| Author | |
sunnyviewmom
Forum Pro
Joined: March 22 2007
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 177
|
| Posted: Jan 12 2015 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I believe in home education with all of my heart (as does my hubby) but I am so afraid to go back to home educating our DS age 13 who is in school for the first time this year. It has always been a struggle to home educate him, but last spring/summer, he became so defiant and disrespectful that I felt I had no choice but to put him into school, at least for a year. I do plan for him to complete this school year at his small Catholic school (7th grade) but am looking at going back to home education next school year.We are not pleased with the school but DS behavior at home has greatly improved! He has a new perspective now that he sees what school is like and may appreciate home education more. On the other hand, maybe things will just get bad again. I believe that he struggles with depression and this is the root of all of his problems. I know that he needs to go to counseling but he refuses. I know that we do need to get him started somehow. His main interest in life is computers and technology. I am a "living books and nature study" kind of mom, but that won't work with him. I have tried. This is important to note: although he spends way too much time on the computer/tablet for my taste and plays online games that I think are basically a waste of time, he is far more than a typical gamer. He has taught himself all sorts of computer skills and seems to be a bit of a whiz at it. He wil likely go into a computer related field. I know that my lack of support in his computer interests has hurt his feelings. He likes to write somewhat and is pretty good at it but that's about all he enjoys (as far as school subjects and not much else as far as hobbies either). It may be hard to get him to cooperate with any other academic work. I am so torn becasue I so want to go back to home education, and he is open to it... but maybe I am just kidding myself. By the way, I home educated DS age 19 from 4th grade to grad and had a wonderful experience. I just feel so alone and don't know where to turn for support. Any advice?
__________________
Mama to 2 sons (ages 20 and 14) and 4 little saints in heaven
Jesus, Divine Mercy, We Trust In You
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 12 2015 at 4:10pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Maybe you need to embrace the computer for this son. Let him do work on the computer. Find classes on computer programs for him to take (like excel and word and html and whatever computer languages out there). Get a contract with him that gets him outside for exercise (walking is exercise) a set amount each day with time off for bad weather.
Trade time of the computer for other things that you'd like him to do.
You might consider scouts for him. There's lots of technology related merit badges and it'll combine with other stuff, outdoor stuff, and get him out of the house periodically.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
3ringcircus
Forum Pro
Joined: Dec 15 2011
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 420
|
| Posted: Jan 12 2015 at 5:46pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Project Based Learning might be a way to combine his drive with your need to see value in what he does. And, that might be a way the two of you can reconcile the need for typical school work and (his) creative expression. This is the book I started with. PBHomeschooling
__________________
Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
sunnyviewmom
Forum Pro
Joined: March 22 2007
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 177
|
| Posted: Jan 12 2015 at 6:38pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks Jodie and Christine! Great ideas! Yes, I need to embrace the computer for this son. I finally realize. I am open to many styles of home educating but have not been too familiar with Project Based Learning. I am feeling hopeful now that it may be a good fit! DS has a largely choleric temperament, meaning that he likes to be in charge. I would like him to take a lot of responsibility for his own education... but in a way that I can oversee and feel good about too.
HOPE! Just what I needed! Thank you! I am open to any more information on PBL and any other ideas!
Thanks so much!
__________________
Mama to 2 sons (ages 20 and 14) and 4 little saints in heaven
Jesus, Divine Mercy, We Trust In You
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SallyT
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 08 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2489
|
| Posted: Jan 20 2015 at 3:44pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
One thing you might try -- and this really helped my headstrong first daughter when she was 12 or 13 -- is to do some college research, and talk together about where he might see himself going/what he might see himself doing in 5 years.
Don't worry that this initial vision may, and probably will, totally change during his high school years. I think it's a valuable exercise for two reasons:
1) It tells your child that you value his aspirations -- now. Not someday when he really knows what he wants to do. Now. This means that you are saying that you're interested in helping him define them, and that you'll work with him toward them.
2) It gives your child the idea that he is working toward something for himself, not for you. I think that this is really key to helping a young teenager start to own his education -- to connect it with the idea that he IS going somewhere with it, and that where he goes is largely up to him. (and God, of course, but God gives us a lot of free rein!).
When my daughter was this age, we got on the computer together and started looking at college websites. We'd talked about things she was interested in -- and it was kind of a random list. We talked about whether she wanted to be in a large environment or a small one. We talked about what would be fun to be able to do in that environment (for her, then, it was being in plays. she did not go on to do anything with theater, but when she was a 7th grader, that was her life). So we googled things like college drama department and looked at what came up.
We found some colleges that piqued her interest (again: THEN. She didn't end up going to any of them, though her dad now teaches at one of them, which is kind of funny). After looking at pictures and imagining what it would be like to be in those scenes, we looked at
1) requirements for high-school applicants (test scores, whatever details they had to offer about what should be on a transcript)
and
2) requirements for various degrees that looked as though they might be interesting -- including core requirements, as colleges published them.
That gave us an idea of what she would actually have to do to get to one of those colleges, and what she would have to be prepared to do when she got there.
I didn't belabor any of this too much, though when the going got tough, I could say, "Yeah, I know you don't like math. But if you want to get to X University, we've just got to do this."
It's not as though everything clicked overnight. It didn't. She was still headstrong, and we got through a good bit of pre-high-school coursework by my counting anything remotely academic that she did as coursework. It was a lot of give-and-take, and I did have to bend my own educational principles to accommodate who she was and what was and was not realistic to expect her to do. But the idea that she was studying her way out of the house and into adulthood was very, very powerful for her. And where she really resisted me as a teacher, she accepted me as a collaborator on that project.
(And life is funny -- that headstrong girl is about to graduate from college and start her new life as . . . a teacher in a classical school. Can we just talk about how many things she thought were SO STUPID, and she was NEVER GOING TO DO, like memorization of poetry, Latin recitation . . . and now she's going to do them every day. You never can tell. But you can never tell a 13-year-old that, either.)
Of course, whether or not you decide that homeschooling is the right course for next year is up to you, your husband, and your son. Though ultimately it's a prudential call for parents,I would include him in the discussion and let him talk about why he would want to be homeschooled again, why it would be better (beyond just, "I hate to sit still in class," or "The teachers are mean," or whatever).
I think you would also want to talk about what you could offer him (project-based learning, or whatever), but more importantly, what you would expect of him in the way of behavior -- that you want to work with him to achieve his vision, whatever it is right now, but that his willingness to cooperate with you is key. For you to be able to work with him, he has to be willing to work with you, even when the novelty of being home again wears off. You can say that you've been really glad to see his new maturity this past year, and that you want to see him continue on that trajectory.
If you're seriously concerned about his depression, you might also make treatment on some level a condition for his being home. Have you sought counsel yourself about this issue? It might be helpful to contact someone like Dr. Greg Popcak at the Pastoral Solutions Institute, to help you discern whether counseling or some other treatment would be warranted. If you come to a place where you're seriously convinced that it is, you might say to him that if he had diabetes, you would not allow him to refuse treatment, and that depression is a condition on the same level -- you can feel better, but you can't just DIY it.
Well, my "one thing" became a lot of things! Godspeed you in your discernment about next year.
Sally
__________________
Castle in the Sea
Abandon Hopefully
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
sunnyviewmom
Forum Pro
Joined: March 22 2007
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 177
|
| Posted: Jan 21 2015 at 11:09am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you, Sally! Very helpful! After a school field trip to a local college for career day, DS has become interested in a few career possibilities. We have just begun to informally discuss this and college and it has been very positive. I think your ideas are extremely helpful and your suggestions very doable. I will read and reread your post. Thank you for sharing your experience with your daughter. That is encouraging. This will be helpful whether DS is in school or at home.
On a related note, I am beginning to wonder if it is just that I want to home educate when DS would perhaps be happier and do better in school. He has adjusted to school very well and we are proud of him. This tiny K-8 is just lacking in so many ways and we are considering the local Catholic middle school (which is actually closer). It has so much more to offer as far as academics and activities and it is in the same system as the only nearby Catholic high school. DS was actually excited to hear about some of the activities that he could get involved in (and not just computer related either).
Have any of you ever felt that your child was better off in school, even though you believe with all your heart that home education is the ideal? Right now, we are seriously considering these two options. We will not make a final decision until the summer.
__________________
Mama to 2 sons (ages 20 and 14) and 4 little saints in heaven
Jesus, Divine Mercy, We Trust In You
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SallyT
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 08 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2489
|
| Posted: Jan 21 2015 at 4:47pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I think you absolutely have to do what you all discern, prayerfully and through conversation as a family, what is the best course to take. That will be the ideal for you, for the next year, at any rate. And whatever you choose, you should let yourself be at peace with.
Sally
__________________
Castle in the Sea
Abandon Hopefully
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
sunnyviewmom
Forum Pro
Joined: March 22 2007
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 177
|
| Posted: Jan 21 2015 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yes... thank you, Sally.
You have been very helpful.
__________________
Mama to 2 sons (ages 20 and 14) and 4 little saints in heaven
Jesus, Divine Mercy, We Trust In You
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
cathhomeschool
Board Moderator
Texas Bluebonnets
Joined: Jan 26 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 7303
|
| Posted: Jan 26 2015 at 10:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I do feel that sometimes it is better to have a child "in school" even though I believe that home education is the ideal.
We homeschooled our older two part way through high school and then sent them to public school because the activities that were important to them were not available at a high enough "level" through homeschooling avenues. It was something we decided together so everyone was on board.
My younger two went into public school part way through elementary school. Both of them were happy and doing well, though they were learning less than at home. And though neither "wanted" to be homeschooled again, they are both at home this year and are still happy and doing well. The key is that we made the decision together so everyone is on board. Because of the activities and plans we have for this year, homeschooling is a better fit. It gives us more time and flexibility, and the boys want that and are benefiting from that so they are on board and are willing to sacrifice "seeing their friends." I try to make school as enjoyable as possible. We try out different subjects and books and we change the plan as needed when something is too boring or uninteresting.
So with your son, it might help to discuss the pros and cons of homeschooling and Catholic school. If you want to homeschool him, maybe y'all can talk about what would make it more enjoyable. There are lots of online options for subjects that might make it more appealing to him. One of my boys is highly motivated to get his school work done if it means he can earn gaming time. That ds also loves to read, so he is eager to get through his work fast if he's in the middle of a great book. Since your son loves computers and has taught himself so much, maybe he'd be interested in learning programming. It is a great skill and could be fun. We just checked out a book from the library that is for teaching python to kids. Supposedly it will teach them to write some basic game programs. (I haven't looked much at it yet, so I don't know.) You can also write programs in minecraft.
__________________
Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Barbara C.
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 11 2007
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 882
|
| Posted: Jan 27 2015 at 8:29pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I put my oldest in our parish school two months into her 4th grade year after always being homeschooled. It was the best thing for her. She has blossomed.
I'm not saying that I have loved everything about her parish school. There are still things that annoy me about the structure of brick and mortar school in general. Academically she probably would be better off still at home. But on a whole person level, school has been a better fit for her.
The constant distraction and interruption of her younger siblings really amped up her sensory issues. She's a rampant extrovert, and we were stuck at home most of the time. We just could not find ways to meet her needs.
I think you need to think about what your particular child seems to need on a whole-person level and also what your family needs. You're not failing or giving up anything if your son is happier and your family has more peace with your son in school.
One other thing--if you suspect he has depression,I would make him go to counseling whether he wants to do so or not. If he was sick and needed medical help, I doubt you would let him have a choice in the matter.
Since my divorce, I have put my two oldest in counseling. One is resistant and uncooperative, but I still make her go because I know that it is where she needs to be because of the way she tends to suppress her feelings and then explode on others. It's non-negotiable.
__________________
Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
Box of Chocolates
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
cathhomeschool
Board Moderator
Texas Bluebonnets
Joined: Jan 26 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 7303
|
| Posted: Jan 28 2015 at 10:47am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Barbara C. wrote:
| She's a rampant extrovert |
|
|
This is the case with my ds who most enjoys the "school" environment.
__________________
Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
countrymom
Forum Rookie
Joined: May 29 2014
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 93
|
| Posted: Jan 28 2015 at 4:29pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have struggled on and off with my oldest who is a boy. If your son is at all more open to homeschool after seeing the way school out of home is, I would jump on the chance. Have you considered Homeschooling Connections or Queen of Heaven Academy? Both of them offer online courses so your DS has outside accountability as well as the ability to use the computer full time for school  He may love that!
In our home, this method has been a gift of Our Lord for our homeschool with our son. He has become a much happier young man and has really blossomed academically.
I too am a very CM type teacher and love this method for all of my girls. But I have to admit that some students need a different style of learning and my son is one of those.
As for counseling, my DH was forced to go as a child and he still remembers it with bitterness and laughs that it was useless. I would do all I could to find a good holy priest who could direct your son. That was the path we choose when we were having major difficulties with our son, and Our Lord has blessed us.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kathryn
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2009
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1520
|
| Posted: Jan 30 2015 at 1:44pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
While it seems you want to return to home educating, what does HE want to do?
__________________
Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
sunnyviewmom
Forum Pro
Joined: March 22 2007
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 177
|
| Posted: Jan 30 2015 at 5:12pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I want what is best for my son and he doesn't really know what he wants. My kind of "default mode" is that home education is best, but I'm realizing that maybe it is not best for this particular child at this particular time in his life. My husband and I visited the middle school last evening and have a very positive feeling about it. The next step will be for our son to visit, but most likely he will attend 8th grade there next year. That should give us a good idea of whether we should continue with the Catholic high school or go back to homeschool for high school. At this point, as much as I believe in home education, I think I will be relieved if school works out for him. I'm willing to do whatever is best for him. My husband is on board with all of this. Thank you for the responses and those who have shared their different experiences. That's always helpful. These forums have been so helpful to me over the years.
Also, I am still forming a (back up) tentative home education plan for 8th grade, which may include Project Based Learning... so thanks for all of the ideas!
Of course, all of this is under prayerful discernment, to try to determine God's will in all of this as best we can. That's one of the reasons for waiting to make a final decision for next year. I am asking the Lord to show us the way... and I trust that He will... although He may show us only one step at a time! That will be enough!
__________________
Mama to 2 sons (ages 20 and 14) and 4 little saints in heaven
Jesus, Divine Mercy, We Trust In You
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kathryn
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2009
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1520
|
| Posted: Feb 05 2015 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I understand. My only son went to school this year (except it's public school b/c he has many learning challenges and the Catholic school couldn't meet his needs back in 1st/2nd grade so I didn't have a lot of hope he'd get much help during 8th grade). I continue home educating his 3 sisters because, like you, I think home education is "best" but for him, at this time of his life, it's better than the daily challenges here at home for him, me and his sisters. I'm not sure he really cares one way or another but he's happy, thriving and learning so for now, the plan will be to continue him next year too. However, he will actually be starting high school so again, mixed emotions and thoughts about this journey. We prayed for this to be a positive experience and it has. I think my dream of home educating him, with the reality of how it was lived, were just too far apart.
Keep us posted and good luck!
__________________
Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
3ringcircus
Forum Pro
Joined: Dec 15 2011
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 420
|
| Posted: Feb 06 2015 at 9:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Sounds like you have a very solid plan in place, and as the year unfolds hopefully the better path for him will be easier to discern.
__________________
Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Can I Go Back to Home Educating My Son?
