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Gracesmom Forum Newbie
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 2:38pm | IP Logged
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I'm not sure where to post this, so I thought I'd post it here. I am in desperate need of advice.
My oldest is 5 and will be starting kindergarten this fall.
Our parish has a school, a private school that will cost 1200.00 for the year, not to mention uniforms and gas to drive there and back. And every year the price increases. The actual building is run down, no gymnasium or science lab, and barely a playground.
We have recently got a new priest and he was to come here and "turn our school around". When he got here and seen the condition of the school, and how the academics are there he said "If I would have known it was this bad, I would not have come". Some teachers there do not use curriculum, and were just "teaching" whatever. The kids (grade 4 and up), from what I have heard, are very behind. Father has said that he's throwing out whatever they're doing and starting over. He is VERY well known to run a great school very well at his other parish.
My one nephew failed grade 1, and his brother has failed 2 years. He will be 10 years old going into grade 3. In my eyes, if a child is failing or falling behind then there is something not right in the classroom. It's VERY small class/teacher ratio so there should really be no reason for them to fail.
Anyways, here is my dilemma. Our priests at our parish have said that they absolutely disagree with public school (as do I, really) BUT they also completely disagree with homeschooling. In a "sermon" the other night our priest mentioned that we are not qualified to homeschool, and if we choose to homeschool we are not ever welcome to place our children in the parish school...(which was my backup plan if I found that I hated homeschooling)
My daughter keeps telling me that she wants to go to real school, and I feel like I am "stealing" that opportunity away from her. But at the same time, I really can't stand that school, the idea of packing up all my kids (4 of them, and they're all still in 5 point harness seats, which are a pain in the butt) 3 mornings a week and driving half and hour there and half an hour back is daunting.
My sister-in-law's opinion is "if the parish has a good catholic school to send your kids to you should send them there", and "no one ever just chooses to homeschool, they "HAVE to home school because they don't want their kids to go to public school"
I honestly want to homeschool,and have already taught my daughter how to read a bit and some math, but I am PETRIFIED of failing, or not being able to cope...and what if she can't socialize properly like my sister-in-law says?
Ugh :( I am feeling so stuck. ANY advice is GREATLY appreciated!!
Sorry for such a long rantish post...
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Mackfam Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006 Location: Alabama
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 3:02pm | IP Logged
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Gracesmom,
I moved your post to the Living Learning forum so you would receive some help from those reading here.
This is indeed a dilemma to be considered prayerfully with your husband.
While I do know of some families whom home education chose because of circumstances elsewhere, many families, ours included, choose home education.
To be sure, it is a vocation of stretching in virtue, but it is also joy-filled and has offered treasured memories I would not wish to trade for anything while communicating a rich, liberal education to my children.
Socialization is perhaps the biggest myth perpetuated by those ignorant of home education. Nothing could be further from the truth; home educated children are often the most socially at ease and well-rounded persons.
I would recommend that you try to contact some local home educating families. Get to know them. Look at what they do with their children. Discuss the good and the bad days so your sense of this lifestyle is balanced. It could, perhaps, be reassuring to see this lifestyle in action.
May I offer one other observation which I have learned over the years? As a home educating mother, many opportunities present themselves, good opportunities - co-ops, field trips, activity days, lessons, parties, classes. Sometimes, as a family we must say "no" to one opportunity, not as an indication that it is not good, for it certainly is, but because there is a better opportunity in the quiet and concentrated learning at home. If you choose home education, it is not necessarily a statement on the goodness, or lack thereof, within other opportunities, but rather that you and your husband prayerfully discern that God may be calling you to this opportunity, the vocation of home education.
I'll pray for your discernment, and that you will be richly blessed with peace in your decision!
__________________ Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Maggie Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 01 2007 Location: N/A
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 3:07pm | IP Logged
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"Be Not Afraid."
We "choose" to home school not because we "dislike" other schools, but because we LOVE keeping our family together. We LOVE spending time with our children. We know our children best.
I am comfortable with the academics portion of this, though, I have not had a lot of "academic" work to do. This comfort comes from knowing that academics are only a portion of "schooling".
We want them to LOVE our Lord first and foremost...to get to Heaven! So...if academics were only mediocre, persay, but my children had beautiful souls and were headed to Heaven, what more could I want?
For us, we feel that home schooling is the best way to get our family to Heaven.
In addition, we do feel strongly that we can/will educate them better than most schools could (a little hubris, perhaps?)--but even if we couldn't, I would be content just building a loving family, and all of us getting to Heaven together.
Maybe focusing on the "larger" picture will alleviate some of your fears of "failing"?
Also...keep in mind, that fear is often not "of God."
Awaiting the wisdom of other moms on this list...
__________________ Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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CrunchyMom Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 3:16pm | IP Logged
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Boy, that sounds rough!!!
I can't tell you what to do, but I would keep my child at home. How hard, though, to have your priest speak that way! And, while it must be hard to take a leap knowing that you can't just send them to this school if it doesn't work, I can't help but think that you are being *bullied* into making a decision contrary to your heart's pull!!!
There are many older threads here which will reference articles and Church documents to counter your pastor's assertions. You are not obligated to justify your choices to anyone, but should you want to bolster your confidence in this choice, there are many resources! Your priest sounds very ignorant regarding homeschooling. It is not your job to change his mind or educate him, but should you choose to, there are many places to find the information to refute his claims.
Also, your SIL's opinion is false. There are LOADS of people who choose to homeschool for lots of reasons other than desperation. If Elizabeth Ann Seton or Charlotte Mason themselves opened a school across the street from me, I can't say that I would necessarily give up homeschooling! It is a lifestyle which can appeal on many levels and in different ways to different families.
I'm sure others will be able to help you better with specifics. But I wanted to give you a virtual hug and let you know right away that you should not make this choice based on such false information or by feeling backed into a corner.
Primarily, imo, you should make an informed decision, and if you decide you want to homeschool but later decide you need to put the children in school for whatever reason, cross that bridge when you come to it. Don't let one person's ignorance force you to place your children somewhere you so obviously don't want them to be!
__________________ Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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SuzanneG Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006 Location: Idaho
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
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We have a GREAT neighborhood school a couple blocks from us....many of our neighbors attend and my 3rd daughter went to 1/2 day K there this year, for several specific reasons....but we're excited to have her "back" next year. The school is wonderful!
We also have a good Catholic school nearby. I feel blessed by all the good choices we have. But, like Jen said above, we CHOOSE to educate at home, because it's what is best for our family. My husband and I are convinced of this at the moment, and we continually pray and re-evaluate all.the.time.
When my oldest daughter was 5, I also had 4 kids and I am so grateful for those crazy mornings at home where things were chaotic...yes....but I didn't have to leave the house and we could just "be" and enjoy our craziness. We went very few places during this stage in our lives and I'm glad I had the space and time to lay the foundation for good habits, routines, and "sisterly-love" that has made things easier as we transition into the later-elementary years.
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I honestly want to homeschool,and have already taught my daughter how to read a bit and some math, but I am PETRIFIED of failing, |
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You cannot FAIL a K-age child! Be not afraid! Children for CENTURIES have been learning from their parents. It's a completely normal thing. Just perhaps not in our culture.
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or not being able to cope |
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This is where you MUST believe in the sacramental graces of marriage! And, have faith that God has given you these children and that He will equip you and your husband with the necessary means to carry out the decisions your have prayerfully discerned!
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...and what if she can't socialize properly like my sister-in-law says? |
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Perhaps a good book for you and your husband to read/peruse right now would be...Haystack Full of Needles. It's a very encouraging book that will give you a new perspective on "socialization."
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My daughter keeps telling me that she wants to go to real school, and I feel like I am "stealing" that opportunity away from her. |
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This is where you and your husband can get VERY creative if you choose to home educate. There are so many things she can do/participate/spend time doing....focus on those things and get creative with finding solutions to fill this need for her. What does she like? Can you be creative with another hs-family? Does she like art?----go shopping and get her new art supplies---set up a special place for her. I'm not a big advocate of "enrolling in activities"....but if it fills a need for her at this particular time....maybe it's worth it...or maybe not....but all things are worth considering when met with a specific situation!
My oldest daughter is very social and she went through this too. It does pass. And, now she very much appreciates her free time and the fun things we "get to do" (in and out of the house) that others in school don't have time for.
Also....there are lots of people who decide NOT to send their children to Kindergarten! In our state, children actually do not need to be sent to a school OR declared homeschooled until age 8! Which means that I have until the age of 8 to "technically" decide what to do! So, don't let anyone bully you into DECIDING RIGHT NOW what to do with your 5 yo! You can always keep her at home next year, and then if you choose to send her to school the next year...she'd go to 1st grade. Kindergarten is NOT OBLIGATORY in most states.
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In a "sermon" the other night our priest mentioned that we are not qualified to homeschool, and if we choose to homeschool we are not ever welcome to place our children in the parish school...(which was my backup plan if I found that I hated homeschooling) |
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And, I can't even BEGIN to say how many red flags this would raise for us! SO MANY! I would be VERY WARY of this school for this reason.
Hoping that you get the reassurance that you need here....and if anything...not to make your decision based on fear, but on what God is calling you and your dh to in this grand venture of raising your little saints!
Hugs to you, Gracesmom!!!!
__________________ Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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CrunchyMom Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 4:28pm | IP Logged
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Gracesmom wrote:
My daughter keeps telling me that she wants to go to real school, |
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Just throwing this out there, but at five, you daughter has NO IDEA what school is or why she might want to go there!
My oldest wanted to go to school, and we finally figured out that he just wanted to ride a yellow school bus more than anything, but we rode the public bus a few times, and I think it cured him of his romantic notions.
So, don't feel like you are robbing your daughter. There isn't anything "real" that she is wanting at this age which you are denying her. School looks like "fun," but I can't imagine she knows why. You can have just as much "fun" at home during all the hours she won't be wasting standing in line and with all the money you aren't spending on school
__________________ Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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SuzanneG Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006 Location: Idaho
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 4:34pm | IP Logged
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CrunchyMom wrote:
My oldest wanted to go to school, and we finally figured out that he just wanted to ride a yellow school bus more than anything, but we rode the public bus a few times, and I think it cured him of his romantic notions. |
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It's so funny, isn't it? The same thing happened to us. This has materialized into a twice/year "field trip" with our surrogate-grandma....they all ride the public bus downtown, go to the gigantic downtown library, have lunch and run through the Seattle Center sprinklers! Now...WHAT school-child gets to do that in OCTOBER and MAY? (Well, ok....during the weekend...but my kids don't realize that!)
__________________ Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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guitarnan Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 4:44pm | IP Logged
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Oh, dear. So many opinions...I know it is nervewracking to try to make the best decision for your family when so many other people think they should be able to make it for you.
I agree on the bus thing - made me laugh, actually, because there is indeed some mystique about riding the bus.
My suggestion would be to make this decision with your husband and no one else, after much prayer and reflection and research. You are being bombarded with negative opinions of homeschooling, and you should look at the positive side as well - here, in your community, in books, etc. Otherwise, you aren't weighing all the factors.
Having said that, there is no reason you should feel obligated to pay to put your child in an awful school, Catholic or otherwise. And you don't owe anyone an explanation. If someone asks, you can say that you're really looking forward to the day the school is turned around (that is truthful!).
My dd is Miss Social Butterfly and she has done fine at home. She is starting 8th grade in the fall. We do a co-op and she dances and does some other group activities. She has tons of friends. She is a completely normal girl.
You have received some great advice here - from veteran and novice home educators. I hope you and your husband have some quiet time to read it all and think about what is best for your daughter and for the two of you.
__________________ Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Gracesmom Forum Newbie
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 5:05pm | IP Logged
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I only have a quick moment here, and I will respond more later, but I just wanted to thank you all. You are all sooooo amazing! The positive support here is overwhelming!
THANK YOU!!
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Lori Forum Pro
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 5:33pm | IP Logged
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My ds now age 9, fussed when he was withdrawn from school in order to be homeschooled...turns out what he was missing was STRAWBERRY MILK that the cafeteria served at lunchtime. Boy, that was an easy fix! Sometimes it's the weirdest things that they cling to ideas about.
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SuzanneG Forum Moderator
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 5:40pm | IP Logged
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Lori wrote:
...turns out what he was missing was STRAWBERRY MILK that the cafeteria served at lunchtime. |
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__________________ Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Angie Mc Board Moderator
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Posted: June 18 2010 at 8:37pm | IP Logged
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Gracesmom, I'm so happy that you trusted this gathering with your situation and that you have found support here . Consider your ability...to ask for and accept help...as a sign that you can home educate . Add this to your desire and the successes you have already had, and I believe that you can make a great case for yourself to home educate. Like others have said, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone but you do want to build confidence within yourself based on the truth. Then add to this, trust in God's divine providence. No need to worry about the future, just take care of today as best as you can!
I'll guess that most home educating moms have had to face obstacles - shoot, nothing worth doing is easy. Obstacles come in all sorts. The cool part is when you overcome the obstacles. That's when confidence and wisdom grow. Don't let your inexperience cause you fear. You are allowed to be inexperienced, my goodness . Inexperience doesn't mean that you are incapable!
We also choose to home educate for many positive (not reactive) reasons, the main of which Maggie summarizes beautifully...
Maggie wrote:
For us, we feel that home schooling is the best way to get our family to Heaven.
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...because we simply feel that God has asked us to home educate, so we say "Yes!" Making the decision shares more stories, which you may find helpful.
Praying for you and please, feel free to ask specific questions about specific concerns as you move through your decision-making process. Praying for you!
Love,
__________________ Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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Anneof 5 Forum Pro
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Posted: June 19 2010 at 9:19am | IP Logged
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I am not sure if this has been mentioned or not, but I think the worst time to enroll a child in a school is when it is going through a transition. I have personal experience with this as my dd tried going to a Catholic high school. What a mess that school was for a couple of years. There were new teachers, old teachers, (some not getting along at all) confusing expectations, nobody knew what was going on. My dd begged to come home and happily finished high school at home. The new principal also left after the first year so then there was another transition for everyone to go through. Changing a school doesn't happen quickly and can take years, affecting your dd's educational experience. I wish you the best in making your decision.
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JennyMaine Forum Pro
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Posted: June 21 2010 at 11:17am | IP Logged
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Wow. I'm just so shocked and horrified that any priest would say such a thing.
My fear is that your priest and school simply look at your child as a statistic and a dollar sign. They need a minimum enrollment to stay open. If they've been doing a poor job educating the children, then I'm guessing enrollment is down. Therefore, they view parents who want to homeschool as a threat to their future. How sad. And, yes, my parish used to have a school. After bankrupting our parish and putting us $300,000 in debt, it closed. Its existence did not deter my from following the calling God placed on me.
First, it seems to me that you are already homeschooling your child unofficially. If it were me, I'd just keep doing it.
Second, I would not be able to stay for long in a parish with this attitude about homeschooling. If they want to say that no one should use the public schools, well, I really can't argue with that. But to say that good Catholics don't homeschool? This is not how we increase enrollment, folks.
__________________ --JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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Angie Mc Board Moderator
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Posted: June 21 2010 at 11:55am | IP Logged
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I've been around the block a few times regarding issues that concern homeschooling, and although I can see confusion, misunderstandings, and possibly over-stepping of boundaries in the scenario above, I'm not surprised. These types of obstacles are par for the course. I don't know a single home educator who hasn't faced the need to clarify her family's position, be respectful, and stand firm.
People, in varying degrees of relationship to me, who I have encountered who disgree with homeschooling tend to fall into two camps. The first is poorly informed about homeschooling. Once they learn more about it and/or experience positive outcomes due to homeschooling, they reconsider.
The second hold values that they honestly can't reconcile with homeschooling. They may be concerned about the well-being of my children or not, and I may never be sure of their true intent. I'm willing to consider that we may need to agree to disagree on how to meet children's educational needs. By avoiding speculation on my part, I spare myself a lot of needless emotional angst. I can more easily give benefit of the doubt until proven other wise. In the mean time, I go about my business protecting my family's choice while being open to constructive concerns.
It sure can be disheartening when our desire to homeschool isn't accepted or worse. Yet, I've grown in strength of conviction and clarity of thought by being challenged by such obstacles.
Love,
__________________ Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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allegiance_mom Forum Pro
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Posted: June 21 2010 at 3:53pm | IP Logged
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I would contact my diocesan education department (assuming you have one). I would make them aware that your parish priest has stated he is refusing to take transfers into the school who have ever been homeschooled. That probably is not diocesan policy. Since he announced that during a homily, and not in a private conversation with you, you could report this anonymously.
I would find another parish, if it were me. But, I realize that is not always an option.
Good luck. Don't let him intimidate you. You can homeschool, and the Catholic Church teaches unequivocally that PARENTS are the primary educators of their children. I recommend getting a copy of Catholic Home Schooling by Dr. Mary Kay Clark. Read it this summer, it is very enlightening on matters of Church teaching on home education.
__________________ Allegiance Mom in NY
Wife 17 years
Mom to two boys, 14 and 8, and one pre-born babe in Heaven (Jan 2010)
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Elena Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 21 2010 at 5:28pm | IP Logged
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Your priest sounds woefully ignorant about parents being the primary educators of their own children.
The famous Father Stravinskas from Catholic Answers had a similar opinion of homeschooling back in 2003 - so it just goes to show even some more well known Catholic Priests get it wrong from time to time.
Here is an article on Homeschooling and Canon Lawthat might be helpful to you.
Back to your situation, your daughter is only 5. Kindergarten is no big deal to homeschool and you may find that you both love it. And remember priests don't stick around forever Since I started having kids in our parish some 20 years ago, we are now on our third pastor!
__________________ Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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Adriatica Forum Newbie
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Posted: June 21 2010 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
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We'll be starting to homeschool our 5 year old daughter this fall. She, too, makes mention of school, teachers, school buses, etc. We live near an elementary school, too, so we see lots of activity there. Naturally she thinks it all looks FANTASTIC! LOL. We've simply stressed to her that children have lots of different ways to go to school and every family makes their own decisions for THEIR kids.
~Maryanne
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Mackfam Board Moderator
Non Nobis
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Posted: June 21 2010 at 5:44pm | IP Logged
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Ladies,
I need to gently urge care and charity with respect to our words on this board about ordained priests.
From our Community Policy and Guidelines:
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We must give special care when writing about ordained clergy. The sacramental nature of Holy Orders requires we take care in regard to discussion, just as we do regarding marriage. Through the ordained ministry of the priests and bishops, the presence of Christ as head of the Church is made visible in the midst of the community of believers. This is not to say that a minister is preserved from all human weakness, the spirit of domination, error, even sin. But even the priest's sins cannot impede the fruit of grace of the Sacraments.
Legitimate concerns should be taken up within the appropriate channels within the parish or diocese. Prayers for our priests are always in order.
The Sacrament of Holy Orders and the office of the clergy are always to be respected, and disparaging or inflammatory discussion of clergy in general or any priest in particular will not be permitted on the board. |
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I certainly do not mean to diminish the concerns or situation Gracesmom faces! Let's keep our reflections about positive ways to equip Gracesmom with knowledge and confidence in pursuing and communicating the vocation of home education.
__________________ Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Elena Forum All-Star
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Posted: June 21 2010 at 6:10pm | IP Logged
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Found some more articles on this topic.
Homeschooling is Not a Crime by Jim Akin
Letter to the Editor of This Rock Magazine Parents right to educate is inalienable
The Origin of the Family by the late great Father Hardon
__________________ Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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