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seeker
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How did you know you would have what it takes to homeschool? I don't mean intellectually (our school system ranks 92nd out of 95 counties in our state; I think I could do at least as well) but mentally. Did you ever think you'd end up having a psychotic breakdown? What kind of person should never homeschool?
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Angie Mc
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seeker wrote:
| Did you ever think you'd end up having a psychotic breakdown? |
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No.
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| What kind of person should never homeschool? |
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Very interesting question. My quick thought is...the person who God isn't asking them to homeschool.
God may be asking the person to delegate educating their children to a school for a variety of reasons. God may want the person to attend to their own or someone else's physical care, mental health concerns, financial troubles, service for others...on and on!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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seeker
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| Posted: Jan 01 2011 at 5:20pm | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
...the person who God isn't asking them to homeschool.
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How can I know for sure if God is calling me to homeschool or if it is just my own selfish desire?
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stellamaris
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Dear seeker,
I would say that the following conditions might indicate that a person should at least think very seriously before undertaking the task of homeschooling:
1. You are being coerced into it by family or friends.
Homeschooling is a commitment of time, money, and life. It requires a willingness to sacrifice greatly for the sake of your children's educational, religious, and moral formation. YOU have to believe it is the best option for your family or you will have a lot of trouble making the level of sacrifice necessary. Having said that, the sacrifice is not without many wonderful rewards--moments of joy, love, and family togetherness are more frequent in a homeschooled family.
2. You seriously think you might be having significant mental or physical health issues.
Sometimes moms who are already homeschooling continue to do so during times of ill-health and this can work out. Their children are familiar with the family routine and can be of assistance to the mother. Basic education and home maintenance continues even if mom is out of commission for a while. However, STARTING to homeschool with young children if you are facing these kinds of problems might not be wise. And, no, I never felt I was going to have a psychotic breakdown. I felt at times that I was overwhelmed or exhausted, but not in danger of a mental collapse.
3. You suffer from an addiction to alcohol or other substances or you have trouble controlling your anger and are in danger of abusing your children.
A person with these problems needs to seek help and healing before undertaking homeschooling. Their children are safest in a regular school until this healing has taken place.
4. And, I agree with Angie when she says that homeschooling is a vocation to be undertaken according to the will of God. It requires prayer and thought to make this commitment, as well as a sense that it is, in fact, God's will for your life. Do remember, though, you can make the decision to homeschool from year to year--you don't need to feel "locked in" to the decision either to homeschool or to send your children to a school.
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Jan 01 2011 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
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seeker wrote:
Angie Mc wrote:
...the person who God isn't asking them to homeschool.
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How can I know for sure if God is calling me to homeschool or if it is just my own selfish desire? |
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You posted this while I was replying, so we cross-posted. To know it is God's will, I would say your husband should be in agreement with you and you should have a sense of peace about the decision. You should have seriously prayed for guidance and considered your options. You may feel challenged when you think about the future with your children at home, but you should not feel extremely anxious or frightened.
Might I suggest that you take out a piece of paper. Fold it in half the long way. On one side write down all the reasons FOR homeschooling and on the other side of the fold write down all the reasons AGAINST homeschooling. You may find this helps you think more clearly about your choices.
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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Angie Mc
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seeker wrote:
Angie Mc wrote:
...the person who God isn't asking them to homeschool.
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How can I know for sure if God is calling me to homeschool or if it is just my own selfish desire? |
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Another great question...that I can't answer but I can ponder about with you  .
I have rarely seen what seems to my eyes as a desire to homeschool for selfish reasons. Homeschooling is tough and in general, humans avoid doing tough things for selfish reasons.
I have seen, once again by my subjective take, good enough humans with serious weaknesses, crosses, issues, etc. homeschool. Those who do well under difficult circumstances, seem to be able to become more Christ-like...kind, patient, humble, clear, confident...through homeschooling. I have also seen families become more Christ-like via schooling.
In general, I think that the thought of homeschooling...the attraction to it...is enough to at least give it a go, if husband and wife are willing to give it a try. We can never be sure of God's will in a particular moment, but we can be completely sure that He will give us clarity in His time, with His grace.
If you don't mind me asking, what makes you think that you may be being selfish to want to homeschool?
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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seeker
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| Posted: Jan 01 2011 at 5:53pm | IP Logged
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Angie,
I very much want to homeschool and believe and have believed for the past six years that God has been calling me to homeschool. My husband disagrees, has told me no for three years, and disagrees with homeschooling in general. I pray and pray for peace and agreement about this issue, but we are not there yet. So I am beginning to question myself.
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Cay Gibson
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Dear Seeker,
Your question pulls at my heartstrings. I've been dealing w/ this question again w/ the same child I wrote about here:
Loss of Homeschooling Dream.
Our homeschool group(s) (Catholic and Protestant) here are 2nd to none. Both groups of varying beliefs are friends and interact together constantly. Wonderful friends. We have everything the schools have w/in our own homeschooling framework and expectations.
We are blessed abundantly.
And this is not to brag.
This is to say I still have a child who looks at the green grass across the river.
There's a longer story to this but the short of it is that the husband/father who said years ago to "Let her try it. A year won't hurt" told her the other night that it was out-of-the-question.
It sounds so trite to tell you to "pray w/out ceasing" but that is what you must do.
Kimberly Hahn once said that if your husband does not support you in hsing then it is not God's will for you...at least at that moment.
Of course, my experience was that, while he supported and backed me, it was not 100% percent. We've hsed 13 yrs and he has only come 100% in the past 4. 
Don't give up the ship. You can still live a homeschooling lifestyle while the children are in school. Maybe we can help bless you w/ that notion while you ponder this question.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
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seeker
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Thank you Cay, for your encouragement. I need to be reminded not to stop praying. It's so discouraging, and I so often forget that God's time is not our time. There are areas within myself that I know I need to work on, I just need to focus on those more. Pray for me to have more patience. This is a concern that dh brings up when I mention homeschooling.
Can I ask about living a homeschooling lifestyle? How would I do that while not homeschooling?
And thank you Angie and Caroline, I really appreciate everyone's input!
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stellamaris
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I'm thinking Cay might be talking about enriching your relationship with your children when they are at home. There are some things that would certainly be possible to do:
1. Living the liturgical year.
There are tons of ideas on this in the Liturgical Year Planning Thread. Even just a candle the color of the liturgical season which you light and say a few prayers around can create a sense of connection with the larger Church. Also, you can use many pictures books to enrich your evenings. You might like Cay Gibson's Catholic Mosaic, which is an annotated list of books correlated with the liturgical year, including questions and vocabulary plus other resources. You can get the booklist if you google "Catholic Mosaic".
2. Another way to "homeschool" when your children are in school is to plan afterschool/weekend field trips. Enrich their lives with trips to zoos, aquariums, nature centers, museums, or whatever else you can find in your area.
3. You could add weekend/evening nature walks as well, maybe having them sketching in a little nature journal of their own.
4. Meredith Henning's lovely book Mondays with Mary might also be an idea. I used to love "tea time" with my mom when I came home from school, and this book adds many suggestions to make that time more meaningful and more directed toward teaching the faith.
5. Evening read-alouds are very family-oriented and delightful and can only benefit your children. Maybe a half hour before bed of special longer books such as Narnia, Little House, or other children's classics would work for your family.
I'm sure the other ladies will have many more suggestions.
Also, you might want to discuss with your husband his specific reasons for not wanting to homeschool. Do any of them concern your homemaking skills, or anything like that? (You don't need to answer this, just for you to think about!!) If so, are they areas you can work on addressing while the children are in school? In this way you are preparing yourself for success in future homeschooling days, if that should be God's will for you. For example, if he said something like, "The laundry is never caught up...how can you have time to do more?", you might want to improve your laundry system! Ask the ladies here; they are a wonderful resource if you have any homemaking difficulties!
I agree with Cay. Don't give up! Keep on praying, be thankful for your current situation, and prepare for a future opportunity to homeschool. If it is God's will, He will work to change your husband's heart. You might consider praying a Novena to the Holy Spirit (this one is short, others are quite a bit longer).
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Angie Mc
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Seeker, you have received sound information, encouragement, and reassurance! Pray, pray, pray!
seeker wrote:
Angie,
I very much want to homeschool and believe and have believed for the past six years that God has been calling me to homeschool. My husband disagrees, has told me no for three years, and disagrees with homeschooling in general. I pray and pray for peace and agreement about this issue, but we are not there yet. So I am beginning to question myself. |
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The hard part is to rest in the mystery of God's will. As humans, we can be tempted to think, "I want to homeschool. He doesn't. Someone must be wrong." But this isn't true...you can both be right for now...but not able to see that now.
Saint Faustina said,
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| It is for us to submit ourselves completely to His holy will. there are mysteries that the human mind will never fathom here on earth; eternity will reveal them. |
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Cay Gibson wrote:
Kimberly Hahn once said that if your husband does not support you in hsing then it is not God's will for you...at least at that moment.
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Focus on what you control in this moment that can contribute to love, cheerfulness, and beauty in your marriage and family life. Show your dh by your actions that you can do tasks related to learning at home. Use respectful and limited words to discuss this matter that is close to your heart with your dh. Ask him honest and pointed questions about his reservations so that you can best respect and understand his position. And always, pray for what you truly want, which is what is ultimately best for your whole family and God's will for it.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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drmommy
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I just have to add, please have hope and faith.
I had been wanting to homeschool my son for 12 years, when I finally did his senior year. I also have 3 other girls whom I homeschool.
My husband NEVER agreed to it, so I prayed about it for awhile, and just told the Lord, "OK, it is in Your Hands, and obviously not Your Will at this time." I just surrendered but I always wanted to do it, even working part time.
Then, one day, my husband said, "let's homeschool the kids"...I nearly fell over, as this was the man who told me earlier "only freaks homeschool"! We had went to a homeschool meeting where the women only wore dresses and head coverings, and this freaked him out (he is not Catholic, and these ladies were, so he was worried I would be starting to dress the same). So, 12 years later, my husband wanted to now homeschool.
He is 100% now for homeschooling and is a great support. We see the fruits and the benefits of a closer family and stronger faith (even though he is agnostic, our faith has increased). I would have never dreamed all this was possible.
So, just please have hope and keep praying. Our dear Lord knows what is best at the right time.
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seeker
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stellamaris wrote:
I'm thinking Cay might be talking about enriching your relationship with your children when they are at home. There are some things that would certainly be possible to do:
1. Living the liturgical year.
...You might like Cay Gibson's Catholic Mosaic. |
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I do some things now, but could do more. I have Catholic Mosaic  ! Bought it while traveling through Front Royal, VA back in July. I need to utilize it more. I have some of the books, but I have just read them a few times. I know I could put it to better use.
We have none of the things listed in #2 within an hour and a half of where we live. There is a decent library about 35 minutes from here as well as a really expensive playhouse. I would love to see a play and I think it would really be enriching for the girls, but it would cost around $100 for the four of us. The homeschool group gets big discounts, but of course they go during school hours. We just moved a year ago from a university town that had tons of things to do, so I'm not used to having so few options.
stellamaris wrote:
| 3. You could add weekend/evening nature walks as well, maybe having them sketching in a little nature journal of their own. |
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This is a great idea! My 6yo loves to draw. We sometimes walk down the street to see the neighbors horses, so I'll start getting her to to take a sketchpad whenever we go outside. Now if I could just get better about going out when it's so cold!
stellamaris wrote:
| 4. Meredith Henning's lovely book Mondays with Mary might also be an idea. I used to love "tea time" with my mom when I came home from school, and this book adds many suggestions to make that time more meaningful and more directed toward teaching the faith. |
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I'll put this in my wishlist!
stellamaris wrote:
| 5. Evening read-alouds are very family-oriented and delightful and can only benefit your children. Maybe a half hour before bed of special longer books such as Narnia, Little House, or other children's classics would work for your family. |
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Great, we do this almost every night! I put the girls in bed and read several chapters to them.
stellamaris wrote:
| Also, you might want to discuss with your husband his specific reasons for not wanting to homeschool. Do any of them concern your homemaking skills, or anything like that? (You don't need to answer this, just for you to think about!!) If so, are they areas you can work on addressing while the children are in school? In this way you are preparing yourself for success in future homeschooling days, if that should be God's will for you. For example, if he said something like, "The laundry is never caught up...how can you have time to do more?", you might want to improve your laundry system! Ask the ladies here; they are a wonderful resource if you have any homemaking difficulties! |
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Thanks! Yes, what bothers him most is my lack of consistency in meal planning (I'm trying to get better about this), my impatience with the children sometimes, and also he feels like I, for lack of a better term, dump the kids on him when he gets home and just needs time to relax. I need to figure out some kind of activities (besides TV, which is my current fallback) to occupy the girls for a couple of hours after he gets home. I think he's really concerned that homeschooling will only make things worse. I am very open to any suggestions here!
stellamaris wrote:
| I agree with Cay. Don't give up! Keep on praying, be thankful for your current situation, and prepare for a future opportunity to homeschool. If it is God's will, He will work to change your husband's heart. You might consider praying a Novena to the Holy Spirit (this one is short, others are quite a bit longer). |
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Thank you, thank you, thank you for your encouragement!! I definitely need it!
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Aagot
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You mentioned "impatience" as a point your husband
had against homeschooling. If you lose your patience or explode easily, try eliminating sugar. I have found a direct correlation between my sugar consumption and my lack of patience with my childen.
God Bless,
Aagot
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seeker
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Angie Mc wrote:
Seeker, you have received sound information, encouragement, and reassurance! Pray, pray, pray!
The hard part is to rest in the mystery of God's will. As humans, we can be tempted to think, "I want to homeschool. He doesn't. Someone must be wrong." But this isn't true...you can both be right for now...but not able to see that now. |
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Thank you! Yes, this is sooo hard for me!
Angie Mc wrote:
| Focus on what you control in this moment that can contribute to love, cheerfulness, and beauty in your marriage and family life. Show your dh by your actions that you can do tasks related to learning at home. Use respectful and limited words to discuss this matter that is close to your heart with your dh. Ask him honest and pointed questions about his reservations so that you can best respect and understand his position. And always, pray for what you truly want, which is what is ultimately best for your whole family and God's will for it. |
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Oh I need to keep remembering this! I get so frustrated about it and feel so angry and hurt at times that instead of being cheerful in my work I just feel resentful, like he's preventing my from doing God's will. I really want to stop this; pray for me.
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seeker
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drmommy wrote:
I just have to add, please have hope and faith...
My husband NEVER agreed to it, so I prayed about it for awhile, and just told the Lord, "OK, it is in Your Hands, and obviously not Your Will at this time." I just surrendered but I always wanted to do it, even working part time. |
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That part is hard for me. I don't think I have ever said that to God. I keep saying, in essence, "Okay God, I'll surrender this to you, but I know you want this right now, so change dh's mind and heart right now!"  I'm His impatient little child! Pray for me!
drmommy wrote:
| ..as this was the man who told me earlier "only freaks homeschool"! |
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That's us, too!
drmommy wrote:
He is 100% now for homeschooling and is a great support. We see the fruits and the benefits of a closer family and stronger faith (even though he is agnostic, our faith has increased). I would have never dreamed all this was possible.
So, just please have hope and keep praying. Our dear Lord knows what is best at the right time.
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Thank you! I hope we'll be there someday.
Aagot wrote:
You mentioned "impatience" as a point your husband
had against homeschooling. If you lose your patience or explode easily, try eliminating sugar. I have found a direct correlation between my sugar consumption and my lack of patience with my children.
God Bless,
Aagot |
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Thank you for this suggestion!
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JuliaT
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Seeker, my heart is hurting for you. When we first started hsing, my dh was on board with it but about 3 yrs. in, he changed his mind and decided that the kids should go to school. I was devastated! I could not imagine not homeschooling. Teaching my children is just a natural part of me. When he dropped that little bomb, I told him that I would support his decision (even though inside I was screaming "NNNOOO!") I began to pray and pray and pray. Thankfully, the kids raised such a kerfuffle when my dh told them, that he changed his mind. Certain things have happened since and he is now supporting our homeschooling again.
It is very difficult when your spouse is not on the same wagon as you are. But I knew that if we wouldn't be homeschooling, we would still have that hs lifestyle that the ladies talked about above. I already had things planned about how I would handle our free time at night and on the weekends. We would read historical fiction, do history projects, take nature walks, buy science kits and do experiments, do crafts, painting and drawing together, read poetry, etc. There are so many things that you could do with your girls that would meet your desire to homeschool.
Blessings and prayers to you.
__________________
Blessings,
Julia
mom of 3(14,13 & 11 yrs.old)
MusingsofaPrairieGirl
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knowloveserve
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Excellent advice on here, I only want to add two points.
1- It might help your situation if you discussed with your husband your ready and willingness to succomb to his wishes. You can honestly say to him, which may help him feel validated: "Honey, you're right. If we both aren't on the same page with the idea of homeschooling, it's not what's best for us right now." And then see if he'd be willing to learn WITH you more about it. See if he'd be open to reading more about it. Short, easy, to-the-point discussions seem to be best for men to take in. The women here could recommend a million and a half books that are all worthy and excellent. But a couple off the top of my head that have really appealed to MEN I personally know (husband included) include works by John Holt and books or essays of John Taylor Gatto. Gatto's works can sometimes be found online... like his famous speech he gave when accepting the New York State teacher of the year award.
2- You asked what qualities might be contraindications toward homeschooling. And one immediate one comes to mind that wasn't mentioned. And forgive me if it sounds trite or silly at first. But I believe that people should not be homeschooling if they don't really like their children. Most parents love their children and most even like their children. But I know some sadly, who can't seem to think of their kids as much more than burdens. I homeschool first and foremost because I truly enjoy my children. I love living daily life with them, for better or worse. I love spending time with them and learning with them. I love and LIKE the people they are. A lot of parents comment how their kids would drive them crazy if they homeschooled. This is pretty sad. Of course we all have our flip-out moments or overwhelmed moments and need-a-break moments but by and large, I think the number one necessary qualification a person needs is that they truly LIKE being around their kids... because homeschooling is much more than an academic choice. It's a lifestyle.
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Ellie
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LisaD
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I have always felt called to homeschooling. My husband, not so much. His only exposure to hsing was one family who were very extreme fundamentalist protestants. He didn't want our children to be weird. (I always said, "You and I are both weird. It's inevitable that our children will be, too, no matter how they are educated!")
So, our first child went to public school for two years, then we transferred to our parish school for another two years, when my second child was ready for kindergarten. In these four years, I continued to pray for discernment of God's will, and if God's will be for us to homeschool, that my dh's heart be turned toward that desire. And, by the end of my dd's third grade year, it happened. The Lord brought other homeschooling families into our lives, both at dh's work (he's an engineer...there lately there are a lot of engineers with homeschooling families), and through our parish. Also, once our children started, he saw a lot of things happening in school, socially and academically that he didn't like.
My point is, if you are meant to homeschool your children, the Lord will make the way clear...in His time. A couple or few years of school won't do any lasting damage to your kids, and may be what opens your husband's eyes and heart to the possibility of home education.
__________________
~Lisa
Mama to dd(99), ds(01), ds(03) and ds(06)
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seeker
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knowloveserve wrote:
It might help your situation if you discussed with your husband your ready and willingness to succumb to his wishes. You can honestly say to him, which may help him feel validated: "Honey, you're right. If we both aren't on the same page with the idea of homeschooling, it's not what's best for us right now." And then see if he'd be willing to learn WITH you more about it. See if he'd be open to reading more about it. Short, easy, to-the-point discussions seem to be best for men to take in. The women here could recommend a million and a half books that are all worthy and excellent. But a couple off the top of my head that have really appealed to MEN I personally know (husband included) include works by John Holt and books or essays of John Taylor Gatto. Gatto's works can sometimes be found online... like his famous speech he gave when accepting the New York State teacher of the year award.
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Thanks! I'll try bringing it up with him this way instead of my standard, "I really think we should homeschool" or "DD really needs to be homeschooled." I can see now how that really just sets him on the defensive right away. I have Gatto's Dumbing Us Down. Do you think that would be a good one to start?
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Having what it takes
