presence in prayer you will discover nothing but self.
This is the first lesson for the Christian wife and mother today: to let go of what may once have been -- and under other circumstances might now be -- a recollected self, and take on, with both hands, the plan of God. Indeed it is the lesson for every Christian in every age: it is the Gospel principle of dying on one plane in order to live on another.
3) From St. Teresa of Avila's bookmark: Let nothing disturb you.
Let nothing frighten you.
All things are passing;
GOD only is changeless.
Patience gains all things.
Who has GOD wants nothing.
GOD along suffices.
4) From the words from Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego on December 12, 1531: "Hear and let it penetrate into your heart, my dear little son: let nothing discourage you, nothing depress you. Let nothing alter your heart or your countenance. Also, do not fear any illness or vexation, anxiety or pain. Am I not here who am your mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not your fountain of life? Are you not in the folds of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Is there anything else that you need?" From the holycard with this quote, it ends: "With these words Mary of Guadalupe asks us what every mother demands from her child, that which one who loves expects from their beloved Confidence!
See Father Saunders
5) And finally, if you can take 5 minutes for recollection, there is a great pamphlet called "Speak Lord...your servant listens..." put out by the Association of Marian Helpers. I can type it up if you are interested.
I don't know if any of this will help, but I thought I would pass it along. If anything else, be assured of prayers!!!
God bless!
__________________ Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Robin Forum Pro
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Posted: June 12 2005 at 7:50pm | IP Logged
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Dear Jenn,
You will never know how God used your post to bring Joy to my heart! It has comforted me in a horrible crisis that has popped up out of nowhere (and I thought I was suffering before two days ago... that was nothing!)
How very good God is! I thank you and I thank Him!
__________________ Robin Dupre
"If we become what God intended for us to become, we will set the world on fire." ~ St. Catherine of Siena
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Bridget Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 12 2005 at 8:40pm | IP Logged
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Thankyou all for your advice and kind words. I will certainly try to get a hold of some these reading suggestions. I think I actually have Holiness for Housewives but haven't read it.
I can't change my external circumstances, but internally, I would like to be much more Mary and less Martha.
The last trimester of pregnancy is probably a good time to read, pray, and sort through these ideas with that goal in mind.
__________________ God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Elizabeth Founder
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Posted: June 13 2005 at 6:26am | IP Logged
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I wonder if you can't change your external circumstances. Firstborns tend to be "crisis magnets." I've started asking myself if it's really my crisis to manage. Often, I could be the good problem solver, maybe even a better one than the one to whom the crisis really belongs, but if I step in then that person might miss an opportunity for grace, and I've just shouldered a cross not intended for me...
Sports can suck all kinds of time and energy from a mother of a large family. I gave myself permission to miss a game or two and to ask for help getting them to practice. Most sideline moms haven't seen their children all day. You have. You don't have to be at every game because that's not the only time you have together. I"m not advocating never going or missing the big game, just missing a game or two to make the scheudle work better.
As to houseguests, I wouldn't dream of asking a pregnant mother of six in her last trimester, in the summer, to play hostess and I wonder at the people who do. You are hosting one person only all the time and the energy being diverted from the guest in your womb is precious and irreplaceable.
We can't recollect ourselves spiritually if we won't be still and know that He is lord. And, from my own experieince, if we don't quiet ourselves, the Lord will find a way to make us still.
__________________ Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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JennGM Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 13 2005 at 6:58am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
I wonder if you can't change your external circumstances. Firstborns tend to be "crisis magnets." I've started asking myself if it's really my crisis to manage. Often, I could be the good problem solver, maybe even a better one than the one to whom the crisis really belongs, but if I step in then that person might miss an opportunity for grace, and I've just shouldered a cross not intended for me... |
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Good point! I am the firstborn and I find I do have to say no and step back. It's actually another lesson in humility to learn that things won't end, fall apart if I'm not there or in charge. I don't have a large family of my own, but surrounded by extended family. My mother has a tendency to ask and create crisis after crisis. I have to sit on my hands and tape my mouth sometimes and let her solve it herself!
Quote:
We can't recollect ourselves spiritually if we won't be still and know that He is lord. And, from my own experieince, if we don't quiet ourselves, the Lord will find a way to make us still. |
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YES!!! and you might not like those "ways" -- for me it was bedrest, c-section recovery, constant breast infections... things that I had to be still! ....But then again, He might send the trials anyway!
__________________ Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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JennGM Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 13 2005 at 7:05am | IP Logged
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Robin wrote:
Dear Jenn,
You will never know how God used your post to bring Joy to my heart! It has comforted me in a horrible crisis that has popped up out of nowhere (and I thought I was suffering before two days ago... that was nothing!)
How very good God is! I thank you and I thank Him! |
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I'm glad I could be His instrument. I'm sorry to hear you are having some problems. God will not push you past the breaking point...but from experience it can come pretty darn close! Be assured of my prayers for you.
God bless!
__________________ Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Bridget Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 13 2005 at 7:36am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
I wonder if you can't change your external circumstances. Firstborns tend to be "crisis magnets." . |
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Too true. I have a hard time saying 'I can't', I care deeply about other's problems and 'the more the merrier' sounds great to me! (I invited some of the guests we had and am happy to see the others. By the time it's done we will have had 3 different, large, wonderful, families visiting us)
But it's all too much! i have done this to myself in every pregnancy. Sigh, I'm a slow learner.
Most of my commitments are wrapping up. Then I should have 8 weeks or so to recollect myself, gaze adoringly at my husband and children and prepare to meet this baby.
__________________ God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Marybeth Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 22 2005 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
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I am reading this thread very quickly. Did anyone mention A Mother's Rule of Life? I thought it was wonderful how Holly suggested a mother's sabbath. My mom gets on me about how much I go out with friends. She had more breaks in the day than I have with my ds. We went to school, were in sports, classes at the park district, etc. My ds is only 4.5 but we are always together. I think Elizabeth was so wise in stating it is ok to miss a game or two of your children's sports b/c we are with them so much. I bet they love coming home to tell her all about what happened. It is a wonderful way to reconnect. My dh said his parents rarely came to games b/c being one of nine there was too many games during a busy sport season. He said it was very fun to get home and retell about the game.
I am sorry you are going through a trying time. I hope since you wrote last things have gotten better.
God bless,
Marybeth
PS Love your children's names..we are in the midst of a novena so we can hopefully have our own Dominic some day.
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Dawn Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 23 2005 at 6:22am | IP Logged
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A favorite book of mine about slowing down is Mittenstrings for God, by Katrina Kenison. I have had my copy for years but I think it is avaiable in the Chinaberry catalog.
I re-read this book a couple of times of year, especially when I find the need to renew my commitment to keeping myself and my family on a manageable track.
__________________ Dawn, mum to 3 boys
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Bridget Forum All-Star
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I am feeling much better about things now. I still want to have a more thoughtful, prayerful, purposeful approach to life in general so here is my plan.
I am working on making our family closet out of the little guest room. I love to sort and organize so this wll be theraputic and make clothing management simpler in the long haul.
As soon as my big book orders arrive we will do school planning and thats always fun. The children wil be involved in both these projects.
I've made a better effort to have morning prayer time again and am reading 'I Believe in Love' along with the Bible each day. I'm taking notes and keeping a journal of sorts. I also plan on attending a couple of days of recollection with a wonderful order of priests near us.
Bless his heart, Kevin is taking some vacation days to work on projects around the house or take the whole family on some little excursions to the zoo or something like that. THis man is such a workaholic, it is a little amzing that he is voluntarily taking time off!
__________________ God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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JennGM Forum Moderator
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Bridget,
Thanks for the update! I'm glad things are calming down. Being anxious during pregnancy is no fun. Sounds like the organization is really helping...you're nesting and doing this really calms you down!
__________________ Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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AnaB Forum Pro
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Posted: June 27 2005 at 4:57pm | IP Logged
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Very timely thread for me. Jenn would you mind posting that brochure for "5 minutes of recollection"? That sounds good too!
I am realizing that I keep searching beyond my lot to find what I'm missing whether it be a farm lifestyle, a big family, another type of curriculum or activity, activities to improve myself, etc... The search is never ending. But I have yet to eat the fruit from my own garden. I need to settle down, KNOW that He is God and has assigned to me my portion and lot and find Him in it. Thank you for the reminder!
__________________ His By Grace, AnaB blessed WIFE to Jeff and mama to 4 blessings!
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Leonie Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 27 2005 at 7:32pm | IP Logged
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AnaB,
I am with you on this one. I say a morning prayer to St Anthony of Padua, about peace of mind and helping me bloom where I am planted. My trouble is with recognizing where I am planted - should it be here, away from my older sons, or back in Adelaide?
Didn't mean to hijack the thread but nodding in agreement.
Leonie in Sydney
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JennGM Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 27 2005 at 7:51pm | IP Logged
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Speak, Lord . . . Your Servant Listens...
Prayer is, in the strictest sense, a humble religious petition of man to God to seek divine benevolence and benefits he needs for life, both temporal and eternal. It is a conversation with God, either by accepted prayer forms, or from the heart. Here, then, in conversational verse, is a hypothetical talk the Lord might have with us, His children....
It is not necessary my child, to know much in order to please me much; it is enough that you love me fervently. Speak here to me then, as you would speak to your most intimate friend, to your mother, to your brother.
So, you want to ask me to do something for someone? Tell me his name. Is it your parents, your brothers, your friends? Tell me what you want me to do for them now. Ask much, very much: do not hesitate to ask. I love generous hearts who somehow can come to forget themselves to look after the needs of others. Speak sincerely to me then, of the poor you would console, of the sick you see suffering, of the strayed you yearn to see return to the right path, of those absent friends you want at your side again. Say at least one word for each, the ardent word of a friend. Remind me that I have promised to listen to every petition that arises from the heart, and is not a prayer for those whom your heart especially loves such a pray?
And for you: do you need a particular favor? Make a list, as it were, of your needs, and come and read it in my presence.
Tell me frankly that you are prone to anger, that you love sensuality and pleasure, that you are perhaps proud, variable, negligent . . . Ask me to come to the help of those efforts, many or few, which you undertake to free yourself from these faults. Do not be ashamed, poor soul; there are in Heaven so many saints who had these same defects; but they prayed humbly, and little by little they saw themselves freed from them.
Do not hesitate to ask Me for spiritual and material goods; for health, memory, success in your work, enterprises and studies; all these I can give -- and I do give -- as long as they do not hinder, but rather assist your sanctification. Precisely today, what do you need? What can I do for you? If only you knew how much I would like to help you!
Do you have, right now, some project in mind? Tell me everything in detail. What preoccupies you? What are you thinking? What do you want? What do you want me to do for your parents, your brothers, your children, your superiors? What would you want to do for them?
And for me, do you feel an attraction for my glory? Do you not want to do something for those friends whom you love much but who perhaps live separated from me?
Tell me what in particular attracts your attention today, what you desire most ardently and what means you have of obtaining it? Tell me if your plans are not working and I will tell you the causes of your difficulties. Do you not want to interest me in your quest? My dear one, I am the Lord of hearts and I move them, without violating their freedom, to wherever I please.
Are you perhaps sad, or in bad humor? Tell me, tell me, you inconsolable soul, tell me your sorrows in all their details. Who wounded you? Come close to my Heart, and find in it a refreshing balsam for the wounds in yours. Then, you will confess that, like me, you forgive everything, you forget everything. In appreciation, you will receive my consoling benediction.
Are you perhaps afraid? Do you feel in your soul those vague stirrings of sadness which, however unjustified, can be so tearing? Throw yourself in the arms of my Providence. I am with you. I am at your side. I see everything. I hear everything. I shall not abandon you for one moment.
Do you feel ignored by persons who loved you once but who now have forgotten you without cause? Pray from them and I will bring them back to you if they are not obstacles to your salvation.
And don't you have, perhaps, some joy to communicate to me? Why don't you let me share it with you, like a friend?
Tell me what has consoled and gladdened your heart since yesterday, since you last visited me. Perhaps you have had an agreeable surprise; perhaps you have seen grave doubts dissipated, or you have received good news – a letter, or perhaps a gesture of love. Maybe you have overcome some difficulty, or come out of a trying situation. All of this is my work. I have obtained this for you. Why not show me your gratitude and say, like a child to its father, "Thank you, my Father, thank you." Gratitude brings forth new gifts since benefactors, as you know, like to see themselves appreciated.
Do you not have a promise to make to me? I read, you know, the bottom of hearts. Men are easily deceived, but not God. Speak to me, then honestly; do you have firm intentions of avoiding the occasion of sin? Of denying yourself that object that harmed your soul? Of not reading again that book which excited your imagination? Of avoiding that person who disturbed the peace of your soul?
Will you be kind to that person who, because he offended you, you have regarded as an enemy?
And now, my child return to your work, to your office, to your family, to your studies -- but do not forget these fifteen minutes of intimate conversation we have had in the privacy of the sanctuary. Keep as much as possible, silence, resignation, modesty, charity towards your neighbors. Love and honor my Mother, who is also your Mother. And please come again tomorrow with an even more fervent heart, to unite it to mine. In it you will find every day new love, new gifts, new consolation. Here I await you.
Association of Marian Helpers.
__________________ Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Marybeth Forum All-Star
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Joined: May 02 2005 Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline Posts: 1277
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Posted: June 27 2005 at 8:20pm | IP Logged
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Jenn,
That is just beautiful! Thank you for taking the time to type it up for us all. I know Bridget started this thread, but I sure needed to read the above.
God bless,
Marybeth
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