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stefoodie
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teens are generally more focused by the time they graduate from high school and have a better grasp of where they want to go in life, as compared to peers from public and private schools?
Aisa recently attended a small-group workshop given by a local couple who graduated from Notre Dame a few years ago. They were very up-front and told the kids they really wanted to SELL Notre Dame because they had a great experience there, etc. but they also wanted to help answer questions like how to write a great essay, how to deal with homesickness, etc.
Before they began they went around the room and asked all the students where they were in their college search and what their plans were. Out of 8 kids, Aisa was the only one who had a firm answer of where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do (major in culinary, minor in voice at local college, then masters in theology at steubenville, then mission work for a year, then wherever God wants her to be after that, but most of all she wants to be a mom). Of the 8 kids she was the only homeschooler.
We've been talking about this for a while (Aisa and me) -- how many of her friends, at 17 and 18, still don't know what their plans are. And I'm just curious to find out if maybe this is one of the benefits of homeschooling -- that our children, because they have more time and more opportunities to ponder things, to really dig deep inside themselves, to explore the thoughts of great men and women, to think upon the teachings of the Church, to see the big picture, etc., have the confidence to make these decisions at an earlier age.
Your thoughts?
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MacBeth
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Sometimes... 
Certainly, my girls know exactly what their plans are, more or less, but neither boy seems to be terribly focused, unless LEGO builder is a vocation. 
Trip (16) is going to Ave Maria's summer program to dabble in philosophy, literature and philosophy. Yet, I have always thought he was more of an engineering type. When asked directly, he scrunches up his face and says he has no idea what he wants to do, or where he wants to go to college.  Oh, but wait...Trip goes to school. See, it's been 5 days and I have already put school out of my mind. 
I find many of their public schooled peers do know what they want to do and where they are going, but most of their PS friends are Asian, and these kids are incredibly focused (with a few exceptions). Hmmm.
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guitarnan
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My son is 16 and has a vague plan of flying or driving something for the military. He's not very focused, though - at his age I would have been aiming myself squarely at a top ROTC program or service academy. (I went to Catholic high school.) He's been thinking about engineering and architecture lately, though - I think that's more up his alley - although I am pretty sure he's considering the SeaBees (Navy construction battalion) rather than getting his engineering experience on the civilian side. We'll see.
I do think he ponders things more than some of his PS peers do, but that may just be his nature. He definitely has a strong sense of right and wrong.
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amarytbc
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I'm not seeing a big difference between the homeschooled kids and those who were raised by good (involved), close families but who went to public or Catholic school.
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Leonie
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My sons tend to be like me - to want to have their focus in several areas. So, I guess they are not less focused than some kids going to university but also not more focused on where they want to go.
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Willa
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Interesting!
My oldest son knew what he wanted -- to go to a Catholic college -- but not until he was a senior.
My second son is still trying to figure out his plans -- trying various things.
My third, my daughter, who has just graduated, has had her goals settled for years. She spends a lot of time thinking specifically about exactly how to get where she wants to go.
Wondering if maybe temperament and even whether the kid is a boy or girl plays into it a bit. Also, the details of how God calls you to do what you are going to do.
I do notice that all three of the graduates from my homeschool have a serious view of their future, whether or not their plans are structured or not. They aren't just looking for the big career, nor just a way to pay for their consumer habits or whatever. They seem to be a bit more focused on the importance of their life choices than many of the kids they meet up with in our area. I don't mean to generalize though, because there are definitely some focused "schoolers" in our area -- and we only know a few hsers, so our sample is limited.
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Angie Mc
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I think that my dd has had more time to ponder the wholeness of her life, even if the specifics haven't fallen into place just yet. Most of the schooled children we know (and for that matter, many of the homeschoolers we know) are so focused on the academics of today and how they equate into college, that they don't have as much time to think about their vocations and whole-life dreams. Maybe my dd's pondering is connected to her temperament as well as the amount of time she has that is not strictly for academics.
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Tina P.
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guitarnan wrote:
| My son is 16 and has a vague plan of flying or driving something for the military. He's not very focused, though - at his age I would have been aiming myself squarely at a top ROTC program or service academy. (I went to Catholic high school.) He's been thinking about engineering and architecture lately, though - I think that's more up his alley |
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Nancy, my 14 yo has those same vague plans. Is it just because we are or have been military families? Maybe it's that whole "following in your father's footsteps" thing. But he's a naturalist at heart.
Willa wrote:
| I do notice that all three of the graduates from my homeschool have a serious view of their future, whether or not their plans are structured or not. They aren't just looking for the big career, nor just a way to pay for their consumer habits or whatever. They seem to be a bit more focused on the importance of their life choices than many of the kids they meet up with in our area. |
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I don't have my own children as compass points as regards whether they'll be serious about their future. All I know is, after a Catholic elementary and secondary education, I wasn't. I was serious about graduating. I certainly wanted to get *out* of the school system. But I changed my major three times. I wasn't at *all* serious about marriage and family or a vocational life. I didn't even pray about all of this.  God just decided to bless me regardless of how I ignored Him.
I hope that I can instill in my children that serious, thoughtful nature that seems so prevalent among home schooled kids. I notice friends' children who have grown and are attending college seem to know just what they want whether boy or girl. But (not to stir up any trouble), I think that girls tend to be more serious and studious in general ... don't they?
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guitarnan
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Tina, you may be right. My dh is third generation Navy. (I came from a nonmilitary family, so I'm still a little bit surprised at how many military kids end up enlisting or trying for a service academy.) My son has grown up around all things Navy, so I guess it seems natural to him.
One thing I've noticed is that my son is very concerned about the world in a spiritual sense. He views our society as "messed up" and takes his own spiritual life seriously - he never travels without going to Confession, if he can help it - and I think that has come from his homeschooling background. He *has* time to think about these matters, and he does.
Maybe that's part of it...having time to do things, academics included, without wasting time on buses, in lines, in cafeterias...???
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stefoodie
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MacBeth wrote:
Sometimes...
Certainly, my girls know exactly what their plans are, more or less, but neither boy seems to be terribly focused, unless LEGO builder is a vocation. |
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well that totally shoots my theory then
MacBeth wrote:
| I find many of their public schooled peers do know what they want to do and where they are going, but most of their PS friends are Asian, and these kids are incredibly focused (with a few exceptions). Hmmm. |
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all the kids in my sample were asian, and i was thinking coming in that they were also incredibly focused, but apparently not (or not yet anyway). aisa's best friend had narrowed his choices down to 8 colleges.
Willa wrote:
My third, my daughter, who has just graduated, has had her goals settled for years. She spends a lot of time thinking specifically about exactly how to get where she wants to go.
Wondering if maybe temperament and even whether the kid is a boy or girl plays into it a bit. Also, the details of how God calls you to do what you are going to do. |
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hmmm.... yes, this is my dd too. maybe the gender and temperament do come into play a lot. and her exposure.
Willa wrote:
| I do notice that all three of the graduates from my homeschool have a serious view of their future, whether or not their plans are structured or not. They aren't just looking for the big career, nor just a way to pay for their consumer habits or whatever. They seem to be a bit more focused on the importance of their life choices than many of the kids they meet up with in our area. I don't mean to generalize though, because there are definitely some focused "schoolers" in our area -- and we only know a few hsers, so our sample is limited. |
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i see this too.... among the limited # of homeschoolers i know, i mean.... more life choices rather than just career choices.
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stefoodie
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Angie Mc wrote:
| Most of the schooled children we know (and for that matter, many of the homeschoolers we know) are so focused on the academics of today and how they equate into college, that they don't have as much time to think about their vocations and whole-life dreams. Maybe my dd's pondering is connected to her temperament as well as the amount of time she has that is not strictly for academics. |
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True here as well.
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SallyT
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Yes, I like that "whole-life" thought. We don't know that many schooled high-schoolers, and the main difference I notice, to be honest, is that the homeschoolers as a group are a lot more comfortable talking to adults about serious things than the schoolers as a (small) group . . . so it's not like looking at a real, balanced cross-section.
I do notice a huge difference in ethos between the homeschooled girls I know and the mindset of the girls' prep school I attended, whose alumnae mailings I constantly get. The school's vision is all about achievement, leadership, women's empowerment, doing "interesting" things with one's life which have nothing to do with valuing home and family. So the girls I know who go there now, daughters of my old friends chiefly, are very much oriented in that way. The homeschooled girls I know are mostly quite bright and have definite academic interests which they seem to like for their own sake, not for the sake of "getting anywhere" with them or being "strong leaders" or whatever. And the homeschooled girls are balancing those interests with a strong sense of vocational pull, mostly towards motherhood. It's not that they're thinking, "Oh, I'm not interested in knowing history, because I'm just going to get married and have kids anyway," but that life itself, which can include both loving history and loving raising children, is something to focus on. If that makes sense.
Among the boys we know . . . well, again, the main contrast I see is with the private-school grow-up-and-go-to-law-school ethos. I know a number of high-school-age homeschooled boys who have very strong avocations, like woodworking or music. They have had much more time to pursue those avocations than boys in school would have, and have worked at them much as apprentices would work (funnily, I can't think of any girls offhand who fit precisely that mold, even when they do have strong interests). These avocations seem to take up the kind of time and energy that organized sports would be likely to take up the time and energy of a boy in school. What these avocations translate into in practical terms for the future is hard to say . . . but it does seem to me that there's a certain amount of self-driven focus that homeschooled kids are ABLE to have, just because their lives aren't taken up with the same kinds of clutter that schooled kids often experience.
Again, I don't know that that's the kind of vocational focus you're talking about . . . just what I observe.
Sally
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nissag
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Not always more focused or driven. That really depends on each child's personality, in my experience. However, I have certainly noticed that homeschooled kids tend to be a whole lot more creative when considering future career/life options. Rather than sticking with the traditional school->college/uni->career, I have known homeschoolers who are inventing careers based upon their strengths and passions. Perhaps that does help in the drive department.
I think that homeschooling parents also seem to be a whole lot more supportive of non-traditional career/life ideas. If my son wanted to be an artisan furniture-maker, I'd totally embrace it. I don't think he's considering anything like engineer/accountant/etc.
My oldest daughter is interested in Biblical archaeology, but is also a brilliant writer. She spends most of her free-time either writing or knitting. I can see her making a career out of any of those things.
Also, Catholic homeschooled kids certainly seem to be a whole lot more open to religious vocations.
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kozimom
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Hmmm, I would have to say no. At my daughter's and son's homeschool grad ceremonies all the kids seemed to be still pondering their choices. But they were all going to be doing something - whether continuuing their education or working or going on short term missions trips.
My dd thought she was going to be a music teacher. But after a year and a half of pursuing that, she realized she just wasn't passionate enough about music. Now she is heading in the direction of becoming a liscensed practical nurse. Which is what we always thought she should do! I know that she really struggled the first year of being "done". She was really afraid of the future. But thankfully she continued to be employed all through that time.
My son just graduated and he thought he was going to apprentice as an industrial plumber. Well he worked a week and a half and absolutely hated it - his foreman sounded like a pig: he kept trying to show porn to my son and encourage him to drink beer after work. When my son refused he was severely scorned and mocked for days. (Sheesh - the guy is only 17!) So finally he had enough. Now, unfortunately, he has a very bad impression of the entire construction industry! Now he has a job with the local mechanic. So far he is loving it!
So, anyway, my experience so far has shown me that it's very difficult to know exactly what you're going to do after highschool. A plan is good to have - that's for sure - but it may change!
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MacBeth
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stefoodie wrote:
| aisa's best friend had narrowed his choices down to 8 colleges. |
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FWIW, that's not necessarily a sign of a lack of focus. Libby applied to 8 colleges/conservatories, choosing carefully and only applying to places where she was familiar with the faculty, facilities, and course offerings. Now, she has know what she wants since the ripe old age of three...but she was also trying to be realistic, considering the heavy competition out there. I would not take the number of applications submitted as a sign of something missing, but rather as a sign of a careful, well-considered plan.
Also, with the ease of the Common Application, students are applying to more schools with the press of a button.
SallyT wrote:
Among the boys we know . . . well, again, the main contrast I see is with the private-school grow-up-and-go-to-law-school ethos. I know a number of high-school-age homeschooled boys who have very strong avocations, like woodworking or music.
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I find this to be quite true. Many of Trip's peers are focused on law school. Strange, but I had not thought about that for Trip--though his father and both grandfathers have law degrees--until my father mentioned the possibility over dinner on Monday night. Trip was not there to comment, but I was surprised, as Trip has shown little interest in the study of the law. Yet he communicates frequently with my father, so perhaps he has intimated an interest in the law to his grandfather. And though he enjoys music and rewiring things (homes, garages, telephone systems...) as avocations, he has no plans to pursue a career in either.
But who knows. I went to college knowing that I wanted to be an astrophysicist. I changed my mind 5 times, and ended up a marine biologist who enjoys, more than anything, time spent with her children.
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Curious: Do you find that homeschooled
