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Bookswithtea
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How involved are you in the life of your parish? In addition to faithfully attending, do you go to picnics? Do you stay for ccd after Mass every Sunday? Do you help out with any ministries in particular? Do you go to Lenten Stations every week and then stay for the fish fry? You know everyone who passes in the hallway and your family's last name is in the bulletin often.
Or are you faithful attenders who sort of know the names of the people who sit around you every week, and smile and nod along the way, maybe chatting with another mom regularly who is also in the back of the church with you with a baby in a sling every Sunday. Maybe instead you attend stations only once during Lent, pace the floor in the back for most of it, and then leave when everyone else is heading for the fellowship hall and fish. You don't know a lot of people and no one really notices if you are missing.
How long have you attended the parish you currently attend, and do you have a long drive to it?
Do you think that being the mother of a large family should affect your involvement or not?
And does anyone know if the catechism has anything to say about participation in the life of the church as a requirement (besides Mass attendance, of course)?
I'm curious if there is a small-t-traditional way that faithful Catholics have "always done things". I'm a convert...I only know how protestants feel about involvement outside their services. 
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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organiclilac
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We have been at our parish for 7 years now, and we only know a few people, and those we only met in the last year or so. When dh started lectoring, people started talking to us a bit more. Most of the extra activities at our parish (Fall Fest, etc) are for the school, so we aren't interested. We did faithfully attend Stations of the Cross during Lent, but hardly anyone else did. We would love to be more involved, but dh is the DRE at the college chapel nearby, so he is already doing RCIA and other programs there - it just doesn't leave much time for our parish. 
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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Stephanie_Q
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We live in a very small country parish (8 years) at which if you are registered, you're involved. (We drive 3 miles to it). All the ladies are automatically in Altar Sodality and are divided into monthly groups that are responsible for cleaning the church, any parish breakfasts, and funerals dinners. The big Parish dinner is coming up - everyone, including kids, are on the worklist.
We don't have a lot of ministries - monthly fish frys are sponsored by the Knights of Columbus, which encompasses all the men in all the small parishes throughout the deanery - and $ supports the local Catholic schools (we usually go if my dh doesn't have to work at it). Potluck combined parish picnic is once a year (includes the mission parish 10 miles north of us). My dh is an installed acolyte; I play the piano every other month + funerals. When there are a lot fewer people, you know everyone - they know you - and we all have to help out or there is no parish.
I think this is closer to the way it used to be and with the expansion of cities and shortage of priests (not really in our diocese, but many others), it's just not like that in most places anymore.
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Stephaniedh 6.01
dd 6.02, dd 8.03, ds 3.05, ds 12.06 at Catholic school.
dd 12.09 at home.
Baby boy due 10.13
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JodieLyn
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Well, we have a very small parish (one Sunday Mass and a few either later on Sunday or the Vigil in the outlying mission churches attached to our Parish)
So when I say everyone knows us.. you have to understand that they've been watching my kids (act up.. or not) for the last 8 years because even when I had 3 and was pregnant with #4 we drew attention because all of the kids were so young, we sit near the front and during fire season I take the kids to Mass without my dh.
BUT in most Churches we've been to, if you're not involved in *something* other than just Mass attendance, people just don't get to know you.
What are we involved in? Well, my dh helps with snow removal in winter. We occationally are the "host" (set out and clean up is all) the coffee hour (coffee and donuts) after Mass on Sunday. My kids do most of the work 
I have 2 alter servers and will have another one being trained this year.
Our family brings forward the gifts 2-4 times a year.
I will have 6 kids in CCD starting this year.
We go to the summer picnic.
We go Christmas Caroling.
I have some kids that are in the Christmas play and/or parade.
I have had at least one child involved in the Passion Play (particular grade does it but they pull in others when needed as well) since my oldest was old enough to be in it.. so hmmm the last 3 years I think and doesn't look likely to change in the near future.
My dh is the Grand Knight so we're generally there for the once a month breakfasts they do.
Our family is signed up for a time slot in the First Friday Adoration. (we don't have the people to do perpetual adoration or anything like that.. but we do a full day once a month)
We help at the Christmas Bazaar.
I'll be helping with CCD this year because it's being moved from Monday nights to Sunday after Mass so most of the year my dh will be there. Monday night is his volunteer city fire department meeting night.
We go to Stations of the Cross and the soup and bread supper afterward (several people sign up for each week and bring food to share.. it's not a thing you pay for)
AND.. 
last but not least, there was just a notice in the bulletin that they're going to be starting "circle groups" for all the general stuff that needs to be done.. so that the whole parish is involved in the running of the parish. The groups will be men only or women only. And the men will be doing more of the maintanance work and the women the Alter Society type of duties apparently. Those who can't physically help in the group will be able to pray for those who can etc. So no one is exempt.
Now that sounds incredibly busy.. but really.. most of it is just Mass and the time right after Mass. CCD (which will now also be after Mass, except high school Sunday evening). and a few party type of things and one or two other things.. when it's spread over the year there's really only about one event a month or so.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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ekbell
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My family's involvement in our Parish
We live a twenty minutes walk from our parish and have been attending it for almost three years now. It's a fairly vibrant parish with many opportunities to be involved. Many of the people (including the priests) are immigrants from around the world. [the city we live in has a large number of immigrants of whom around 40% are Catholic (Calgary,Aberta,Canada)]
We go to the parish events on a regular basis and we stick around on the days that coffee and baked goods are served after mass (the Parish has an large entryway/room attached to the church proper for socials). There are quite a number of people we exchange a few words with. I'm not terribly good at starting conversation and remembering who people are but my husband is.
[People tend to remember our family, as there are not many caucasian families with five children at our parish]
My husband and the two oldest sing in one of the choirs (they were asked at a coffee social if they were interested within a month of being at this parish).
My middle dd is eagerly awaiting her sixth birthday when she can join the children's choir.
[Our parish has five choirs for the three Sunday Masses my family is involved in the choir which sings at the 11AM mass the third, fourth and every other fifth Sunday of the month.]
They have also been involved in the Christmas concert, nativity play and Passion Play. The girls have been angels for the procession at the end of the novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. My husband is a Knight of Columbus.
I have helped out with the children's liturgy once a month in the past and will be volunteering again next year. My oldest dd helps with children's liturgy as well.
[This last year I had a babe under one and I don't do anything that necessitates me leaving babies under one behind]
I do think that as a mom of a moderately large family I need to balance my contribution with the family. My major involvement in parish life at this moment is in helping my older children and husband be involved. I've been more involved in the past and will be in the future.
We are told that the parish as an whole should practice "the charity of the Lord in good works and brotherly love" (see CCC 2179) but there are no requirements aside from the basic precepts (CCC 2041-2043).
It is up to the individual while considering their responsibilities to God, themselves, their family, and their neighbours to prayerfully determine how they can best be of service whether through the parish or by other means.
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guitarnan
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Our parish is large. It's pretty close by, too.
I have two children, so we are a small family.
We don't do CCD (we register as homeschoolers) but are required to do sacramental prep through our parish.
My daughter is an altar server. She is in children's choir and middle school youth group.
My husband is a cantor. He and I are in the "folk" group (we're more folky some years than others... ).
DD's altar serving brought us to Stations several times last Lent, which I loved.
We bake casseroles for the homeless every month.
We go to some parish events and skip others - depends on our schedule, which is crazy at the best of times.
We're active in our homeschool co-op, which meets at our parish, so we know lots of families.
I do think family size and driving distance have an effect on participation; when we were part of a tiny, rural, distant parish we didn't do as much (and neither did anyone else who didn't live in town) because of the drive.
I also think it's okay to let your participation ebb and flow as needs of your family dictate. When my children were infants, I didn't participate in any type of choir. I held my babies and walked them around the back of the church. There shouldn't be any guilt feelings involved, either - your family needs your attention and loving care. Your time to volunteer at church will come, if it's meant to.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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LucyP
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We've been attending for 2 years now and we are converts too. We go to a Cathedral which has an impact - I try to be involved as I can be (often people are odd about the children being with me, or flat out say they can't come, so that has an impact too). It is a 5-10 minute drive, but parking is dreadful and we've had three tickets in the last 6 weeks! Or a good half hour walk.
I wash the linens but that is a rota'd job with no contact with anyone but the MC when I collect the linens and the parish secretary when I return them! I'm hoping to get on the relief rota for the shop soon too. Our priests do appear to recognise us, but I don't think they "know" us. We don't know many people by name, but do feel friendly towards those who are usually near us. From what I have seen most of the socialising is around the schools, which we obviously don't use! I know one family well and socialise outside church; know 2 families for reasons outside of church but don't socialise.
I'd like to do more but the children, dh's work hours and our awkward, shy personalities make it hard
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SusanJ
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We just moved and we are a seven minute walk from our current parish where we plan to be heavily involved as our vocations allow. We are the only family there, I think. We haven't been to every Sunday Mass yet but the young priest there just about fell over when he met us our first Sunday.
We lived about a seven minute drive from our last Parish which was the Cathedral. We were only there one year but we knew a lot of people, we always went to coffee and donuts when they had it. I was in the mom's group and there was quite a bit of parish involvement through the group--running events, hosting donuts, etc.
I tend to think that plugging in to the parish community is somewhat of a duty but I have not found there to be a great understanding of "state in life" when considering the sorts of commitments people can make. My dh was asked to be a lector once--from someone who knew that we were both fully occupied with wiggly and/or special needs toddlers during Mass. I really resented the amount of parish work expected from the mom's group at our last parish. A lot of the things we were asked to do called us away from our families on Sundays. I think that parents of young children--especially mothers--should be seen as fully fulfilling their obligation to foster parish community simply by raising their children in the the faith.
That said, we do still try to participate in anything we reasonably can and hope to do more as our children grow.
Susan
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Mom to Joseph-8, Margaret-6, William-4, Gregory-2, and new little one due 11/1
Life Together
[URL=http://thejohnstonkids.blogspot.com]The Kids' Blog[/UR
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PDyer
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Our parish is the largest parish in our county. We have belonged for six years. It's a ten minute drive from our home.
Our involvement: my son is an altar server and is beginning to play violin during Mass about once a month as well. I format the parish newsletter (published five times a year) and write articles occasionally. Our parish is in the process of developing a formal outreach to women in crisis pregnancies, and I've been involved in that from the ground up. My husband and I have taken part in a Theology of the Body for Beginners book study, and have participated in Bible Study (Jeff Cavins programs) when life isn't crazed. Life has been crazed too much lately. Our parish has an annual picnic. I think we've been twice in six years, usually because we're on vacation when the picnic takes place. My son is of youth group age now, and we'll be deciding about his participation soon.
I've become more involved in the parish since we decided to send my son to school and now that my daughter is no longer wee. However, I am very much a behind the scenes worker-bee type person rather than a group leader who everyone is going to recognize. We all have our differing gifts, and there are many rooms...
I think absolutely the size of your family and the ages of your children would have an impact on your participation in the parish work, as well as the nature of that participation. One way of looking at it that I have found helpful was from Kimberly Hahn's take on A MROL. She took the 5 P's from the book (Prayer, Person, Partner, Parent, Provider), noting the wisdom of that order of priority, and then added Periphery, which she described as everything other than what was specified in the first 5 P's. So extended family, volunteerism in general would fall there.
Not supposed to be sitting this long. Hope this helps.
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
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LisaD
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We have been at our parish for five years. We have become progressively more involved as the years pass. I love that almost all we do revolves around parish life, or includes friends in our parish. We live about 1 mile from our church.
My older children are in the children's choir and the oldest three serve on a children's liturgy team. My dh helps with the children's liturgy setup on our team's Sunday.
I am a founding member of our parish's Respect Life group. We meet at a home once a month or so, and plan for several events throughout the year.
DH is a KofC, so we go to all the fish fries (they are at the Knights' Hall, rather than the parish hall). I only went to Stations once last Lent. It is put on by the youth group at our parish and I really didn't care for the contemporary music they used.
We attend the KofC pancake breakfasts once a month, and DH works at the KofC food booth at our parish's annual Fiesta.
We don't do CCD, at least we won't until it's time for Confirmation prep. We are able to prepare for FHC and celebrate that Sacrament with our homeschool group.
Having young children definitely affects what we are involved in. They things that I do aren't terribly time consuming, and I can take my children to any meetings that I need to. DH's KofC activities are in the evening, or involve the entire family.
We attended our previous parish for 3 years, and knew nobody. I could not tell you the name of one other parishioner when we left. It was a very lonely parish for us, even though there were plenty of other young families.
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~Lisa
Mama to dd(99), ds(01), ds(03) and ds(06)
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Bookswithtea
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I'm really enjoying reading your responses. It does seem like a lot of you are quite active, in one way or another.
Its also interesting to hear the differences between big city parishes and really small country parishes.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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folklaur
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In AZ, our parish was very, very large. Everyone knew my DH by sight, since he worked sound for Masses, and so i was "DH's wife." our kids went to the Pre-school/Pre-K and we knew the ladies there quite well (who also were the main people for child care/nursery for all the activities and masses.)
i would help them out in the office doing data entry, my oldest daughter volunteered regularly (weekly) in the gift shop, she also would go over to the Pre-school/Pre-K and read books to the children, etc. i volunteered for the tabernacle ministry (the tabernacle was copper, and had to be cleaned with a special cleaner weekly.)
We went to many of the activities (picnics, young family activities, tent revivals, concerts, etc, etc, etc.)
i also knew the people who sat around us (my dh would work 10:30 Mass, and then our whole family would go to 12:30 Mass, usually, and I always sat in the same spot (upstairs right by the A/C!) and most of the same people would sit in the same section each week. (just like the same people sat near DH near the sound board - he knew the people well at the mass they would normally attend, kwim?)
we were pretty involved, i guess.
now here in NV? nope. nothing. we go to Mass, and my kids go to RE, and that is it.
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wifemommy
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We joined a small rural parish that is literally in the middle of a corn field. We love it! From day one people have welcomed our family. Even accomadated the 2 oldest in confirmation (the priest waved the 2 year prep) so they were confirmed in April with their new peers. DD was the only second grader in the parish so she made her 1st communion at Mass on Mother's Day. We really feel at home here. And you asked about the city vs rural well.. about a month ago was our parish picnic with Mass at 2 before the picnic. Well we were running late we would have made it barely when we find the road closed and have to make a big detour at least 10 late. So we are trying to "sneak" up quietly to Mass in an outside pavalian. only to find they waited the start of Mass on us even saving seats for us. The priest and a few others had gotten caught in the detour also and they knew we were coming that way. I gaurentee that never would have happened in our large former parish.  Annie
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KC in TX
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Our parish is a 5 minute drive from home. We are not real active in the ministries but we try to participate in other ways (altar server, occasionally take gifts up). We don't do CCD but we will need to register during a sacrament year. My husband is a knight but not an active one.
The older people in the parish know us because we attend daily mass 3 times a week. Other than that I don't know if we'd be missed except by our friends.
Our parish is fairly large. The opportunities just aren't there to be too active in the community. I am not in a place where I can do too many things without the children.
__________________
KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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Bookswithtea
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Annie, that is an amazing story! 
I've noticed that most everyone who posted lives quite close to their parish. What about those of you who live 45 minutes (or more) away? Does anyone split their mass attendance between two parishes?
__________________
Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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LisaR
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we try to always attend/belong to the parish closest in proximity to us. There was an interesting article/Q and A about your very question in "Faith and Family" magazine recently!
We are walking distance (1/4 mi.) to our parish. We also try to look for proximity when we buy a home.
We've done CCD(Family Formation, so very family together friendly!), Elizabeth Ministry, the older two boys serve daily and Sunday Masses, averaging about 4-6x per month, dh has given talks on Chastity/Marriage/Family issues,Co- Scout Master for Parish troop, I've volunteered/purchased for Market Day fundraisers, Adoration hour weekly at perpetual Adoration Chapel, worked at Parish Festival, played on parish soccer teams, etc.
I kind of think if every family did one thing, then the burden would be light.
we are always going to be in a busy season in our lives, IMHO. I used to have an attitude of "why are they asking us? we have little ones!!" but now, sadly, that we don't, I am realizing that life with active teen sons is just as crazy busy as life with nursing and diapers! Teens need us just as much, and I want to make sure I'm still present to my family as I was with little ones.
We are not in the "loop" all the time because we're not in the school, but everyone warmed right up once we just jumped in and got involved, and I don't hesitate to ask questions if it seems we're out of the info loop concerning something!
Oh! and we've been at mostly mid-sized parishes, (800-1200 families)although one was in an adorable village, it had about 1000 families.
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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LisaR
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PS, we do stations, and dh and oldest 3 sons work at the fish fries about 4x per year (for Scouts).
Sadly, we can't afford the fish fries, so we split up on those nights (I eat at home with the littles) and at least they get to eat the leftovers of their labors!
I don't mind it because it is only 4-5x per year, and they actually enjoy the work.
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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CrunchyMom
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We've lived in the same place for out entire marriage, but it is in the city, and there are many parished within a short distance from our home. At our first parish, I was in the RCIA and converted there and was heavily involved in the choir, as a cantor, and eventually directed the children's choir in the school for two years when our first was born. I was "known" by everyone and even have a few dear friends from choir, but in the 5 years we were there, we never met and befriended another young family. We went to all the donut socials, etc..., but we never felt a part of a community even though we were technically "involved."
The first church picnic we went to shortly after our oldest was born, we brought a dish to share but didn't know it was BYOB, and it was hot and at a camp, and there was no access to even water. We saw a huge table full of drinks and thought it might be "public" but when my husband asked about them explaining our mistake, they said that if we needed anything "for the baby" we could have something.
We did stay at that parish for another 3 years, but that story sticks with us as how much we felt we were never really "welcomed" at all. I do still go back some and sing in the choir during their dramatized stations in lent which is more of a community wide production that lots of non-parishioners have helped with for the past 55 years.
Since then, we started attending the Latin mass at one parish and daily mass at another close parish. There are so many families with children we have grown close to at the Latin mass, and it is a community where we consistently stand outside on the narrow sidewalk in a lousy part of town in summer heat or bitter cold to talk for an hour or more after mass. We have a new pastor at the parish, and since, our group has become even more involved in parish life, and the sense of community is dramatically different. We feel so blessed to have stumbled upon this group of people that are truly celebrating community.
We've even had a great experience at the parish where we frequently attend daily mass (though we go less so now that the new pastor has moved daily mass to the TLM parish a few days a week). We've been going for little more than a year, but this past lent, we went to their soup nights, and we felt more welcome there than we ever did in our years at the other parish. I'm sure if we went there on Sundays as well as weekdays, we would be more involved, but I doubt it would be the same amazing dynamic at the church we currently are members. That does not seem to be the norm at most parishes.
Anyway, my experience tells me that parish involvement has as much to do with the unique dynamic of the parish as it does with your personal choices. And in some places, you can stay for all the socials and sign up for all the committees you want to, and it won't really make you feel as involved as you would in another parish where you don't do as much but there is a more natural sense of community.
I'm a convert, too, and at our first parish, I just thought it was "normal", that Catholics were just different from Protestants (which they are, just not in the way I assumed), that it would just take time, or that it was "me." I think that communities that have more families with young children are going to be a bit more understanding and accomodating of family life.
And while this is already super long, I'll go ahead and add this anecdote. I think that the traditional way Catholics have done things have been based a lot on churches that were practically within walking distance of its members. We were discussing (outside on the sidewalk after mass ) High mass and the choir and how small it is, etc..., and of course, if everyone were within walking distance of the church, it wouldn't be a big deal to be in the choir. As it is, most of the people attending the Latin mass drive 20-40 minutes! We happen to live within 7 minutes, but we are the exception. Also, some of the older members of the community are very aware of how different it is for younger families and larger families, and that is usually remembered. It is understood that people do what they can (perhaps in contributing to monthly refreshments after mass), but no one expects mothers of lots of littles to contribute in the same way as retirees or mothers with a few older ones left at home.
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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theresa-lynn
Forum Rookie
Joined: Nov 04 2005
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Aug 20 2009 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
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We live on a 5 min walk to our parish in a large city. It's faster to walk than it is to drive there (with buckling 5 kids into car seats).
I feel like everyone knows US (because we had unexpected twins 2 years ago and we sit at the front and have so many little ones... and i'm expecting again so we'll have 6 kids 9 and under (hard to believe).
We don't know as many people as I'd like, but we haven't had time to get too involved in parish ministries since the twins shocked our life.
I do volunteer by washing the altar linens once a month, and my husband occasionally helps out with the sound booth... oh and my oldest girl is in the children's choir.
While I enjoy our parish, we still feel a bit like oddballs. With so many little kids, it seems like there aren't many people like us out there. We have made friends with some lovely families who have 5 kids and up, but they mostly have all teenagers, so it's hard to relate. We do try to go to the various family dinner nights and dances and what not... and we're slowly getting to know more people.
I am a convert as well, and it's a much different feeling here than it is when I was a protestant. Sometimes we feel as if we are the only people who 'get' it... and then other times, we feel like we just have SO much more to learn and we'll never get it LOL 
__________________
Blessings,
Melanie
Mommy to dd 8, ds 6, dd 4, dtwins 2, and another due in october.
Our Lady of Tuscany Academy
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JodieLyn
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Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
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Posts: 12234
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| Posted: Aug 20 2009 at 2:43pm | IP Logged
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Melanie,
having that many littles is very hard at times.. my oldest was 7.5 yrs when my #6 was born and there's no twins in there.
But then they get older and things change and some are harder and some are easier (especially the physical aspect) because your olders do start being helpers.
We're also in that odd spot.. our oldest 3 are the age of the older couples youngest children. And our younger children are the age of the older kids of the younger couples.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Parish Involvement...sort of a poll?
