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Willa
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| Posted: Aug 19 2005 at 11:49am | IP Logged
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We drove our oldest (19) to his college campus yesterday and on the way back I was pondering what to do about my second son (17). He is my unconventional learner. When he was a preschooler I thought he might be some kind of genius; he had a thirst for "real learning" and would ask me to check out heavy-duty books from the library on his favorite subjects -- he'd browse through them, ask me to read them, memorize favorite bits and so on. He learned to count by looking at the page numbers of our massive "Chronicle of the 20th century".
He also talked late and had various sensory issues and was emotionally immature. When he got to school age, he floundered in a Catholic pre-K environment -- he was a good part of the reason I started homeschooling.
I've always had trouble knowing quite what to do with him. When he was about 7 I was reading Agnes Leistico's book "I Learn Better by Teaching Myself" and he remarked "I do, you know." I said "What??" and he pointed to the book and said "Learn better by teaching myself!" And he was right. He is the original auto-didact, but it's complicated because he doesn't test well and he doesn't do well at incremental subjects and conceptual subjects where he has to generalize -- he has always been a particularizer -- a detail "just the facts" man.
ANyway, on the trip back I was pondering his future and the very short time I have left with him. Last year, his sophomore year, was difficult -- his motivation has been dropping steadily. I was pushing him through a college-prep curriculum and wondering whether I should drop him to a standard one. But now I am wondering whether I should just basically stop altogether and let him take the reins.
So do you have any unschooling survival tips for a highschooler? A very unconventional one? I guess I need to read that Alison McKee book about unschooling highschoolers, again. Are there any others you recommend?
One concern is that since his older brother and younger sister are sort of achievement-oriented, he will feel like I am sort of giving up on him if I just ...stop pushing. Any insights on that??
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Willa
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Oh, I should add --
One concern I DON'T have is that he will stop learning. That has never been the issue with him. In the last couple of years he has written a 700 page novel -- just finished the first draft and is letting it "cool" for a month before he starts revising. I don't know if it's any good because he hasn't let anyone see it, but that isn't the point. The point is that he has toiled for 2 years steadily, dedicated his efforts to St Francis de Sales and actually FINISHED the first draft. Way ahead of where I was as a teenager, or even now : (.
Plus he has made himself an expert in dendrology (study of trees) with a particular interest in the giant sequoia....poring over technical forestry manuals and the like. He's also memorized any amount of NFL football lor and has made up his own imaginary football league with its own statistics and drafts and etc.
He reads 19th century literature voraciously.
The problem isn't motivating him but just figuring out a way to help him find his niche in the world and helping him find a way into math and that kind of thing that he struggles with. Could I just let math go???? He resisted percentages for years and then mastered them overnight when he got into the football stuff.
I don't want to have pulled this kid out of school so he could learn his own way, and then try to force him into a mold at home. But I worry when a kid is so obviously non-standard and has to somehow fit into a standardized world.
Oh, one other thing.... my friend Chari in Mt Shasta mentioned she was fully prepared to do a 5 year high school program for any child of hers who seemed to need the extra time. This was a lightbulb moment for me. If my kid could continue to learn better by himself than in a college, we could provide that support, theoretically.
I just....worry. Don't want to mess him up. Know what I mean?? 
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Mary G
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| Posted: Aug 19 2005 at 12:33pm | IP Logged
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Willa:
I am no expert (I don't even play one on tv  ) but it sounds like your son (with your loving help) is doing just great. He doesn't sound like a behviour problem, or a lazy student. He does, however, need to find his spot. Has he looked into internships or just plain asking someone who is doing what would be a "cool" to let him tag along? Or can he look at a vo-tech jr. college and see if something sparks his interest?
If he loves trees so much as to become an expert, why doesn't he see if he can get into a project with the State or Youth CCC, or something like that. The great benefit to homeschooling is the flexibility in scheduling that might fit with a nature project (and you're certainly in the right area for nature stuff).
I keep going round and round in my own head about this (mine aren't even quite ready for college, but I love to plan ). Anyway, is college for everyone? There is of course the military as an option also. I have a brother who went in the Coast Guard (he wanted to be trained to help people and he hated school) -- he's never gone to college and yet is now a regional manager for Direct TV with 5 states as his territory -- all because he loves to work with people and learned radio/electronics in the Coast Guard.....
Is this helping or am I rambling?
I'll keep you and your son in our family prayers -- discerning God's will as well as fully using the talents God has given us are our constant prayers around here 
Blessings,
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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juliecinci
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He sounds like my oldest!
Today we went down to Xavier (classes start for me next week). My oldest "should" be going to college this fall (he's done with high school and is 18) but he just wasn't ready or wanting to learn in a traditional format. In fact, he never has done well in "school" environments, but like your son is a voracious learner.
I am taking New Testament Greek in the fall and he was so intrigued (studies languages on his own) he asked if he could take the class too. We were able to get special student status for him so he's taking one class with me this fall at a college.
Today was the day for new students to go to their dorms etc. Parents and kids everywhere. He had a wistful moment realizing that that could be him. But then he said how he knows he wants the experience of moving away and college but isn't ready to face the organized learning college requires.
And I am *finally* at peace with that. It's been a hard year for me emotionally, with my first, expecting him to go to college. I started unschooling becaused of him (almost three years ago). He amazes me in so many ways but he is just non-traditional. He loves having control over his life and education.
I've got to trust that it will lead somewhere.
And for now, it's leading to taking a college class togehter? Isn't that wild? Nothing traditional about the road we're on.
If you have any questions, I'd be happy to share more specifics of what we did.
Julie
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Homeschooling five for fourteen years
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Leonie
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Willa,
I also think it might be a good idea to have a chat with this ds. I am a talker, right? 
You mentioned a concern about how your ds might feel, if you don't do the gentle push thing, and with his achievement oriented siblings. How about asking him about this, and his hopes and aspirations? Even if he is not sure or communicative right now, the chat may start a train of thought and give him extra things to ponder.
And here is a story of a girl who is unschooling college.
Leonie in Sydney
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Willa
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| Posted: Aug 21 2005 at 1:56pm | IP Logged
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Mary,
I agree college doesn't have to be for everyone. My brother got paramedic certification and then went to working as a manager at Intuit (the Turbotax people..). Yes, I think the idea of local apprenticeship for forestry or whatever is a good one to pursue.. thanks.
Julie,
I hope you will keep sharing how your oldest is doing outside of the traditional college track. I would love specifics if you would share. We don't have a local college where we live so I have been pondering distance learning...
Leonie,
I know you believe in communicating with your teens and you've had an influence on me there  I suppose I worry a bit about putting worries into his head that weren't there already. The website is interesting! My son is a very different type but I could see him getting into designing his own curriculum.
Thanks you all. I'll let you know how it goes and I'd love to hear any details about how unschooling has worked for your high schoolers.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Patty
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Hi Willa,
My second child (age 19) has been a very unconventional learner as well. He attended a Catholic school for K, and homeschooled 1st through 12th grades. He was a wiggly little guy, full of questions, and unable to concentrate on assigned tasks because he had SO MANY questions in his head. He built things, designed things, read books, eventually learned to build and program computers. He took community college classes his 11th and 12th grade years. He was accepted into a university and had thoughts of majoring in computer science... In May he informed me he had to make an appointment to talk to our diocesan director of vocations.
He is now in seminary college. So, my non-liberal arts son is now a philosophy major.
I often felt like throwing up my hands when he was growing up though! I prayed many times, "Lord, what should I do for this child?" I remember vividly a time when he was about 14. I took a walk on a starry night and prayed about his education. He would be starting high school if he were in a regular school. The answer I seemed to get was "balance". A balance of guiding him and giving him the freedom to pursue interests. That's what seemed to work best for him, although I did continue to second-guess myself.
God bless you as you discern the best path for your son!
Patty
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Willa
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| Posted: Aug 24 2005 at 6:08pm | IP Logged
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Patty,
Blessings on your son's calling. That is a neat story. I intend to say a novena for my son's future vocation whatever it may be and I'll add your son and all the other homeschooled young adults to my intentions.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Patty
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| Posted: Aug 25 2005 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
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Willa, thanks for including my son in your prayers! Could you include his older sister as well? She is 21, a senior in college, and planning to join the Little Sisters of the Poor a year from October. They are a wonderful order of sisters, started in France, who take care of the elderly poor and have many homes for them throughout the U.S. and in over thirty countries.
My dh is having a hard time dealing with the separation issue.  It's not a cloistered order, but she can't just come home anytime she chooses. We can visit her anytime, though if she's in India I doubt we will see her often.
God bless and let us know how your son is doing,
Patty
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Unschooling my Teenager?
