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Cathmomof8
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| Posted: Dec 03 2007 at 11:48am | IP Logged
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There is a Eucharistic Teen retreat coming up in Feb that I think I'd like my 17yo and 15.5yo boys to go to. My 17yo is in public school this year and could use some balance to the influences he is receiving. My 15.5yo could also use a little 'fire' in his faith. But I fear making them go would fuel a different kind of fire. My 17yo would also not be happy about the 15yo going. It is hard to know how much to push. It might actually be a better combo for my 15yo and 13yo boys to go together since they get along so well but I'm not sure if my 13yo is too young. And yet his heart is still so open. I'd love for him to experience on his own, the love of Christ.
After reading part of the Popcak's book on parenting I've been thinking alot about how we can get our children to really have a faith EXPERIENCE. How can we facilitate this? I'm afraid I must be going about this all wrong since my eldest now thinks he's a neo-pagan (you know, my18yo who 3 years ago was looking into different orders for the priesthood) and my 17yo has such a lack of enthusiasm and I think is just going through the motions for the time being. My 15.5yo seems a bit self conscious about it all but I think still has a fire burning deep down. But he wouldn't voluntarily join into family prayer time. He does join us for morning prayers and participates ih his own sleepy way, serves at Mass, etc. But does he have a FAITH LIFE, a close and loving relationship with our Lord?? Will his faith endure through his young adult years? Is there something to do NOW to help him on a path to holiness? I'm afraid I'm rebounding from the bellion my 18yo ds went through as a result of maybe too much pushing? and I'm afraid.
Wow, do I ever know how to ramble. Thanks for listening.
Sweet 20 month old Annemarie is calling for some time and attention....
Oh, and do say a prayer for our family. Matthew, the 18yo will be home Friday for ONE MONTH!!!!!!!!!! could be challenging for all. He has sadly been partying for the past 3+ months (along with a bit of studying) and family life may be a real shock to his system. Although Tgiving weekend went well and he even sent me a note saying how grateful he was for such a nice weekend with us. more rambling.... forgive me...
Theresia - Mom of 8 and shortly to have FOUR TEENAGE SONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Dec 03 2007 at 3:31pm | IP Logged
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Theresia, I wouldn't. I was forced to go on a retreat as a teen and there were short-term and long-term problems with my parent's well-intended decision. Some thoughts...
Retreats are not in and of themselves good, wholesome, and holy.
Having a religious "experience" isn't in and of itself good, wholesome, and holy.
Retreats aren't necessary for all to reach faith goals.
Maybe it would be beneficial to bring your teens into the discernment and decision-making process. Look at this particular retreat option and also clarify your concerns and hopes for your teens. Maybe there are other ways to meet these goals that your teens would feel more called to. I'm all for being as persuasive as possible and for making parental decisions based on prayerful discernment when necessary, but my dh and I would need to be very convinced that God wanted our particular child at a particular retreat before we would "make" them go.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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catholicmomma
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| Posted: Dec 10 2007 at 10:27am | IP Logged
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Dear Theresia,
I DEFINITELY would send my kids (with a few provisos, see below)on a Eucharistic retreat.
I agree with the Popcak's (although I don't know the book you're referring to), and honestly believe that the more EXPERIENCES with Christ a person has, the deeper their love for Him becomes. And when we are in love with Him, we want to learn more about Him, be faithful to Him, conform our lives to His will, etc.
I see retreats as opportunities for my kids to deepen their own relationship with God. If they do not embrace the Catholic faith on their own before they leave the house, when will they? I think the statistical studies say that they won't until perhaps a crisis like death, a marriage or the baptism of their children. In my opinion, that's too long. Too many soul-damaging opportunities present themselves at college and in early adulthood.
I know my influence over my kids will fade after they leave the house. I'd rather ingrain habits of daily prayer, frequent confession/attendance at Mass, and Eucharistic adoration before college. A yearly retreat is part of that plan (and also part of our own spirituality). I hope to be able to honestly look God in the face on Judgment day and answer that I did the best I could with the children he gave me. I know the rest is up to them.
I have to admit that I've been going on Catholic retreats since I was 12, and that over the years my dh and I have planned/put on several. As we've matured in our faith (ie made lots of mistakes, lol), we've come to the conclusion that unless a retreat is sacramentally based, what's the point? We also are ADAMANT that the people putting it on can provide a safe environment. I didn't say boring, I said safe.
As far as forcing a teen to go, I'd say it depends on the kid. If they have serious problems, resentment, are violent or have drug problems, it's not fair to the other kids there, and counseling is NOT the job for volunteers and priests there to hear confession, expose the sacrament, say Mass, etc. If, on the other hand, your teen just thinks they have better things to do, it's probably because it's a new experience.
I'll pray God gives you wisdom and prudence as you determine what's best for your kids.
God bless,
Lisa B in OH
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StephanieA
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| Posted: Dec 14 2007 at 7:54am | IP Logged
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I signed up my husband, my 20 year old, and 18 year old for a weekend long Ignatius retreat. I just said "Take off work" to my oldest. Then he failed to take off and of course, was scheduled. My husband called my son's boss and got him off for the weekend. It was embarassing a bit, but I felt he needed the retreat. That was a year ago. Honestly, I don't think it made a huge difference, but one never knows what influences are made. My second son is more willed and maybe I couldn't have "made" him go at 20 years of age. So each situation is different. I billed the retreat as a Father/Son experience. Not...you need this spiritually, son, so you're going. They left early for the St. Louis, ate out, and meet some relatives for a fun afternoon before the retreat began on Friday. Maybe you can do something similar and it won't be such an issue.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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Elena
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| Posted: Dec 14 2007 at 9:35pm | IP Logged
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In retrospect, some of the things my signed up for that I didn't want to do, turned out to be the best experiences of my youth. I think you should pray about it and if you still feel he should go- send him!
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Can you MAKE a teen go on a retreat??
