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momofmany
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| Posted: March 24 2006 at 7:54am | IP Logged
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Help! I've been hs'g for over 22 years but am discouraged and need advice/encouragement. Am teaching dd-9, ds-13, dd-15, & ds-16. Unschooling looks soooooooooooo appealing because I am burnt out. My kids, though, would literally play video games & watch DVD's all day if I gave them the freedom to do so.
According to the typical unschooling authority, I should permit my children this total freedom, yet my Faith and desire to disciple them cannot allow it. Is there a 'middle road' for a tired mom who just cannot seem to muster up the energy to keep academics under control?
With my older hs'd kids, (ages 20 - 27) I was able to utilize 'canned' curricula and we managed just fine. I no longer have the desire, time, or energy to teach the younger set in the same way. I feel so guilty!
This is an SOS - I am desperate - thanks for any help you can offer.
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Blessings,
Mary Woodard
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." - Fran Lebowitz
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MacBeth
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| Posted: March 24 2006 at 8:21am | IP Logged
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momofmany wrote:
Is there a 'middle road' for a tired mom who just cannot seem to muster up the energy to keep academics under control?
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Welcome Mary!
And yes...there is a middle road. We call it Real Learning. Stick around, and I am sure the good folks here will have plenty of advice for you. 
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God Bless!
MacBeth in NY
Don's wife since '88; "Mom" to the Fab 4
Nature Study
MacBeth's Blog 
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: March 24 2006 at 10:20am | IP Logged
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I think the vast majority of us are on that middle road! It is pretty broad and room for many, many variations!
One way to get a glimpse at what some of us do on that middle road is to check out our blogs. If you visit Lissa's wonderful blog, she has a whole section of her sidebar devoted to links to 4real learning blogs. Check it out!
Here in the Bonny Glen
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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NYCitymom
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| Posted: March 24 2006 at 11:14am | IP Logged
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Hi Mary!
The solution could just be trying one of the many different more relaxed approaches. An eclectic route can give you (and the kids) some more freedom, since you can tailor it to all of your needs. Real Learning can be wonderful and as relaxed as you want it to be.
However, if unschooling is something you'd like to try, then the first thing to do is take a step back and decide how you want to go about it. This is probably going to be a bit far from your comfort zone. We are full-on unschoolers, using no curricula, no scheduled lessons, no weekly tests, and no grades. The reason kids usually gravitate toward tv and video games is to rest their brain from "work". Parents see that this is what their schooled (or structured homeschooled) kids do during their free time and think unschooling will just promote more of that. Kind of in the same way people come home from work and need to relax for a while. The first few weeks or months of unschooling usually have kids testing their boundaries and they might choose to be frivolous with their time. But, it's only temporary.
The way we started was by making a list together of all the (productive) things dd9 liked doing. This included arts/crafts, gardening, cooking, educational workbooks and websites, creating her own websites with HTML, science experiments, readalouds, writing celebrity fanmail, taking nature walks (using the field guide), going to museums and the science center, and several other things. This list was always out and she would refer to it whenever she was "bored". Currently, we still use the list sometimes, but my role has morphed into the provider of resources, suggestions, ideas, and opportunities, the answerer of endless questions, and a huge source of encouragement and support.
Giving her total educational freedom has been amazing. She uses her time very productively now, regained the motivation and enthusism to learn, and hovers around a 6+ grade level in all subject areas. Everything she learns is because it is necessary to her at that time. Since she initiates the topics, she retains mostly all of it. Just in the past week there have been questions, research, and discussions, and activities on (and in turn these lead to a bunch of further questions, research, discussions and activities!):
~sales tax, checking accounts, unit pricing, and a new bedroom layout, meanings and spellings of large words, making lists, making edible concoctions with a science lab toy, creating websites, HTML, Diabetes, smoking, using a sewing machine, safety, Schoolhouse Rock, New York City, language arts workbook pages, library visit, and we watched a science documentary.
If we broke it all down into subjects, this week she has covered percents, division, multiplication, fractions, decimals, measurement - metric/standard - area, perimeter, spelling, vocabulary, reading, phonics, handwriting, chemistry, nutrition, scientific theory, computer skills, typing, arts and crafts, health, home ec, parts of speech, US history, geography, maps, state history, library skills -incl dewey decimal syst and book genres- physics, and space exploration.
It really does go like this. The learning happens all day long. She learns so much more with things being in context than I could ever sit down and teach her out of a boring textbook (unless of course she decides to use a textbook to further her own research!). As long as you are willing to be a part of it all when they want you to and really trust that they will learn just about everything they need and more, then unschooling can be the most unbelievable adventure. Good luck with whatever you decide!
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~Angelina
http://homeschoolinginnewyorkcity.blogspot.com/
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Sarah
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| Posted: March 24 2006 at 7:30pm | IP Logged
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I don't have any advice, except stick to Real Learning.
I'm tired, too.  And I haven't even scratched the surface compared to you and your years of schooling.
I'm a "middle roader."
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Willa
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| Posted: March 24 2006 at 11:20pm | IP Logged
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momofmany wrote:
| According to the typical unschooling authority, I should permit my children this total freedom, yet my Faith and desire to disciple them cannot allow it. Is there a 'middle road' for a tired mom who just cannot seem to muster up the energy to keep academics under control? |
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I found the book Homeschooling with Gentleness to be good reading at the beginning of the year, when I was feeling very burned out. It is a Catholic approach to unschooling, or rather "gentle homeschooling". Suzy Andres, the author, requires her son to do math and pinao practice and she does teach our Catholic Faith actively, but the rest of their homeschool is pretty much based on reading, self-directed projects and simple outside-the-home activities like altar serving, etc.
It helped me to see that providing the basics of education plus Catholic formation, doesn't have to take TOO much time. And if you provide that you are providing a lot. I see you have highschoolers, and that makes it a bit more tricky if they have college aspirations and so on. My kids still at home are similar ages to your younger group -- they are 17, 16, 13, 10 and then a 6yo and 3yo. I have been trying to pay attention to what my highschoolers do by choice in order to record it for future transcripts and the like.
I wonder if our outlook on life changes a bit as we get older particularly if we have a large family with all different ages. I would certainly like to discuss a "middle road" too. Especially one where the kids will expend more energy than I do  . I guess am a bit tired too!
We try to limit DVDs and games but it's gotten a bit away from me this year. 
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Leonie
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| Posted: March 25 2006 at 3:53am | IP Logged
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I second Willa's book suggestion -Andres' book is a very helpful and brief look at a Catholic view of unschooling. Some have tos, pared down, and lots of time for the worthwhile pursuits mentioned by Angelina.
At my blog I have a description of our homeschooling week and maybe its a relaxed homeschool description that might give you sme ideas. No guilt!
I have cut and paste a comment below - hoping to be of some assistance!
<<<Right now we have rhythms - well, we always sort these out and fall into a groove each move/each year.
I read aloud to the kids a couple of days a week.
I encourage them to do some exercise every day.
I encourage Anny and Thomas to practise piano a couple of days a week.
We do some written work around twice a week - Maths and Handwriting, LOTE or journal or nature journal or a project - currently a confirmation lapbook. J does his uni course stuff.
We have artwork on the dining room computer from our current artist - February will be Winslow Homer.*
And music around from our current composer - Tchaikovsky.
Bios of both on the refrigerator.>>>>
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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momwise
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| Posted: March 25 2006 at 8:02am | IP Logged
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Hi Mary,
Great advice so far.
I've been homeschooling for 13 yrs. and will have 2 in high school next year, as well as 2 in elementary and a toddler (those are still at home).
I was totally burnt out about 4 years ago when I found the Catholic Charlotte Mason e-list. The following year we began nature walks, nature notebooks, living history and Book of Centuries, Applied math, Narration and whatever studies I could think of based on children's interests (legos, electronics, etc.).
We had a fabulous conference that year with MacBeth speaking about living science and a professor who spoke about the restoration of true education.
Our religion studies remained and of course we live out our faith, liturgical year, devotions, etc. A couple of times a week I study the Bible or read with the older ones and I use lots and lots of cassettes and movies for just about every subject (I borrow from friends and library what I can't order).
Since I had my meltdown in the spring, we pitched school for a few weeks and got outside for gardening and walks. We came back in and sketched birds and painted them.
I you can get away for a day or weekend this spring or summer, try to go to a good Catholic conference to be inspired. Pentecost will be coming up, so you could start a novena to the Holy Spirit soon. Right now during Lent is a perfect time to shift away from the academics you're struggling with and live out Holy Week and Easter through many of the suggestions on the Living Faith Forum (including Alice's wonderful Lenten Tea). It's also a good time to get out for field trips.
Oh.....I almost forgot.....we switched to !Brave Writer for Language Arts
Best wishes and God bless!
__________________
Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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momofmany
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| Posted: April 17 2006 at 6:06am | IP Logged
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Thanks, everyone, for the wonderful advice & encouragement! In the midst of my hair-pulling (my own, not the kids!) my 80 year old mother fell and broke BOTH her legs. Out to California I flew and only was able to return after finding a suitable convalescent hospital to help her recuperation along.
So, Easter arrived even without my 'help' this year, and we survived it all. I have gotten the book by Suzy Andres, looked up a couple of nearby Catholic conferences, and...that's about it. The novena is probably my best bet - doesn't cost anything and I don't have to start the car to get there!
Without 'school' schooling, I'm having a tough time figuring out how to go about each day. School always set my schedule but there were always more little ones who demanded that time and effort from me. This is soooooo weird!
Again, thanks for all the input. This is a lot to think about and the funny thing is, my grown daughter is more structured with her homeschooling than I EVER was! hehehe
-Easter Blessings, mary
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Blessings,
Mary Woodard
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." - Fran Lebowitz
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Willa
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| Posted: April 17 2006 at 11:04am | IP Logged
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momofmany wrote:
| Without 'school' schooling, I'm having a tough time figuring out how to go about each day. School always set my schedule but there were always more little ones who demanded that time and effort from me. This is soooooo weird! -Easter Blessings, mary |
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Easter Blessings to you too Mary.
I SO can understand what you are saying. I felt that way all last year. I am just starting to get how it works, a little, but I don't think I could explain it clearly, yet.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Willa
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| Posted: April 17 2006 at 11:05am | IP Logged
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I think perhaps it might have to do with your signature quote  . Seriously!
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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momofmany
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| Posted: April 17 2006 at 1:44pm | IP Logged
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O.K., Willa, so my signature quote gives me away! What can I do to redeem myself????
You will be so proud of me...well, maybe....today the kids are building Sim cities for part of their school. Yes, the other part is book stuff, but hey - I'm moving in the right direction and not spazzing out, right? If you disagree, please, please don't tell me just yet. I'm working hard at unschooling without guilt. Or too much guilt...baby steps.
Am enjoying your blog, BTW, with all the different sites to explore. Hooray!
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Blessings,
Mary Woodard
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." - Fran Lebowitz
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: The Reluctant Homeschooler - me!
