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Tina P.
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| Posted: Sept 23 2006 at 10:31am | IP Logged
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My 8 yo son reads out loud better than my 12 yo son, who sometimes still decodes aloud or just relies on context to get him through! How did *that* happen? Is my 12 yo slow? Can I help my 12 yo without his thinking that I'm working with him on remedial reading? How can I fix it? Should I work on phonics with him all over again?
My 12 yo just finished reading Redwall ~ which he absolutely loved! Took him only 3 days to read the whole book ~ and I don't know whether he understands the full gist of the book. I'm having him write a character journal as he sails through all of these books, but he's not much of a writer, either. He's sloppy and does the least possible writing.
Help?
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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ALmom
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| Posted: Sept 24 2006 at 11:49am | IP Logged
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Does your 12 yo notice. If not, then don't draw it to his attention by undo worry or comparing your two children. If he does and it affects his own confidence, then try to give him privacy in his reading aloud - or doing it with a much, much younger child so that he is the leader. I know that in our case, our oldest noticed despite our avoidance of any comparisons. He tried so hard and was frustrated so often in his efforts.
I have several sons and 2 dd. My oldest son has had a lot of vision problems and unfortunately, when we were working on correcting it, an underlying suppression problem was missed while it was corrected in younger siblings. (We are back in therapy trying to get to the root of it with the oldest but in the meantime he certainly struggles with many things). One thing I noticed is that he would get very angry when his younger brother kept looking over his shoulder and listening in on lessons. (His younger brother really was just soaking up knowledge wherever, but it intimidated the older son). I had to become sensitive to that - and provide my oldest with a safe haven. I also have had to kind of watch character tendencies in the younger. This child just seems to naturally have things come to him with ease - the star ball player, learning piano, science. Seems whatever he touches, just is smooth sailing for him. In his excitement over what he is learning, he can be insensitive and tend to brag. With the other son, nothing has ever come easily (he struck out every single time at bat in baseball, he struggles to read, write, spell, etc.). This older son has developed some wonderful traits of diligence - but seeing the ease of his brother (now often studying in the same book levels) has been very hard on his confidence. We have tried to find him some special outlets that are his while working privately to help him improve in academics. In my heart, I know God must have some special plans for this son of ours, because he has suffered a lot. He has an interest in flying so we are encouraging that - also fishing with my dad where he has one on one time without the competition natural to boys.
Just some ideas - would welcome things that work at your house.
Janet
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Tina P.
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| Posted: Sept 27 2006 at 1:46pm | IP Logged
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ALmom wrote:
Just some ideas - would welcome things that work at your house.
Janet |
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We do minimize any competition that we can. The elder brother seems to be more brawn (baseball comes to him easily, he runs faster, harder, and longer than the others can ... ), the younger seems more brainy. My 8 yo is still behind in math, but he's about to catch up. Maybe he'll slow down at a certain point like my 12 yo did. There are jealous moments, but it always seems that the elder is the jealous one.
Gosh, I was hoping to get more responses on my post, and it looks like Janet wouldn't mind some as well. This may be a lifetime struggle for us. How should we cope? Aren't any of the rest of you having to work through this?  Please tell me it's not just Janet and me!
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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katilac
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| Posted: Oct 01 2006 at 1:42pm | IP Logged
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You need to look at each issue separately here: your older son's reading skills, how he might feel about working on them, and competition/comparison between the two brothers.
First, you need to establish whether he is indeed behind in his reading/writing skills. It sounds like he might be, but you probably need to do a formal assessment to pinpoint how much (and hopefully, where his problem areas are).
If he is, then it needs to be addressed. you wrote: "Can I help my 12 yo without his thinking that I'm working with him on remedial reading?" Honestly, if he needs remedial work, then he needs remedial work. I would approach it matter of factly - - not pointing out that the work is remedial, but not hiding the fact either. Lots of people need extra help in certain subjects at one time or another, no biggie.
As far as the comparison/competitive situation, I would certainly try to minimize this whenever possible, in a low-key way. I wouldn't have them do read alouds at the same time, I wouldn't have the younger child listening in on his lessons.
It's hard to tell you how to address the problem, because you don't know *why* his skills are lagging in this area. There are various books and tests for reading comprehension; I'd start with that (and certainly an eye exam if he hasn't had one). You could also tweak your idea of the character journal by changing it to an oral narration, which removes the writing issue.
As far as how I handle this in my house: Of course, I never compare my two, but sometimes the little buggers do it on their own. Now, I don't have a sharp academic contrast between my kids - - for us, that comes in the social arena (one slow-to-warm-up kid and one life-of-the-party kid). Either way, I personally don't let them dwell on it overmuch. If one comments that "this comes easily to sister, I have to work at it" I simply say, "yep, that's the way it is sometimes, some things come more easily to certain people. now back to work."
If they want to talk about at another time, that's fine, but we're not going to have long discussions about it during lesson time (or at the park get-together).
I also really like janet's idea of making sure the struggling child has outlets where he/she can shine. any situation where they are *not* in comparison with the sibling is probably good, even if they aren't great at it.
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Younger kids reading better than older ?
