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seeker
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| Posted: July 19 2010 at 7:58am | IP Logged
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...and I wasn't sure whether to put this here or in prayer requests. I have a 6yo and a 3 yo. My 6 yo is about to start 1st grade at ps. For at least the past 5 years I have felt called to homeschool. I was laid off 2 years ago and my dh and I decided to try living on just his income. That gave me the hope that I would actually get to homeschool.
DH and I have had countless conversations about hs because he is dead set against it. Last year before school started I brought it up again, but dh said that since we were in the middle of a move (to another part of the state) and since I was still getting used to staying home he didn't think I should add the stress of trying to hs for a year or two.
So we enrolled dd1 in ps in our new town which is in the hotbed of s.baptist, anti-catholic, Church is the wob Bible Belt. We go to Church in a different city because the one in our county has no children (well... two, an infant and an older boy...). As the school year went on not only was it apparent that the academic level of the school and its children were/are extremely lacking, but dd is making friends with the wrong kids (i'm not a social snot, but i don't want her to hang around the bullies from families with no moral or educational values). For a while she would not say the prayer before meals because she learned the "God is great" prayer at school.
I thought i was making inroads with dh over the school year because i had met a (noncatholic) homeschooling family at the library and he said I should find out what kind of hs community there is here.
I guess i was dreaming. After countless novenas and discernment (and realization that time is of the essence for notifying my intent) i had a very fruitless conversation with him again yesterday. His issues during the year were my patience, organization, and his feeling that dd won't thrive w/o daily interaction with a group of children (she is very social). He still says I won't be able to keep the house clean, take care of the animals, take care of our 3yo, cook, and hs.
Now his line of thought is to wait until dd1 is in 5th grade and dd2 is in 2nd. Then take dd1 out of ps and hs her by herself for a couple of years and when dd2 gets to 5th i can hs both of them...if he doesn't change his mind about it.
I can't wrap my head around it. I'm so tired of crying and begging (dh and God). Why would God give me this desire for so long (and with only increasing intensity) if He didn't want me to take action. DH says he believes God is using him to tell me to wait. There was something else I wanted to add but my brain is so drained right now.
I feel like Steve Carrell (sp?) in Evan Almighty... when he keeps trying to ignore God, and God keeps giving him stronger signals until everyone (including his wife) thinks he's gone off the deep end when he finally listens to God...
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: July 19 2010 at 8:24am | IP Logged
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 I'll be praying for you.
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: July 19 2010 at 8:52am | IP Logged
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I don't think anyone would think it is trivial!
This is something that many homeschoolers deal with, and it is so hard in any aspect of raising our children when mom and dad are not on the same page.
You will find lots of support here. I know of many families where the dad was not initially on board. I also know of a few where the dad has never been on board and the children are in school. With my local friends, I think that many were able to convince dh by having him read "The Well-Trained Mind." It seems to speak to men and their educational sensibilities when they don't really understand the more emotional motivations of their wives. And even so, I do believe that there is sometimes more pressure in these homes to find a way to "prove" it is worth it to Dad.
Your dh IS right, though. One of the challenges of home education is balancing all the other daily tasks in the mix. It would seem he must come to believe this is best EVEN IF the house isn't as clean as it would be with the kids in school, etc...
Another helpful thing is to find those homeschooling friend to show that children can be "socialized" in a healthy way without constant exposure to other children their age.
Most of all, though, I think you must continue to pray. It is hard when you feel such heartache--the temptation is to despair. But it is really the only thing to do at this point. Quietly continue along your path, doing what you can to supplement where you feel there is a lacking, and finding ways to help guide your daughter as she navigates a public school. It might just be when you least expect it and have found your peace that your husband begins to change his heart and mind on the issue!
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: July 19 2010 at 11:10am | IP Logged
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seeker, glad to see you here! Thanks for trusting us with your concerns.
I've learned the hard way that God's calling is mysterious, moment to moment. Sometimes I want something very good, let's say to adopt a child. Everything about my want seems reasonable and feels right. Yet, I run into obstacle after obstacle. In the end, I'm unable to adopt a child. Did I misunderstand what I firmly believed was a calling from God? No. God *does* call me to be open to life. And he asks me to suffer. I was attached to what I wanted, to an outcome that was an adopted child. What God wanted was for me was to surrender to His divine providence, to trust Him completely, to let go. He wanted me to share His cross. He wanted me to say yes to the cross.
Once I let go of my will, the outcome that I wanted, I found peace. Am I still open to life? You bet! Am I still hopeful that God will answer my original prayer? You bet! Once I stopped trying to wrap my brain around whether or not I was discerning God's will properly, and just trusted, I found peace.
So one key to peace is to not get attached to a particular outcome about the education of your children. Yes, homeschooling can be a way that God calls us to holiness. But it isn't necessary. What is necessary is to stay close to God and to give constant care to your vocation as wife and mother. For this reason, I encourage you to continue tending to your prayer life, with a focus on trustful surrender to each and every moment God blesses you with. Focus on what unites you and your dh, and find ways to enjoy your relationship! Then enjoy being with your children and, perhaps, find one homeschooling-like activity to plan and do with them. Reading aloud from beautiful living books about topics most important to you may be just the thing!
Stay hopeful! Stay cheerful! And know that you are not alone. May you be abundantly blessed for your desire to follow our Lord . Praying for you.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Teachin'Mine2
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| Posted: July 19 2010 at 3:30pm | IP Logged
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I will keep you and your family in my prayers too Seeker.
Maybe you can talk with your priest about your concerns about how school is affecting her and her lack of participation in family prayers. Another thought, if you don't already, is to start praying together as a family - other than at mealtimes. Even just one decade of the rosary is a good start.
I'd be looking into any home school groups and getting involved with your youngest one, while your dd is at school. Of course with your husband's consent. It would give you a chance to meet other hs families and maybe through some get togethers, your husband could speak with hs dads and get some reassurance that it's actually a good idea to hs.
Keep praying!
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mom of one 13yo dd
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 19 2010 at 3:59pm | IP Logged
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I will definitely pray for your family!
Having been the parent who didn't want to homeschool when my dh did, I can understand how it feels to have your spouse lovingly say, "I want to homeschool our kids," and not get the reasons why at all. It took a lot of prayer (mine and dh's) and some encounters (undoubtedly engineered by the Good Lord) with homeschoolers in my church community before I started to realize that I really could do it, at least for a while. (I agreed to two years...it's been eight so far.)
I know it's hard to feel this call and have to set it aside for now. I will pray that God will give your dh the opportunity to learn about homeschooling, as He did for me.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JuliaT
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| Posted: July 20 2010 at 7:43am | IP Logged
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Seeker, my heart is hurting for you. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. When we first started homeschooling, dh was on board but as the years travelled on and friends were expressing their doubts about hsing to dh, he told me that he wanted to send them to school. He told me that they should be getting a 'real education.' Ouch! I was devestated! I couldn't imagine not homeschooling. This was our lifestyle, changing things around would have been a huge thing for our family.
Through lots of prayer, I went to my dh and told him how I felt about this but that I would honor his decision and put the kids in school. As the summer wore on, God showed my dh that our kids were meant to stay home.
That was three years ago, dh is now my biggest cheerleader. I had a very difficult year this past year. I was a afraid to say anything to dh in case his solution would be to put them in school. I did let things slip once and he said that I was doing a wonderful job with our kids and they were right where they were meant to be.  He is able to see now, with our children's learning difficulties that school would not be the right place for them and that they are learning at home.
I say all of this to encourage you to continue to pray and honor your dh's wishes. Is it possible to do some afterschooling with your oldest? That might help assuage that 'homeschool feeling.' I will be praying for you.
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Blessings,
Julia
mom of 3(14,13 & 11 yrs.old)
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Shari in NY
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Whenever God throws something like this at me--homeschooling, more children, converting to the Catholic faith--I like to think of it as a tennis match. God hit this ball into your court. You need to lob it back at Him and tell Him you can do nothing without your husband's support. Then just relax and see what happens. Easier said than done but give it a try  In the mean time you could start working on organization,etc. to show your husband that you are serious and that it would be possible. This forum is a gold mine for information on keeping things together while also homeschooling! Maybe start a small science project or saint display. There is alot here to choose from. I'll be praying for you!
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Anneof 5
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Fifteen years ago when I felt called to homeschool our children, my dh was not on board at all. He felt trying to find the "perfect" Catholic school was the way to go. As we began to pray that decade of the rosary mentioned above, God slowly began to work and that school he was working on starting fell through not one but two times. We began our homeschool journey and now whenever I question whether we should be doing something else, he is the one who emphatically assures me we are doing what is best for our dc. I think the intercession of Mary has a lot to do with it! God bless!
Anne
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JennGM
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Shari in NY wrote:
| Whenever God throws something like this at me--homeschooling, more children, converting to the Catholic faith--I like to think of it as a tennis match. God hit this ball into your court. You need to lob it back at Him and tell Him you can do nothing without your husband's support. Then just relax and see what happens. Easier said than done but give it a try In the mean time you could start working on organization,etc. to show your husband that you are serious and that it would be possible. |
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I want to echo a bit of Shari. What's important now is to accept the situation, and be the united front with your son. A child can flourish no matter what the circumstances when the family is strong and united. If your children sense that you are upset and fighting against the current situation, it can cause more problems than what is going on in school.
And for many years my mother wanted to homeschool, but couldn't. That didn't mean she didn't. What I mean is that at home our environment was nurturing and full of learning experiences so that we could handle the problems in school. So this is a good time to
1) get househould routines and family routines in order
2) lots and lots of good reading -- read alouds, reading material, books on tape,
3) good music and art and nature (summertime and Sundays) and
4) really focus on religious material -- not always necessarily outright religious, but books to help formation of virtues and good habit training, and also to help foster a love for Christ and His Church and the Blessed Mother.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
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seeker
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| Posted: Aug 02 2010 at 8:44am | IP Logged
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Although my dh and I haven't talked about this anymore since our last conversation, I think about hs everyday. Sometimes, like now, I can't help but breakdown. I'm still praying, but my hope waivers -- I know it's a sin to despair and I'm trying not to go there...
One of the things that dh had said that I couldn't remember when I last posted was that my desire to hs was partly selfish.
When we moved here we told dd1 that we would get a horse. I grew up riding and had a horse and she has always wanted one. Now we have the land but in the past year of living here circumstances have changed so that we won't have the money to fence our property or provide shelter for a horse for at least the next year and probably two...
Even in light of that dh told me that if I'm so insistent on hs that I have to tell dd1 that she won't be getting a horse for at least a few years (because he would not add that to the pressures I would be under) and that I'm going to be taking her away from all her friends. Telling her these things would set us up to fail from the start. Dd1 is already showing signs of the typical schoolchild thought that friends are more important than family.
At this point I know that there is nothing I can say that will have any good effect on dh. I have to leave it all up to God. I just have a gut feeling that sooner or later something will happen to dd1 and I dread that day. I know this because growing up as an anti-anything-but-southern-freewill-baptist child I was well trained in telling other children exactly where they would be going if they were not the same as me... I was the 7 yo child who sent other children home crying, and I grew up in a community that was more open minded than the one in which we currently live. I pray that my dh will "see the light" or what-have-you before this happens, but I'm afraid it's going to come down to something drastic like this before he will be convinced.
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Mackfam
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First I'd like to say welcome to you, seeker! I've been praying for your situation since you first posted. You have received some beautiful insight and perspective in the sharing on this thread.
seeker wrote:
| At this point I know that there is nothing I can say that will have any good effect on dh. I have to leave it all up to God. |
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Sometimes, yes. This is what we must do. Pray about ways in which you and your husband can communicate together in open-ness. Ask Our Lord to soften both of you so that you can both hear the other, really hear his objections and pray that he hears your heart, and then bend your wills to His. God's timing is perfect, and speaking from experience, it isn't always our timing. Trust His perfect plan; there is peace right there.
seeker wrote:
| I just have a gut feeling that sooner or later something will happen to dd1 and I dread that day. |
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Please remember that Our Lord tells us to be anxious about nothing, but to bring all our concerns to Him in prayer. Surrender this to prayer and have peace. Just as God generously supplied the daily manna to His chosen people as they wandered in the desert, He generously supplies the grace we need for the day. The Israelites were not allowed to hoard or stockpile manna though, and like them, we must remember that the grace needed for tomorrow...or someday...is not supplied until that moment. Rejoice in the grace of the moment, and have peace.
Thank you for allowing me to share my heart with you, seeker. Though it is painful when a husband shares a strong conviction opposed to something for which our heart longs, we must be careful to give special care when writing about our husbands here. Your intentions remain in my prayers! May you experience the peace that surpasses all understanding!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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seeker
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Thank you Jen, for the reminders. I need them continually...
And thank you to everyone who has responded for your advice and for your prayers.
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Angie Mc
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You are welcome, seeker. We all need reminders sometime! As women, we can tend to get lost in our emotions. Here are a few tips that I hope will bring relief through reason.
Homeschooling doesn't have to be all or nothing. Focus on what you *can* do at home.
Try not to disqualify the postitive things that are happening within your family, to include what *is* good at school.
Avoid trying to tell the future.
seeker wrote:
| I just have a gut feeling that sooner or later something will happen to dd1 and I dread that day. |
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You don't know this to be true because no one can read the future. Trust the future to Divine Providence.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Sanveann
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Prayers for you!
Our kiddos are 3 and 1 1/2, so a couple years off from school, but my DH is not on-board with the idea of homeschooling, either. He's afraid they won't know how to interact with other kids normally, primarily (though he and his two brothers all went to public school, and my BILs are -very- socially awkward).
I've got a little while to work on him, but I figure if I can't bring him around, then I can at least supplement their education at home with the stuff I'm learning about in the meantime.
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LeeAnn
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Is there a Catholic school nearby enough for your children to attend? Maybe that would be a workable compromise until (if) your husband comes around to the idea of homeschooling. Or perhaps you could find a couple other Catholic moms to share hs duties with, sort of start your own mini-school. Then perhaps your husband might not be as likely to think you'd be overwhelmed with too many duties.
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my four children are 17, 15, 11 & 8 - all now attend public school - we read many 4Real recommended books at home
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seeker
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| Posted: Aug 03 2010 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
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LeeAnn,
I wish a Catholic school were an option, however, the closest one is an hour and a half away (we live in an extreme fundamentalist protestant area) as well as being in a time zone that's ahead an hour. The closest Christian schools are an Adventist school and a Baptist school and I wouldn't feel comfortable putting dd1 in either of these. The Baptist one even advertises that they use Bob Jones curricula.
I'm going to take some things over to our church in a few minutes and I want to ask someone there if they know if there are any families who home school. I wish there were some Catholic families in our county...
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: This may seem trivial...
