4Real Forums: Book discussion :: *BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS*

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Mackfam
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 1:09pm \| IP Logged

As a spin-off from discussing boys and socks (

), Jenn mentioned the winter 2011 issue of mater et magistra which has BOYS as its theme. It's a wonderful issue, and the cover article is an excerpt from Meg Meeker's book, Boys Should Be Boys. What a fascinating article! I found it echoing so many of the dispositions and natural gifts of my boys, and found myself wanting to read more, mostly because...well...I'm NOT a boy.

So....let's discuss Boys Should Be Boys!
The collective boy wisdom here on this board must be IMMENSE!

I'd like to give everyone time to get a copy of the book, either from their library, bookstore, Amazon, borrowed...however you can find it. We'll begin our discussion a week from this upcoming Monday (I don't want to begin a discussion on a Friday.), so that's March 28! Since this is such an easy book to read and the chapters are so short, we'll cover 3 chapters at a time in our weekly discussions, and the final week we'll cover 4. There will be a week off from the discussion since Holy Week falls in the discussion period and the board will be closed for observing silence during Holy Week. I'll start a new thread each week for the chapters we're discussing.

Here are the chapter breakdowns. I'll make these hotlinks to threads once the threads are started.

WEEK 1 --- March 28 - April 2
:: Introduction - The Seven Secrets to Raising Healthy Boys
:: Chapter One - Boyhood Under Siege
:: Chapter Two - Bucking Peer Pressure

WEEK 2 --- April 4 - 9
:: Chapter Three - Bullfrogs and Race Cars
:: Chapter Four - Electronic Matters
:: Chapter Five - Does Testosterone Drive Cars?

WEEK 3 --- April 11 - 16
:: Chapter Six - Encouragement, Mastery, Competition
:: Chapter Seven - A Mother's Son
:: Chapter Eight - The Difference a Dad Makes

WEEK 4 --- April 18 - 23
NO DISCUSSION - THE BOARD WILL BE CLOSED FOR HOLY WEEK

WEEK 5 --- April 25 - 30 (covering the final 4 chapters)
:: Chapter Nine - The Forgotten Step from Boyhood to Manhood
:: Chapter Ten - The God Factor
:: Chapter Eleven - How Then Shall We Teach Them to Live?
:: Chapter Twelve - Ten Tips for Making Sure You Get it Right

__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19

, ds 16

, ds 11

, dd 8

, and dd 3

Wildflowers and Marbles

Mackfam
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 1:22pm \| IP Logged

To whet our appetites for this discussion, I thought we could spend this week discussing the fantastic ideas and sharing from the winter 2011 issue of mater et magistra. Since the cover article inspired our book club discussion, and the entire issue centers around boys, it makes a nice lead-in.

If you don't have a copy of the issue, we welcome you to join in the discussion as topics come up!

If you DO have the issue, what spoke to you?
What did you find fascinating?
Helpful?
Encouraging?

I'll list the articles so that those of you who may not have a copy of the magazine can see the article we might be referring to:

:: Boys Should Be Boys by Dr. Meg Meeker, MD
:: Helping Our Sons to Become Spiritual Warriors by Belinda Mooney
:: Homeschooling Boys by Suzanne Temple
:: Homeschool Culture - Illuminated Ink, A Work in Progress by Frances Butek
:: The Liturgical Year - Pins for Our Lady by Alice Gunther
:: Handcrafts for Homeschoolers - Who Says Boys Can't Craft? by Mary C. Gildersleeve
:: Unit Study - Building Knights and Heroes by Jennifer Mackintosh
:: Nature Study - Out With the Boys! by MacBeth Derham
:: Literature Chat - Books for Boys! by Linda Milliken
:: Resource Review
:: Parting Glass - Swordfights and Basketballs and Shakespeare. Oh My! by Christine Capolino

__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19

, ds 16

, ds 11

, dd 8

, and dd 3

Wildflowers and Marbles

Mackfam
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 2:02pm \| IP Logged

Mackfam wrote:

If you DO have the issue, what spoke to you?

:: Parting Glass - Swordfights and Basketballs and Shakespeare. Oh My! by Christine Capolino

Christine Capolino's article was a favorite of mine! Lindsay hinted at it in the socks thread - Christine's encouragement to:

Christine Capolino wrote:

Don't take it personally. And by it, I mean everything.

I love the naturally competitive nature of boys! I find it fascinating and it teaches me much about healthy motivation for them! My boys are in it to WIN! And they're always thinking of solutions, strategies, plans, maneuvers to get better...so they can WIN MORE! This often means that, as Christine points out, they far surpass me in some skills...and at a very young age!

Another part of her article that really stood out to me:

Quote:

Color outside the lines.
...
By delegating to our sons, by sharing the family's needs and commitments, we not only lighten our loads and become more present for our families, we heighten their fulfillment.

YES-YES-YES!!!!

I'm *just* at the beginning of this with my 10 year old, but I can look back and see the seeds of this from his very early days. Give him something purposeful - and he attacks it! Give him something worthwhile and manual - and he is involved! Of course, the bigger the boy, the bigger the responsibility can be. My son now helps out with BIGGER chores and finds in each of them a challenge to complete, and ALWAYS a challenge to make something work BETTER - stripping horse stalls, mending fences, driving the gator to spread manure, brainstorming rat traps (

) and improving their effectiveness, helping dad chop trees off trails and stack wood, etc. My 6 year old isn't far behind! His desire to help purposefully is being funneled into chores that are more suited to his size, but his passion for helping, and ESPECIALLY HELPING ALONGSIDE HIS DAD is intense!

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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19

, ds 16

, ds 11

, dd 8

, and dd 3

Wildflowers and Marbles

JodieLyn
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 2:13pm \| IP Logged

oh my yes!! You should see my 2.5 yr old carrying in the kindling for the wood stove

that his oldest brother is chopping.. for that matter that his oldest brother split and stacked too.

The 6 yr old is also right there helping carry in wood. The 8 yr old is good at bringing the wood from the wood pile to the garage (where the kindling is chopped).. he'll be learning to chop kindling soon.. soon as we feel like he can control the axe.

But yes those "manly" chores are much more satifying to them than picking up their room

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RyaneM
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 5:07pm \| IP Logged

I *LOVED* that issue of Mater et Magistra! Seriously, so many great articles. Wonderful job, ladies!

I just put the book on hold at our library. Anxious to follow along with this discussion.

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Ryane in NY

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DominaCaeli
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 5:08pm \| IP Logged

RyaneM wrote:

I just put the book on hold at our library. Anxious to follow along with this discussion.

Me too!

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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons

Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)

Christine
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 5:24pm \| IP Logged

I read the book a couple of months ago after reading a review of it on a blog or website. I even found myself reading and/or sharing some of it to/with my husband. I am looking forward to joining in the discussion when I am able.

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Christine
Mommy to 4 girls, 5 boys, & 2 in God's care
Memories of a Catholic Wife and Mother
Pretty Lilla Rose

Grace&Chaos
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 5:27pm \| IP Logged

This is a great issue! I particulary enjoyed Suzanne Temple's list of advice on "Homeschooling Boys". As we start just a little more serious work with them I find myself in need of advice from those who have experienced this.

She mentions less busy work and competition on her list. Just recently we set our goal at having my four year old learn his alphabet. I brought out the flash cards and tried to do a weekly letter Alphabet theme "busy work". I was stopped at letter "D". This was not sticking at all with him. So I started by stopping. Forget the weekly letter plans just let him see and play with the letters. (Jen, The Letter Factory DVD, which had been hidden somewhere in our endless DVD cabinet for 10 years, has become a staple for him).

The competition part...My three year old was learnig his alphabet via the flashcards. So when I'd bring them out older brother would call younger brother and ask "wha leter is tat?" and younger brother would answer correctly. Mom & Dad, " Are you going to let your little brother learn this before you?" ... He knows all his letters now (and so does little brother

, but he answers first & louder

)

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Jenny
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Grace in Loving Chaos

Grace&Chaos
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 5:29pm \| IP Logged

I should mention that my three year old is actually still two, his birthday is not until April

.

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Jenny
Mom to dds(00,03) and dss(05,06,08,09)
Grace in Loving Chaos

4 lads mom
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Posted: March 18 2011 at 10:22pm \| IP Logged

Ladies, you all out did yourself with that issue of the magazine. I am so, so impressed, and glad I have the issue in my hand instead of digital...I can pick it up and read in short spurts when I can. I am going to try to get that book....with FOUR boys, I really should do this.

Thanks, Jen!

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SeaStar
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Posted: March 19 2011 at 9:27am \| IP Logged

I'm in. I have one boy- seems like it's about five of them most days

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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)

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CrunchyMom
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Posted: March 19 2011 at 9:45am \| IP Logged

SeaStar wrote:

I'm in. I have one boy- seems like it's about five of them most days

I'm pretty sure that five boys is about five times that

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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony

[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR

Angel
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Posted: March 19 2011 at 6:00pm \| IP Logged

CrunchyMom wrote:

SeaStar wrote:

I'm in. I have one boy- seems like it's about five of them most days

I'm pretty sure that five boys is about five times that

Hmm, boy math...

If....

1 boy = 5
twin boys = boys x 10 (Multiples wreak exponential havoc

)

Then how much damage can 6 boys do to a living room if 2 of them are identical twins?

Sorry, I'm a little loopy after having spent 7 hours at baseball...

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Angela
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JennGM
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Posted: March 19 2011 at 6:03pm \| IP Logged

Grace&Chaos wrote:

Those first two Leap Frog videos are the best! Both my boys really have learned their letters and sounds from those.

Grace&Chaos wrote:

The competition part...My three year old was learnig his alphabet via the flashcards. So when I'd bring them out older brother would call younger brother and ask "wha leter is tat?" and younger brother would answer correctly. Mom & Dad, " Are you going to let your little brother learn this before you?" ... He knows all his letters now (and so does little brother

, but he answers first & louder

)

We do little competitions against his best records.

::I dare you to do the neatest writing ever! (he's his own judge and knows when he writes well and applies himeself and when he does sloppy work)
::How fast can you put away your books? ...clean your room? ...get ready for work? I'm timing you with my stopwatch...
::Let's have the shortest math lesson ever (which means sitting still and listening well)
::Stopwatch math practice sheets
::Working on better narrations

It doesn't sound competitive the way I write it, but these things do motivate him. Then after the math is being checked, although I don't really talk about grades, he wants the A+ and see the good report.

Other competitive ideas are challenging him to be like someone he admires or wants to imitate. These reminders come throughout the day, for good manners and daily work.
::Sitting or standing straight like a soldier?
::Eating vegetables to be healthy and strong like athletes
::Imitation of saints in strong virtues and self-denial

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Jennifer G. Miller
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'07
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JennGM
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Posted: March 19 2011 at 6:06pm \| IP Logged

Mackfam wrote:

If you DO have the issue, what spoke to you?

:: Parting Glass - Swordfights and Basketballs and Shakespeare. Oh My! by Christine Capolino

Christine Capolino's article was a favorite of mine! Lindsay hinted at it in the socks thread - Christine's encouragement to:

Christine Capolino wrote:

Don't take it personally. And by it, I mean everything.

Winning more in everything -- first one dressed, first one downstairs, first one done with eating, first one done with their jobs...it's all competition with either their siblings, their own personal best, or their friends, imaginary or otherwise!

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Jennifer G. Miller
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& ds1

'03 & ds2

'07
Family in Feast and Feria

JennGM
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Posted: March 19 2011 at 6:18pm \| IP Logged

Another part of Christine's article:

Quote:

Invite Chuck Norris into the homeschool. And Wilt Chamberlain. And Pele.

The physical activity needs to be channeled in so many ways. Like she said before, I can't take it personally if my sons wiggle and can't sit still. I do try to make the seat work as minimal as possible, or at least have breaks in between to give them their release.

She describes her younger son running in circles around the kitchen table during math. That reminds me of my brother. I was from a family of 7 children, with only 2 boys, near the end. The boys were different, and I don't think I had a grasp of how different but completely normal and masculine they were until I had mine.

My mother homeschooled us. I didn't start until high school, but my younger siblings had more years of homeschool. I remember being home and witnessing a religion lesson. My brother was dressed with a bandana wrapped around his face like a cowboy or bandit, with his gun holster around his waist and cowboy boots. He was running around the circle of the opening between the dining room, living room, and kitchen. Everytime he would reappear in the dining room, my mother would ask a catechism question, and my brother would answer before he would disappear again for another run around.

At the time, I thought she didn't have control of the situation. Now, looking back, it was a good way to handle his need for activity on something that was not necessary to sit.

The biggest thing I was nodding during this article is that my sons (and my brothers, my nephews, etc.) must act out what they watch or read. There is never passive watching or reading. They enter completely. Everything is acted out, either right then, or right after. Action scenes in movies are watched on their feet, with the sword play.

If they aren't acting it out in person, then the Playmobil or Legos will be later...or any other little item that fits the bill.

Even Bible stories are acted out. I have to be grateful that the Romans played such a key role in the New Testament....

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Jennifer G. Miller
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greengables
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Posted: March 19 2011 at 7:32pm \| IP Logged

I totally understand. With one of my sons, some days, depending on his ability to concentrate, he is motivated when he can take a short 10 minute break after every few subjects.

Another winner for him is the use of the timer. He has a watch which he sets for certain subjects and loves, loves, loves to be in control of that!

Blessings,

Jill

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cecilia4kids
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Posted: March 21 2011 at 10:42am \| IP Logged

I must agree with Melinda, I only have one boy and it feels like at least two of them but then again, my youngest feels like 10 girls for that one 2year. old. Aww.

Ladies, I heard that Dr.Meg was on The World Over http://www.ewtn.com/tv/live/worldover.asp

I need to get this book, we have her other book, Strong Father, Strong Daughters and its a must have if you have any girls! Wow.

Blessings,
Cecilia
www.hairbows4life.com

CrunchyMom
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Posted: March 21 2011 at 12:51pm \| IP Logged

Not to take any comments too seriously or discount anyone's experience with a challenging child

, but I think that part of the point of seeking to "educate" people about boys and encouragement through articles like the MeM issue is that a boy isn't like two boys or four or whatever, he is like ONE boy. That is just what they are like, and we shouldn't expect them to be any "less" than what they are.

For instance, I recall a friend telling about the parent/teacher conference a relative of hers had where the teacher explained that her son was a challenge but that most boys were "immature for their age." Or perhaps they are PERFECTLY NORMAL for boys that age???

So, I'm not trying to make a big deal about comments made in fun

, but I do think it helps my own thinking to remember that my four boys aren't like ten but that my four boys are like four boys, and four boys are just really that active. Ten boys would be that much more!!!

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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony

[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR

MaryM
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Posted: March 21 2011 at 1:04pm \| IP Logged

Good points, Lindsay. I am interested to read the book - got it just before leaving on our trip so will be prepared for next week's discussion. It does seem to focus on expectations. Many of the current books about boys seem to be focusing on that - what has happened a lot in the past generation is expecting boys to be different from their nature and assuming the activity level, distractedness, etc. is a "defect" (hence needing to be medicated).

I definitely have a boy dominated household and have for many years - but it feels weird to me to say that since it is no longer true - 2 of my 3 boys are essentially out of the house (one in college, one living on his own) so we don't really have a "boy" house anymore. I hope I did an okay job raising them - it's too late now....

So with my one lone boy now, I'm glad to be joining in this discussion.

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