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Anne McD
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| Posted: June 20 2011 at 8:01am | IP Logged
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...and it worked? 
Hi Ladies, long time no post! I have a question for those of you who have bit the bullet and made big changes in your schedule. I want (really, really want!) to start getting up bright and early each morning, and waking the children up at a reasonable hour doing the morning routine and starting our day. I feel like we waste so much time! But, by the same token, its such a struggle in the morning, and I wonder if its worth the trouble to rework anything.
I guess I'm looking for encouragement from someone who has been there, done that, and survivied to tell the tale! Would you share your before/after schedule with me? I'm thinking I'm due for an "Extreme Schedule Makeover!" 
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: June 20 2011 at 11:31am | IP Logged
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You are funny, Anne . Good to see you!
Yes, I've had extreme makeovers from time to time. Before I share, I have a few questions:
Are you a natural morning person?
Do you have any children who are natural early risers?
What time can you guarantee that all will be up in the morning?
Are there reasons to be up late at night? (To be with dad, to attend practices, etc.)
Do any of you nap?
Do you have any special needs to consider?
OK, that's enough of my grilling...for now .
Love,
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Anne McD
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Hi Angie 
Okay, I'm up to your grilling!
Are you a natural morning person? eh. I don't like getting up early, but when I do sit in the quiet and sip my coffee and read something (and nod off) and beg God to make my children sleep just a leeeeettlllee bit longer, its really nice. I also like the idea of actually getting up before my family and not only showering and getting dressed but also (sit down for this one!) putting on some make up and doing my hair! I've done it before (for about a week!) and it was great. Just a LOT of work. Maybe that's a 21 days to a new habit kinda thing?
Do you have any children who are natural early risers? What day of the week are we talking about? Seriously, my kiddoes can be as inconsistent as inconsistent gets! I might wake the one who crawled into bed with us, or he might sleep until 10. One gets up early this day, another sensed a disturbance in the force and decided to investigage.... maybe I need to come to terms with the fact that getting up early in the morning just means getting ready before putting the little one down for his afternoon nap, not "me" time.
What time can you guarantee that all will be up in the morning? 10am.
My husband's alarm goes off around 6:45 and he/we roll/s out of bed around 7:15/30-ish. From there, its a trickle down effect. They all trickle down the stairs at different times. Two of my boys immediatley get up and get dressed (oldest two) before coming down--I can't get past that notion for myself. The little princess in the house has trouble with that, too.
Are there reasons to be up late at night? (To be with dad, to attend practices, etc.) If you call an almost four year old who refuses to stay in bed and keeps us company until 10:30 when he finally conks out after we've told him in no uncertain terms that we don't want to see the whites of his eyes until 7:30am at the earliest, then yes. Aside from that, no. My grandmother was right -- nothing good ever happens after 10pm. I'm not enough of a night owl to get things done when its late, I'd just rather read in bed.
Do any of you nap? I wish. The almost 2yo does (2 hours, 1-3pmish, the almost 4yo shouldn't b/c he won't sleep until 11pm at the earliest then.)
Do you have any special needs to consider? I'm preggers and pooped. And that four year old who won't go to bed on his own. The hubs and I would like to spend some time alone together at the end of the day.
Did I mention that I swear I'm ADD and could use a grownup around here telling me what to do at any given moment of the day until I get the hang of it? I think I need a Supernanny for grownups!
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KackyK
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Okay I know Anne IRL...
I love you!!!!!
My only advice is just support! Go for small baby steps and now is the time to do it, in the summer.
I'm not going to be doing any big schedule changes, just some chore rethinking and I'm still in planning mode but...August is my end goal.
We can do it!!!!
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Anne McD
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| Posted: June 21 2011 at 9:38am | IP Logged
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awww, Kacky! You're a sweetie!
I know everyone says baby steps, but I'm still thinking I'm more of a "rip the band-aid off" kinda gal.
I feel like if we move in baby steps on everything around here, they should be taking out the trash by the time they're in college.... 
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 21 2011 at 9:49am | IP Logged
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Anne, this is totally my weakness.
And the ONLY thing that works for me is focusing on ME. Rip off the bandaid on yourself. Get up earlier, have prayer time, exercise time, shower and dress ...and then there is more time and energy to focus on the children and getting them ready. (But I only say that when I'm not pregnant and not nursing a child!)
Disrupted sleep requires a nap for me.
Would pegging your day work better? Instead of small compartments of time, think more broadly.
Breakfast Time (6:00-9:00)
Before Breakfast: dress, shower, make breakfast, my prayers, my exercise
During Breakfast: morning prayers, read-aloud of the saint of the day or Gospel, Classical Music
After Breakfast: clean up morning dishes, dress, make beds, clean room
MidMorning
School time, which subjects to accomplish
Lunch
Angelus, book on tape, music in background, picture study etc.
And so on...
I absolutely MUST have a quiet time for all of us, those that nap, those that don't -- all of us retreat to our rooms. I do my spiritual reading and sometimes take a nap. The little one naps, the older one reads.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 21 2011 at 9:52am | IP Logged
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ok.. I've never found getting up earlier on a regular basis gives me quiet time. The kids will sleep through dad getting up.. but once I'm up it's fair game.. so I'd either need a rule that they can't get out of bed before X time or I can't count on any sort of alone time.
my 4 yr old daughter goes to bed with a sister still and that works well.
And while getting up earlier consistently does shift bedtime earlier naturally.. it also does the same for me.
I would say that you need more of rules at bedtime than a different schedule.
When all of mine still counted as littles.. one of the things I did was leave their light on and door open for them to read/look at books or do something quietly as long as they stayed in bed. Actually we still do this.. they usually get 30-60 minutes.. I'm not consistent.. the more quiet they are the more likely they are to get more time 
Then I could take away the light.. and if that wasn't enough then I could close the door.. and it really helped to have immediate consequences for not staying in bed.. oh.. I also sent them to bed with the no-spill sippy cups.. needing a drink of water as an excuse to get up was eliminated that way.
it's getting harder these days to get them all into bed though since the older kids are wanting to stay up later.. now I'm starting to go and hide in my room starting earlier in the evening and coming out to shoo them all to bed after a bit. I'll read or watch a movie in my room. And it's working pretty well.
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KackyK
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| Posted: June 21 2011 at 10:10am | IP Logged
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The peg idea is great!
Our school days became much more organized, which is really code for...school got done, when I started a morning meeting.
This was huge for us! We start with prayers (all those that must memorized ;-), then we state any intentions for family, friends, ourselves, then we say a decade. I always would lose them if we went for a full rosary.
After this, they knew they'd get me telling them exactly what we are going to do - when we are going to the store, when someone is coming over, when I'd be sitting and working with each of them. Then I could tell them each a task to begin and to 1-2-3 break and everyone would disperse and things were amazingly happening.
So maybe take that 6-9am breakfast wakeup time, get everyone out of bed and in some coherent shape and just go over what you want from each of them until lunch. Then even do the same thing again after lunch, and set them up for quiet time to come.
It's sort of like how I always found my kids behaved better at the store if right before we left the car I gave them a full run down on what was expected. And I had to do it every trip, I could never assume they knew, ever! When I forgot to do it, it was a disaster.
I'm rambling....
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 21 2011 at 10:34am | IP Logged
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KackyK wrote:
It's sort of like how I always found my kids behaved better at the store if right before we left the car I gave them a full run down on what was expected. And I had to do it every trip, I could never assume they knew, ever! When I forgot to do it, it was a disaster.
I'm rambling.... |
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oh Kacky.. this reminded me of the time that I had to take the kids into a store that wasn't real kid friendly.. one of my instructions before we went in the door was that if they couldn't remember to not touch things to put their hands in their pockets.. and had one child say.. but I don't have pockets and I told them to PRETEND but hey.. it DID work.. the child in question did just that.. hooked their thumbs on their waist band and kept them there
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Anne McD
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Okay, lets see if I've got this straight: rip off my own bandaid, don't expect "me time" in the morning, never keep them guessing, and keep your hands in your pockets at all times!
Seriously, though, I do like the pegs. I've tried that before (a little ) and it seems to work well. I just have to figure out what naturally pegs well for our family. But I do have to start getting up early on my own. I had to laugh, Jenn, when you said it doesn't work if you're pregnant or nursing. I guess I'm off the hook for anohter ten years, eh?
Kacky, I really like the idea of the morning meeting! I've heard of, and have wanted to implement, a family weekly meeting, but letting them know what is going on that day makes a ton of sense. That does happen around here sometimes, but its accidental. Maybe if I "peg" it with something they really want to hear, then it will be more likely that I'll get and keep thier attention!
Jodie, you are so right about the rules at bedtime! My almost four year old isn't in a room by himself, but he doesn't want to be without me then. I'm still trying to figure out if there is some deep seated emotional need that I"m surpresing by making him go to bed on time that will cause him years of resentment and therapy, or if he'd just like to stay up late, "just 'cause."
I'm thinking about revamping the bedtime routine anyway. Usually, we get the kids into bed, then say prayers read to them. I'm thinking that with the nubmer of kids/bedrooms we've got now, maybe we should get them ready, then meet in a central location (hallway??) and say our rosary/family prayers, read from a chapter book (they can't pick thier own anymore!) and put them to bed with the firm understanding that they have to stay IN thier beds and can continue to read if they wish. Hmmmmm....
Thanks again for all the great advice!! 
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JodieLyn
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Anne, I've had kids that needed me and ones that were using me.. and it's hard to tell the difference. The one that I finally gave us and forced.. his reaction told me which it was.. he was ANGRY not upset/sad/abandoned.. oh boy did he get mad that I wasn't doing it his way anymore. But once he realized that I wasn't "playing" it took about 2 days and he was going to bed without any problems.
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Anne McD
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So, how did you get him to stay in his bed? We've tried the carry him back and keep returning him to his bed routine, but he gets really, really mad. Hitting and kicking and name calling mad. Then he breaks down and cries. He also sleeps on the bottom bunk, so its tough to get him back in his little cave. Just looking for ideas! 
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JodieLyn
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well this was one of my older ones and he was a bit younger about 2 I think.. I kept the door shut so that he couldn't get out (and yeah I was right there on the other side of the door the whole time).. and yeah he fell asleep on the floor in front of the door the first couple of times. Once he realized that the fit wasn't gonna get him to stay up later.. and it wasn't gonna get him out of the bedroom.. he stayed in bed and went to sleep.
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jawgee
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Anne McD wrote:
So, how did you get him to stay in his bed? We've tried the carry him back and keep returning him to his bed routine, but he gets really, really mad. Hitting and kicking and name calling mad. Then he breaks down and cries. He also sleeps on the bottom bunk, so its tough to get him back in his little cave. Just looking for ideas!
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We're not against good old-fashioned bribery in our house. LOL. We have done sticker charts with our kids before to encourage better sleeping and bedtime behavior.
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CrunchyMom
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Honestly, preggers and pooped is the second worst time to try to implement something like this--the worst is fussy, inconsistent newborn and pooped.
I think I'm with Jodie in that revisiting your nighttime routine is going to be easier than the morning for some time (like the next 6-12 months). Once you have a newborn, all bets are off, yk? His needs rule the roost for the first few months--and his nighttime and morning habits have a lot to do with whether mom can get up and get ready.
I'm about to hop up now and go shower because I just nursed the baby to sleep for his first nap. Let's cross our fingers that he sleeps for a while, lol. I find, lately, its more important that I get breakfast ready before dh has to leave than get my shower first thing, so I wait for the first morning nap, yk?
However, if you want to establish new habits and expectations for the kids, NOW is the time to do it, when you are able to physically manage follow through. Ask me how I know? Seriously, its hard to follow through on things while "stuck" with a nursling.
I think that, as a pregnant Mommy, perhaps Jenn's nap time/quiet time routine might be a good peg to start with. I haven't quite gotten it since moving because I'm grabbing any windows I have for projects and am not willing to stop them. BUT, in the past, I found that an afternoon quiet time that starts with read alouds (progressively from toddler picks, picture books, on up to chapter books), which will usually lull the toddler to sleep and put everyone else in a quiet mood, was one of the best habits I ever had! It is one you can reasonably continue with the new baby, too.
Then, once that peg is established, focus on the bedtime routine. I'd make mornings last since they are so unpredictable right now and not worth YOU losing sleep while growing a new baby!
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cathhsmom
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jawgee wrote:
Anne McD wrote:
So, how did you get him to stay in his bed? We've tried the carry him back and keep returning him to his bed routine, but he gets really, really mad. Hitting and kicking and name calling mad. Then he breaks down and cries. He also sleeps on the bottom bunk, so its tough to get him back in his little cave. Just looking for ideas!
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We're not against good old-fashioned bribery in our house. LOL. We have done sticker charts with our kids before to encourage better sleeping and bedtime behavior. |
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What do you do when these don't work?
I have an almost 5yo night owl who is perfectly happy staying up until 5am every night and sleeping until noon or 1pm. She and I share a room {small house and we share with family} so this is really really really not working for me - I need sleep. Our schedule is hectic so I'd be happy with midnight for a bedtime and 8 or 9 am for waking up.
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JodieLyn
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I always find it much easier to go to bed on time by suffering through a few days of getting up on time.
Took a week but my 14 yr old is voluntarily going to bed before 9pm.. she's found that it's so much nicer getting up at 6am when she's had enough sleep. And it's still relatively light outside before 9pm.
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jawgee
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cathhsmom wrote:
jawgee wrote:
| We're not against good old-fashioned bribery in our house. LOL. We have done sticker charts with our kids before to encourage better sleeping and bedtime behavior. |
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What do you do when these don't work?
I have an almost 5yo night owl who is perfectly happy staying up until 5am every night and sleeping until noon or 1pm. She and I share a room {small house and we share with family} so this is really really really not working for me - I need sleep. Our schedule is hectic so I'd be happy with midnight for a bedtime and 8 or 9 am for waking up. |
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The trick, we've found, is to have the child work towards something they've really, really wanted. My 5YO begged to have his birthday party at a lazer tag place last winter. We thought it was too expensive so we did something different for his party. He has a chart going now, though, to help him deal with his frustration and anger (esp. in the late afternoons when he gets tired). His goal was to get check marks on the chart 25 out of the 30 days - if he does he gets to go play lazer tag with daddy, his older brother, his uncle, and his beloved older cousin.
It's been a struggle. He has 22 checks with four days left, but I've seen a great improvement over the past two weeks.
In the beginning it is sheer bribery. As the time progresses, though, it turns into a habit. Sometimes, in my experience, it's just what a child needs to help get through a change in bedtime routines.
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Anne McD
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A friend of mine has been suggesting that I use bribery for a number of things, too. In reality, they are working for something they want, right?
I need to do some investigative work with my little guy now...
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: June 22 2011 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
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Only reading your posts, Anne, I'm going to share some things that have helped me, in no particular order because I'm typing as fast as I can while I have a few minutes of quiet .
There are different seasons that call for different actions. I know this is obvious but I do need to remind myself of this often.
You are in the season called "lots of littles". Before I say anything else, I really want to encourage you to soak it in and enjoy these tenders years in ways that fit your family needs.
Mom time. You need it. The question is, when to get it and how. I lean heavily toward meeting the needs of littles and figuring out ways to perceive these times as "me time"...nursing a baby while older children are engaged in a quiet activity...showering while dad holds down the fort...driving while everyone is buckled in and there is peace listening to music. I know these times can feel fleeting and with big stretches in between, but it is the desire to snatch these peaceful moments that can distract me from...well...feeling sorry for myself and wanting what I can't have (like long undisturbed streteches each day.)
Currently, I get up at 5:30  and I don't leave my room, check my phone/computer, or see a child until 7:00. I wake up, spend an hour praying (walking rosary, spiritual reading, journaling) then 30 minutes of personal care. I do this now because I can and because I have to (dh out of town, 3 big kids with their schedules, baseball!) I don't find it morally superior (like some pundits put forth) but rather, a good fit to this season and my current circumstances. I was much more fluid when I was pregnant, nursing, and mothering littles. My main goal was to meet their needs, to get us all rested, to eat well, and to read living books.
If you aren't a morning person (temperament) and you have no pressing reason to get up in the morning at a specific time (littles season) then it is likely unnecessary to get up at 5:30 a.m. You may lack motivation based on your reality. If your only motivation is "to get this unruly crew in order," that may be too abstract...and may back-fire if you just end up exhausted. But you might want to consider doing a short version of my current routine. As soon as your eyes open, say a morning offering. Change into clothes that you put out the night before. Wash face, brush teeth, fix hair, drink water, and spray on a body mist. Walk in place while at the mirror to get your body moving. Figure out how to fit in a family rosary, some reading (perhaps while your children read quietly) and some writing (while your children write/color) scattered throughout the day.
Sooooo, I would start with a peg of 10:00 a.m. Set an alarm. Train the older children to know what 10:00 is. Train everyone to come to the table (couch, porch) at 10:00. Give rewards for showing up promptly and in good cheer. At first, you might want to have a special treat. Promise the kids that this meeting will take 10 minutes. The oldest 3 are expected to pay attention the whole meeting. Practice "meeting behavior." The youngest 2 can play quietly near you. Start the meeting with prayer. Next, have a written checklist cover topics most important to you (schedule, menu, chores, character formation, etc.) Be cheerful, patient, and when the 10 minutes timer goes off, end the meeting and everyone should know what they are expected to do next. On the checklist, write down how everyone behaved and have dad check it (either via phone or when he comes home.) Have dad discipline/encourage the children to behave well.
We have always staggered morning risings and that works for us. I take advantage of this natural flow by giving individual attention to the latest riser. We like to get basic academics out of the early so consider doing some reading, writing, or math with your 8 and 9 yos as soon as they are functioning (some of my kids need snacks, physical activity, etc. - some don't and jump right on it.) I like to peg our morning meeting to a big meal. Have self-serve snacks for early risers.
I highly recommend afternoon "quiet alone time." Train older children to be quiet and alone activites while mom and littles nap. I built ours up to 2-4:00.
Oh...I'm very detail impaired so I like to have broad principles to guide me. Here's one of my faves: morning is for schooling (however you define that), afternoon is for home care (however you define that ), evening is for projects, waking and bedtime are for personal care. Another view: morning is for the kids, afternoon is for the house, evening is for dad, and wake/bed is for me.
Hope something in this rambling helps! Anne, I just so appreciate your efforts to be a great mom and wife - and with a great sense of humor to boot! May you be abundantly blessed!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Planning and Ordering our Days
Topic: Have you revamped your day?
