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Willa
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| Posted: Feb 01 2006 at 10:41am | IP Logged
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I hardly know how to ask this, so bear with me:
I think my son #2 is going to need some "real world work experience" before he graduates. He's an unconventional learner and he and I are having trouble thinking of a niche for him right now. He's not a hands-on, concrete thinker who takes apart cars or builds things from wood NOR is he a traditional academic kid. He is a classic introvert -- resistant to new things, focuses deeply on areas of interest, is drained by social interaction, has low physical energy levels, and so on. His interests are writing, natural history, history and so on; he is not strong in conceptual math or hard sciences.
Anyway, I think he is really going to need some support as he moves out into the world and I am really puzzled by how to give this to him. I wanted to know for starters if you could share any suggestions, experience or advice about how to find community vocational-experience type opportunities for him. How do you research for these things? What does it involve? Anything you have to share?
The other thing going on is on my part, regret. I read an article yesterday in the dentist's office that talked about two kinds of regret -- "hot regret/wistful regret." Hot regret is the direct-feedback kind, ie you are speeding and get a ticket and just KNOW what your husband will say and how stupid it was to endanger yourself and others to get somewhere in time, etc.
"Wistful regret" is the kind that presumably attacks people most strongly in middle age when their career choices are set, their kids are at least partly grown and they can see where their life choices or circumstances have kind of shaped, to some degree, their present and future. That's been really hitting me a lot recently -- surprisingly tormenting.
It sounds off-topic for a post in the teen forum but it's related a bit because I'm sure it's partly what makes people make crazy "midlife crisis" decisions and also, probably, GOOD changes that involve a lot of effort, in their middle years.
So the "wistful regret" I have about this child is that I SHOULD ideally have started doing this several years ago, foreseeing that he'd need some help transitioning and looking for job-shadowing opportunities while he was younger. Life circumstances have played a big part. When he was 15 his two brothers were in the hospital for a combination of about 4 months total, and I was in the hospital regularly too. We only have one car. I feel a bit tied down, because we have to keep such a careful eye on the medically fragile 6yo. If we travel too much, he gets sick. And we only have one car.
So I know it's not altogether rational but still, it is haunting me, that because we have kids of multiple ages and certain financial and logistical restrictions, that I am clueless about how to provide him what I think he needs .... it's affecting how I think and plan NOW, to some extent. Has anyone dealt with this and how?
Honestly, I can see why Greek tragedies resonated so powerfully with the pagans, because lacking faith in God's love and providence, it would be so difficult to age and see how much a combination of our personal attributes and our outside circumstances can affect and almost, it seems, decide our future and that of those we love most. Or maybe I'm just having a pity party
 -- I'm willing to consider that possibility too. Is there a whine emoticon??
I DO know God has a plan but I guess I'm a bit stretched not seeing what my response should be -- what He wants ME to do. If He just TOLD me, in so many words, it wouldn't be difficult at all. But it seems He's asking me to THINK and PLAN and DECIDE -- that's a bit harder!!
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Lavenderfields
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| Posted: Feb 01 2006 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
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Willa,
I would start with what he is interested in. Trees! Do you have a Ranger staion near you or maybe the Firestation, they have programs for teens. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
God Bless
Robynn in Lancaster, CA
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ALmom
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| Posted: Feb 01 2006 at 6:30pm | IP Logged
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Willa,
I know nothing about vocational training but I just had to send you some hugs. You helped me so much at the beginning of this year when I was going through my regret for not "seeing things" for my oldest dd and all the extra suffering that seemed to imply for her. The "regret" spurred me to re-adjust, but in the end I did have to let go of the past. I have really been pondering how God's providence even knew my limits and foibles with my eldest and He, in His goodness, will pull something good for her out of all those years. None of us are perfect, but I'm sure you did all you could at the time and probably have far less reason for real regret than I did. We'll say a prayer that you will be given strength to persevere in your search for your son, and to find just what is right for him.
Janet
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Leonie
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| Posted: Feb 03 2006 at 3:22am | IP Logged
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Willa,
I think Robynn's right - start with your ds' interests and look for volunteer work/mentorships/apprenticeships there.
And - what do you have in your hand? IOW, is there something local or available and accessible, somewhere that would be open to your ds for work experience, as a starter? Even if it is not what he loves right now it may be interesting and offer good experience.
I know that The Teenage Liberation Handbook has ideas on finding vocational programmes and may be of help.
And, remember, what John Holt said - it is never too late.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Willa
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| Posted: Feb 03 2006 at 3:09pm | IP Logged
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Thanks you all,
I guess I was a bit discouraged when I wrote that.
Robynn, what a beautiful username... "lavender fields" -- soothes me just to read it! yes, if you think of anything else, let me know. Sending kids out into the world has been the hardest part of this homeschooling thing, for me....
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Feb 03 2006 at 3:20pm | IP Logged
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WJFR wrote:
Thanks you all,
Sending kids out into the world has been the hardest part of this homeschooling thing, for me.... |
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Very very hard, Willa. Just thinking about it makes me...well, I try not to think about it  .
Not to add one more challenge to the situation, but I'm also noticing that the opportunities for young people to mentor is shrinking, due in large part to insurance liability issues. My dd won't be volunteering at the parish, at least for now, because of these type of issues connected with a diocese restructuring. Sigh. This is where God's grace will enter...when one door closes, another opens.
You are such an awesome, Mom, Willa. I'll be praying that just the right fit comes your way.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Vocational experience for teen?
