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CelesteMary
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| Posted: March 09 2011 at 8:40pm | IP Logged
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Hello,
I am new to this forum and have a couple of posts here. My name is Celeste. I am wife to Jeff and mother to seven ages, 11,8,7,5,3 and 2 b/g 20 m/o twins. We are expecting number eight in June.
I have found that this pregnancy I am totally zapped and need to pace myself sooooo much more than with the older ones. I used to bounce up and down the stairs, exercise, yoga squat without even thinking about it and run the kids around where they needed to go.
Now I know I am getting older, 39 this summer but I am so zapped some days I can just get the basics done and barely that, needing to rely on the older children (such blessings) for carrying the twins, changing diapers, helping me get meals on, etc. They are such good children and such a help to mom, but I feel like a sort of failure for not being able to do it all this time around.
I am also having a really hard time with the decision to get a tubiligation. My husband and I are getting overwhelmed and the "quick fix" sounds so welcoming, though the better side of me knows it's the enemy trying to get the best of our family.
I know the church teaches nfp. As a recent convert, 3 years this Easter this is such a new concept for me to let go and let God and just do what the church teaches. Any advice on nfp? I know it's not 100%. Part of me has such peace to just follow the rules and let God lead me and the other part of me listens to the world that says do my own thing, especially suggesting that having so many will hurt me and the children in some way. God, I hate that comment most of all!
I bet if the world were not in my face so much I wouldn't even know to worry about the future and know that God will take care of the faithful. See, I already know the answer but any advice, experiences or words of encouragement would be welcomed and appreciated at this time for me. God bless you all and sorry this is so long, I guess this has been bothering me for some time.
Celeste in Maine
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leanne maree
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| Posted: March 10 2011 at 4:46am | IP Logged
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Celeste,
I think you may have answered you own question. Let go of the world and let God lead your family.
I know since we let God lead we have been more at peace with all areas of our life.
We only have 4 children, 3 young adults, but I was exhausted with my last dd 13 years ago.
NFP gives such peace and we- my dh and myself- rely on each other much more.
I am sure there will be other much more articlate responses, GOD BLESS you and give you further Peace
Leanne
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Leanne
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Marcia
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| Posted: March 10 2011 at 7:57am | IP Logged
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(((Celeste)))) You do have your hands full, but God also has promised not to leave us orphans. He is there to help you get through this time. Reach out for him and his truth.
I think you will find lots of moms here that have many children (I only have 5) and they are able to live in each moment and feel the reality of being in the world and not of it.
Prayers for you on this hard decision.
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Marcia
Mom to six and wife to one
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I wonder why
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Mackfam
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| Posted: March 10 2011 at 11:32am | IP Logged
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Hi Celeste,
You've asked a question that I would imagine every mom here has asked herself at least once, if not multiple times, through the course of her vocation. How to let go and let God? The simple answer of course, lies in trust. The hard part is living it. Openness is what God asks of us - there is not a number fixed there.
The gospel writer, St. Matthew, tells us (14:22 - 33) that St. Peter, in walking on the water toward our Lord begins to sink once his gaze is broken. St. Peter feels the wind, and begins to register the reality of what he's doing and he forgets his faith. He doubts. Who wouldn't? Walking on the water? Openness to life sometimes stretches us way out on the water. Our Lord is there, even in our doubt, with His hand outstretched to lift us back to Him, to peace, and again our gaze rests on Him.
We hear the comments of others, see other family sizes, begin to project ideas and imaginings and we begin to sink under the waves because our focus is not on Him, not on God's plan for our family.
Sometimes, there are legitimate concerns and issues that really need to be considered and brainstormed out between husband and wife as part of discernment in the prayerful use of Natural Family Planning. This consideration does not negate trust or obedience as long as a couple remains open; it can be an exercise of prudence and responsibility.
Some families beautifully exercise openness without the use of NFP. Other families, with serious reasons, exercise discernment within the provisions of the Church while still remaining open. Still others long for a child, remain open, yet find themselves with the cross of barrenness. All couples carry crosses with regard to openness, so it's impossible to compare (since we cannot know the mysterious circumstances of another couple), and fruitless and wrong to think that one family is more closely following the Church than the other. We are each unique and God's mysterious and perfect plan may ask different things from different families. The Church makes provision for discernment by granting Her children the prayerful use of Natural Family Planning. A good spiritual director can be helpful to a couple in the use of Natural Family Planning.
It is important to include what the Church says on this topic, and this part especially gives us the bottom line on openness:
Quote:
| 2366 Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is "on the side of life,"151 teaches that "it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life."152 "This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act."153 |
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There were a couple of recent threads on this topic I wanted to link and share with you since you might find some of the perspectives there helpful in your prayer life and in your practical considerations: Natural Family Planning, and Questions for Moms with Large Families. And one more that is so fantastic for brainstorming out the practicals of this question: Can we talk determining family size? (fantastic brainstorming ideas on this thread to bring to your husband and include in prayer.)
In reading, you'll find that this topic can become heated, but don't let this discourage you! I would just ask that anyone else who feels called to join in this conversation should respect the fact that this is a personal and unique question from family to family, and each answer within God's plan is wrapped in much mystery and beauty. God's answer for your family, Celeste, will be the same - beautiful, mysterious and unique.
CelesteMary wrote:
| I am also having a really hard time with the decision to get a tubiligation. My husband and I are getting overwhelmed and the "quick fix" sounds so welcoming, though the better side of me knows it's the enemy trying to get the best of our family. |
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God bless you in your search for His plan, Celeste. You're right of course that the tubal, in addition to being outside of the Church's gentle plan to ensure that couples remain open to life, is a quick fix to your concerns and will likely only bring division within your family as its purpose is to close that which God created to be open. Your concerns are legitimate and good things to consider and brainstorm though - they are not a reflection of your failings!
CelesteMary wrote:
| I know I am getting older, 39 this summer but I am so zapped some days I can just get the basics done and barely that, needing to rely on the older children (such blessings) for carrying the twins, changing diapers, helping me get meals on, etc. They are such good children and such a help to mom, but I feel like a sort of failure for not being able to do it all this time around. |
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Your concerns are simply an awareness that your family is growing and changing and stretching. It is good to consider anew in light of the changes in this season of life. It can be so good and beautiful and enriching to allow each of your children to benefit from the beautiful lessons that invite gift of self within this vocation. Can we brainstorm the practical part of that question more with you?
Your eyes must surely be fixed on Him as you walk in faith, and how pleased He must be with your willingness to stretch toward Him. May your efforts and seeking be rewarded during the holy season of Lent!  Keep your eyes on Him! Please pray that I can do the same! I'm praying for you!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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marianhome
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| Posted: March 10 2011 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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hello,
I just wanted to show my support for you too.
In our practical life, when faced too much with the worldliness of the world, i had to step away a bit, and center again in the Lord, it is like pulling away from the battle front when I am vulnerable or feel my mind doubting because of the teachings of the world, and seeking refuge in the citadel of God.
Another thing that has helped me, is to substitute the relations or things from the world to things out of God, for example more fellowship with believers, reading spiritual books, and especially the ones that encourage the issue I am working with. The Above Rubies material, even though they are not catholic, are very strong in providing support and references for large families, you can read a lot of testimonials with tubal ligation from the internet in their webpage. (I wish there was a parallel of this ministry in the catholic faith).
my prayers will be with you today,
raquel
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Raquel&David, Maria 8, Rebecca 6, Samuel 4, and early pregnancy babies in heaven.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 10 2011 at 12:28pm | IP Logged
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Advice on NFP. Don't just guess at it. If your area has any classes, take them. Take the opportunity to really learn it. Because while you still have to trust, at least you can be more comfortable with a good understanding of NFP. Plus you'll learn much more clearly why NFP is allowed where forms of artificial birth control are not. Sometimes just really knowing why something is being asked of you helps accept it easier.
Also remember that every pregnancy is different anyway. And it may not be your age. My last pregnancy was very different and exhausting. I was 39/40. Maybe it was my age. But maybe not. I don't really believe that there's that much difference from year to year. That being 39/40 is that much different from being 37/38. That's only 2 years.
And it's not a bad thing at all that your family is stepping up and helping out during this time. It's good for everyone. Mom isn't superwoman, just a woman. And needing help and asking for it is such a good model for your children. For your sons to treat their future wives with care and not assume that they should just be able to do anything and for your daughters that they don't think that no matter what they still have to do it.. or worse feel they can't do it like mom so avoid it. Wonderful learning experience for them.
Most of the time when I get out of sorts I've let my brain run on ahead making assumptions that may have no basis in reality. Especially the idea that having children is a math exercise and if I've had X children in Y years then by Z date I'll have this many. 
It usually helps if I can remember to pull myself up and remind myself "Be not therefore solicitous for to morrow; for the morrow will be solicitous for itself. Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof." Matthew 6:34
This is also an easy time of year to feel overwhelmed. Winter is almost over but not quite. The season is mud. Everyone is probably feeling a bit of cabin fever but getting out is even worse now with the wet and mud that follows winter in so many places.
For myself more often than not, the feeling of being overwhelmed is actually from THE STUFF. And with so many people in the house, there's a lot of stuff even if you're good at keeping things decluttered (I'm not  ). But it also means that you do have something that you can do to help alleviate the feeling of being overwhelmed.. get rid of stuff. And in that vein you could really benefit from going to the Planning and Ordering Our Days forum. There's all sorts of information up there from making the mundane pretty to storing things in small houses. I'm actually in the midst of some major decluttering myself.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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kristinannie
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Celeste, thanks for being so open with us about what you are going through. I am having the same doubts as you. So far, I only have 3 children and I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. We have been REALLY sick for 2 weeks so that isn't helping my situation!
I got an IUD placed in after my third because DH was definitely done having kids and was exploring getting a vasectomy. I cried when they put it in and I am getting it taken out next month.
I want to caution you against doing anything permanent. Definitely don't make the decision while you are pregnant and miserable.
We are looking into NFP as well. I really want to lose some of this baby weight before we have another baby. I have been praying a lot about it and God told me, "Please accept the children that I have for you in Heaven." I really feel like I just need to let it go and trust that God will provide only the kids that I can handle and love. But that is so much easier said than done...
You definitely have a handful. You are getting older (and so am I). Pregnancy is hard on your body. There are more problems with advanced maternal age pregnancies. Society thinks 2 kids is the perfect number. There are so many things going through your mind and I completely understand what you are going through.
Just pray about it and discuss things with your husband. God will give you your answer. I know that if you are very careful with NFP, that it is as reliable as birth control pills. Please know that I will add you to my prayer list. I wish I could come over and offer you some free babysitting so you could have a break! God bless you!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 10 2011 at 3:04pm | IP Logged
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Here's a quote that is another thing lovely to contemplate..
"Parents will remind themselves that it is certainly less serious to deny their children certain
comforts or material advantages than to deprive them of the presence of brothers and sisters."
- Pope John Paul II in his homily on Oct. 7, 1979
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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CelesteMary
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| Posted: March 11 2011 at 1:55pm | IP Logged
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Ladies,
bless your hearts for your thoughtful and prayerful replies. Just reading them makes me feel better as I knew it would. I just love this website!
Anyway, I had a bit of panic this morning and in the end, realized exactly why. I have NOT been trusting God on this one at all.
I don't want to be in a place of doubt ever again so please pray for me as I muster of some courage and strength trusting our Savior and completely letting go for good.
God bless and happy Lent!
Celeste
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JodieLyn
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I'm not sure you ever completely let go "for good". It seems like I have to do it all over again after every change. But practise does help the next time you need to do it. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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CelesteMary
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That's a good point. I guess that's why we are only supposed to focus on the present moment and trust God with the rest.
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kristinannie
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Your post has really gotten me thinking over the last day or so. God only wants what is best for us and never gives us anything we can't handle. We all need to learn the same lesson that you have. We need to completely trust God in all aspects of our lives. Thanks so much for posting this.
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CelesteMary
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You're welcome, Kristin Anne. The timing is just right for Lent when you think about it. I have a lot of prayer and growing to do.
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Sharyn
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Hi Celeste. Here is one place you can learn about nfp, in case you don't know where to start. You can find instructors here too. Billings Ovulation Method
Praying for you!
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Sharyn
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Life is such a journey Celeste, and when we trust in God we are guided to understandings that we could not have guessed at, nor anticipated the wisdom of. There is suffering to go through which we can not pass by,and much patience is required, but with perserverance we learn and come to understand. It must come by stages, this learning, for that quite simply is how we learn.
I converted from atheism 11 years ago and I could never have imagined having a big family. It is a blessing I could not have imagined I would love. My children have taught me so much. They have stretched me beyond my limits and required me to grow, to slowly slowly become a person that a part of me has always secretly, in some place hidden even to me, been wanting to become.
I think support is very important. I pray you have some good families locally that you are friends with or could become friends with. If not boards like this are a wonderful source of strength and learning. Boards like this one were a source of great of help to me in the early days before I had built up a network of local friends.
Just hold to God as your sure guide, through everything, and you will be guided safely. This has been the big message that I have learnt over time.
My priest encouraged me to make the Act of Faith prayer often. Faith is a gift of God and so to recieve more of it we must ask in prayer for more of it
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Sharyn
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| Posted: March 12 2011 at 7:21pm | IP Logged
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CelesteMary wrote:
| They are such good children and such a help to mom, but I feel like a sort of failure for not being able to do it all this time around. |
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We don't want to overburden our children to be sure. It can be hard to work out where to draw the lines. It is about doing things in the right measure. Pray to discern what is right.
The family is the community in which our children are trained to work, make sacrifices, and to love all and through all, that they can go out and take this to the wider community. In this time of weakness you are teaching them lessons that can benefit them greatly.
I found too that when I had morning sickness recently it was a time of my children stepping up to do some things that I probably should have had them doing before now.
Ah well, enough of me now. Welcome to the board Celeste!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Advice on how to let go and let God
