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SeaStar
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| Posted: July 29 2010 at 11:33am | IP Logged
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I was watching the Charlotte Mason Books and Things Seminar last night, and Sonya Shafer talked about "the phrase that you put on the end on any negative comment: YET".
For example, your child says: I can't draw like that/ride my bike/do that kind of math problem.
And you say: Yet.
So "I can't draw like that" becomes "I can't draw like that- yet".
What a nice way to handle this type of situation, turning a negative to a positive.
That got me thinking... what other words can we use to encourage our children that quickly change a negative to a positive?
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Angie Mc
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Yes + as soon as
If a child asks, "Can I go out to play?", instead of saying, "No, do your work," say "Yes, as soon as you finish your work."
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: July 30 2010 at 10:30am | IP Logged
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The Sandwich
If a child doesn't make his bed properly, instead of saying, "That's not right", *sandwich* the corrective measure,
"I can see that you did a good job lining up your stuffed animals on the bed. The spread needs some straightening. You sure are getter better at making your bed." (Then expect the child to straighten the spread or help him to do so.)
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 30 2010 at 10:39am | IP Logged
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It's also helpful to make a list of positive words that apply to temperament traits - not only can you reinforce your child's positive self-image, you can use these words to redirect negative criticism from adults.
"Stubborn" becomes "persistent," for example. I remember my son's teacher's jaw dropping when I responded to her, "He's so stubborn!" comment with, "Yes, he's indeed persistent. He really sticks to a task. I know it's hard to handle now, but think of what a great employee he'll make when he's older!"
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 30 2010 at 10:54am | IP Logged
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Focus on the child not on others helps so much here. We have situations (mainly swimming) where some kids perform better than others and age order is not necessarily relevent.
But I can compare to the child.. wow look at that you knocked a whole second off your time. Or wow look at how well you just swam that.. that was so much better than the last meet. I don't have to bring up how they're showing against others at all unless it's a positive thing. 
I also can point out to one child who tends to go for perfect strokes over speed that it's a wonderful thing to do and she's absolutely a pleasure to watch swim (and I'm not the only one who's told her that) but I can encourage her to increase her speed a little now that she's got the stroke. But still be positive about how she does things even if it's different from the others.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 30 2010 at 11:02am | IP Logged
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We do that with dance, too, Jodie. It can be discouraging to see friends place frequently when you're not doing that - but seeing improvement over last year and last competition is always encouraging.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Words that encourage/empower
