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TracyQ
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| Posted: Feb 11 2005 at 10:59am | IP Logged
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Ok, I'm stepping out humbly and vulnerably to share with you what I've been going through this year, our first year with a high school student. I recently shared it with some of my other homeschooling friends as well.
I've been really going through a very difficult transition year in homeschooling this year. I LOVE homeschooling, and I know it's what the Lord wants for our family. This is our 10th year, our first with a high schooler. While the transition academically has been pretty uneventful, and pretty easy, the transition emotionally for me has not been easy or uneventful! *g*
The Lord did make it very clear that we were to continue homeschooling through high school, and I am thankful that He has. But it's MUCH more scary to me, and though I'm being obedient, Satan is having a field day with my faith, and my emotions. I've been fighting him tooth and nail, and crying out to God to hold me above water, but it has been VERY difficult this year!
I'm SO convinced that the high school years are the years where we can lose our children. There is so much change going on in the body and mind of my oldest, and therefore, I'm sure there would be a lot going on in his soul as well. Change is vast and huge at this point in their life, unbelievably huge! And I just feel that the Lord is calling us to finish the race.
But there is SO much going through my mind and emotions anyway, even though I know we've been obedient, and are doing what He is calling us to do. I feel so scared that by homeschooling, we'll be hindering his chance for scholarships, for the possibility of him getting into college, etc. I mean, I know in my head that there are homeschooled students that do well, but in my heart, I'm just so scared!
I feel scared that I'm hurting him socially. At this point, all of a sudden, there have been SO many hsing families putting their kids into school, especially at his age. And this is the age where they really need friends and fellowship. But for us, it gets much more difficult to fulfill this huge need for them. 
I feel scared that maybe I'm not making the *right plan* for his high schooling transcript to get him into college. I'm lacking MUCH confidence, something I had not so long ago. I feel like I'm treading water, not on solid ground emotionally through this.
I wonder if I'm making sense at all????? My FAITH is very solid, I know this is the right thing to do, and I am sure being obedient to His will is right, but it is scary, and I am shaky emotionally through this right now. I feel like I'm literally in a battle with Satan right now, and I don't intend to lose, but it hasn't been without bumps and bruises along the way. 
I keep trying to tell myself, Tracy, you dummy......you have told COUNTLESS new homeschoolers, *God does not call us to do something, then leave us to do it on our own. God does NOT call the equipped, He equips the called!* And now that we're starting on a new leg of our journey, I have to keep telling myself that every single day!
This is a verse I shared with some friends of mine who all try to memorize scripture. It was my turn to share a verse, and this is the one I chose, because it really permeated my heart regarding all I've been trying to endure this year emotionally. I feel it's really the WORLD I'm battling here. I need to rest in God's hands, that's where our victory will be! 
"For whatever is born of GOD overcomes the world; and this is the VICTORY that overcomes the world, our FAITH" 1 John 5:4
I need this verse right now. I really need it! :o) Anyway, thanks so much for letting me share with you what I've been going through. It's not easy to admit just how vulnerable I am right now. It's not a place I've been in for a very long time. But I know the Lord is trying to teach me very important lessons on this leg of the indredible and wonderful journey!
Blessings and Peace,
(a very vulnerable and very humble)
Tracy
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Willa
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| Posted: Feb 12 2005 at 11:52am | IP Logged
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Hi Tracy,
You know, I was just up at 3 am a couple of nights ago worrying about some of the same things you mentioned, and now I wonder if my prayers and offerings of that insomnia were partly for you
It IS hard to parent a teenager to adulthood, especially in today's world, I think.
If you send your kid to school you have the confidence of knowing that you're doing what the majority is doing. It is probably partly an artificial confidence -- in fact, when my kids were in school in their early years I KNOW I was more dependent and passive because I felt it was the school's job to educate and even "parent" them in the hours they were gone from me. To me, what the majority is doing isn't really working. I want something more and different for my kids. But since I'm doing this in such a "homemade" trial and error way, with not a whole lot of community support, I often feel WAY out on a limb.
I know a lot of kids in high school who are really falling through the cracks (and I was one of them, redeemed by GOd's grace!) but as homeschooling moms, we put more on ourselves I think -- we blame ourselves for every flaw, every weakness, every mistake, perhaps.
I don't think it SHOULD be like that. We should do the best we can, yes, but some things are beyond our sight. God's the one who sees, and we follow the path with faith, hope and love.
Every time I try to discern what God wants for my kids, and I do this regularly, I feel as you said that He wants me to continue homeschooling. I HAVE seen many fruits. My oldest is a senior. His academics are fine, and you know from listening to me in the past that our homeschool is NOT a model of academic rigor. Homeschooling has NOT limited him in that regard. He is devout and has a heart for God. On the other hand, we have struggled with "socialization" and he has not found any kindred spirits or buddies in our area. So that has been hard, since most of our homeschool friends send their highschoolers to public school. We are pretty isolated and that is a major thorn in my flesh that I don't know how to compensate for. So far, God's answer has been to keep homeschooling, and trust and pray.
None of my kids are out in the "real world" yet. I just don't know what the outcome will be. Perhaps in five years I'll have more confidence that I really know what I'm doing (but then, I was saying that five years ago  ). One thing that's occurred to me is that when we have a newborn, the possibilities seem infinite! As our kids get older they develop their strengths but also manifest their weaknesses. It's easy for a homeschool mom to feel that these little weaknesses are a fault in homeschooling; and it COULD be that, but it may very well not be! It could be that the problem would be MUCH worse in a typical school situation! We just don't know, which is where faith comes in!
I liked your verse and I'll raise you two more that have been on my heart recently --- God gave them both to me when I was saying the Rosary for the success of our homeschool, so I am taking them seriously!
1. Be not afraid (which is the Pope's motto too!)
2. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all the rest will be added unto you.
I really appreciate your honesty and openness, Tracy. I had been wondering whether to vent about some of my worries and anxieties and I could easily have written your words but I'm afraid I would have sounded whiny,  and you didn't.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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TracyQ
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| Posted: Feb 12 2005 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
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Willa, I can't tell you how relieved to know that I am not the only person going through this! It feels SO GOOD to know that I am not alone! I just can't tell you how blessed I feel today that you have answered, and that you have given me so much hope, and so much wisdom to ponder. 
We'll get through this, I'm sure, all of us homeschooling families, together!
Thanks so much, Willa!
__________________
Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Feb 15 2005 at 8:27pm | IP Logged
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WJFR wrote:
It's easy for a homeschool mom to feel that these little weaknesses are a fault in homeschooling; and it COULD be that, but it may very well not be! It could be that the problem would be MUCH worse in a typical school situation! We just don't know, which is where faith comes in!
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This reminds me of when I first walked off my family/community beaten path and...breastfed my child . Whenever I ran into trouble or frustrations, well-intended others were quick to "blame" my problems on breastfeeding. In retrospect, it is easy to see that raising your first child is full of challenges. No form of parenting will erase all difficulties. I believe that breastfeeding became the target of blame because it was the least understood variable in my circle. Back then the way I kept on keeping on was through good information, support, and encouragment. Funny, that's exactly what I'm doing with my home education concerns when they arise! I am grateful to have a forum like this where I can voice my concerns without folks giving the knee-jerk reaction, "Just send them to school." I like being able to talk things through until I can zero in on what my real concern is and what are my options to deal with it. It is a privilege to be mentored by those who are a few steps ahead of me on the home educating adventure.
Thanks all!
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Chari
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TracyQ wrote:
Willa, I can't tell you how relieved to know that I am not the only person going through this! It feels SO GOOD to know that I am not alone!
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No, Tracy.......you are definitely NOT alone. I am suffering myself similar worries......in fact, as a few here can attest to........last december I had my own little pity party............and invited a few of them to join me
it is only a little better now..........I still feel panicky sometimes.......but, I am begging God to help me get through this. And, I know with His strength I can....though it helps to be reminded regularly
I meant to respond to you when you first wrote......but forgot to get back to it!
I am just grateful for good friends, like Willa , to get me through it..........as I believe some of God's strength will come though her, and my other friends.
God bless us all..........and, Saint Thomas Aquinas, pray for us!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Leonie
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| Posted: Feb 16 2005 at 7:40am | IP Logged
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Tracy,
I am not an expert but with three older sons, homeschool graduates who are "out there in the world", I *can* say that trust is important.
Trust God.
Trust that all your time together in your son's childhood will have helped form faith and intellectual and family relationships. In my experience, its all the little inconsequential times and activites we have spent together, over the years, that have helped with my sons' formation.
I found the teen years, with my older sons, to be growth years for me. I had to come to grips with being a mother of older children, then of young adults. So, I think some angst is part of the journey. But its easier with this next batch of teens.
Living books can help we mothers of teens, and also help our teens .
Perhasp we can share some books and/or movies that have shaped or could shape our lives as mothers of teens. And shape the lives of our teens. 
__________________
Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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TracyQ
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| Posted: Feb 16 2005 at 9:12am | IP Logged
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Leonie wrote:
Living books can help we mothers of teens, and also help our teens .
Perhaps we can share some books and/or movies that have shaped or could shape our lives as mothers of teens. And shape the lives of our teens. |
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I would LOVE that! What a great idea!
Leonie, THANK YOU for your wisdom. I know TRUST is ALWAYS the answer, it's just so hard when you're in the midst of the panic! Thank you for the reminder!
And for ANYone who was questioning whether we need a TEENAGE YEARS board on these message boards, I hope after reading this thread, you would agree that there is a very real need for this board. It's one of the most challenging times of my life, to be sure!
Thank you, my friends. I am treasuring and keeping every word of wisdom you share with me in my heart. 
__________________
Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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Natalia
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Dear Tracy,
I have been wanting to write a reply to your post but life with a toddler
has gotten in the way  .
I don't have any advice to give since my children are still young ( my
oldest is 11) but I am beginning to think seriously about high school and
it SCARES me to think about it. I always thought I would only homeschool
through 8th grade but, now that it is approaching, I am daring to think
about hsing all the way. I don't know what our decision will be. I don't
know what my dh really thinks about high school but, I get a knot in the
stomach and my anxiety levels rise just to think about it.
Imagine! I have never been to a American high school ( or any American
school for that matter). I don't know even now where to begin to find out
but I am sure that having people like you all that are walking this walk
before me will be an invaluable help. I appreciate your humility in sharing
and I look foward to years of sharing our joys, fears,worries and
triumphs.
In Christ,
Natalia
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Chari
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| Posted: Feb 16 2005 at 9:41pm | IP Logged
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Natalia........
Having NOT been to an American High School is probably a very good thing!! 
This will be a very good place to ask questions and get the support you need!
God bless you on your journey!
__________________
Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Leonie
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| Posted: Feb 17 2005 at 1:30am | IP Logged
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Maybe I will start the list for of books for mothers of teens with -
****The Giver by Lois Lowry.
As the teen in the story begins questioning things in his society, we *see possible ways for parents to act or react.
Reading this novel made me think about my reactions, or possible reactions, to questioning teens. To see the importance of dialogue.
It is a powerful novel for teens to read, too, as it hinges on the discussion of pro-life issues.
Also -
****Crossing the Threshold of Hope by Pope John Paul 11.
Especially the section on the importance of youth and the importance of open relationships with youth for parents, teachers, mentors.
Any more ideas?
__________________
Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Elizabeth
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I'd like to offer another dimension to this partiuclar experience, one that I think we might overlook, particularly since we tend to keep having babies longer. When we are parents of teenagers, we also approach middle age  in our own lives. Many of us have the strange experience of being mom to a baby and a teenager at the same time, all the while experiencing shifts in our own hormone levels. Two things can happen here, sometimes both at the same time. You have a prgenant or postpartum mother and the hormones that go with it (which make you introspective anyway and a bit umm...volatile) or you have a mom who is sliding into pre-menopausal or menopausal hormone shifts (which BEGIN for most women around 35). Either way, you're a hormonal challenge the same time your teenager is. We just pray that we've learned a thing or two in the past about being level-headed despite hormone baths. The chemical aside, I've found that as I head into another year without a baby and the increasingly real possiblity that I won't have another baby, I am having to work as hard at defining myself as I did when I had my first newborn (or harder). I always pictured myself as a mother of babies. I've never really role-played being the mother of teenagers or adults, not even in my mind.The truth is, as your children become taller than you are, you are forced to recognize that you are at a new place in your life personally. There are similarities here: toddlerhood and the awareness or personhood, adolescence, and then midlife. Those of us who have teenagers now, had few role models and few resources when we began homeschooling. Someone beginnning today can't even imagine home education without the internet. Remember how scarce resources and role models were when we began? I think it's rare for women like us to have role models for the next phase either. We are endeavoring to raise our teenagers in a counter-cultural manner and we are on the cutting edge of that movement yet again. This time, though, we do have more of a peer group. This board isn't going anywhere. We'll see each other through. We'll pray together over the next few years about college applications and vocational discernments; about courtships and engagements and marriages; and then, my firends, we will all be grandparents together! Doesn't it seem like just yesterday you were toying with this weird notion of not putting your fresh-faced, first born on the bus? Who knew you'd blink and he'd have whiskers?
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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TracyQ
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elizfoss wrote:
The truth is, as your children become taller than you are, you are forced to recognize that you are at a new place in your life personally.
Doesn't it seem like just yesterday you were toying with this weird notion of not putting your fresh-faced, first born on the bus? Who knew you'd blink and he'd have whiskers? |
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WOWSA Elizabeth!!! You hit the nail on the head with your reply! Yes! Yes! Yes!...to EVERYthing you said!
I mean, I KNOW I'm definitely going through hormonal changes (vitamin B is my best friend lately ). But I guess I didn't SEE how MY changes are very much a part of the changes in how I feel about the changes in my children, and our homeschool!
THANK YOU for this reply! I am definitely saving this thread for my inspiration notebook. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel right now to have friends who are here for me, and who I can be here for who are all going through the same things. It's like water in the desert! (happy cry).
Love,
Tracy
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Elizabeth
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Tracy,
Here's the transcript of a talk I did at NACHE when Michael was 14.
2005-03-11_072559_NACHE2003.doc
I see history repeating itself (with some variations just to keep things interesting) as Christian approaches the same stage of physical development. The difference this time is that instead of being postpartum, I'm wrestling with the idea of NOT having a baby to hold ever again...It's always something, huh?
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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lilac hill
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With two teenage daughters, one 15 and one almost 18 I do see some of the same issues/behaviors with the 2nd that I observed in the first. Of course they are served up with each girl's own particular twist.
This time around I feel less hurt by the separation. It is not necessarily about me , but more about separating from me and being an individual. At first it seems that being an individual is just not being Mom. That really hurt, now it hurts less, especially since DD#1 has more communicative again. This all occurs in their teenage years and my hormonal 40's. With a 10 1/2 yod, I do not think the roller coaster will be over for awhile.
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Viv
Wife to Rick (7/83), Mom to dd#1(6/87), dd#2(1/90), and dd#3(6/94) in central PA.
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: So vulnerable this year emotionally!
