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Bella
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| Posted: Feb 10 2007 at 4:09pm | IP Logged
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Some subject line huh?
I am saddened to say it is true, and I feel like a total failure. It is afterall,my responsibility to educate her in our faith, set an example, and raise her in a Catholic home.
I love my dh more than words could express, but I am wondering if his absence from our faith could be part of the reason? He will pray at meals, but that is it.
During the day, the dc and I have our daily devotions(I usually read from CHC's DEvotional For Little Folks, we pray at least one Decade of the Rosary, give ouir morning offering, and intentions. She will involve herself in all of that except the open prayer time(praying for someone or something). And if I ask her to offer something up to Mary or Jesus, she will roll her eyes, or just ignore me.I have her involved in Schoenstatt's Little Crowns, and she goes to Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. We had a regular Adoration time, but I was finding one of us was always sick, or it was during a time when I needed to drive my dh somewhere.
I was just at our local Catholic bookstore to look for something that may help to motivate her, and I found nothing.
Oh-she is 10yo. I converted just 4 yrs ago, so my confidence is very low in guiding her. We do have a Schoenstatt Shrine in our home, and she sees and hears me pray all day every day.
Could someone please give me some BTDT, or advice?
Thankyou so much.
Christy
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Dawnie
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| Posted: Feb 10 2007 at 4:45pm | IP Logged
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Christy,
My dd went through a period of time when she wouldn't pray, either. She was 5-6 years old at the time. She's 7 1/2 now and she still goes through periods where she will not participate in our family prayer time.
I found that the harder I or dh pushed her to participate, the more adamant she became about NOT participating. It got to the point where our demanding that she participate really destroyed the peace of our family prayer time. I asked for advice at the CHC website, and Rita Munn advised me to try a couple of things. She suggested that I purchase a Rosary coloring book for my dd to color while we prayed the Rosary, then compile the coloring pages into a Rosary prayer book. I picked up coloring books for about $1.25 apiece at our local Catholic bookstore. My two older daughters really enjoyed coloring the mystery we were meditating on during family prayer time. She also suggested praying out loud for each one of our dc as we went through the decades of the Rosary.
Rita also shared some neat thoughts with me...one that really stuck with me was that when we pray for our children, it is like strengthening a fortress around their hearts. So, even if the dc are not actively participating, they are still benefiting from the family prayer time.
What about carving out some personal prayer time for dd? Maybe she's embarrassed about sharing her personal prayer intentions in front of the rest of the family? We set up a little altar in the children's room where they can go and pray by themselves, if they want to. We also have lots of books around with beautiful paintings of the mysteries of the Rosary and the Saints. The dc are free to take these off the shelves and look at them whenever they like.
What about giving her a journal to "talk" to God in? My 7yo likes to write little notes to God in her journal.
You're not a failure. It sounds like you're doing a great job in being a good example and surrounding your dd with lots of people and things to enrich and encourage her faith.
I found that when I backed off, dd's attitude improved a lot. Now, I just try to provide opportunities for prayer, but I don't require it. Mary Beth (my 7yod) will now usually read a Psalm during family prayer time, will sometimes volunteer to lead a decade of the Rosary, and sometimes wants to read the Gospel accounts of the various mysteries of the Rosary before we pray.
Dawn
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MacBeth
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| Posted: Feb 11 2007 at 10:57am | IP Logged
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Will she sing? He who sings prays twice.  Teach her some of the prayers in song (by singing them around the house yourself) and I bet you'll hear her humming them in no time.
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graciefaith
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| Posted: Feb 14 2007 at 10:33pm | IP Logged
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I dont really have advice since im in the same boat. I just want you to know your dd is not the only one. My dd is 5.5yo and she used to love to pray, but we didnt do good at keeping it up each night. I am now trying to start it up again. I'm going to try praying it in the morning/early afternoon and then the divine mercy at night. I'm going to buy some more coloring books too, like some have suggested. She doenst really participate as in praying along with us, but i know having her there during prayer is very benificial.
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: Feb 16 2007 at 4:32pm | IP Logged
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I hesitate to give advice, since this is such a delicate issue and every family and child is different. But, I'm going to share my thoughts anyway... I think that the less you push, the better.
Were you very vocal and active in religious practice before your conversion? I have heard that often children whose parents convert may feel like religion is being constantly forced upon them (if it wasn't discussed or lived much before conversion). Or it may be that she's just going through a phase. Or it may be that she's just quiet and doesn't want to pray aloud or voice her intentions (which I think is fine. Intentions can be a very private thing, and that's not wrong and we aren't any less prayerful because we keep them in our hearts.) Since you say that she participates in everything but the open prayer, it sounds to me like it isn't unwillingness to pray, but maybe a desire to keep intentions private or not have an intention at all.
The "offer it up" concept can be difficult too. Some children (and adults!) may not understand how that helps anyone, and it may not bring much comfort to them even if they do understand. As I child I was often told to offer it up, and I did, but I certainly didn't have the depth of understanding that I do now.
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aussieannie
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| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 4:07am | IP Logged
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I've just lost my whole posting......I am trying not to hyperventilate here.  
MacBeth wrote:
| Will she sing? He who sings prays twice. Teach her some of the prayers in song (by singing them around the house yourself) and I bet you'll hear her humming them in no time. |
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This is such a good point! Singing lifts our hearts to God. I read once that some theatre about the creation of the world, everyone had singing parts except the devil....it is a great gift to us and has the power to stir our souls greatly.
Singing in the family can create beautiful, chilhood memories and associations and if they are connected to the faith it is a great blessing! I read where parents chanting or singing hymns upon rising is powerful to hearts and minds of children - St Faustina's father was like this. I have sung or whistled when happy all my life, so much so that my loved ones can judge my emotional state by it! 
We have always allowed music and singing play a big part in our family life. (I should say at this stage that I have NO music theory training ever - even though I belong to a choir - I have a good ear and that is it. In otherwords, I have no music talents - anyone can do this.) We sing from the moment we wake - we sing the morning consecration and offering, then we sing Angel of God prayer and some little asperations. We sing the Hail Holy Queen at the end of the rosary. We sing the Divine Mercy Chaplet that we learnt from EWTN (both versions but we prefer the newer version) When we are particularly energetic (ususally long car drives) we often chant the rosary using gregorian chant - the children love it, we alternate parts etc. In certain seasons we sing particular chants, "Regina Chaeli" that will come up in the Eastertime season the children know very well, it is short and very sweet! I bought a few years ago I bought Dana's Hail Holy Queen Tape and we played it often in the car and learnt many off by heart (we use this Hail Holy Queen for our rosaries.) These songs are beautiful and wonderfully child-like that appeal to children. Maybe your children would like EWTN Kids(click on the factory on the home page map and then click on the blue arrow on the floor that take you to the radio room, lots of songs to choose, my children really love 'St Tarcisius') - they have a music section with great Catholic childrens music, all my children sing and dance to it even my little 2 year old! Your daughter may like the other great children's activities on this site, my children could sit on this for hours and they learn!
Dawn also brought up a good point about the advice she received from CHC - anything that uses the children' creative juices is good! It helps create good associations/memories connected to their faith.
I have always focused on reading stories of the saints and Our Lady (usually different apparition stories for Our Lady) that are wonderful, exciting and exhilarating. I will not only use children's material but adapting stories and snippets from adult's Catholic reading material. I always love to throw my voice and body into these readings so to draw the children's souls into the heart of it all - they love it! They can connect the love, care and power of the saints their 'friends' and of Our Lady 'their own heavenly mother' from these stories to their own lives when they pray and 'talk' to them in their own lives.
Prayer of course is always our first course of action in anything, which I am sure you are doing - these prayers are never left unanswered and God willing the inspiration will come from the fruits of them, for you to discover the 'key' in helping your daughter in her faith life.
Christy, you are not a failure at all! Can I say that when I 'feel like a failure' they are the times when I can strive to make changes in my life or the children's lives for the better. Look at this at a positives - the fact you are posting here shows what a loving, concerned mum you are!
Ok....I'm about to push to button again and if it doesn't work, I give up!!! 
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Bella
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| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 10:52pm | IP Logged
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Thankyou so much Ladies!
I'm sorry it has taken me so long to post a reply. I really appreciate all of your input.
Wouldn't you know that one of my dd's strongest talents is in memorization through songs! It never occured to me to sing a prayer, or to encourage *her* to sing prayers. This is where I will take it from here-meet her where she is. She is a little behind in memorizing formal prayers according to our Diocese guidlines, and I really think to have both of us singing the new prayers together will be wonderful!
As for her personal intentions, I am having her go back to a "Prayer Journal". I had her start one when I first read "Real Learning", but life pushed it aside. I am not going to push her, and just keep leading the best example I can.
She is such a deeply compassionate and passionate young girl-part of me really believes I am over-reacting.
I think I will back off on the "Offering it up". While I deeply understand it,she is 10, and I must keep that in mind.
Thankyou for your help and support!
Christy
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Dawnie
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| Posted: Feb 18 2007 at 7:47am | IP Logged
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blessed2Bmom wrote:
| Wouldn't you know that one of my dd's strongest talents is in memorization through songs! |
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Christy,
I just wanted to share my experience here...I have loved singing almost all my life. I grew up singing in children's choirs in church, school choirs, and then majored in music education in college. I was really blessed to have music teachers who exposed me to lots of Christian music (even Catholic mass parts!). I am familiar with SO MANY Psalms, Bible verses, and Mass parts BECAUSE I LEARNED THEM IN SONG.  To this day, when I think of certain Bible verses, I SING them to myself.
And imagine my surprise when I started coming to Mass as a young adult and realized that all those Mass parts I had learned in choir had a place in the Catholic Mass! I felt like I had been Catholic all my life but hadn't known it until then! 
Dawn
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aussieannie
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| Posted: Feb 18 2007 at 7:53am | IP Logged
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Dawnie wrote:
| And imagine my surprise when I started coming to Mass as a young adult and realized that all those Mass parts I had learned in choir had a place in the Catholic Mass! I felt like I had been Catholic all my life but hadn't known it until then! |
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Well I just think it is awesome that the most beautiful pieces of music ever are usually a part of the Mass or to Our Lady. It ought to seen as a great testimony to the faith!
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ladybugs
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| Posted: Feb 18 2007 at 11:38am | IP Logged
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I'll try to find this but I remember St. Josemaria's parents never forcing him to pray. Let me see if I can locate the book and passage....
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Topic: PLease help...my dd won't pray.
