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mom2mpr
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How many things do your kids do outside the home?
We moved last year and I wore myself out trying to connect and find ds(who is 8 and quite social) some friends. We live pretty rurally and there don't appear to be any kids around his age--the one who is I really don't want him hanging with.
Last year he did soccer(2 evenings a week practice, games on Sundays), church choir(one evening/week), piano lessons(one late afternoon/week), Homeschool Gym and Swim(a long drive and a 2 1/2 hour class), a homeschool co-op, the county nature programs, and the library programs as we could fit them in. This year I cannot do that to myself BUT we haven't really found any playmates yet--that are close enough to play often. He wants to try scouts this year and I just can't fathom it. We do live a good 20 minutes from anything and that has impacted things a lot. It takes a whole afternoon just to grocery shop once a week!!
Also, I am stressed because this is third grade and for some reason I cannot be as relaxed as I had been.He will most likely go to school in the next few years and that is weighing on me heavily--I need to have him up to par.
His Dad works too many hours and I also have dd, who is 3 and still naps most days, to think of. Oh, and a new lab puppy who is worse than any human baby as far as getting into trouble
I want him to be involved in church and meet other kids there so he can feel at home, hence choir, since we do home PSR. We are going to do co-op because both kids can get something out of it and ds picked that as his top activity. He will continue with piano as he seems to have a talent there and really enjoys it. I feel bad keeping him out of soccer because he needs that physical outlet but I think being out that much in the evenings will really make me cranky.
Just looking for ideas as to how others do the extracurricular stuff.
Anne
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Martha
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we have begun to really limit outside activites. with 8 kids, we just see it getting way out of hand before long if we don't.
no more than 2 afternoons are "dedicated" a week. plus no more than 1 other afternoon and occassional Saturday is scheduled out. This way we have regular events to look forward to, but aren't so over-scheduled that we can't enjoy some freedom to do things as they come up. This also gives me a schedule to work from for getting things done at home, which is hard to do when you live out of the van.
We came to the same conclusion as you about "social" activities at these young ages. And after much conversation found this is the norm for most people. Which brought us to the conclusion that we were wasting time being "social" without much social benefit. So now we give church and family events top billing, almost exclusive billing in fact. They are still getting out and being social, it's just not always in all same age kiddie type settings.
So far, no complaints. I still feel the mommy social pressure guilt thing though.  Does anyone know if that ever goes away???
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Martha
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Cay Gibson
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After a couple of whirlwind years, we limited our time last year to a one-day a month co-op, soccer in fall, once a week dance classes and golf.
This year we're planning to go to the theatre once a month, meet with our hs group once a month at the park or Children's Museum, and once a week dance classes. They also attend CCD once a week.
I still need to find an outlet for my 13 yr old ds. He's such a homebody that I feel he'll become reclusive if I don't push him a litte. It will either be once a week gold dates or trips to the aquatic center.
Martha, I no longer have "mommy social pressure guilt" but I think a lot depends on the child. My 13 yr old doesn't seem to "need" anyone, but he does enjoy getting together with certain friends. He's very selective. I feel like, for his childhood, I need to make the extra effort to have him connect.
Edited to add: We'll be doing the Musikgarten program once a week Sept.-Nov. Not sure how I forgot about that activity---we're so excited about it!!!---but see how it all adds up. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
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Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Martha
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For me, the guilt is more an issue of self-doubt.
I get with other moms (why are other moms always the worst critics sometimes??) and they find out that no we don't do sports, music, scouts, and so on every week and they give that, "Oh, you mean you don't do anything?" attitude. *sigh* And I suddenly doubt myself until I remember my reality is not their reality.  I've actually had people say they think our kids are deprived because of finances or family size. They assume we don't do things because of that, which really isn't the case most of the time. If we won the lottery we might do more, but I really don't think we'd go back to how we used to be. All we remember is always feeling so stressed and it seemed there was never time to just be.
We do plenty of things, just not all gung-ho which seems to be so popular starting in pre-school these days. To us, it's all fun EXTRAcurriculiars, not required or neccessary.
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Martha
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Rebecca
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My sons are both in scouts once a week. They play baseball in the summer. Last year, we did a co-op (same one as you Anne  ) every other Thursday. My kids really enjoyed it but it is a 45 minuite drive and I am not sure if we will do it again this year.
That is about all I can handle.
I have thought about having a piano teacher come and teach everyone at once so I don't have to go out. Maybe someday!
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Cay Gibson
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Martha wrote:
| (why are other moms always the worst critics sometimes??) |
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I think because hs moms are automatically having to defend our choice for hsing, it happens without meaning to. We're so busy telling the "outside world" what we do to:
*educate our children
*socialize our children
*keep our children from becoming social misfits
that we're naturally defensive and, thus, critical without meaning to be.
You're a smart woman, Martha. Anyone who has done years of busy activities has finely had sense to come back home. A lot of our moms did all the activities in the early years that our group was getting to know one another. Now the activities don't seem as important because our children have made lasting friendships within different families and we just call one another for play dates. Everyone has scaled back and most of the moms bow out of activities because they want to stay home more. But we do try to all meet every now and then. The sense of community is very important and our children like (I didn't say 'need' because this would vary with each family dynamics) to see other Catholic families doing as they're doing.
Martha wrote:
| All we remember is always feeling so stressed and it seemed there was never time to just be. |
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Excellent point, Martha.  Well put and something worth memorizing within our hses the beginning of the school year.
Martha wrote:
| To us, it's all fun EXTRAcurriculiars, not required or neccessary. |
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I know I use to want to always go with the group to do the field trips. It was such a "school memory" (though I only remembered taking one field trip in 4th grade ) that I wanted my children to share. Now these group trips exhaust me. We go on them periodically but, for the most part, I prefer to go as a family and set our own pace.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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folklaur
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My problem is similar in that I only have three children, ages 4, 7, and 16, and there is no one in the neighborhood for them to play with.
If we had more children, and so they could entertain each other more, or if there were some neighborhood kids that they could run around with, ride bikes with, whatever, then I don't think I would worry so much about outside activities.
However, I have done things like what you described, and it is too much for us. We don't get any school done at all. My house is always a mess, and the laundry is always behind. And I get burned out fast when I don't see a break in our schedule.
We don't do any sports or activities that would require participation on Sunday. Except for like choir, I mean.
In our Catholic homeschool group -- we will do a PE class one time a week, and 2 times a month our homeschool group has Girls Club/Boys Club. Once a month is a park day. My 16dd has a Latin class on Thursdays. I want the littles to go to Atrium, but I am trying to schedule it all on a day where there are other things in order to have free days. Also -- I have come to think that Boy Scouts is one of the best activites boys can be involved in.
But we also belong to another homeschool group, a secular group, and here is where the trouble comes in. It is a FUN group -- and they have Science Club, Geography club, Chess & Games Club, (these are all 1x per month). And tons of fun field trip and mom initiated activities. I have yet to figure a way to balance it all.
But, get a calendar page, and just plug in all the activites you KNOW are going to happen, just on one month. If looking at it overwhelms you (it did when I did it, I couldn't believe how much we had going on when I laid it out like that)then maybe it will be easier to see what needs to go.....
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Cheryl
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I personally like to be home regularly, so we are not doing too much outside the home. My ds 7 1/2 plays Junior Golf in the summer. (My dh goes with him.) My ds 5 1/2 and dd 4 tried it, but it was too long for them right now. During the school year my boys will be doing the homeschool gym & swim on Wednesday afternoons. My dd will be starting dance class on Wednesday mornings. My boys may do instructional basketball on Saturdays in the Winter. They did that last year. On Fridays once a month we go to a homeschool roller skating, but my dc don't skate, they play on a large playscape. Also, once a month we'll do an art time with another homeschooling family. We do field trips whenever I want to. I prefer those types of outings that are not an ongoing commitment.
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MaryMary
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Don't feel guilty, ladies!!!
I'm living proof that it is perfectly O.K. not to schedule too many things in your child's life.
As a child of immigrant parents who worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time, I was NEVER enrolled in lessons, co-ops, playgroups, CCD classes etc. at all during the course of my childhood. NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. ZERO. The only exception to this was some swimming lessons when I was ten. Though I did go to school (a very small one)I had no extended family and my social interaction was limited to two neighbourhood children, some family friends and my one sister and two younger brothers.
With the time I spent at home I learned to be creative and imaginative and to read to my heart's delight. I was closer to my siblings than most of my friends were. In the quiet of my heart I was able to truly cultivate a relationship with God. I had a very tender love for Him at a very young age, despite having a family that was very culturally Catholic. When I read the scripture verse,"Be still and know that I am God" I think back to my childhood. I learned to be an independant thinker, and I had the freedom to figure out problems without the pressure of too many "friends" to tell me what to do. As a teenager I never succumbed to drugs, or alcohol abuse. Promiscuity wasn't even on the radar screen!!! The first man I dated was my husband (at 21 years of age) . I don't think I suffered any ill effects of having a childhood without a lot of extra curricular activites. Rather, I think all of my severe pshychological "issues" stem from other sources. (KIDDING!! ) Nowadays I consider myself a truly social person, I love to laugh, and I cherish my friends. However, I am thankful for the peaceful, unharried pace of my childhood that gave me time to grow into the person God wanted me to be. And I'm grateful that the bulk of my childhood was spent in my home, not in the family car rushing to and from events.
So, fear not, beautiful mommies, your children won't suffer if they do not have a schedule filled with activites!
Mary
Mom 2 3 
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mom2mpr
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"However, I have done things like what you described, and it is too much for us. We don't get any school done at all. My house is always a mess, and the laundry is always behind. And I get burned out fast when I don't see a break in our schedule."
Oh yeah, I am STILL catching up on laundry(and unpacking) from last year
And Mary, thanks for the pep talk. Ds misses friends, we had some in our old home and it was so nice. A homeschooled boy right across the street one year older than ds and it was nice to just call his Mom in the late afternoon and say, "I am sending him out!!" And she would state, "Mine are already out!" We'd decide where they could play and when the kids asked everyone was on the same page. I MISS them!!
I was alone most of my childhood and it did make me the person I am--I can entertain myself, don't need a lot of "stuff" and love to be outside--prefer it to TV!!
Thank you all for the wisdom and support.
Anne
Now, how do you get that little box around the quote from someone elses post? Hmmmmmmmm........
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marihalojen
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Cay Gibson wrote:
| A lot of our moms did all the activities in the early years that our group was getting to know one another. Now the activities don't seem as important because our children have made lasting friendships within different families and we just call one another for play dates. Everyone has scaled back and most of the moms bow out of activities because they want to stay home more. But we do try to all meet every now and then. |
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I did want to address this part of your post, Cay. I run into exactly this all the time. Since I have an only child and we move every now and again, it is so frustrating trying to find older homeschoolers! They have made their friends 7 years ago and it is very hard to break into the cliques that exist in the homeschooling circles (just as they do in other school environments).
Please give a thought for newcomers and especially only children, larger families can always 'socialize' at home but planned meetings are super important to those of us without other nearby children.
And Cay, I am not calling you cliquish or saying you don't welcome newcomers into your social activities, I was definitely thinking of our personal experiences when I typed that out.
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The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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Cay Gibson
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Jennifer,
You bring up a very good observation that I think old-timers tend to forget...again, without meaning to.
The local hs group has talked about this very thing. The years of overtly activity were great for connecting our families. Now there are new fammilies, sometimes even new in-laws who have married into hs families and are now hsing their children.
Makes me feel kinda old though. 
But it's a lovely thing to see. And it always happens that it hits you squarely between the eyes that these new families aren't as connected to the older group. We can fall into habits like comfortable old shoes and assume that everyone will find a hole to fit into, all the while forgetting they aren't comfortable in the mist of such familiarity. They don't know us as well as we know each other and the whole process is new to them.
Thanks for bringing up a very good reminder, Jennifer...especially at the beginning of the new school year. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Martha
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CAY! I'm with Jennifer and I have 8 kids! Do you have any tips for helping us? My younger 5 have a "group" much as you describe. We have kids around their ages and we keep in touch together. But my older 2 boys have fallen into that "gap" you speak of. That abyss where they just don't have a clique in the previous crop of hs-ers or the newest crop comming in.
It has actually become such a hardship that tomorrow I'm going to a meeting for a homeschool non-denom group for the first time ever. I spoke to the leader (lol like they are aliens or something!) and she says their faith statement should not be a problem should I decide to join after doing things with them a few times. My older boys have been with me in our Catholic group for 6 years and haven't met a single other kid their age or older!
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lapazfarm
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Excellent point, Jennifer! But it isn't just newer kids that have a problem but older kids in general in many areas. So many homeschoolers send their kids back to school in middle or high school that there just are not many older homeschoolers at all. When we were in FL we had a wonderful group, but my ds at age 10 was one of the oldest (most were pre-K or K and dd(4) had a blast), and dd(16) had no one even close to her age to socilaize with. I think it was one of the main reasons she quit and went back to ps (but not the only one-it was also her desire to play in the band).
So, there is also that "attrition" problem for olders to deal with.
As for outside activities, I limit my kids to 1-2 activities each. DD16 has marching band (clarinet) and oboe lessons, DS11 has Karate and Scouts, and DD4 will start CCD soon. That puts me out of the house 3 afternoons a week, but I only do drop-offs and dh does pick-ups, so it isn't that bad. We shall see what marching band entails, but I think dd will only need pick-ups from that.
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Theresa
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LaPaz Home Learning
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mom2mpr
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marihalojen wrote:
Please give a thought for newcomers and especially only children, larger families can always 'socialize' at home but planned meetings are super important to those of us without other nearby children.
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This is where we are--and you could consider ds an only due to the 5 year age difference in my kids. What makes it even more important is to try to remember that even the friends we had in our previous home go on with their lives since we aren't nearby anymore. I(and ds) don't hear from my VA friends as much(not you Lissa)as I did a year ago and I am feeling pretty lonely here, more so now than when we first moved.
This experience sure has taught me something
Anne
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Martha
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lapazfarm wrote:
| But it isn't just newer kids that have a problem but older kids in general in many areas. So many homeschoolers send their kids back to school in middle or high school that there just are not many older homeschoolers at all. |
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As we are firm in our goal to hs through highschool, we feel this issue had best be addressed sooner rather than later. It doesn't seem to matter if the other kids are all the same age, but I think it is reasonable to want to branch out and meet people as they get older that they can communicate and connect with on a different level than their little siblings.
I really hope tonight goes well, but don't want to get my hopes up.
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Martha
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Willa
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MaryMary wrote:
| Nowadays I consider myself a truly social person, I love to laugh, and I cherish my friends. However, I am thankful for the peaceful, unharried pace of my childhood that gave me time to grow into the person God wanted me to be. And I'm grateful that the bulk of my childhood was spent in my home, not in the family car rushing to and from events. |
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Beautiful post, Mary
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Willa
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stacykay
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marihalojen wrote:
... Since I have an only child and we move every now and again, it is so frustrating trying to find older homeschoolers! They have made their friends 7 years ago and it is very hard to break into the cliques that exist in the homeschooling circles (just as they do in other school environments).
Please give a thought for newcomers and especially only children, larger families can always 'socialize' at home but planned meetings are super important to those of us without other nearby children... |
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Our homeschool group addressed this issue this past year. For the new families, or those who had been members, just unable to participate for a time, we found the children and moms feeling left to the perimeter of activities..
One solution (and successful) was implementing a "board game night." We all thought if the children are sitting down and playing a game together, not running around as on a field trip, then it would help them to get to know each other better.
The mom who held the first game night set up games around the house, grouping them by age. As the kids came in, they were directed to the appropriate age "area."
There were snacks also available. The kids all laughed and had fun. We are planning on making this a regular thing.
Other things our group does is Blue Knights (dads and sons, I think once a month,) dad/son camping (every June for a long weekend,) "book buddies" where anyone can come by one of the mom's house once a month and recite/play a piece- if so inclined, and then play. In the summer we have park days every Weds. for whomever can make it (we rotate three different play parks.)
Hope these ideas are helpful!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Outside activities
